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  • It's a Nintoaster. And yes, it works.

  • He's gonna take you back to the past

  • To play the shitty games that suck ass

  • He'd rather have a buffalo

  • Take a diarrhea dump in his ear

  • He'd rather eat the rotten asshole

  • Of a roadkill skunk and down it with beer

  • He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard

  • He's the Angry Nintendo Nerd

  • He's the Angry Atari Sega Nerd

  • He's the Angry Video Game Nerd

  • Are you ready for some action? Some Action 52?

  • I suppose so, because I get requests for this game all the time,

  • like this one right here.

  • "Action 52. Fuck this game, please do a review of it. You asshole. Thanks."

  • Wow. I guess I gotta do it now.

  • Let's start with the cartridge. It's the freak misfit of the NES library.

  • Games came in gray, black, blue, silver, gold,

  • but clear? You can tell just by looking at it,

  • this is a game that's so bad, it has nothing to hide.

  • Another thing, if you play it for more than an hour, not that you'd want to,

  • it gets really hot and smells like burning plastic.

  • It's not because of the toaster. The same thing happens if you play it in the top-loader.

  • Not only is this game crap, but it's crap that comes with a price: $199.

  • That's a lot of money, but there's 52 games, so let me calculate this.

  • $199 divided by 52 equals...

  • uh... well, you gotta pay tax, too, so let's just say $4 a game.

  • Wow. What a deal! 52 action-packed games bundled into one cartridge?

  • All for an efficient price? It was every kid's dream.

  • More games! More games! Yeah!

  • Lights...

  • ...camera...

  • ...Action 52! Awww!

  • Where'd they get the music?

  • [hip-hop]

  • Okay, um, the significance? "It Takes Two", Action 52?

  • [GAME] Make your selection now.

  • [AVGN] Well, let's get this thing started.

  • We're gonna have ourselves a little marathon here and determine if the $199 was worth it.

  • Game #1, "Firebreather".

  • Okay, well, it's pretty self-explanatory.

  • And would you know this is the only game on the entire cartridge that's two players only?

  • Gee, which game should we start with?

  • Well, how 'bout the only game you can't play alone?

  • Well, that's $4 wasted already.

  • #2, "Starevil".

  • Who's gonna dodge that?! Nobody! Not the first time!

  • You'd have to know, "Oh, this is gonna be a vertical 2D shooter,"

  • "and there's gonna be an obstacle immediately at the start of the game."

  • That's one way to get you on your toes. Other than that, it's real easy.

  • As long as you keep firing, none of the enemies come anywhere near you.

  • I guess that makes sense. If I was an intergalactic vacuum cleaner getting shot at,

  • I'd be like "Oh, fucking hell!"

  • "There's a menorah shooting Q-Tips, get outta the way!"

  • Not even the first level boss wants to be involved.

  • Sometimes, it doesn't show up at all, and you're stuck in a dead-end.

  • What happened? Did the game give up? Ugh, that's another $4. Next.

  • #3, "Illuminator".

  • You're not even allowed to see in this game? Real fun idea.

  • For a room that has about a thousand lightbulbs, it sure goes dark a lot.

  • And they're just decoration. Thought you could light a room with a light?

  • No, you gotta kill vampires. But after you've killed one,

  • you only get one second before the room goes dark again.

  • Who wants to play a game that's pitch black?

  • It's so black I can see my reflection in the screen.

  • The question is, how much more black could this be?

  • And the answer is none.

  • And no, you can't go any higher. This is it.

  • Great fucking game.

  • #4, "G-Force Fgt." ...what? Or, just "G-Force".

  • It's another 2D shooter.

  • You know what? This would be okay for Atari 2600.

  • The only two controls are move and shoot.

  • This game was made in 1991, the same year Super NES came out.

  • Not to mention, if you want to play a good 2D side-scroller game on the NES, try fuckin' Lifeforce.

  • And what is this anyway? An inside-out dolphin shooting at roadkill toads?

  • I don't know, I'm just using my imagination.

  • That's all you have when you play this miserable pile of goat shit.

  • #5, "Ooze". [sarcasm] Oh, wow! A title screen? Really?

  • [normal] Oh my god, it's... it's...

  • Shitpickle shitpickle shitpickle...

  • Whoa-hoa!

  • ...shitpickle shitpickle shitpickle...

  • Whoa!

  • ...shitpickle...

