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  • (crickets chirping)

  • (gentle music)

  • (clock ticking)

  • (clock continues ticking)

  • (clock continues ticking)

  • (clock continues ticking)

  • (clock continues ticking)

  • (gentle music continues)

  • (door opens)

  • (light switch clicks)

  • (gentle music continues)

  • (gentle music continues)

  • (light switch clicks)

  • (gentle music continues)

  • (book rustling)

  • (papers rustling)

  • (Mama exhales)

  • (gentle music continues)

  • (dishware clattering)

  • (pie tin clatters) - Oh, shit!

  • (Mama exhales)

  • (Mama exhales)

  • (back cracks)

  • (pie tin shuffling)

  • (cupboard door closes)

  • (dishware clattering)

  • - Mama.

  • Mama, what the hell are you doing

  • in here in the middle of the night?

  • - Did I wake you?

  • - Playing the cymbals like that? Of course you woke me.

  • (Mama exhales)

  • Are you all right? Do you need something?

  • - Just go on back to bed. I'm fine.

  • - Well, what are you looking for?

  • - [Mama] Brown sugar.

  • - Brown sugar? At 4:10 in the morning?

  • - [Mama] Yep.

  • - Why?

  • - I need it.

  • - You need brown sugar at 4:10 in the morning?

  • - That's right. - Well, you've finally

  • lost it.

  • - Why don't you go on back to bed?

  • - What are you doing?

  • - I'm making an apple pie.

  • - At 4:10 in the morning?

  • - That's right. - Why?

  • - Because it's your birthday and you like my apple pie.

  • - Oh, well, thank you very much.

  • But can't this wait 'til later?

  • - I'm 85 years old.

  • How much later do you think I got?

  • - You're not going anywhere for a while, trust me.

  • - Don't you be too sure about that.

  • I have got a busy schedule.

  • - Can't you at least wait 'til the sun comes up?

  • - No. I can't!

  • I woke up this morning knowing I needed

  • to make an apple pie first thing.

  • And I'm gonna make an apple pie first thing

  • if it's the last thing that I do.

  • And if all you're gonna do is criticize,

  • you can just go right back to bed.

  • - All right.

  • - Hey, why don't you help me?

  • - Help you? - Yeah, help me.

  • - It's 4:10 in the morning!

  • - We're both awake. - Not by choice.

  • Besides, I don't know how to make your apple pie.

  • - Well, it's about time you learned, don't you think?

  • I'm not gonna be around here to bake them for you forever.

  • - You are out of your mind.

  • - Grab those apples off the top of the fridge.

  • - Good God almighty.

  • Well, can I at least make some coffee first?

  • You got a running start on me. I got to catch up.

  • - Do what you need to do. I'm gonna go on about my business.

  • (Dory exhales)

  • (dial clicking)

  • (flame roaring)

  • (cutlery clattering)

  • - It's 4:10 in the morning, you know that, don't you?

  • - No, it's not. - Oh, yes, it is.

  • - No, it's not! It's 4:15.

  • (Dory laughs)

  • (spoon clinking)

  • - All right.

  • What can I do?

  • - Did you wash your hands?

  • - What am I, eight?

  • - There's a piecrust in the bottom of the freezer.

  • Why don't you get that out?

  • - [Dory] Oh, you're not gonna make a crust from scratch?

  • - Who the hell's got time to make a crust from scratch?

  • I haven't done that since you went through puberty.

  • I'd have to get up two hours ago

  • if I was gonna a make a crust from scratch.

  • No, I'm not making a crust from scratch.

  • Store-bought is just fine.

  • - Mama, this piecrust has been in here for over two years.

  • - [Mama] That's all right. It's still good.

  • - You sure it hasn't gone rancid?

  • - [Mama] You know what that's made out of?

  • - Yeah, flour and shortening.

  • - That's right. You know what shortening is?

  • - What? - Petroleum.

  • It's a fossil fuel.

  • If it can live in the middle

  • of the earth for 5 million years,

  • two more on my freezer's shelf ain't gonna hurt it any.

  • - Oh, shortening's not a fossil fuel.

  • - Suit yourself.

  • I don't have time to quibble about facts

  • that may or may not be true.

  • - Where do you want this?

  • - Take it out of the plastic and put it in here.

  • - All right, well, you don't want it in the tin?

  • Look, it comes in a tin. - Good God, no,

  • I don't want it in the tin.

  • Those flimsy aluminum tins aren't worth squat.

  • You need a good solid glass dish to make a piecrust.

  • Now, this is one of those nine-inch piecrusts.

  • But we're gonna put it in a 10-inch glass dish.

  • At least I think this is 10 inches.

  • 24 centimeters? What the hell is that?

  • Is that...

  • 10, 24...

  • Well, I don't care what they say, this is 10 inches.

  • So put it in here in the center and let it thaw.

  • - All right.

  • Okay. Like that?

  • - No, not like that, that's not the center.

  • It's got to be in the center.

  • Because once it's thawed,

  • you're not gonna be able to move it.

  • - But the crust doesn't reach all the way to the edge.

