But it's much more difficult giving feedback that would be viewed as negative, critical or non-affirming.

For example, imagine you have a colleague who while being skilled at their job work isn't liked interpersonally by many people at work.

But they're completely unaware of it. This leads to them to attempt to over invest in interacting with certain colleagues.

When in fact, they should be interacting less, or trying to actually address any damage they may have inadvertently created.

Let's imagine you are their boss, and you two have a good relationship.

You watch them unintentionally rub others the wrong way for months.

They're unaware of it. And you need to intervene. What do you do?

Here are few thoughts that might help. First, schedule a meeting in private.

Actually putting the meeting on the books formally elevate the importance of the discussion.

Don't tell them why you wish to chat. Just tell them you have some performance ideas about the group you'll like discuss.

When the meeting begins, get to the point and be specific.

Name the behaviour, it might be coarse language or condescension in arrogance, or tendency to speak far too personally causing others to feel uncomfortable.

Whatever it is, describe it clearly. Now unless you receive permission to do so, you don't name names.

You own the situation and tell them this conversation is based on your observations across several instances.

Then it's often useful to talk about the perception gap that exists between what we think about ourselves and what other actually think about us.

Tell them you know they aren't doing this intentionally.

And try offering an example of a time that you fell prey to this perception gap.

So they can know you're trying to be helpful, not accusatory.

Finally, you'd want to offer a small bit of advice they might find useful moving forward.

I am thinking specifically of conversation related advice. What you said depends on their issue.

But you might talk about how often to speak with someone.

What is acceptable, or not acceptable in terms of personal topics.

Why they should let other initiate conversation more often?

What it means to have a concise and focused exchange, and so on.

To wrap up, thank them and remind them you see strong value in their work.

Be sure to follow up at least once a few weeks later to see if they've made any progress or if they have any additional questions you might answer.

In the end, conversations like this one are difficult, but they are worth it.

This person needs your advice. And the team deserves a more consciously aware colleague.