  • Pickle!

  • Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shit.

  • Ahahahah.

  • Shitpickle.

  • Alrighty then, okay.

  • Well, this is the first game that uses the B button. For jumping!

  • Any gamer who grew up with Super Mario Bros. expects A to jump.

  • But that's the least of our worries.

  • To jump over a hole, you have to tap the B button, and then press over.

  • If you're holding the B button, like you normally would,

  • it locks you vertically, until you let go.

  • It's an anomaly of game programming.

  • You know what's really weird?

  • Whenever you restart the menu, it always starts at Ooze.

  • Is that the programmers' personal recommendation?

  • Well, so far, every one of these games is a bomb!

  • But out of 52, I'm sure that eventually we'll find one that's decent.

  • I hope!

  • #6, "Silver Sword".

  • Well, green, green, and more green.

  • What is this? A cabbage patch on a golf course?

  • Infested with killer scrotums?

  • This is a disgrace to the NES,

  • the same platform that brought us games like Legend of Zelda. Silver Sword.

  • The sword isn't even silver! Maybe it's corroded.

  • #7, "Critical BP." Or "Crytical Bypass".

  • Oh, now it's spelled with a Y?

  • Ugh, that's dreadful. It's like an optical illusion.

  • Well, that's pretty bad, when the game causes eyestrain and you can't even fucking look at it.

  • What is this, anyway? A pogo ball on a Segway shooting at birthday presents?

  • Ugh, Crytical Bypass! It's critical that you bypass this game!

  • #8, "Jupiter Scope".

  • Nice. Another space shooter.

  • This time, you're a dead whale shooting at flaming condoms.

  • That's what it looks like!

  • The screen never moves. It's like Space Invaders, except without many invaders.

  • Half the time, you're just sitting around waiting!

  • Come on, give me something to shoot at!

  • Losing at this game is impossible.

  • Just hold down the fire button and move back and forth.

  • Okay, what's next?

  • #9, "Alfredo". Or, "Alfred n' the Fettuc".

  • Yeah, fettuc! You never heard of fettuc?

  • What happened? Where's the fucking game?

  • [crickets]

  • Well, there's no game here. What happened?

  • Did the programmers pass out, or did they just figure nobody would check all 52 games?

  • Well, that's $4 wasted.

  • But I guess I can't say I'm really too excited over playing a game called Alfredo,

  • also known as "Alfred n' the Fettuc".

  • #10, "Operation Full Moon".

  • Now that's puke green if I ever saw it.

  • The nauseating hue combined with a texture of vomit makes me think that this game ate Silver Sword and barfed it out.

  • #11, "Dam Busters". Those damn busters.

  • Well, it should've been called "Alien Beaver Tomato Fight".

  • That's all it is! You're a beaver shooting tomatoes and navigating through a maze.

  • Oops, dead end.

  • What the shit? You can't go back?! I'm trapped?!

  • You're shitting me!

  • This game is shitting me.

  • #12, "Thrusters".

  • Another space shooter.

  • Well, it's the same game as before, just different graphics.

  • Where do they come up with these objects? I'm running out of imagination here.

  • I can't decipher anything-

  • especially when the game starts having a fucking seizure!

  • #13, "Haunted Hill".

  • Wow, a human being. I can't believe it actually looks like something.

  • Man, her boobs are bigger than her head.

  • It's a shitty side-scroller with the same bad controls as Ooze.

  • Sadly, it's the best game so far.

  • Out of the way, you fucking ghosts, here comes Mrs. Tits, jumping like she's on the moon!

  • Die, you onion face balloon floating, uh... thing!

  • I died? By touching the air?!

  • #14, "Chill Out".

  • I wish I could chill out! This is horrendous!

  • This one's basically an Eskimo snowball massacre.

  • Climb down shits and ladders and throw snowballs.

  • What this? I died in mid-air?! That seems to be a theme we're running into here.

  • This game... doesn't even care it sucks.

  • Gee, how much money did we waste so far? Like, $56, I think?

  • That's already exceeded the average price of a Nintendo game.

  • #15, "Sharks".

  • Yeah. Sharks. Sometimes sharks. Most of the time not.

  • Well, you're stuck on this one screen, but you sure have full rein.

  • You can swim through the ocean floor.

  • And that's all it is. Just hope for sharks to come and... shoot 'em.

  • #16, "Megalonia".