[footsteps]

-Any sign of Vlad?

-I have searched the length and breadth of five counties.

And nothing.

You're back early.

Did you search properly?

-I assure you, Count--

-You assured me you'd be a good mentor to my son.

So why has he felt the need to go missing for a whole week?

[door opening and closing]

-If anything has happened to him,

the Vampire High Counsel and I will

hold you entirely responsible.

-Perhaps, I could, uh, go out and pin

some lost posters onto some trees.

-(FRIGHTENING VOICE) This is my son, not some missing monkey!

[thunder]

-If you're done, Miss Ingrid.

Is Ingrid OK?

-I wouldn't know.

I haven't seen her for weeks.

-Yeah, but--

[panting]

[owl hooting]

-Ryan?

Are you there?

[leaves rustling]

-I'm here, sis.

-Ryan, thanks so much for coming--

-Don't get any closer.

I can't trust myself.

-How are you?

I look a real state, don't I?

-No, it's just so good to see you.

-How are you getting on?

-Vlad's gone.

Ingrid's weird.

The Count and Bertrand are at each other's throats.

And I've nearly run out of stasis spray.

They could turn on me at any minute, so I left.

What is it?

-Nothing.

-Ryan!

-I'm only just hanging on here.

There's not much of the human part of me left.

I'd hoped you'd found a cure.

-I tried, honest--

-I know.

I know.

-I'll go back.

-No It's too dangerous.

-I'll be OK.

There's one more thing I can try.

There's a book.

It's special in some way.

If I can open it, maybe there's something in it!

-I hate asking you to do this.

-It's not your fault.

It's Ingrid's.

She did this to you.

-Mm, mmm.

-Master.

-Oof, all I want is a hot mug of type O in my cozy coffin.

-It's, uh, Miss McCauley.

Uh, she's worried about Miss Ingrid

and, uh, wants to see you.

-Why is there no rest for the wicked.

-I saw Ingrid earlier.

She seems very down.

-Really?

I wonder why?

-Well, from the very little I could get out of her,

she's got no sense of purpose, feels her life is meaningless.

-Hm, of course it is.

She's a girl.

-Sorry?

-No, I was just saying, it's very

difficult raising a young girl.

-I can imagine.

I've got a friend, Dr. Seward.

She's a psychologist.

I could ask her to see Ingrid.

-Well, that would be so kind.

I'll be happy to sign any commital papers.

-That won't be necessary.

She'll come and see her here.

-Oh, of course.

One step at a time.

-Hello, you must be Ingrid.

I'm Dr. Seward.

But you must call me Joan.

Can I open the curtains?

-No.

-OK, shall we, um, shall we sit down?

Right.

OK, Ingrid.

Can you give me one word that best describes your life?

-Pointless.

-I'm sure others don't see your life in that negative way.

What about friends and family?

-I don't have friends.

-Why?

-I suck the life out of them.

-OK, let's talk about your family.

[music playing]

[thunder]

-You're so fat.

We could carpet the castle with one of your enormous dresses.

Haha!

-Yes, and we could sandblast the stonework

with a whiff of your wormy soil breath.

-I hate you.

-I hate you more.

THE COUNT: Atilla and Crone!

What an unpleasant surprise.

What is that?

-Home sweet home.

-Nothing special.

ERIN (VOICEOVER: There's a book.

Maybe it has a cure if I can find it.

-This is my son, not some missing monkey.

Oh, Renfield, Renfield, come polish

my boots with your tongue!

Ha!

-What do you think you're doing?

-Just bringing in your freshly washed cape, Master.

-Mm, well, now you've been wearing it

against your disgusting carcass, it's

going to need washing again, isn't it?

-Yes, it is.

-Mm, and when you finish that, you

can polish my boots with your tongue, can't you?

-Yes, I can.

-Can you tell me what you see when you look in the mirror?

-Nothing.

-Do you mind if I tell you what I see when I look at you?

I see a girl who, for whatever reason,

has allowed herself to become detached from life.

And we need to-- we need to reconnect you.

What are you feeling right now?

-Irritated.

-I can have that effect on people.

What else are you irritated at, Ingrid?

-I think Vlad's proved he's not a worthy heir.

