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[theme song]
-Yo, Berti.
Slumming it with rest of us?
-I'm conducting a sweep for insurgents.
Anyone intending to harm Vlad must get past me first.
-Are you checking under his bed for monsters as well?
You into antiques now?
-Smoke is the enemy of the shapeshifter.
Reveals their true form.
But then you already knew that.
-I'll take your word for it.
I'm telling you, he thinks I'm the shapeshifter.
Bertrand's onto us.
-Then we will have to neutralize him.
But if you had killed Vlad when you had the chance,
the Count would have accepted you as his heir.
-I'm sorry.
-You sound like that feeble brother of yours.
-I'm nothing like him.
-Prove it.
Make the Count see what he's been
missing in a son all these years.
-He barely notices I'm there half the time.
-Nothing like a near-death experience
to sharpen the senses.
-What are you going to do?
[laughter]
-Give Bertrand to me.
-No.
But why-- why would anyone want to steal lead from the roof?
-Well, sign of the times, I suppose.
Probably already been sold to the scrap merchants.
Perhaps Vlad's students might be able to shed some light.
-Well, I sincerely hope you're not accusing his charges.
-Of course not.
The work you do with them is nothing short of amazing.
-Hm.
-But then, old habits die hard.
-Yes, I'll take your word for it.
What's this?
-A purchase order for the repairs.
We'll need to start work as soon as possible.
-Leave it with me.
-There's something I've got to tell you about Erin.
She's bit a breather.
-Erin bit a breather?
-Yeah.
We've got witnesses.
-No one can find out about this.
-What do you suggest then?
A cover up?
-We both know she's doing this to get back at me.
The Coexistence Deal hangs by a thread.
Everything we've worked for.
-Do you want me to talk to her or--
-She's one of us now.
I'll talk to her.
-And what if she won't listen?
-She has no choice.
Ugh, whatever it is, I don't have the time.
-Then make time.
Those little weasels have been running amok for far too long.
-I can't right now.
I've got things to do.
-Like what?
Teaching your little groupies peace and love?
-Just get off my case.
Jonno.
BERTRAND: Well, he's as cool as a cadaver, I'll give him that.
-It doesn't give you the right to look through his things.
-Something will prove his connection
with the shapeshifter.
-Like the last time you found proof
before it miraculously disappeared?
-Why do you think you're here?
If I do find something, I'll have you as a witness.
-I so don't care about your conspiracy theories.
-Even if it leads me to Ryan's killer?
-What have you find?
-I don't know yet.
"My darling Malik Hellfire Vaccaria.
Love, Mum."
-Could you excuse us for a minute?
-Whatever you need to say, you can
say it in front of Bertrand.
-What are you playing at?
Biting a breather?
-You're hardly in a position to take
the moral high ground with me.
-The Coexistence Deal will be adhered to.
No one, including you, especially you, is exempt.
-Or what?
You'll ash me?
-This is your first and last warning.
-So masterful.
I'm quaking.
-There's holes in this one too.
-And this one.
-We'll have breathers crawling all over the roof at this rate.
-Right, Renfield, you'll have to carry out the repairs.
-But Master, my-- my vertigo.
I-- I get dizzy standing on a chair.
-Well then, it's time to overcome your fears.
Now make yourself useful.
-Yeah, but what if I fall off the roof?
-One lives in hope.
-What are you waiting for?
Buckle up.
-Blood and garlic, they've really had a go at this one.
-Buckle up.
-Dad, your coats covered in--
-Get back.
And I do wish you'd stop calling me that.
-Sorry.
-Careful.
Unless you want to be barbecued.
On second thought.
-Move.
Right.
-What is all this stuff anyway?
-Usual junk.
Furniture heirlooms, priceless Carpathian artwork.
-A bicycle?
-Ah.
Your mother's get fit phase.
-Right.
Well, I'm not wasting my time up here,
and I'm certainly not standing anywhere near Renfield
with a hammer in his hand.
It won't budge.
-Give it some welly.
-All yours.
-Elizabeta.
-What's that?
-Hm?
Oh, this old thing.
Painted for our blood union.
-It looks nothing like Mum.
-The artist was very cheap, very cheap indeed.
-Yeah, that's stuck.
-Right.
Move.
Then we'll just have to go old school
-Haven't you mastered walking through walls yet?
-It's been lined with lead.
I haven't seen this since on of the Van Helsings tried
to incarcerate me in a lead-lined coffin.
-Even your powers of telepathy won't
penetrate through that lock.
-There is one thing we haven't tried.
-What?
-Help!
Help!
Help!
[pounding]
INGRID: Help!
MALIK: Help!
Help!
COUNT DRACULA: Help!
Help!
INGRID: Help!
-Hello?
-Shh, shh.
Renfield, is that you?
-Come again?
-It's me, your lord and master.
We're-- we're trapped.
You need to let us out of here.
-You're eating lettuce and a beer?