  • - That's because it's one of those

  • nine-inch crust in a 10-inch pan.

  • But they always give you more crust than you need.

  • Once it's thawed, we're gonna press it out real thin.

  • If you don't press it out real thin,

  • then it's just a thick crust.

  • And who the hell wants a mouthful of crust?

  • Now, set that over there.

  • - All right. What about the tin?

  • - What about it? - Want to save the tin?

  • - No, I don't want to save the tin.

  • I don't need a tin. Do you need a tin?

  • - No, I don't need a tin. - Well, then get rid of it.

  • - All right. (pie tin clatters)

  • - Now, the first thing I do is I make my crumb topping.

  • (Mama exhales)

  • (knife clinking)

  • Now, into this little bowl,

  • I want you to put two tablespoons of softened butter.

  • Now, I need to get my cups.

  • I need a half a cup, a third of a cup, a...

  • (spoons clattering)

  • What are you doing?

  • - [Dory] I'm measuring two tablespoons of butter

  • off this other stick so I can get just the right amount.

  • - Oh, here, give that to me. (Dory exhales)

  • Here.

  • Now, this is two tablespoons of butter.

  • - Well, how do you know that's exact?

  • - I don't. But it's exact enough.

  • That's what two tablespoons of butter look like.

  • I've been doing this long enough to know

  • what two tablespoons of butter looks like.

  • And that's it.

  • Now, to this two tablespoons of butter,

  • I want you to add a third of cup of flour.

  • - Third of a cup of flour.

  • - That's right, a third of a cup of flour.

  • (refrigerator door closes)

  • Then we need a third of a cup of brown sugar.

  • (spoon tapping)

  • - Third of a cup of brown sugar.

  • - [Mama] Are you packing it?

  • - Yes, I'm packing it.

  • - [Mama] Is it well-packed?

  • - Yes, it's well-packed.

  • - That's got to be well-packed

  • or you won't get enough. - It's well-packed, Mother.

  • - All right, let's see. All right.

  • Now, you've got your brown sugar

  • and your butter and your flour.

  • Not all recipes call for this,

  • but I like to throw in a little bit of cinnamon.

  • - All right, let me get you a measuring spoon.

  • - I don't need a measuring spoon for the cinnamon.

  • There.

  • That's enough cinnamon.

  • - Okay, how much is that?

  • - How the hell should I know?

  • It's enough, that's all you need to know.

  • And then I take a fork and I mash that butter right in

  • to the brown sugar and flour.

  • Now, some people say you should cut

  • this butter in with a knife-

  • - What people say that?

  • - I don't know, the one's who do it with a knife, I suppose.

  • But I don't like to do that.

  • I like to use a fork

  • so I can press that butter right between the prongs.

  • Now, this is not a fast job.

  • Nor is it one for a weakling.

  • It demands strength and time and patience.

  • - None of which you possess.

  • - That is correct.

  • And that is why I am passing the torch along to you.

  • (Dory groans)

  • Now, mm.

  • You just keep breaking down that butter

  • into the flour and sugar mixture.

  • Just break it down. Push.

  • Push.

  • Push, push.

  • - I am pushing.

  • - Well, yes. And you are.

  • And that is the way you get it done. Yeah.

  • Push.

  • Push. - Oh, God.

  • Don't you have something else to do?

  • You don't have to keep doing that.

  • - I'm just trying to help.

  • - Don't you have something else to do

  • besides look over my shoulder? (kettle whistling)

  • - All right.

  • - And go over there and make some coffee or something.

  • Finish the coffee.

  • (kettle continues whistling)

  • - You like my apple pie, don't you?

  • - [Dory] Sure do.

  • - Well, that's a good thing,

  • because that's all you're getting for your birthday.

  • I didn't buy you a gift.

  • - [Dory] That's all right.

  • - I thought about it.

  • - [Dory] That's nice.

  • - But I didn't get you anything.

  • - [Dory] I said that's all right.

  • - 'Cause, you know, I can't get to the store

  • unless you drive me, you know. - I know.

  • - So how the hell am I gonna buy you a surprise

  • when you're standing next to me

  • the whole time? - Mama, I said it's all right.

  • - So, I'm baking you a pie.

  • - I know and I appreciate that.

  • - Are you done yet?

  • - [Dory] No, I'm not done.

  • You said it takes patience.

  • - Well, it does.

  • But, still, you should be

  • done by now. - Well, I'm not.

  • (spoon clinking)

  • - I just didn't want you to think

  • that I forgot your birthday.

  • - I didn't.

  • - Since I didn't get you a gift.

  • - Mama, let it go. All is well.

  • I'm having a very happy birthday.

  • - You are? - Yes, I am.

  • I really am.

  • - You sure don't look like it. - I don't?

  • - No. You look sort of pissed off.

  • - Mama, I'm fine.

  • - Is it 'cause I didn't buy you a gift?

  • - Mama, stop it! I'm fine!

  • I don't need anything for my birthday except you!

  • - You think I don't pick up on your sarcasm, but I do.

  • - [Dory] God, Mama, can we just cook?

  • You crazy old lady.

