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So just go at it? –Go at it!
Is this his face or something?
How do you get through a breakup? Well, suck it up, be strong, tough it out
These are some of the things you hear people tell you
Well, what if I told you that none of those work?
And instead, that you should do the exact opposite
Give yourself permission to feel it all
See, in 2010, biological anthropologist Helen Fisher discovered using MRIs in advanced brain mapping
That when you’re going through a breakup, the exact same regions of the brain are activated as when an addict is going through periods of withdrawal
Simply put, we’ve scientifically proved that love really is a drug
It’s a big deal because it kills this notion we went along assuming for years
That going through a breakup is just this emotional process
When really, they’re very much physical, too
It’s why you find yourself experiencing a loss appetite, fatigue, anxiety and many other symptoms that an addict goes through when experiencing withdrawals
Like addiction, we figured we’d give you 12 steps to help you through a breakup
We only have like… we only have a few minutes
We can’t do 12? What about like… 10?
Here are 5 steps to help you through a breakup
First, we gathered participants who were fresh out of a breakup
And tested their current level of happiness
You know, it’s kind of day-by-day. Some days it stops. Some days it’s alright.
How long was the relationship?
It was 10 months. Yes. But who’s counting?
Well it was domestic for about a year, but before that we were back and forth for a total like 4 years
The first step is to get your anger out in a healthy way
Go at it. Come around and connect with it. Couple more. Give me a good one finish out.
Yeah, work the gut. Work the gut, I like it
That’s it. All right champ, alright, alright you got it
How are you feeling? –I feel good
Kind of clearing everything else out
I guess that is one good way for me to get it out
Next up is to turn it into a learning experience
You can’t change the past but you can use it as a lesson
Looking back on your last relationship, I want you to tell me 3 things that you learned from it
Perception greatly differs between different people. You can be in the same situation, same people same place, and have 2 different stories about the same event
Being more open
Age is sometimes more than a number
What was it that made you realize this lesson?
We didn’t fight a lot, but when we did fight, it seemed to always boil down to the same issues
And they seemed to be like fundamental intrinsic thing within each of us
When you’re giving your attention, time, money, affection to something, you’re investing a part of yourself into that.
That’s the part of your heart that you’re giving to someone else
He wasn’t always like the greatest boyfriend. I wasn’t gonna settle for somebody who I had to explain myself to
The next part is perhaps the most important one
Accepting where you are right now
Try to be aware of what you’re feeling and don’t push it away
Don’t shut it off, don’t suppress it
One way to do this is through meditation
And begin
Welcome to this 5 minute session for self acceptance
How are you feeling?
Don’t feel as much anxiety, you know?
Accepting everything as is and being able to really objectively go about doing things
rather than just filling my time with to-dos just to think about it, you know
Acknowledge the good just as there was a significant enough reason to end your relationship
There also has to be a lot of positive reasons that kept you in it
Okay. –Got it? –yeah.
One really positive aspect dating Brian was his outrageous personality over filled with laughter and love
We had a lot of good times when we didn’t have a plan
When we were eating Mexican food, singing karaoke, playing with animals at the pet shelter, watching horror films and out hash tagging each other on Instagram
I felt the best of times like nothing else mattered at all and the world was at our fingertips
It’s hard
I gotta hand it to Brian
Because he was everything to me
In the past 2 months, since we broke up, I spent a lot of time staying busy, doing other stuff
And there were a lot of things that I hadn’t really asked myself. But it seems frivolous at the time or pointless cause it was over
You know, you build your dailies and your lifestyle around someone else on your relationship sources
When you’re single, it’s just you, so I wanna go back to just being me
You know, you kind of feel like almost lame sometimes but then I gotta remember I can be fun
Lastly, focus on your best qualities
Breakups often leave us feeling like our world is crumbling, like we’re worthless
So it’s important to reassert your self-worth
And really internalized that you have value
We had them write down the 5 best qualities, the 5 greatest things that they had to offer
And handed it to a rapper
Celebrate, celebrate, we’re gonna celebrate you. –Celebration
Money, money, money, yeah, yeah
This one is for you. You got it. Yeah.
This one goes out to my man Scott. Mr. reliable, I’m loving it, a sensitive guy
Ms. Independent like a Ne-yo song
So forward thinking that you’re beyond smart
Do what you do. Get the best of the best
You’re the queen of the crime. Never set up for less
Is that what you want? Raising the bar
No more dating ancient grandpas
Here we go, Sarah, working hard all day
Love is a drug, don’t overdose
Go for gold, hold your own.
You’re the best around, karate kid song
After they were done, we tested their current level of happiness
We saw an average increase of 13% and jumps as high as 31%
So yeah, maybe you can’t change where you are, but there is a healthy way to work through it
Don’t look at the relationship as a failure
Recognize it as an experience that made you smarter
In correlating breakups with addiction, researchers prove something we’ve known right from the start
Time really does heal all wounds
I’m Julian and thank you for watching this season of The Science of Love
Soul Pancake. Subscribe
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12-Step Program to Get Through a Breakup | The Science of Love

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Go Tutor 2015 年 3 月 10 日 に公開
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