字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント It's a Nintoaster. And yes, it works. He's gonna take you back to the past To play the shitty games that suck ass He'd rather have a buffalo Take a diarrhea dump in his ear He'd rather eat the rotten asshole Of a roadkill skunk and down it with beer He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard He's the Angry Nintendo Nerd He's the Angry Atari Sega Nerd He's the Angry Video Game Nerd Are you ready for some action? Some Action 52? I suppose so, because I get requests for this game all the time, like this one right here. "Action 52. Fuck this game, please do a review of it. You asshole. Thanks." Wow. I guess I gotta do it now. Let's start with the cartridge. It's the freak misfit of the NES library. Games came in gray, black, blue, silver, gold, but clear? You can tell just by looking at it, this is a game that's so bad, it has nothing to hide. Another thing, if you play it for more than an hour, not that you'd want to, it gets really hot and smells like burning plastic. It's not because of the toaster. The same thing happens if you play it in the top-loader. Not only is this game crap, but it's crap that comes with a price: $199. That's a lot of money, but there's 52 games, so let me calculate this. $199 divided by 52 equals... uh... well, you gotta pay tax, too, so let's just say $4 a game. Wow. What a deal! 52 action-packed games bundled into one cartridge? All for an efficient price? It was every kid's dream. More games! More games! Yeah! Lights... ...camera... ...Action 52! Awww! Where'd they get the music? [hip-hop] Okay, um, the significance? "It Takes Two", Action 52? [GAME] Make your selection now. [AVGN] Well, let's get this thing started. We're gonna have ourselves a little marathon here and determine if the $199 was worth it. Game #1, "Firebreather". Okay, well, it's pretty self-explanatory. And would you know this is the only game on the entire cartridge that's two players only? Gee, which game should we start with? Well, how 'bout the only game you can't play alone? Well, that's $4 wasted already. #2, "Starevil". Who's gonna dodge that?! Nobody! Not the first time! You'd have to know, "Oh, this is gonna be a vertical 2D shooter," "and there's gonna be an obstacle immediately at the start of the game." That's one way to get you on your toes. Other than that, it's real easy. As long as you keep firing, none of the enemies come anywhere near you. I guess that makes sense. If I was an intergalactic vacuum cleaner getting shot at, I'd be like "Oh, fucking hell!" "There's a menorah shooting Q-Tips, get outta the way!" Not even the first level boss wants to be involved. Sometimes, it doesn't show up at all, and you're stuck in a dead-end. What happened? Did the game give up? Ugh, that's another $4. Next. #3, "Illuminator". You're not even allowed to see in this game? Real fun idea. For a room that has about a thousand lightbulbs, it sure goes dark a lot. And they're just decoration. Thought you could light a room with a light? No, you gotta kill vampires. But after you've killed one, you only get one second before the room goes dark again. Who wants to play a game that's pitch black? It's so black I can see my reflection in the screen. The question is, how much more black could this be? And the answer is none. And no, you can't go any higher. This is it. Great fucking game. #4, "G-Force Fgt." ...what? Or, just "G-Force". It's another 2D shooter. You know what? This would be okay for Atari 2600. The only two controls are move and shoot. This game was made in 1991, the same year Super NES came out. Not to mention, if you want to play a good 2D side-scroller game on the NES, try fuckin' Lifeforce. And what is this anyway? An inside-out dolphin shooting at roadkill toads? I don't know, I'm just using my imagination. That's all you have when you play this miserable pile of goat shit. #5, "Ooze". [sarcasm] Oh, wow! A title screen? Really? [normal] Oh my god, it's... it's... Shitpickle shitpickle shitpickle... Whoa-hoa! ...shitpickle shitpickle shitpickle... Whoa! ...shitpickle... Pickle! Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shit. Ahahahah. Shitpickle. Alrighty then, okay. Well, this is the first game that uses the B button. For jumping! Any gamer who grew up with Super Mario Bros. expects A to jump. But that's the least of our worries. To jump over a hole, you have to tap the B button, and then press over. If you're holding the B button, like you normally would, it locks you vertically, until you let go. It's an anomaly of game programming. You know what's really weird? Whenever you restart the menu, it always starts at Ooze. Is that the programmers' personal recommendation? Well, so far, every one of these games is a bomb! But out of 52, I'm sure that eventually we'll find one that's decent. I hope! #6, "Silver Sword". Well, green, green, and more green. What is this? A cabbage patch on a golf course? Infested with killer scrotums? This is a disgrace to the NES, the same platform that brought us games like Legend of Zelda. Silver Sword. The sword isn't even silver! Maybe it's corroded. #7, "Critical BP." Or "Crytical Bypass". Oh, now it's spelled with a Y? Ugh, that's dreadful. It's like an optical illusion. Well, that's pretty bad, when the game causes eyestrain and you can't even fucking look at it. What is this, anyway? A pogo ball on a Segway shooting at birthday presents? Ugh, Crytical Bypass! It's critical that you bypass this game! #8, "Jupiter Scope". Nice. Another space shooter. This time, you're a dead whale shooting at flaming condoms. That's what it looks like! The screen never moves. It's like Space Invaders, except without many invaders. Half the time, you're just sitting around waiting! Come on, give me something to shoot at! Losing at this game is impossible. Just hold down the fire button and move back and forth. Okay, what's next? #9, "Alfredo". Or, "Alfred n' the Fettuc". Yeah, fettuc! You never heard of fettuc? What happened? Where's the fucking game? [crickets] Well, there's no game here. What happened? Did the programmers pass out, or did they just figure nobody would check all 52 games? Well, that's $4 wasted. But I guess I can't say I'm really too excited over playing a game called Alfredo, also known as "Alfred n' the Fettuc". #10, "Operation Full Moon". Now that's puke green if I ever saw it. The nauseating hue combined with a texture of vomit makes me think that this game ate Silver Sword and barfed it out. #11, "Dam Busters". Those damn busters. Well, it should've been called "Alien Beaver Tomato Fight". That's all it is! You're a beaver shooting tomatoes and navigating through a maze. Oops, dead end. What the shit? You can't go back?! I'm trapped?! You're shitting me! This game is shitting me. #12, "Thrusters". Another space shooter. Well, it's the same game as before, just different graphics. Where do they come up with these objects? I'm running out of imagination here. I can't decipher anything- especially when the game starts having a fucking seizure! #13, "Haunted Hill". Wow, a human being. I can't believe it actually looks like something. Man, her boobs are bigger than her head. It's a shitty side-scroller with the same bad controls as Ooze. Sadly, it's the best game so far. Out of the way, you fucking ghosts, here comes Mrs. Tits, jumping like she's on the moon! Die, you onion face balloon floating, uh... thing! I died? By touching the air?! #14, "Chill Out". I wish I could chill out! This is horrendous! This one's basically an Eskimo snowball massacre. Climb down shits and ladders and throw snowballs. What this? I died in mid-air?! That seems to be a theme we're running into here. This game... doesn't even care it sucks. Gee, how much money did we waste so far? Like, $56, I think? That's already exceeded the average price of a Nintendo game. #15, "Sharks". Yeah. Sharks. Sometimes sharks. Most of the time not. Well, you're stuck on this one screen, but you sure have full rein. You can swim through the ocean floor. And that's all it is. Just hope for sharks to come and... shoot 'em. #16, "Megalonia".