I'M HOT LIKE I'M AT THE BEACH,

BUT I'M NOT STEPPING IN ANY USED CONDOMS.

- YEAH, THESE ARE GREAT.

MY FRIEND CANDICE TRAVELSTEAD

USED ONE TO MAKE WEIGHT FOR PROM.

ARE YOU DONE WITH THAT?

- YEAH, SWITCH?

- ON SPRING BREAK, I ALWAYS LOVED

SPENDING THE DAY AT THE BEACH.

JUST THE CHILLING AND THE GIRL TALK.

- YEAH. TELL ME AGAIN,

ABOUT THE SOUND THE ANAL GLAND MADE WHEN YOU SQUEEZED IT.

- PLEASE, STOP.

I ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE.

AND NOW, WYNONNA JUDD WON'T EVEN LOOK AT ME.

- WELL, NOT WITHOUT HER LAWYER IN THE ROOM.

I'M HUNGRY. WHAT DO YOU EAT ON VACATION?

- ANYTHING WE WANT.

LET'S SEE.

I BET THEIR REFRIGERATOR IS STOCKED WITH ALL KINDS OF PATES

AND CHEESES AND THOSE PARM CRISP THINGS.

- BY THE WAY, NICE SUIT.

YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEONE SHOULD BE POURING A 40 ON YOU

IN A RAP VIDEO.

- THANKS.

THERE'S NOTHING.

I MEAN, COME ON, WHAT KIND OF GAYS ARE THEY?

- ALL ANAL GLAND AND NO CHEESE.

- I JUST EXPECTED EVERYTHING TO BE BETTER.

YOU KNOW, CHAMPAGNE ON ICE,

THOUSAND THREAD-COUNT SHEETS.

I MEAN, THE TOWELS-- THEY'RE NOT EVEN BATH SHEETS.

- WAIT, THE TOWELS AREN'T GOOD?

BECAUSE I ALREADY STOLE TWO.

- THEY'RE FINE, THEY'RE JUST NOT

WHAT I WAS EXPECTING.

- WHAT'S HAPPENING OVER THERE?

YOU COULD USE A LITTLE SHOULDERS.

- YOU'RE RIGHT, ENOUGH, WE'RE ON VACAY.

COME ON, LET'S GO GET DRESSED AND FIND SOMEPLACE TO EAT.

- ARE YOU CRAZY? I AM NOT LEAVING THIS THING.

THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I'VE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE.

- OKAY, WE'LL ORDER IN, PRETEND IT'S ROOM SERVICE.

THEY MUST HAVE A MENU DRAWER HERE SOMEWHERE.

- PLUS, WE'LL NEVER FIND A RESTAURANT

WITH A PORTABLE SAUNA SECTION.

- "FOOD NETWORK PARTY TONIGHT

"TO CELEBRATE THE RELEASE OF A COOKBOOK.

FOOD AND DRINK PROVIDED."

FREE FOODIE FOOD, FREE FOODIE DRINKS?

YAY, LET'S GO. - NO, I LIKE IT IN HERE.

IT'S AMAZING.

- ASHLEY WANTS TO GO.

ASHLEY WANTS TO GO.

- FINE, BUT CAN I BRING THE DOG?

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE ONE OF THOSE GIRLS

WHO BRINGS A TINY DOG TO A PUBLIC PLACE

AND JUST LOOKS AT EVERYONE, LIKE,

"YEAH, I HAVE A TINY DOG, SO WHAT?"

- YOU CAN BE WHOEVER YOU WANT TO BE.

YOU'RE ON VACATION.

I'M GONNA GO INVITE BRENDON TO COME.

YOU GOTTA HAVE A CRUSH ON SPRING BREAK.

- WELL, I'M SITTING IN MY CRUSH.

HEY, SHOULDN'T YOU PUT SOMETHING ON?

- UH, IT'S SPRING BREAK.

- AAH!

BARBRA, GET HELP.

GO, BARBRA STREISAND, GO.