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審査済み この字幕は審査済みです
  • Hear that?


  • That's nothing.


  • Which is what I, as a speaker at today's conference, have for you all.


  • I have nothing.


  • Nada.


  • Zip.


  • Zilch.


  • Zippo.


  • Nothing smart. Nothing inspirational.

    どんな気の利いた言葉も 感銘を与える話も無し

  • Nothing even remotely researched at all.


  • I have absolutely nothing to say whatsoever.

    全くもって 話すことなどありません

  • And yet, through my manner of speaking, I will make it seem like I do.

    それでも 話の仕方次第で 内容があるような

  • Like what I am saying is brilliant.

    何か素晴らしいアイデアを 話している様にしてみせましょう

  • And maybe, just maybe, you will feel like you've learned something.

    もしかしたら何か学ぶ所があった なんて感じられるかも

  • Now, I'm going to get started with the opening.

    では 始めましょう

  • I'm going to make a lot of hand gestures.


  • I'm going to do this with my right hand, I'm going to do this with my left.

    右手でこうしたり 左手でああしたり

  • I'm going to adjust my glasses.


  • And then I'm going to ask you all a question.


  • By a show of hands, how many of you all have been asked a question before?

    質問されたことがありますか? 挙手でお願いします

  • Okay, great. I'm seeing some hands.

    はい いくらか手が上がっていますね

  • And again, I have nothing here.

    でも ここでも話に内容はありません

  • Now, I'm gonna react to that and act like I'm telling you a personal anecdote.

    次に それに私が反応し私の個人的な逸話を

  • Something to break the tension.


  • Something to endear myself a little bit.

    ちょっとだけ私に 好感を持ってもらうため

  • Something kind of... embarrassing.


  • And you guys are going to make an "aw" sound.


  • It's true. It really happened.

    本当です 実際にあったのですから

  • And now I'm going to bring it to a broader point.

    それから 広い視点から話し出し

  • I'm going to really beckon.


  • I'm going to make it intellectual.


  • I'm going to bring it to this man right here.

    ここで この人の写真を持ち出します

  • Now, what this man did was important, I'm sure.

    何か重要な事をした人でしょう きっと

  • But I, for one, have no idea who he is.

    でも 私はこれが誰だか さっぱりです

  • I simply googled image the word "scientist."

    ただ「科学者」とググって 見つけただけですから

  • And now you see, I'd like it to seem like I'm making points, building an argument, inspiring you to change your life, when in reality, this is just... me... buying... time...

    これで まるで私が主張を重ねて理論展開をしているかのようにそして皆さんに人生を変えたい という感じにさせますこれは ただ 私が 時間をここで稼いでいるだけ・・・

  • Now, if you don't believe me, let's take a look at the numbers.

    これでは私の話に信憑性が欠けるなら この数字を見て下さい

  • This is a real thing that's happening right now.


  • The number of talks that I'm giving is one.


  • Interesting facts imparted thus far in said talk, well, that's going to be a zero.

    今までのトークから想像できる様に面白い事実は これからもゼロ

  • My height in inches is 70.5. Note the .5 there.

    私の身長は70.5インチ この.5に注目

  • 2x6 equals 12.


  • And then interestingly enough 6x2 also equals 12.

    面白い事に 6 x 2 も 12 なんです

  • That's math.


  • 352 is a three-digit number

    352 は 3 桁の数字

  • 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and then almost immediately following that we get 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

    1, 2, 3, 4, 5 のすぐ後に続くのは 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

  • Now, to add more filler here,


  • I'm going to give you a couple more number to consider,

    もう数個 数字を挙げます

  • uh ... 18.

    え〜と 18

  • 237.


  • 5,601.


  • 2.6 million.

    2 百 60 万

  • 4


  • 4


  • 24... Staggering!

    24 圧倒されます!

  • These are real numbers, all of them.


  • And to follow that up, let's take a look at some graphs.


  • Now, if you take a look at this pie chart, what you're going to see is that the majority far exceeds the minority.


  • Everybody see that? Cool, isn't it?


  • And let's take a look at this bar graph, 'cause it shows similarly irrelevant data.

    この棒グラフを見てみましょう 同じ様に無関係なデータが出てます

  • Now, I'm doing this because I'd like to make it seem like I've done my homework.


  • If you were, say, watching this on YouTube with the sound off, you might think, "Ah, okay. This guy knows what he's talking about."

    もしこれを音を消してYouTubeで見たら「あぁ この人は分かって話しているんだな」 と思うかもしれません

  • But I don't.

    しかし 私はそうでなく

  • I'm floundering, panicking, I've got nothing.

    パニックで もがいていて 話す事なんて何もないんです

  • I'm a total and utter phony.


  • But you know what?

    それでも このように

  • I was offered a TED Talk.

    TED トークに招待されたのです

  • And dammit, I'm gonna see it through.

    仕方がない 最後までやり抜きます

  • Now, if you take a look behind me,these are just words paired with vaguely thought-provoking stock photos.

    私の後ろを見てください単語とともに 何か意味ありげな写真が 映されています

  • I'm going to point at them like I'm making use both of my time as well as your time.


  • But in reality, I don't know what half of them mean.

    でも実は 私はこの半分も 何が言いたいのか分かりせん

  • And now, as these continue, I'm just going to start saying gibberish.

    こんな事が続き 意味不明な事を言い始めます

  • Wagga wah, gabba gabba.


  • Turkey, mouth and a mouth.

    七面鳥 口と口

  • Chip, trip, my dog Skip.

    チップ トリップ 犬のスキップ

  • Rip it and dip it, Richard.


  • I'm an itty-bitty baby bopper.

    僕は踊ってる ちっちゃな赤ちゃん

  • And I'm hungry in my tum tum.


  • Brad Pitt, Uma Thurman.

    ブラッド・ピット ユマ・サーマン

  • Names, things.

    名前 物

  • Words, words and more things.

    言葉 言葉もっと物

  • And see? It feels like it might make sense, doesn't it?

    分かります?なんか意味のある ことを言ってるみたいでしょう?

  • Like maybe, just maybe, I'm building to some sort of satisfying conclusion, I mean, I'm gesticulating as though I am.

    多分 多分ですがこうして 満足のいく結論へと 話を結び付けていくのです。つまり しきりに身振りで あたかも分かっている様に

  • I'm pacing. I'm growing in intensity,

    壇上を歩き回り 熱を込め話し

  • I'm taking off my glasses, which by the way, are just frames.

    眼鏡を外したりします— ところで これはレンズ入ってないんです

  • (Laughter)


  • I wore them to look smart, even though my vision is perfect.


  • And now I'm going to slow things down a little bit.


  • I'm going to change the tone.


  • I'm going to make it seem like I'm building to a moment.


  • And what if I was?

    と 本当にそうだったら?

  • (Laughter)


  • Amazing, isn't it? What can we do?

    だったら驚きですね 困ったもんです

  • Life's a roller coaster.


  • You know, if there's one thing you'd take away from my talk,

    このトークに1つ 一貫している事があります

  • I'd like you to think about what you heard at the beginning, and I'd like you to think about what you hear now.


  • Because it was nothing and it's still nothing. Think about that.

    最初から ここまで何も考える事など ないという事です

  • Or don't, that's fine.


  • And now I'm going to stop talking.


  • Thank you.


  • (Applause)


Hear that?


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