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  • ( pinging sounds )

  • Jenny: OKAY, FINAL STAGE.

  • NOW MANEUVER YOUR LIPS THROUGH THE ANXIETY FIELD

  • TOWARDS JENNY'S FACE. GO LEFT, LEFT!

  • KI, THIS IS REALLY WEIRD.

  • USE THE BREATH MINT! IT'S GONNA BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE!

  • NO, NO, DON'T HIT THAT.

  • GUYS, GUYS!

  • I CAN KISS JENNY ON MY OWN, TRUST ME.

  • - WHAT, NOW? - RAAHHHH!

  • UM, NOTHING.

  • WE WERE JUST BETA-TESTING KI'S NEW VIDEO GAME.

  • IT'S A HIGH SCHOOL VIDEO GAME.

  • VIDEO GAME HIGH SCHOOL'S VIDEO GAME.

  • SMALL PART WITH YOU IN IT.

  • YEAH, THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

  • KI, I CAN'T GET PAST THE FLAG POLE.

  • OH?

  • UH, OKAY.

  • LET ME SHOW YOU.

  • UM...

  • HEY, SO DO YOU WANT TO GET SOME LUNCH SOMETIME?

  • - WE SHOULD HANG OUT MORE OFTEN. - UM, OKAY.

  • HEY, UH, WANT TO PLAY THE PART OF THE VIDEOGAME

  • WHERE I'M MAKING OUT WITH KI?

  • I'M COMING TOO, GUYS.

  • IT'S JUST ROLLPLAYING!

  • ( pinging sounds )

  • ( distant combat sounds )

  • BOOM! MATRIX AND D DOMINATED

  • THE ST. CATHERINE GIRLS ACADEMY PUNISHERS IN LAST NIGHT'S MATCH.

  • THAT MAKES THREE WINS IN A ROW

  • FOR THE LITTLE J.V. TEAM THAT COULD.

  • I TELL YOU WHAT, SHOTTY, IF ME AND THE OLD BALL AND CHAIN

  • HAD HALF THE CHEMISTRY AS THESE TWO,

  • I WOULDN'T BE SLEEPING ON THE COUCH.

  • OR DRUNK AT TEN IN THE MORNING!

  • HA HA! YOU SHOULDN'T SAY THAT AGAIN!

  • OH.

  • IT'S OK--

  • OH, MY GOSH.

  • - I'M SORRY. - IT'S FINE.

  • YES, WELL, IT'S CRUNCH TIME, SO MOTHER IS WIRED IN,

  • BUT FATHER COULD NEVER RESIST A GOOD PARENTS' DAY.

  • UH, YEAH, WHEN IS YOUR DAD COMING IN?

  • DUDE, KI'S DAD IS COMING IN, LIKE, 30 MINUTES.

  • PAY ATTENTION. WE'RE PLAYING POKERMON.

  • YES, TAHT'S RIGHT, AND YOU TWO ARE BOTH INVITED.

  • ESPECIALLY YOU, JENNY. YOU'RE MY COOL FRIEND.

  • OH. WELL, THANKS, KI.

  • - I'LL TOTALLY BE THERE. - EXCELLENT.

  • LET ME JUST GO GET CLEANED UP,

  • BECAUSE SOMEBODY GOT PAINT ALL OVER ME.

  • YEAH, WELL, UH, IT PAINTS ONE TO KNOW ONE.

  • ( Ted laughs )

  • WOW, YOU JUST SAID THAT, AND WE ALL HEARD.

  • LATER, GUYS.

  • LATER! OKAY, KI,

  • SO WHEN I MEET YOUR DAD, IS IT "HELLO, MR. SWAN,"

  • OR SHOULD I SAY, "C AT LESS THAN LESS THAN OPEN QUOTES.

  • "OH, MR. SWAN!

  • CLOSED QUOTES! RETURN ZERO SEMICOLON!"

  • TED, YOU LEARNED C++, KIND OF.

  • OH, YES. I KNOW MY ACCENT SUCKS,

  • BUT I REALLY WANT TO IMPRESS YOUR DAD,

  • SO I'M BRINGIN' OUT THE BIG GUNS:

  • MY K-POP LOOKS, MY J-POP CHARM,

  • AND MY BIG, HONKIN' SMART GUY BRAIN.

  • ( sighs ) COME ON. COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

  • CATCH YOU LATER, DADDY-O!

  • ( Ted chuckling )

  • TED...

  • DID YOU JUST GIVE YOUR DAD $5,000?

  • I OWE HIM CHILD SUPPORT.

  • NO BIG, JUST SMART AND RESPONSIBLE TED

  • PAYING HIS DAD FIVE LARGE.

  • NO, NO.

  • TED, HE PAYS YOU CHILD SUPPORT.

  • NO, BRIAN.

  • DON'T MEAN TO MAKE YOU SOUND SUPER DUMB,

  • BUT THAT WOULD BE CALLED FATHER SUPPORT.

  • OH, MY GOD, GUYS, I'M SUPER DUMB.

  • JENNY. I GOT SOME GOOD NEWS.

  • THAT DOESN'T SOUND GOOD.