  • - What? - I said you're

  • a crazy old lady.

  • (Mama laughs)

  • - Well, I'm not the only one. (laughs)

  • Have you looked in the mirror lately?

  • Happy 65th birthday, Grandma.

  • - I'm not a grandma yet.

  • The way things are going, I probably never will be.

  • - Oh, you don't know.

  • Your daughter may surprise you someday.

  • - Yeah, well, some surprises I don't need.

  • Nah, Maggie's not like you and me, Mama.

  • Maggie's an "independent career type woman"

  • who won't know she wants kids 'til it's too late.

  • Then she's gonna have some sort of midlife crisis about it,

  • and the next thing you know,

  • she'll be living with two hundred cats.

  • - Oh. (laughs)

  • - Yeah, well, thank God I won't be around to see that, huh?

  • All right, here. How is that?

  • - That looks fine.

  • - You sure? - Yep.

  • - All right. What do I do with it?

  • - Just set it aside.

  • - Set it aside? - Yeah, set it over there.

  • We're not gonna use it for a while.

  • - We're not gonna use it?

  • - We're gonna use it, we're just not gonna use it right now.

  • - Well, when are we gonna use it?

  • - Last thing.

  • Right as the pie goes

  • into the oven. - And when is that?

  • - Not for another 40 minutes or so.

  • - Why the hell did I go to all this work now, then?

  • - Because it needed to be done.

  • - Is there an order to all this?

  • - Yes. This is the order.

  • - Are you sure about that?

  • - This is my pie, and I get to choose the order.

  • And if you can't follow directions,

  • you can just go right back to bed.

  • - Oh, great.

  • - We need a large bowl.

  • (Dory groans)

  • A large bowl.

  • Hmm? - Oh.

  • - And into that bowl, we're gonna put white sugar,

  • brown sugar, flour, nutmeg, cinnamon, and salt.

  • - [Dory] What about the apples?

  • - What about them? - Aren't we gonna put

  • the apples in too?

  • - We're not putting the apples in yet.

  • - Well, why not?

  • - Are you going to question my recipe every step of the way?

  • - [Dory] Mm.

  • - We're gonna put the apples in;

  • we're just not putting the apples in yet.

  • There is an order. This is the order.

  • And now, we need a half a cup of granulated sugar.

  • (spoon clatters) Shit!

  • - Oh! When did you start using that word?

  • - What word? Shit?

  • - Yes. You shouldn't be saying that.

  • - I'm 85 years old.

  • If I want to say the word shit, I'll say the word shit.

  • - Well, I never use that word.

  • - Well, maybe you should.

  • Maybe you should try it out every once in a while.

  • Might make you feel better.

  • - I feel fine.

  • - Feel better if you said shit once in a while.

  • - Half a cup. This is half a cup.

  • There. Boop.

  • - And now, we need a quarter cup of brown sugar.

  • Now, not all recipes call for this, and that's just stupid.

  • I don't know see how you can make

  • an apple pie without brown sugar.

  • And it's got to be well-packed. Did I tell you that?

  • Now, look at this.

  • This is a well-packed quarter cup of brown sugar.

  • A quarter cup of brown sugar well-packed.

  • - All right, what is next?

  • - Now, we need a quarter cup of flour.

  • - Wait! Whoa.

  • Aren't you gonna wipe

  • that off first? - Wipe what off?

  • - Your quarter cup.

  • - My quarter cup's just fine.

  • - It's got brown sugar stuck to the sides of it.

  • - A little brown sugar never hurt anything.

  • Brown sugar just make about any recipe better.

  • I can't think of a single meal

  • wouldn't be better with brown sugar.

  • And if a little brown sugar falls off in the flour jar,

  • then it'll just be a nice little surprise for me

  • the next time I'm baking something.

  • And now, we need a half a teaspoon of cinnamon

  • and a half a teaspoon of nutmeg.

  • - [Dory] All right.

  • Let's see here. (spoons clattering)

  • - No, not those. - What?

  • - Those measuring spoons won't fit in the spice pan.

  • Whose stupid idea was that anyway?

  • Why would anybody ever make measuring spoons

  • that won't fit in a spice can?

  • (spoons jingling)

  • - [Dory] Mm.

  • - You can't pour spices onto a spoon, don't they know that?

  • Here, use this one.

  • - All right. Half a teaspoon of cinnamon.

  • - Now, don't, whoa, don't throw it in all in a clump.

  • Spread it out. Let everybody get to know it.

  • That's the way.

  • All right, and now, half a teaspoon of nutmeg.

  • - Nutmeg? What's the nutmeg do?

  • - I don't know. But I do miss it when it's gone.

  • - All right. - And we need some salt.

  • - How much?

  • - Oh, about that much.

  • - What was that?

  • - What? - What did you just

  • put in there?

  • - I put in some salt.

  • - But you didn't measure it. Was it a quarter teaspoon?

  • Was it a half a teaspoon?

  • - I don't know. It was that much.

  • - God, Mama, how am I supposed to learn your recipe

  • if you don't stick to a recipe?

  • - The recipe calls for a dash of salt.

