Smile. Come on. I feel like I'm at a funeral.

笑って 葬式みたいよ

Hey, Cupid, on the right. Your nut's hanging out. Adjust it.

右の子 タマでてるわよ パンツ治して

Let's get those jocks in place. Come on!

もっとのってよ しっかり！

This is where the magic happens.

ここが撮影場所よ

Wood, how long were you at Chunk Studios?

チャンクにどれくらいいたんだ？

For a couple of years. Before I got recruited by Colt.

コルトに引き抜かれるまで 2年ぐらいかしらね

I was so excited to get the call about doing the reunion calendar.

同窓会カレンダーの話 すごく楽しみよ

Some of these daddy bears sure have aged well. Uh huh. Oh yeah.

年取って色気増したな この熊ちゃん達

This is so awesome!

すごいでしょ！

I haven't seen some of these guys in almost twenty years.

20年ぐらい会ってないの

There's Gage over there! And there's Tucker.

ゲージだわ あれはタッカー

He just did a photo shoot for All Bear Magazine in London.

ロンドンでオールベアーの 雑誌写真撮影したばかり

Wood, how you can tell? Their backs are to you.

後ろ向きで何でわかるの？

I have this weird ability. I never forget an ass. Ever.

特殊能力 ケツは忘れないの

There's Turbo.

ターボよ

I can even tell people's asses without seeing their faces.

顔を見ずにケツでわかるの

They have a name for it. Acute Ass Recognition.

ケツ認識症って言うのよ

Well, you know what they say. It takes one to know one.

上手く言ったもんね

Now you're going to make me blush.

やだ照れるじゃない

But seriously I am an expert when it comes to asses.

ケツのプロってのはまじだけど

You know, yours Nelson

例えばネルソン

actually remains in the room for a brief second even after you've left because it is so--

あんたのケツって 部屋をでてもほのかに・・

Shut up, Wood!

やめてウッド！

So I'm on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion set

ベバリーヒルズの妻達 出演者の同窓会番組で

and I'm getting ready to make up Lisa Vanderpump

出演者のメークしててさ

and Lisa turns to me and she say, "Alfie, can you make me look younger?"

リサに「若く見せてね」なんて 言われてもさ困るのよ

And I'm like "Honey, I'm good at me my job but I'm not a miracle worker."

腕はいいけど奇跡は無理

There's not enough concealer in the world, girl!

世界中のコンシーラー集めても

I haven't seen that many crow's feet since Hitchcock's "The Birds". You know the movie?"

あんな沢山の鳥の足跡 ヒッチコックの「鳥」以来よ

You have no idea what I'm talking about.

何かわかってないんでしょ

Not really.

全然

Not a word gets in there.

その頭じゃ無理ね

Okay, well you look fan-tabulous so have a wonderful shoot.

でも素敵よ 撮影がんばって

You know what the hardest part about this has been for me?

何が大変かってね

Transforming my body back to its prime.

全盛期の体に戻すこと

Getting back to my fighting weight.

体重との戦いよ

Fighting weight? Who do you plan on fighting? Chris Christie?

誰との戦いですって？ クリス・クリスティ？

I loved her on "Three's Company".

あたし大好きなのよ！

Craft services has brownies!

あらブラウニーがあるわ

You know I'm always scouting new talent for Chunk

チャンクは常にスカウトしてるの

so if you change your mind, here's my card.

気がかわったら 私の名刺

Thanks, but I don't think being a Chunk model is for me.

チャンク・モデルはありえない

Oh, is it the money?

お金の問題？

No, it was more the part about me giving you a blow job in the back of your car where you lost me.

いや 車の後ろでフェラが 俺にはちょっとね

How about the office?

あら事務所だとどう？

It wasn't the location that was the issue.

場所の問題じゃない

How about a rim job?

じゃ後ろを責めるのは？

I'm good. Thanks.

結構です

Well, suit yourself.

勝手にして

Great job, guys! Now bend over!

いいわよ ほらかがんで！

Man, these guys are freaking hot.

へぇ イケてる奴らばかりだ

You think these slabs of beef make my va-jay-jay break out into a sweat?

こんなんであたしのアソコが 濡れるとでも思う？

Think again, roid boy.

冗談やめてよ

I'm sorry, I just thought--

ちとした感想だったんだが

You know what I want?

あたしが何欲しいかって？

Bring me Angelina Jolie dipped in chocolate and let me lick it off her

アンジェリーナ・ジョリー連れて来て チョコかけて舐め回したいわ

and then maybe I wouldn't feel so dead inside.

そしたらこんな虚しくもない

Okay, let's spread your asses!

ほら ケツ広げて！

See anything you like?

いいの見つけた？

I can look, right?

見るのはいいでしょ

Wood? Wood Burns? Oh my god, is that really you?

ウッド？ウッド・バーンズ？ ホントにあなたなの？

Oh, wow, it really is you. I can't believe I'm standing next to Wood Burns.

本物ね 信じられないわ ウッドが隣にいるなんて

That is so crazy. I was just down there sleeping.

嘘みたい 下で寝てたの

I'm sorry. I'm Oscar. Oscar Butterfield. It is so nice to meet you. Hi.

あらごめんなさい　あたし オスカー・バタフィールド

I am like your biggest fan. You don't know. You have no idea. You do not know. I don't.

あなたの大ファンなの わかんないでしょうけど

I love your calendars, your movies.

あなたのカレンダー ビデオ

I have seen "Single White Butt Hole" hundreds of times! That's great.