-No, no, no!
You must find a key.
-You're feeling achy?
-A key!
Simpleton.
A key!
-I'm surprised.
Beer and lettuce.
[inaudible]
I'll let you sleep it off.
-No, no, no, Ren-- oh.
-Vaccaria.
Vaccaria.
Elizabeta Vaccaria.
Look.
See for yourself.
-What?
-There-- Elizabeta Vaccaria.
She's Malik's mother.
She's still alive.
Her birth is written, but there's no date of death.
Malik's lying.
-All vampires lie.
-And we lie for gain.
Have you asked yourself what he's after?
-You've got a class to teach.
And remember, no biting.
-What was that about?
-Vlad can't see what's right in front of his face.
-Malik?
-According to him, his mother was
ashed during the uprisings of 1882.
But she wasn't there.
-How do you know?
-She was studying in Kerala on the other side of the world.
A pupil of Daralam.
-Who's Daralam?
-The only vampire to teach the dark arts of shapeshifting.
-Mrs. Van Helsing, thank you for seeing me.
-We don't get many house calls from your kind.
-So now you know how grave this situation has become.
-Well, you're the mind-reader, not me.
-Vlad's no leader.
He dithers.
He's losing all respect.
What he needs is direction.
-What he needs comes in nine inches of sustainable oak.
-If we don't intervene, then the Coexistence Deal will collapse.
-We?
Slayers and vampires?
-Your son is prepared to give up his life
so that we can live in harmony.
He'll never forgive you.
-Do you seriously expect me to sit down with Adze?
-Would you rather she had sole influence over Vlad?
-No.
-Then take the meeting with him for all our sakes.
If you won't do it for me, then do it for Jonno.
-Do you think I was born yesterday?
It's a trap.
-So bring some insurance.
-What time?
-Half 11.
-I'll be there.
-It's Vlad.
He's not coping.
The responsibility, it's too much.
[laughter]
-My cold dead heart bleeds.
-I appreciate you're hurt.
-I never loved Vlad.
I was only ever interested in the power
that he could give me.
-Why do you think I'm here?
-Good question.
You disapproved of my union with Vlad.
What's changed?
-I realized I was wrong.
-A vampire showing humility?
Now I've seen it all.
-I was naive to believe in Vlad's Coexistence Deal.
As if vampires and breathers can live in harmony.
-Speaking of which, how's Erin?
-Dead.
Food for worms.
-Vlad didn't save her?
I was sure he would.
-He's still not yet bitten.
And once he does--
-Whoever receives it will receive his power.
-Vlad's first bite is yours for the taking.
-Vlad wouldn't go anywhere near me.
There's way too much baggage between us.
-Take the meeting with Vlad.
He'll change his mind.
I'll make sure of it.
-I'm starting to like you.
-This is obviously a slayer trap.
-It's an inside job, if you ask me.
It was Malik that lured us in here in the first place.
-Do you think I want to spend my time flicking
through Dad's holiday etchings witn you?
-Enough.
We have a problem, a very big, planet-shaped problem.
-What is it?
-The sun rises in the east, sets in the west.
This roof is south-facing.
-Meaning?
-We'll be directly under its path at midday.
-We'll be barbecued to a cinder.
-What time is it now?
-11 o'clock.
-Help!
-Help!
-Renfield!
Help, Renfield!
INGRID: Help!
Help!
-Look, it's no good.
They can't hear us.
-Well, we can't just give up.
What are you doing?
-I'm not letting my family cook without a fight.
-We can use this as a curtain.
-A curtain?
That-- that is my ascension gown.
-So?
The firstborn wears it to celebrate the passing
of the father to become head of the family.
Looks like Vlad is going to need it sooner than I thought.
-This is far too big for Vlad, and you for that matter.
-It wasn't meant for me.
-What's she doing here?
-You said she knew.
-You would never have agreed to come
if you knew a slayer was attending.
-This was obviously a wasted journey.
-Don't go.
Adze's a little emotional.
She's had much to contend with.
-Explain.
-Ramanga was defanged by Malik and the Count.
-What are you two whispering about?
-I'm sorry to hear about your father.
Couldn't have happened to a nicer vampire.
-And how is Jonno these days?
He's good-looking for a breather, very tasty.
-You keep your fangs out of my son.
-Please, remember why we are here.
-So where is he?
-I shall tell Vlad you've arrived.
-Arta was everything I wasn't-- charming, erudite, born leader.
-You forgot handsome.
-I wouldn't go that far.
-And where is he now?
-He passed to the other side the night of his ascension
to the Dracula title.
-How?
-Yeah?
-Fell from the battlements.
-You're lying.
-What does it matter?
The end result is still the same.
-You had something to do with it.
-That is a slanderous lie.
-Well, it hardly matters now, does it?
-The whole tragic episode was a dreadful accident.
-Adze and Mina, they're here.
-Together?
-Rumors are rife.
-What rumors.