  • I put in what I thought was a dash.

  • - Well, is a dash always that much?

  • - No!

  • It depends upon the day, and the time,

  • and how I'm feeling at that moment.

  • Today, I felt like that much was a dash. Good God almighty.

  • Grab a fork and stir all this around 'til it's one color.

  • And you're gonna have to break up that brown sugar.

  • (fork clattering)

  • What are you doing?

  • - Well, I'm breaking up the brown sugar.

  • - Like that? - You just told me to break up

  • the brown sugar, so I'm breaking up the brown sugar.

  • - Like that? - Yes, like that.

  • That's how I break up brown sugar. What's wrong with that?

  • - That's just not the way I do it.

  • - Oh, well, how do you do it?

  • - Well, I do it like this.

  • Mm-hmm. - Well, I don't

  • do it that way.

  • - Well, fine. - Well, fine, then.

  • - Fine.

  • Wish I had that 60 seconds back.

  • - Right there. How's that?

  • - Is that all one color?

  • - Mostly.

  • - Mostly's not all one color. I want one color.

  • It's got brown sugar and cinnamon and flour and nutmeg,

  • it should come out beige.

  • I want one color. Should come out beige.

  • - Oh, a beige is what you want,

  • then beige is what you'll get.

  • But some of this brown sugar won't break up.

  • - I know. Don't worry about it.

  • I said don't worry about it. - It won't break up.

  • - It'll just be a nice little surprise for your mouth

  • when you bite into that bite

  • and get a little extra brown sugar.

  • You see, that is one of the nice things about brown sugar.

  • You just never know what it's gonna do.

  • Sometimes, it's not there at all,

  • other times, it just kicks you in the teeth.

  • I just love brown sugar. (laughs)

  • I can't think of a single meal

  • wouldn't benefit from brown sugar.

  • - Shrimp scampi.

  • - [Mama] You could put brown sugar in shrimp scampi.

  • - Oh, you can, huh?

  • - Sure. - Yeah, well, why on earth

  • would you want to do that?

  • - [Mama] Why not?

  • - Tacos.

  • - Well, I suppose if you like sweet tacos, you could...

  • (Mama laughs)

  • I see what you're trying to do.

  • You're trying to catch me in a lie.

  • You're trying to think of something

  • wouldn't be better with brown sugar.

  • And I tell you this: you can just stand there all day long,

  • you're not gonna come up with anything.

  • - [Dory] All right, how does this look?

  • - Now, that's all one color.

  • That looks fine. Now, set that aside.

  • - Set this one aside too?

  • - Yeah, we don't need it right now.

  • - God, why am I doing all this work

  • we don't need done right now?

  • - Because you need to prep things ahead of time.

  • That's what we're doing,

  • we're prepping things ahead of time

  • so that when we need them, they're ready.

  • Good God, I'm glad you never worked for NASA,

  • we'd have never found ourself on the moon.

  • All right. Now, it's magic time.

  • It's time for us to get doing this,

  • get everything cleaned up.

  • Wait, what are you doing with those cups?

  • - What? - Those cups.

  • What are you doing with my measuring cups?

  • - Well, I'm putting them in the sink.

  • - Why? They're not dirty.

  • - Well, they've got flour and cinnamon on them.

  • - Well, just blow on them. It'll come right off.

  • It's just powder. We don't need to wash them.

  • - Fine.

  • - I mean, now, if it were wet,

  • if it were corn syrup or vanilla, well, sure, wash them.

  • But dry goods are fine. Dry goods are dry.

  • That's why they're called dry goods.

  • 'Cause they're good when they're dry.

  • - All right. All right.

  • - And now, the apples. Woo-hoo.

  • Grab those apples and bring them over here

  • to the table so we can peel them, will you?

  • - Peel them? Peel them where?

  • - Right here on the table.

  • - We're gonna peel the apples right there on the table?

  • - That's right. - Well, where are

  • the peels gonna go?

  • - [Mama] Right here on the table.

  • - You're gonna put the peels right there on the table?

  • - What have I been saying?

  • - [Dory] The peels are gonna go all over the table.

  • - That's right. It's a table, it's not a Mercedes Benz.

  • We're cleaning it all up when we're done.

  • - Right. - Now, we need eight cups

  • of sliced apples, which translates into about six or seven.

  • But you know what I do?

  • - I hesitate to ask. - I use eight.

  • - Of course you do. Why do you do that?

  • - 'Cause they cook down.

  • Now, if you use those abnormally large,

  • genetically-altered apples from the grocery store,

  • then you probably only need about five.

  • But I like to use these smaller ones in the five-pound bag,

  • they're sweeter than those others.

  • - You're a genius.

  • - I know. - Mm-hmm.

  • What kinda apples are these?

  • - McIntosh. I won't use anything but McIntosh.

  • Now, your Aunt Sylvia swore by Granny Smith.

  • But those apples are just too damn tart.

  • Not that your Aunt Sylvia

  • and I saw eye-to-eye on most things anyway.

  • Okay, we got two, four, six. We need two more.

  • No. That one's got a dent in it.