出演作100回以上見てるわ

And I love Wood's Bear Cam.

あとウッド・ベアカム

I have masturbated to you a lot so thank you for that. You're welcome.

あなたで何回ヌイたことか 感謝よほんと

When Chunk Studios announced they were going to do a reunion shoot, I said, "I have to get on that set!" And I did.

チャンクの同窓会撮影のこと 聞いて駆けつけたの

I actually had to crawl through a lot of raw sewage last night sort of like Hugh Jackman in "Les Miz".

その為に下水道をくぐってきたの レ・ミゼラブルみたいにね

Did you see that? Yes. Yeah, it was fine.

見たことある？ そんなに酷くなかった

Anyway, I washed up in the sink so I'm good. Fresh as a daisy.

流しで体洗ったから綺麗よ

I'm all good. I had a nice little nap underneath the pretzels.

おやつの下で昼寝もしたし

And I just wanted to know if I could have your autograph right here. Just across my tits. Just

そうだ サインくれない？ 胸の間にほら

Just write "Property of Wood Burns". Because that's the truth. You own me, baby.

ウッド・バーンズのものって だってほんとだもん

You are... Oh my god... Wood Burns. Right here. Right here. On my tits.

やだ　ほらここによ お願いよ ほら

Security!

警備員は？

Wow. That guy is a huge fan of your friend's.

へぇ友達の大ファンみたいだな

I totally get it though. I'm kind of a fan of yours.

わかる気がする 俺は君のファンだし

Really? Oh, you must have seen my performance as the tormented single father with OCD

ほんと？シングルダディーの 役をやったやつかしら

in the Hallmark Channel movie "I Can't Stop Washing My Hands."

「手をあらうの止められない」

By the way, I did all my own hand work in the close-ups. It wasn't a hand model.

手のアップも自分でやったの ハンドモデルじゃなくて

No. I'm talking about your commercial.

いやコマーシャルだよ

Oh, Soak 'Ems?

あらソーク・エム？

Yeah. Just thinking of you in that diaper makes me want to shoot my load right here.

君のおむつ姿を想像するだけで 発射しちゃいそうだよ

It's fate us running into each other.

運命の出会いだね

I just got cast as the lead in a low budget horror movie

低予算のホラー映画に 役をもらってね

and you would be perfect as the small town sheriff.

君は保安官役にピッタリだ

I would be happy to pass your information along to the director.

監督に紹介したいくらいだ

Seriously? You know he can look me up at NelsonDorkoff.com.

マジなの？あたしのこと ネルソン.comで見れるわよ

You would do that for me? Absolutely.

ホントに紹介してくれる？ もちろんさ

I love you!

愛してる！

Did I mention that I'm also really into older guys?

俺フケ専なんだよね

Oh, great. You must be his assistant. Would you mind grabbing me a banana, granola, some yogurt and all that stuff?

ちょっと何か食べものない？ バナナ・グラノラみたいなの

Oh, this is Todd. This is my boyfriend Todd.

これトッド あたしのカレ氏よ

Your boyfriend? Yeah.

カレ氏？

Oh. Well I don't see it. But hey, I'm Buzz. Great to meet you.

以外だな 俺バズ よろしく

As in buzz off?

バズ・オフ（あっち行け）？

Hey, I just realized they probably need me. I'm a model.

もう行かなきゃ モデルなんだ

These tits, they don't work for themselves. You know what I mean?

胸は一人で鍛えられない わかるかな？

Smile. Okay, try and be sexy.

笑って もっとセクシーに

Okay I don't know what that is. One more.

ダメよそんなんじゃ

Okay I think July is wrapped.

オッケー 7月は終わり

Let's just skip to December. Where is my sexy Santa?

12月に飛ぶわよ セクシー・サンタは？

Uncle Sam wants you.

美味しそう

You had me, Wood. For two years. In every conceivable position.

食っただろ2年前に いろんな体位で

Austin Walker? Is that really you?

オースティン？あんたなの？

Wow. How long has it been?

どれくらいぶり？

Over fifteen years.

15年以上だ

Since you dumped me for that twenty-one year old model you met on your first day at Colt.

コルトの一日目に棄てたくせに 21歳のモデルに走っただろ

How did that work out?

どうなったの？

He stole my car.

車盗んでトンズラよ

Wood, aren't you going to introduce me?

ウッド 紹介してよ

No. So what are you up to these days?

いやよ それで最近は？

I'm a chiropractor. I have my own practice.

整体で自分の診療所やってる

Listen, I have to get back to work but don't leave without getting my number.

撮影に行かないと 番号交換するまで帰るなよ

It's so weird being back in front of a camera. I almost forgot how to model.

カメラ前は変な感じだよ モデルすっかり忘れちまった

I know a few poses I wouldn't mind seeing you in--

あんたにお願いしたいポーズが・・

No, no, no, no.

ダメダメ

That looks festive.

楽しそうね

You know what, that's a wrap.

オッケー 終わりましょ

Great job, guys. They don't pay me enough.

お疲れ 安い仕事はまっぴらよ

Great shoot, Cody. You're a natural in front of that camera.

いい撮影だった コーディ カメラの前で自然だね

Thanks. But I'm beat. I'm going to need a long soak in my hot tub tonight.

ありがと 疲れたけどね 今夜は熱い風呂にでも入るよ

All alone?

一人で？

Who knows?

どう思う？

What are you doing here?

何やってるんだ？

No! No!

や やめろ！