WE HAVE A LOT OF FUN ON THIS SHOW,

BUT I CANNOT REMEMBER MOST OF IT.

LUCKILY THIS SHOW IS TAPED,

SO HERE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS.

ENJOY.

[bouncy electronic music]

[singing] - OOH, OOH

- I SAW, I CAME, I CONQUERED

- CONGRATULATIONS ON WINNING.

- YOU WERE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.

I MEAN, THE BEST HOST TO EVER--

[cheers and applause]

AND I'M SO GLAD THAT, YOU KNOW,

THIS HAPPENED LAST NIGHT WITH YOU.

[singing] - I WAS BORN

IN THE FLAME

MAMA SAID THAT EVERYONE WOULD KNOW MY NAME

I'M THE BEST

YOU'VE EVER HAD

IF YOU THINK I'M BURNING OUT, I'M NEVER AM

- LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU. - OKAY.

[mouthing words]

HERE'S ELLEN. HERE'S THE WORLD.

[laughter and applause]

[bouncy electronic music]

- 'CAUSE THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BOYS AND GIRLS.

I BREASTFED NAHLA, AND I'M NURSING MY BABY.

WHEN I WOULD PUT NAHLA ON THE BOOB,

SHE WOULD GO--

WITH HIM, IT'S LIKE--

- WHO'S A BETTER KISSER?

- I DON'T--I DON'T ENJOY EITHER ONE.

I THINK THEY'RE BOTH LOVELY MEN.

- [laughs]

[singing] - FIREBALL

STICK AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES

- WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?

- I REALIZED I AM TERRIFIED OF PORCELAIN DOLLS.

- I'M JUST ASKING BECAUSE-- - OH, MAN.

OH! COME ON.

IS THAT NOT FREAKY TO ANYONE ELSE?

[cries]

- COME HERE.

I LOVE YOU.

- [cries]

- I LOVE YOU, CHANNING.

[singing] - AND THE BOYS GONNA LEARN

THAT THIS CHICO RIGHT HERE DON'T PLAY

THAT BOY'S FROM THE BOTTOM, BOTTOM OF THE MAP

M.I.A., USA

I GAVE SUSIE A LITTLE PAT UP ON THE BOOTY

AND SHE TURNED AROUND AND SAID WALK THIS WAY

- DO YOU LIKE CALIFORNIA? - NO.

[laughter]

- [laughs]

- THE HOTEL TVs-- THEY'RE TERRIBLE.

THEY DON'T HAVE ANY CARTOONS.

BIG FAIL.

[laughter and applause]

- THIS IS ELLEN DEGENERES,

AND I WANT TO PLAY A GAME WITH YOU RIGHT NOW.

IS THAT OKAY?

MEGGAN, DO YOU WANT TO PLAY A GAME?

- [shouting indistinctly]

[percussive music]

[cheers and applause]

- FLOWERS. - TREES.

- GRASS. - GROUND.

- BIRD. - FLOWERS.

[bleep]! OH!

[cheers and applause]

[minimalistic electronic music]

- [singing in foreign language]

- [singing in foreign language]

- I WAS LOOKING INTO THE CAMERA. - WHAT'D YOU DO NOW?

WHAT THE [bleep] DID SHE DO?

[speaking indistinctly]

AM I OKAY?

- [laughs]

- IT'S OKAY?

IT'S OKAY. LET'S DO IT.

- [laughs]

- OH, MY GOSH. LOOK AT HER BUTT.

OH, MY GOSH.

LOOK AT HER BUTT.

OH, MY GOSH. LOOK AT HER BUTT.

- I'M VERY HAPPY THAT YOU HAVE THIS SHOW.

YOU SEEM REALLY HAPPY ON THIS SHOW.

- THANKS, I AM HAPPY.

- AND THIS IS A-- A LOONY BIN, IS WHAT IT IS.

- YEAH.

[singing] - COME WITH ME NOW

I'M GONNA TAKE YOU DOWN

WHOA, COME WITH ME NOW

I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW

WHOA, COME WITH ME NOW

I'M GONNA TAKE YOU DOWN

[audience exclaims]

- WATCH WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HIT THIS BUTTON.

[audience exclaims]

[laughter and applause]

READY? - READY?

- ARE YOU READY? - YES.

- OKAY. - I MIGHT CURSE AT YOU.

I'M NOT GONNA LIE. - THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

- OH, MY GOD!

OH, GOD.

OH!

YOU'RE DOING THAT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

[stammering]

OH, MY GOD.

OH!

HOLY--

[cheers and applause]

- HOW MANY Es ARE IN THE WORDS

"ELLEN DEGENERES"?

- FIVE? FOUR.

SEVEN?

[laughter]

- WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, LOLITA?

- I TEACH FIRST GRADE. - OH, NO.

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

SAY GOOD-BYE.

[audience exclaims]

WHOO, BOY.

[groans]

[horn toots]

[laughter]

[horn toots]

[laughter]

[horn squeaks, toots]

[horn blares]

- [shouts]

- OH, MY GOD!

WHAT THE [bleep]?

[cheers and applause]

- [sighs]

I LOVE IT.