  • - So? - Well, if you use an apple

  • with a dent in it, you lose a whole bite of pie.

  • - All right, there. - All right.

  • Now there's eight.

  • Now, we need the knife, the peeler, and the corer.

  • - The what? - The corer.

  • - The corer? - The corer that you core

  • the apples with.

  • - Oh, the apple slicer.

  • - Well, if you knew what it was, why'd you just keep asking?

  • (Dory chuckles) (utensils clattering)

  • Now, you take the corer,

  • the apple slicer, and you core those apples.

  • And then I'll core these.

  • - All right.

  • - Whew.

  • (Mama exhaling)

  • You know, I made an apple pie just like this

  • on the day you were born.

  • - Did you really?

  • - I just said I did.

  • Must have been some kinda nesting instinct or something.

  • - Nesting instinct. You had a nesting instinct.

  • - Well, sure I did. I think we all do.

  • At least subconsciously.

  • And I would not leave,

  • I had to have the house all cleaned up,

  • I had to have everything wrapped up, everything organized,

  • before my life changed forever.

  • And I would not leave for the hospital

  • 'til that pie came out of the oven.

  • - Was Daddy angry?

  • - Your father? Oh, he wasn't here.

  • Your grandmother, my mother, took me to the hospital.

  • "Get in the car, Margaret," she said.

  • "Forget about that damn pie!"

  • - [Dory] Where was Daddy?

  • - Oh, he was somewhere, I don't know.

  • - [Dory] You don't remember?

  • - Well, that pie came out of the oven,

  • your grandmother hustled me into the car.

  • "Get in the car, Margaret," she said.

  • "Keep your legs crossed for God's sakes!" (laughs)

  • We got to that hospital.

  • You were born 30 minutes later.

  • - Do you remember that?

  • - Oh, like it was yesterday.

  • I don't remember all that much pain,

  • although they said I screamed my fair share.

  • But I remember that nurse.

  • When it was all over, she handed you to me and she said,

  • "Why, she's just as cute as a sugar cookie."

  • So, I called you Cookie those first few weeks.

  • You probably don't remember.

  • But your grandmother put a stop to that.

  • - So, you named me after her instead, then, huh?

  • - No, she named you after her. I kept calling you Cookie.

  • - You always said that you named me Dorothy.

  • - Well, I lie a lot.

  • - But you also said I was a good baby. Is that a lie too?

  • - You were great in still photos.

  • In real life, you were loud as hell.

  • (Mama laughs) - Well, I get that from you.

  • - Oh, and you couldn't stand being left alone.

  • As long as I was in the room, you were happy as a clam.

  • But if I had to leave to go to the bathroom or take a pee,

  • you screamed so loud you woke the neighbors.

  • Finally, I just took to carrying you with me

  • every place I went.

  • - I must have liked your company back then.

  • - I must have liked yours too.

  • Wait a minute.

  • - What? - There's core on that piece.

  • - There's what? - There's core on that

  • slice of apple.

  • You can't put core in a pie. Nobody likes core in their pie.

  • - That little bit? Is that really gonna matter?

  • - Gonna matter? Where were you raised?

  • I have never fed you core one time in your life.

  • And I'm certainly not gonna start now.

  • Now, you get a knife and you cut that out.

  • - All right. All right.

  • - And you be careful with that knife.

  • Don't get blood in my pie.

  • - I'm not gonna get any blood in your pie.

  • - Well, you would if you cut yourself.

  • - I'm not planning on cutting myself.

  • - Well, that's good thing.

  • Because we're gonna have enough

  • to clean up around here as it is.

  • I don't need your cold, lifeless body

  • at the same time to be cleaning up.

  • Wait a minute.

  • There's stem on that one.

  • You can't put stem in pie.

  • Nobody wants stem in their pie.

  • Good God in heaven. Where'd you ever learn to cook?

  • - From you.

  • - You didn't learn that from me.

  • I have never put stem in my pie.

  • - All right, look, you worry about your apples

  • and I'll worry about mine.

  • - No, I'm gonna worry about all the apples

  • 'cause this is my pie.

  • - I thought it was my pie. I thought it was for my birthday.

  • - It's not your pie yet. It's my pie right now.

  • It's not your pie 'til it comes out of the oven.

  • And then you can do whatever you

  • damn well please with it. - All right.

  • Well, I am done coring my apples.

  • - Well, good. Then, now, you can do those, would you?

  • - Those are your apples.

  • - Good God, you've got 20 years on me.

  • Can't you do a little extra work?

  • Whew.

  • (faucet running)

  • I haven't had a bowl movement in three weeks.

  • - [Dory] Oh, good God, Mama. Are you all right?

  • - I don't eat as much as I used to either.

  • - Well, that's probably 'cause there's no place to put it.

  • What else is going on with you that I should know about?

  • - Nothing.

  • - Well, maybe we should have you checked out later today.

  • - I don't need to be checked out.

  • - Well, maybe you do.

  • - Well, maybe I don't.

  • Last thing I need is some young doctor sticking his fingers

  • up my butt trying to figure out what's slowing things

  • down up there. - Well, it couldn't hurt.