  • THE PTA IS GIVING ME THIS PARENT OF THE YEAR THING IN THE MORNING.

  • I'M NOT GOING, AM I?

  • THE BRUNCH IS AT TEN, AND THEN YOU GIVE A SPEECH AT 11:30.

  • THERE'S A SPEECH?

  • JUST, LIKE, A PAGE, ABOUT HOW I'M A GREAT MOM.

  • I'M NOT STAYING UP ALL NIGHT WRITING A SPEECH ABOUT YOU.

  • I HAVE PLANS.

  • JENNY, THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME.

  • THE COUNTESS WILL BE THERE,

  • AS IN THE HEAD OF THE NATIONAL FPS LEAGUE,

  • SO MAKE IT GOOD.

  • YEAH, I KNOW WHO SHE IS, OKAY? I JUST...

  • I DON'T REALLY FEEL LIKE TALKING ABOUT YOU

  • IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY.

  • WELL, IT SUCKS TO BE YOU.

  • SEE YOU AT TEN.

  • CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR THAT SPEECH.

  • OKAY. I THINK I GOT IT.

  • - EACH PLAYER STARTS WITH FIVE CARDS. - FOUR CARDS.

  • - D'OH! I'M NEVER GONNA LEARN THIS GAME IN TIME!

  • I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.

  • YOU ARE NOT AN IDIOT.

  • YOU'RE JUST... CURIOUS ABOUT THE WORLD.

  • HUH.

  • BRIAN, AM I JUST CURIOUS ABOUT THE WORLD?

  • WHAT? NO, TED, YOU'RE NOT AN IDIOT. YOU'RE JUST, UH...

  • OKAY, UH, GUYS, I GOTTA GO.

  • WAIT. BRIAN, YOU'RE MY BACKUP COOL FRIEND.

  • I'M SORRY, KI. I'LL MEET YOUR DAD TOMORROW.

  • OH! WHAT HE SAID! I'M OUTTIE!

  • TED, MY DAD'S GONNA BE HERE ANY SECOND!

  • EXACTLY. I CAN'T LET HIM SEE THAT HIS DAUGHTER

  • IS DATING A BIG, DUMB IDIOT.

  • OUT OF THE WAY, OLD MAN!

  • SWAN'S THE NAME. KEN SWAN. I'M KI'S FATHER.

  • OHHH!

  • OF COURSE YOU ARE!

  • PLEASE EXCUSE ME.

  • COME IN!

  • ( villainous laughter )

  • ( video game pinging )

  • YES!

  • ( chuckling )

  • CRAP!

  • ( chuckling )

  • YOU'RE BLUFFING.

  • YOU'RE STALLING.

  • ( dog growling )

  • ( dog groans )

  • ( sighs )

  • YOU HAD ME SWEATING FOR A MINUTE THERE, KIWI.

  • NOW, ABOUT THAT WAGER.

  • CAN WE PLAY ANOTHER GAME? I HAVE A REALLY GREAT WAGER.

  • ISN'T IT PAST YOUR BEDTIME?

  • YES. YES, IT IS.

  • TOMORROW, THEN. DEAL?

  • DEAL. WHEN WE GET HOME.

  • HOME?

  • OH, SORRY, I HAVE CLASS TOMORROW.

  • HONEY, YOUR MOTHER AND I HAD A TALK, KI,

  • AND WE DON'T THINK THIS SCHOOL IS GOOD FOR YOU.

  • BEG YOUR PARDON? ON WHAT GROUNDS?

  • WE PLAYED THE GAME YOU SENT HOME.

  • HIGH SCHOOL VIDEO GAME, WAS IT? NOT YOUR BEST WORK.

  • QUITE A BIT OF VIOLENCE AND KISSING,

  • AND MORE THAN A FEW BUGS.

  • KI, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU.

  • IT'S STILL IN BETA!

  • NO, I CAN'T LEAVE HERE.

  • I'M LEARNING SO MUCH. I'M BECOMING A BETTER DESIGNER.

  • The Law: NO, YOU'RE NOT. YOUR NEW GAME SUCKS.

  • YOU HEARD THAT SAD CHILD, HONEY.

  • IT'S TIME TO COME HOME.

  • WAIT.

  • I REQUEST A PERFORMANCE REVIEW.

  • THIS ISN'T UP FOR DISCUSSION.

  • ARTICLE 44, SECTION G OF THE SWAN FAMILY CONTRACT STATES,

  • "IF KI FEELS HER PARENTS ARE BEING MEAN AND UNREASONABLE,

  • SHE CAN REQUEST AN OFFICIAL REVIEW OF HER PERFORMANCE."

  • VERY WELL.

  • WE START AT 0800.

  • YOU HAVE 12 HOURS TO PREP YOUR CASE.

  • BETTER GET CRACKIN'.

  • LOVE YOU, SIR.

  • LOVE YOU, TOO.

  • COME ON IN.

  • WANT A BLACK LICOURISCE SODA?

  • MY DAD SENT A CARE PACKAGE.

  • OKAY.

  • OH, IS HE NOT COMING?