I think it's only fair I should take his place.

-Don't be stupid child, girls don't inherit the title.

-Back to the tower room.

-Uh, I don't think so.

I'm the eldest.

I'm having that one.

-But I called it.

-When?

-In the hearse.

-Right.

Well, I called it before you were born.

So kiss my cake.

-Please, this is very simple.

Vladimir will have the room.

I'm proud of you, boy.

At last, you're showing an interest

in violence and cruelty.

-I'm violent and cruel, Dad.

Look.

-Ow!

-But there's something very important you've overlooked.

-What?

-It's Vlad that I'm interested in.

-Dad doesn't call my brother "the Chosen One" for nothing.

-Oh, how do you get on with your father?

Tell me about your relationship.

-I wouldn't call it a relationship.

I'm a Dracula.

I'm far too evil for birthdays.

-So you won't want this card from your mother then.

-Dad!

You garlic muncher!

-Language, Ingrid.

-Ingrid is a born trouble-maker who

delights in causing as much disruption

to the class as possible.

-Oh, Ingrid, can't you see I'm busy with the future Count

Dracula here.

-But I'm the eldest.

I want to inherit the title.

-Mmm, Countess Dracula.

-Countess Dracula.

THE COUNT: That's a good one.

Presents!

Oh, oh, the un-mortification.

Vladdie, I've forgotten your birthday.

-My birthday.

My 16th birthday.

-Oh, nonsense.

If it was the castle bell would be tolling to summon you

for your vampire transformation.

[bell tolling]

I can't hear anything at all, can you?

[bell tolling]

All right, so it's Ingrid's special day!

[bell tolling]

Here, have a vintage fang brush.

-What do you mean we're going home?

-It's the neighbors, Ingrid.

They're driving us out with their good turns

and nauseating favors.

-But you realize how popular I am at that school?

For the first time in my life, I actually exist.

Don't you care about my feelings at all?

-Oh, Ingrid, silly, of course I don't.

Now, pack your bags.

We're leaving at sunset.

-A lot of dad's struggle bringing up girls.

Do you think your father found your growing up

difficult to handle?

-I need a costume for the school party.

-Why?

What happened to that dress thing?

-Ruined.

I found it in Renfield's wardrobe

with all the stitching burst.

[clang]

-Mmm, well, there's a simple solution to this.

You'll have to get a job.

-Me?

Work?

-It'll do you good to get out of the castle,

become someone else's problem.

-Why can't Vlad get a job?

-Because he has one already, heir to my thrown.

-Aargh!

[music playing] --bones them bones, them jaw bones.

Them bones them bones, them jaw bones--

-Aargh!

Ugh.

-Ah, huh-huh-huh-hu--

-Oh, dear.

Well, that's a day's wages you owe me.

And you can forget about going to any parties until I get it.

-The day I was born, it was like a stake through his heart.

DR. SEWARD: It can't have been easy for him.

He must have made a lot of sacrifices,

bringing you up on his own.

-He loves sacrifices, never made any for me, though.

-Have you ever tried to resolve your conflict,

say by talking to him about it?

-Yeah.

THE COUNT: Ungrateful spawn!

I'll banish you to the darkest pits of Hades!

-Yeah?

Well, bring it on!

-You will never see the light of day again!

-I won't anyway.

I'm a vampire now.

-Aargh!

Ingrid, remember what happened to the last daughter

who challenged me?

-I'm you're only daughter.

-You are now.

DR. SEWARD: Dealing with unreceptive parents

can be challenging.

But there must have been some happy times.

THE COUNT: [whistling] Hi, Ingrid.

-Hi, Dad.

You just said hello to me.

-Of course, my poppet.

Why wouldn't I say hello to my favorite daughter?

-Right.

What's going on?

-Nothing's going on.

I just thought I'd bring a little bit of sunshine

into our lives.

-Where's Vlad?

-Oh, he's up his room watching TV.

-But you said we couldn't have a TV in our bedrooms.

-Don't remember saying that.

Don't remember much at all for that matter.

-Master, what color do you want next?

Sunflower Yellow or Daisy Delight?

-Mmm.

Hey, Princess.

How's it hanging?