  • - Ha, I'm not too sure about that.

  • - No, I just meant that it wouldn't be a bad idea.

  • - Well, just make sure he's good-looking,

  • that's all I can say. (laughs)

  • - Maybe he'll look like Daddy.

  • - Oh, God, I hope not. (Dory laughs)

  • - I just meant, maybe he'll be suave and debonair.

  • - Well, if he's suave and debonair,

  • he won't be anything like your daddy.

  • - Now, Mama, stop it.

  • - Your daddy was an idiot.

  • - Stop it. Daddy wasn't an idiot.

  • - Only an idiot could die the way your daddy died.

  • - Mama, stop it.

  • Dying in a farming mishap doesn't make somebody an idiot.

  • - Your daddy drank himself to death. That was no mishap.

  • - Drank himself to death?

  • You always told me me

  • that died because of a machine malfunction.

  • - The machine malfunctioned

  • because he was drunk off his ass.

  • He was driving a hay baler

  • on a farm in Amarillo while intoxicated.

  • Lost control, fell into the machine,

  • and was spit out the other end wrapped up

  • like a happy little package.

  • By the time they unbaled him, he was dead as a doornail.

  • That never would have happened if he had been sober.

  • - I never knew that.

  • - Yep. Your daddy was a drunk.

  • - But you told me it was a machine malfunction.

  • - A hay baler is a machine.

  • - But you didn't tell me the truth.

  • Why didn't you tell me the truth before now?

  • - Why would you want to know the truth?

  • Weren't you happier thinking your daddy died

  • a noble death working the land,

  • instead of knowing he was a drunken idiot?

  • The truth isn't always the truth.

  • The truth is what you believe it to be.

  • - So, you lied to me?

  • - That's why most families lie,

  • to protect the innocents with ignorance.

  • Are you done there?

  • - Yes, I'm done. - Oh, good.

  • Then it's time to peel. Now, this is how I do it.

  • I take the peeler in one hand, I take a slice in this hand-

  • - All right.

  • Thank you. I know how to peel things.

  • I have peeled things before.

  • - All right, Miss Bossy-Boots,

  • I was just trying to give you a few pointers.

  • - Yeah, well, I think I can manage.

  • - Thank you.

  • - I can't believe you lied to me.

  • - It was for your own good.

  • - Well, shouldn't I be able to decide that?

  • - No.

  • (Dory exhales)

  • (Dory exhales)

  • - This is time-consuming.

  • - What, you've got someplace else to be

  • at four in the morning? - Well, yeah, in bed.

  • - [Mama] Ha.

  • - Did you know- - Mm?

  • - Aunt Lucy is in the hospital?

  • - Your father's sister? - Yeah.

  • - I didn't even know she was still alive.

  • - Oh, yeah, 92 years old.

  • - Whew. - Been living in Temecula

  • this whole time.

  • - Hmm. (Dory chuckles)

  • - Yeah, I called Cousin Mavis at the hospital this morning

  • and I said, "Mavis, what is wrong with your mama?"

  • And she said...

  • Know what she said? - What?

  • - "She's old."

  • (Mama laughs)

  • - That about sums it up, doesn't it?

  • God, Lucy Garlifini. I haven't thought about her in years.

  • - Lucy Gannon, Mama, we're talking about Daddy's sister.

  • - Huh.

  • I didn't know you were still in touch

  • with that side of the family.

  • - It's the only side left.

  • We visited them when we took the kids to Disneyland.

  • - Disneyland? - Yeah.

  • - That's got to be 20 years ago.

  • - Oh, no. More than 20.

  • That was the last family vacation

  • we took before the accident.

  • All four of us driving from Texas to California

  • in that Volkswagen Vanagon.

  • Living and eating and sleeping together

  • for two weeks in that van,

  • boy, I thought I was gonna lose my mind.

  • Louis said, "Oh, it'll be just like living in a motor home."

  • Well, Louis was wrong.

  • A Volkswagen Vanagon is not a motor home.

  • (Mama laughs) Far as I can tell,

  • it's not much more than a twin bed on wheels.

  • - Oh, Lord.

  • - But it got us there and back.

  • Anyway, we visited Aunt Lucy and Cousin Mavis on that trip.

  • - Mm.

  • (dog barking)

  • You've got a bruise on that one.

  • - Yeah, I see it. I'll just peel it away.

  • - Well, don't peel away too much.

  • You won't have any apple left.

  • - Oh, God, what kinda idiot do you think I am?

  • - I don't know, what kind of an idiot are you?

  • - Mavis was so calm on the phone.

  • I swear, sometimes, I wonder if she's got a pulse.

  • I said, "Mavis, aren't you worried about your mama?"

  • She said, "Well, what's there to be worried about?

  • I don't know anything yet.

  • I suppose if the doctors tell me

  • she's got cancer or something, then I'll be worried.

  • But until then, I'm just gonna sit here

  • and eat my tuna sandwich."

  • - Oh, God. - That's what she said.

  • (both laughing)

  • Oh, boy, she's a better woman than I am,

  • that's all I can say.

