Should I get a cat or a dog?

- [Left Man] Cat. - [Right Man] Dog.

- You a dog person?

Okay, dog people are way better than cat people.

- Cat people are better than dog people.

Dog people are conformists.

They're rule followers.

Cat people, on the other hand, are more abstract.

They think outside the box

and are actually, statistically smarter.

- It is well known that

cat people struggle in social situations.

They are introverts.

Dog people, on the other hand, are extremely extroverted

and can handle any situation that comes their way.

- Yeah, picking up shit every day.

Yeah. At least my pet doesn't shit in a glorified sandbox.

- Okay, okay. Good points.

The real problem here is

I don't wanna end up a crazy cat lady.

- Exactly. That's why you should get a dog.

Dog people love the outdoors.

Cat people are just shut-ins.

Think about it. You have to walk your dog every single day.

Dogs and dog people love companionship.

- Companionship is overrated.

Think about this for a second.

You have to walk a dog and pick up its poop

every single day.

Cats and cat people, on the other hand,

value affection more than anything else.

They love you when they need to.

They don't when they don't.

It's quality versus quantity.

- Yeah. A nice quality layer of cat hair

all over your beautiful black clothes.

(gasp)

- Dogs eat shoes.

- That is not fair.

- Actually, you know what?

My ex-boyfriend was a dog person.

He was kinda mean.

- That makes sense.

Studies show that women find cat people

nicer than dog people.

- You can have nice because,

statistically, cat people are way more neurotic.

- Okay, but owning a cat

lowers your levels of anxiety and stress.

- So, basically, you're saying that as a cat person,

you need a cat because you're a neurotic mess.

- It doesn't matter! They balance you out.

It's like having a friend.

- So, wait, are you saying, like,

I'm your cat?

- I don't know. Does that make me your dog?

It's like maybe, cat people and dog people need each other?

- I think I'm gonna get a fish.

- Fish people are the worst.

They're basically a decoration.

- It lives in a cocktail of its own food and feces.

- What about a bird?

- Something designed to fly,

you're gonna keep caged its whole life?

- Yeah, is that gonna make you feel good about yourself?

- Okay. I don't care what you guys say.

I'm gonna get a fish.

I'm actually allergic to all animals anyway.