-That you're no longer in control.
-You barge into my home, make demands,
undermine my authority.
I should dust you for your insolence.
-Wake up and smell the garlic.
You need us.
Me anyway.
-I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions.
-That's not what Bertrand said.
-What?
-According to him, you're only just
hanging in there by your fingertips.
-Are you still here?
-Get used to it, princess.
This is a three-way deal.
If you want to ensure the success of this Coexistence
Deal, you need me onboard.
-There is no Coexistence Deal.
-What?
-Didn't Bertrand tell you?
All bets are off.
-So why did he invite me?
-Lunch.
-Self-defense.
-The Coexistence Deal expressly forbids slayers bearing arms
in the presence of vampires.
-I merely did as Bertrand advised.
-Astral what?
-Projection.
An out of body experience.
The ability to travel the world in the blink of an eye.
-So Malik's mum could literally be anywhere in the world?
-Well, this might narrow it down a bit.
-What's the locket got to do with anything?
-E. V. Who do you think this belonged to?
-Malik's mother.
So--
-Vampires give off vibrations.
Infinitesimal, like sound waves.
They're absorbed by the real world-- walls, objects.
It's just a question of tuning in.
-Like a sniffer dog.
-You're not as dumb as you look.
-So what happened that night?
-All right.
The party was in full swing.
Tipsy, I may have been, but I certainly wasn't drunk.
He said I was embarrassing myself.
Killjoy.
I mean, everyone love the cavort.
-Arta wasn't happy, I take it.
-No, he wasn't.
He confiscated my goblet, so I-- I decided to dine out.
He was waiting for me on the battlement on my return.
There was a scuffle and he lost his footing.
-But the fall itself wouldn't have killed him.
-I didn't wait to find out.
Returned to find Elizabeta grieving over his ashes.
Apparently had impaled himself on a fence.
Wooden post staked right through his heart.
-That's one way of receiving the title.
-And his wife now my betrothed.
-You had to bind blood with her?
-It's vampiric law.
The next in line has to marry the widow.
-Right.
[bell]
-Did you love her?
Arta's wife.
-No.
But it was my duty to marry her.
-Then why didn't you?
-Because there was only ever one vampiress for me.
Your mother was bewitching.
Well, what can I say?
Love is the sweetest poison.
I've never-- never told a soul.
-Except for me.
-I didn't realize I was responsible for Elizabeta
being pregnant.
That I would have a son.
-You made my mother an outcast.
You drove her mad.
-She had a head start, believe you me.
-Do you know how hard it was for her bringing me up on her own?
All I ever wanted was a family.
-Join the club.
-Oh.
-Don't you think you're becoming a bit obsessed?
-Vlad is the leader of our people.
I would lay down my life for him.
-I thought vampires didn't care for anything but themselves.
-We both know that's not true.
-So what do you do now?
-Read the instructions.
-Oh, you've never done this before.
Great.
Great.
-Just hold the book so I can see.
[speaking latin] Oh, how was your meeting?
-You betrayed me.
Give me one good reason I shouldn't dust you right now.
-Oh, on a beautiful day like this,
I hope the Count and Ingrid packed their suncream.
-What are you talking about?
-I'd check the attic if I was you.
There's nowhere to hide with those holes in the roof.
-You're lying.
-Tick tock.
-We must face our destiny with dignity.
It is the Dracula way.
I am so sorry.
Goodbye, my son.
-Master!
Master!
Master!
[speaking latin]
-How many more times?
Where is that?
Wait a minute.
That's here.
Elizabeta could be anywhere in the world,
and you can't make it past the front door.
-Did you see what?
-What?
-I thought-- it ripples.
OK.
Come on.
Come on.
-He's useless.
-The Count felt sorry for Arta.
Hah.
I've heard it all now.
-Hang on.
You locked us in?
My own mother?
Don't you care that I nearly fried?
-Please don't go all sentimental on me.
Besides, my plan worked.
The Count accepts you as his son.
-Well, I know, but I still didn't--
-And now, for phase two, hm?
The Count can recognize you officially.
And we can dispose of Vlad once and for all.
-You do realize Dad's going to start
asking questions about how you locked us in.
ELIZABETA: So frame someone.
There's always collateral damage.
Just ask Bertrand.
-Why?
What's happened?
What have you done to him?
-Where is he?
-Who?
-That traitor Bertrand.
-What?
No way, he's on your side.
-Oh, I get it.
The cozy little chats.
You're in league with him too.
-Vlad!
I've got it!
I've got the proof.
-What?
Are you out of your mind?
Do you really despise me that much?
-No, no.
Of course not.
-Get back to your room.
VLAD (VOICEOVER): I will dust him.
-You can't kill him!
-You heard that?
You can read my mind?
-Vlad, I've been looking for you everywhere.
I know. I know who it--
-Vlad, no!
What have you done?
-Spread the word.
No more Mr. Nice Guy.
[ending theme]