  • Oh, but I don't know, maybe she's right.

  • Maybe it's better to just wait for things to happen

  • and then deal with them.

  • The only one who suffers from worrying is the worrier.

  • 'Cause I've been worrying about you for 20 years.

  • It hasn't gotten me a thing.

  • - Well, maybe you learned your lesson.

  • (Dory chuckles)

  • All right, now that we got some peeled,

  • it's time to take a few minutes

  • before they turn brown and slice them.

  • Now, you want to slice them like this.

  • Nice and thick.

  • No, that's too thin.

  • - Oh, okay.

  • Like that? - No, thick!

  • - That is thick.

  • - No, I mean thick. Like your head.

  • - All right, well, why slice them at all, then?

  • Why not just cover an apple in crust

  • and bake the whole damn thing?

  • (Mama laughs)

  • - Don't be sassy. (laughs)

  • You don't wear sassy well. (laughs)

  • All right, once you've got some peeled and sliced,

  • it is now time for the flour and sugar mixture.

  • - Oh, now we're gonna use it. - Woo-hoo.

  • (Mama laughs)

  • Now, after they're peeled and sliced,

  • you throw them in here, and you get them all well-covered.

  • - All right. - Stir them around there.

  • Get them all well-covered. There you go.

  • Get them all covered up.

  • - [Dory] Okay.

  • - And then you go back to peeling and slicing.

  • Peel, slice, stir, repeat.

  • Peel, slice, stir, repeat. - Yeah, you've got quite

  • a system here. - Yes, I do,

  • and don't you tamper with it.

  • All right, I am going to cover up that brown sugar

  • so that it don't get hard.

  • - [Dory] All right.

  • (Mama exhales)

  • - Oh.

  • - [Dory] Mama?

  • - Oh. - What is it?

  • - I'm dizzy. - Okay, all right.

  • Shh, shh, shh.

  • Here, come sit right down here.

  • Right there, right there. Right there.

  • Okay. All right.

  • Did you take you blood pressure medicine?

  • - I don't know. I think so.

  • - [Dory] All right, all right. Where is it?

  • - In the bathroom. - Okay.

  • All right, you're just gonna sit here now and keep still.

  • And I'll be right back.

  • (Mama exhaling)

  • (no audio)

  • (Mama exhales)

  • (Mama exhales)

  • (floor creaking)

  • (Mama exhales)

  • Why am I in here?

  • - My pills.

  • (Dory gasps)

  • - Oh, right.

  • (Mama exhales)

  • Right.

  • (Mama exhales)

  • What are you doing over there?

  • - Well, I figured as long as I was gonna die,

  • I should be in a comfortable chair with my feet up.

  • - You're not gonna die.

  • Here. Take one of these.

  • Okay.

  • Yeah, okay. Now, just sit here a while.

  • You see, this is what you get when you wake up

  • at four o'clock in the morning to make a pie.

  • Your whole system gets out of whack.

  • All right, now you're just gonna sit there,

  • and I will finish these.

  • (Mama exhales)

  • Mm.

  • (Mama exhales)

  • (Dory grunts)

  • (Dory exhales)

  • - I am scared of dying.

  • - You're not gonna die, Mama.

  • - Well, I am someday. And it scares me.

  • - Well, don't think about it then. Let's change the subject.

  • - Don't think about it? I'm 85 years old.

  • What else is there to think about?

  • - Well, let's talk about Howard.

  • - Howard's dead.

  • - Mama. All right, let's talk about your friends.

  • - My friends are all dead.

  • (Dory exhales)

  • - Mama, stop it. They're not all dead.

  • What about Carolyn Wicker? She's not dead.

  • - She might as well be.

  • Ever since that stroke last year,

  • she can't walk, she can't talk, and she does is drool.

  • That's not living.

  • - Yeah, you're right about that.

  • - Just when you get everything figured out,

  • everything starts to fall apart.

  • Getting old just sucks.

  • - [Dory] Oh, I know it.

  • - You?

  • Oh, you haven't even started to age yet. Just you wait.

  • First, you start farting for no reason at all.

  • And then, every time you laugh, you pee your pants.

  • Parts of your body start to ache

  • you didn't even know you had.

  • Yeah, getting old is just a hoot.

  • Then you forget things, you can't sleep,

  • and then you find yourself awake

  • in the middle of the night making an apple pie.

  • And suddenly, it all makes sense.

  • And you go, "Yeah, uh-huh, that's right."

  • As far as I can see, the only good thing

  • to come out of aging is I no longer have to have my period.

  • Good God almighty, if I had to fool with that

  • at this stage of my life,

  • I think I'd just take out a gun

  • and shoot myself in the head!

  • There's peel on that slice.

  • - There's what?

  • - [Mama] There's peel on that slice of apple.

  • - Oh, just a sliver. You can barely see it.

  • - [Mama] I can see it from all the way over here.

  • There's no slivers of peel in my pie.

  • If you want slivers of peel in your pie,

  • you should make your own damn pie.

  • - Seems to me I am making my own damn pie.

