We don't know how to write at all so lets just fart around

I'm stroking on this wooden thing and trying to make a sound but I have no ability

LIAM I'm fiddling with these knobs as if I know what they do The bloke who does this job is fat and 42

He can't be on camera because he's not so cute So I'll just pretend it's me

Roll the music tape. Action

PRODUCER We've just let these little turds burn tape for 8 hours

MANAGER But that's fine cus simple minds will get it in line for the billionth time

Man love these fruits And all their little jeans

LOUIS I can't go to bed I haven't slept in weeks When I close me eyes I just hear pre pubescent shrieks

It's really hard to concentrate while I'm counting sheeps So I dress like little Bo Peep...It helps

HARRY For a couple days I dated Taylor Swift She kicked me to the curb and crossed me off her list

She said she wanted me to help her write another hit And I guess that I kind of did

NIALL Sometimes when the blokes Have fallen fast asleep I like to place a popsicle between my

2 butt cheeks The maid is always asking me why I have orange sheets So I pretend I don't speak English

EVERYONE We just sang a bunch of shite As a writing exercise

ZAYN That was fun we're all done Lets roll tape on a proper one

PRODUCER That's a wrap dudes

LIAM He recorded all those things

NIALL Can we just erase the part about the orange popsicle? I misspoke It's all a joke that the other blokes put me up to

LOUIS Hey it's my turn To be little Bo Peep