  • UH, HE CAME LAST YEAR, BUT MY MOM'S HERE THIS YEAR,

  • AND THEY DON'T REALLY HANG, SO...

  • HMM.

  • WHAT ABOUT YOUR PARENTS?

  • UMM...

  • WELL, I LOST MY DAD WHEN I WAS 3,

  • AND IT'S DOUBLE-XP WEEKEND,

  • SO SHE'S PROBABLY NOT COMING.

  • WOW. THAT'S...

  • ROBUST.

  • SO, UH, WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO WRITE A SPEECH ABOUT YOUR MOM FOR?

  • OH, YEAH, SHE'S WINNING MOTHER OF THE YEAR,

  • AND I'M SUPPOSED TO INTRODUCE HER,

  • BUT I SUCK AT SPEECHES.

  • DO YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT I HAVE SO FAR?

  • SURE, YEAH. FIRE AWAY.

  • "WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THE INCREDIBLE MARY MATRIX?"

  • THAT'S IT. THAT'S... ALL I GOT.

  • OH.

  • OKAY. UM...

  • NOT A BAD START.

  • BUT ARE YOU-- IF YOU'RE ASKING ME FOR MY ADVICE,

  • I WOULD PROBABLY START OFF, LIKE,

  • TELLING A JOKE AND THEN MAYBE SEGUE

  • TO A COUPLE HEARTWARMING ANECDOTES.

  • I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

  • WELL, SURE YOU DO. I MEAN...

  • YOU KNOW, LIKE FOND MEMORIES WITH YOUR MOM, YOU KNOW,

  • LIKE, UH, BIRTHDAY PARTIES OR GRADUATION,

  • MAYBE FRAGGING NEWBS TOGETHER.

  • JUST YOU KNOW-- YOU KNOW,

  • LIKE CUTE MOTHER-DAUGHTER KIND OF STUFF, UM...

  • YOU KNOW, JUST TO SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT YOUR MOM.

  • I CAN'T.

  • I MEAN, I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING. I DON'T--

  • I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT MY MOM.

  • ( softly ) JENNY.

  • Hey.

  • HI.

  • HEY.

  • THANKS FOR LISTENING TO MY CRAP LAST NIGHT.

  • OF COURSE.

  • Mary Matrix: JEEZ, IT'S 10:15. THE BRUNCH IS--

  • MOM!

  • MOM! M-MARY! COACH!

  • HEY, BRIAN, DON'T YOU HAVE SOME TABLES TO WAIT ON?

  • OH, CRAP. CALHOUN'S GONNA KILL ME.

  • JUST GO, BRIAN.

  • SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY.

  • IT'S OKAY.

  • UM, NOTHING HAPPENED.

  • SORRY.

  • JEEZ, MOM, HEARD OF KNOCKING?

  • GET DOWN THERE. NOW.

  • I MUST SAY, YOUR PROFESSOR LAYTON

  • HAS NO UNDERSTANDING OF WHERE THE PUZZLE GENRE

  • FITS INTO CAILLOIS' FOUR CATEGORIES OF PLAY.

  • THEY TEACH YOU TO PLAY GAMES HERE, FATHER.

  • IT ISN'T CARNEGIE MELLON.

  • CLEARLY. HAVE YOU LEARNED ANYTHING HERE?

  • OF COURSE.

  • EXCEPT FOR FREDDIE'S CLASS, BUT I DROPPED THAT ONE.

  • YOU'RE DROPPING CLASSES?

  • OH, LOOK, MY R.A. BOARD.

  • THIS IS WHERE I SCHEDULE ACTIVITIES AND CHORES

  • FOR THE ENTIRE FLOOR.

  • WENDELL! DID YOU CLEAN THE BATHROOM?

  • UM... YEAH.

  • WENDELL.

  • UH... NO.

  • ( comical groan )

  • WITH ALL THIS MIDDLE MANAGEMENT WORK,

  • I HOPE YOU'RE STILL FINDING THE TIME

  • TO FLEX YOUR CREATIVE MUSCLES.

  • OH, I SURE DO.

  • IN FACT, AS R.A.,

  • I FLEX MY WAY AROUND CREATIVE CHALLENGES ALL THE TIME.

  • - SHANE! - I'M A BUSY MAN, KI!

  • WHAT DID YOU THINK OF MY CREATIVE IDEAS FOR--

  • I THINK I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU, YOUR JOB,

  • OR FINISHING THIS SENTENCE, SO...

  • THAT'S MY BOSS.

  • HE PREFERS NEGATIVE REINFORCEMENT.

  • HMM.

  • BUT I SAVED THE MOST POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT

  • OF THE IDEA OF WHY THIS SCHOOL IS REALLY GREAT FOR ME

  • AND WHY I SHOULD STAY HERE FOR LAST--

  • MY BOYFRIEND, TED.

  • OVULATIONS, OLD BEAN.

  • AND WHY ARE YOUR ASSAULT PLAYERS USING ACOG SCOPES?

  • IN MY DAY, ALL WE NEEDED WAS A SIMPLE FOREGRIP.

  • COUNTESS KELLY, MAY I PRESENT MY DAUGTHER,