Those whose hunger for closeness overwhelms their concern for their own safety. Those who will, in a poignant bid to hold others' attention, lay out – within minutes of a new encounter – secrets that they would have been wiser to take to the grave.

親密さへの渇望が、自分の安全への懸念を圧倒する人たち。他人の注意を引きつけるために、新しい出会いの数分以内に、墓場まで持っていった方が賢明だと思われるような秘密を打ち明ける。

This isn't to deny the fun that over-sharers can bring to social life. These won't be the types talking about the economic contraction or where they last went on holiday. Contact with other humans should be about getting to the marrow of things they believe, which is why we will quickly get to hear about their ex's sexual difficulty, the vicious row they had about their mother's will, exactly how much they earn, the troubles they have with their digestion, their favourite bedroom position and the nature of an early childhood trauma. The difficulty lies in the toll these divulgences impose on over-sharers themselves. An evening of entertainment is too often followed by a shame-ridden awakening.

オーバーシェアラーが社会生活にもたらす楽しみを否定するわけではない。このようなタイプは、景気縮小や最後に休暇を過ごした場所について話すタイプではないだろう。他の人間との接触は、彼らが信じている物事の核心に触れることであるべきだ。だからこそ、元彼の性的な困難や、母親の遺書についての悪質な争い、正確な収入額、消化不良の悩み、好きな寝室の位置、幼少期のトラウマの性質などをすぐに聞くことになるのだ。難しいのは、このような暴露が共有者自身に与える負担である。一晩の娯楽が、恥にまみれた目覚めをもたらすことがあまりにも

Now that the laughter has dissipated, they may feel as though they were seized by an impulse with which they don't identify, an urge to invite others into their deep self without the strength to impose the barest of checks on who they might be.

笑いが静まった今、彼らは自分が何者であるかを確認する力もなく、他人を自分の奥深くに招き入れたいという衝動にとらわれたように感じるかもしれない。

A painful developmental story tends to lie behind the compulsion. We share too much when we have been too lonely. We fail to understand the risks of overexposure when we have suffered in environments in which so little sincere or real was ever exchanged. We rush to confess because no one showed us a steady, composed route to intimacy. To the isolated former child, no alarm sounds at the thought of having an unbarred conversation with a character who entered the room twenty minutes ago. Such is the promise and lure of togetherness. Such has been the burden of secrecy. We might with time make our peace with remaining somewhat more mysterious. We might more judiciously weigh up the benefits of a sugar-rush of disclosure against the slower satisfactions of safety. We might tell very few people indeed what is going on for us in love, with our health or with work, not because we want to be unkind or boring, but because our first priority has become to look after ourselves.

その強迫観念の背後には、つらい成長物語が横たわっている傾向がある。あまりに孤独だったとき、私たちは多くを共有する。私たちは、誠意や本物がほとんど交わされない環境で苦しんできたとき、過剰な露出のリスクを理解できない。私たちが告白を急ぐのは、親密になるための着実で落ち着いたルートを誰も教えてくれなかったからだ。孤立した元子供にとって、20分前に部屋に入ってきた人物と遠慮のない会話をしようと思っても、何の警報も鳴らない。それが一体感の約束であり、魅力なのだ。秘密がもたらす重荷。時間が経てば、もう少しミステリアス

We don't have to answer too many intrusive questions, nor, as importantly, do we need to ask them. It isn't, we can learn, any reason to panic if we are still talking about what someone did over the weekend or their favourite kind of gloves after the first course.

押しつけがましい質問に答える必要はないし、重要なことだが、質問する必要もない。最初のコースが終わった後も、誰かが週末に何をしたとか、好きな手袋の種類を話していたとしても、パニックになる理由にはならないのだ。

We don't have to feel boring for ending up, in many, a boring conversation. We aren't dull at heart. We are just calmly working out – in a process that could take months or years – whether we have stumbled on one of those very rare characters who truly deserve to hear from the deepest parts of us.

多くの場合、退屈な会話で終わったからといって、つまらないと感じる必要はない。私たちは根っから鈍いわけではない。私たちはただ、私たちの最も深い部分から話を聞くのに本当に値する、非常に稀な人物の一人に偶然出会ったかどうかを、何カ月も何年もかかるかもしれないプロセスの中で、冷静に見極めているだけなのだ。