  • So, I'm gonna leave that little sliver

  • of peel right on there.

  • Then when I come across it,

  • when I bite into that little sliver of peel,

  • I'm gonna say, "Mm-mm.

  • Do you taste that little sliver of peel?

  • Boy, is that yummy."

  • (fork clattering)

  • - You've got a real attitude problem there, you know that?

  • - [Dory] God.

  • (Mama exhales)

  • - What were we talking about?

  • - I don't remember.

  • - Oh, gosh.

  • Ugh!

  • - How are you feeling?

  • - I'm all right.

  • - Are you lying? - Yep.

  • - Well, you just sit there for a while.

  • (Mama exhales)

  • These spells have become more frequent.

  • - Have they? - You know they have.

  • This is the third one this week.

  • - Fourth. I didn't tell you about one.

  • - Well, maybe we should have your medicines checked.

  • Maybe they should up the dosage, or change it all together.

  • - Oh, maybe.

  • - Yeah, we'll tell them about it

  • when we go and see them later today.

  • I'll call and make an appointment

  • after the rest of the town wakes up.

  • - It's not gonna do any good.

  • - What do you mean, of course it will do some good.

  • What do you mean by that?

  • - I'm dying, Dory.

  • - You're old, Mama, you're not dying.

  • - One leads to the other.

  • - Not today, it doesn't.

  • I swear to God, Mama, if you spoil my birthday by dying,

  • you will never hear the end of it.

  • - You know what would make me feel better?

  • - I shudder to think.

  • - If you find a man before I died.

  • - Oh, for me or for you?

  • - Well, I wouldn't mind one for myself,

  • but it'd probably kill me.

  • - Well, if you're dying anyway,

  • you might as well go out with a bang.

  • - No, I mean for you, you need a man.

  • - Mama, I do not need a man.

  • - Well, you need somebody.

  • I'm not gonna be around here

  • to look after you forever, you know.

  • - Look after me? I'm here looking after you.

  • - You are? - Yes.

  • - Well, you're not doing a very good job, then.

  • - What does that mean?

  • - Well, look at me.

  • - You look bright and sunny to me.

  • - Well, I don't feel bright and sunny.

  • - [Dory] Yeah, well, just wait for that medicine

  • to start working, you'll be dancing around here in no time.

  • - I don't mean physically, I mean up here.

  • Getting old is depressing.

  • Life used to be so easy.

  • When I was younger, and I mean just a couple of years ago,

  • I'd do things without even thinking about it.

  • But life's gotten more difficult lately.

  • It's a lot of work just to get through a day now.

  • And sometimes, my body just feels so heavy,

  • I think I'm not gonna be able

  • to carry myself around anymore.

  • And that's depressing.

  • That's not gonna get any better,

  • that's just gonna get worse.

  • But there is one thing that would make me really happy.

  • - [Dory] Oh, Mama.

  • - You can't deny an old, dying woman's last request.

  • - Mama, I'm not gonna hook-up with some fella

  • just to make you happy.

  • - I'd do it for you.

  • - Look, if you want to see me with a man,

  • then stare at that picture of me and Louis over there

  • 'cause short of buying a puppy,

  • that's as close to a hairy chest that I'll ever get again.

  • - Oh, I hate a hairy chest on a man. Ugh.

  • Just creeps me out.

  • I like them smooth and tall and tan.

  • (Dory chuckles)

  • - Looks like somebody's medicine's starting to kick in.

  • (both chuckling)

  • - Oh, you dropped one there on the floor.

  • - Oh, I know I dropped one. I'll get it.

  • (Dory grunts)

  • - [Mama] Whoa, whoa!

  • What are you doing? - I'm gonna throw it away.

  • - [Mama] What do you mean you're gonna throw it away?

  • - Just what I said.

  • I dropped this slice on the floor, the floor is dirty,

  • I'm gonna to throw it away. - No, whoa, wait, whoa.

  • - What are you doing? Just sit down, Mama.

  • No, hey, Mama, don't.

  • Oh...

  • (faucet running)

  • - There.

  • Good as new.

  • You were going to throw away perfectly good apple.

  • Who raised you?

  • - You raised me.

  • - Well, I did a horrible job, then.

  • - [Dory] Fine, fine. Whatever.

  • - No daughter of mine should be throwing away

  • perfectly good apple just because it fell on the floor.

  • When I was little, we are our food

  • right off the floor. - Oh, you did not.

  • Stop it. - And we were happy about it.

  • - [Dory] Would you go sit down?

  • - Now, that looks good.

  • There are some thick ones. That's very good.

  • - [Dory] Yeah, that's because I'm tired

  • as hell of doing this and I figured

  • that if I made them bigger, then they would be done sooner.

  • - Well, what about this one?

  • - Yeah, I got a little thin with that one.

  • (Mama laughs)

  • - That looks like a potato chip.

  • - It'll add character to the pie.

  • - My pie does not need character.

  • - Give me that. Here.

  • (Dory humming)

  • (Mama humming)

  • - You have no respect for tradition, do you?

  • - Okay, I am making a pie at four o'clock in the morning.

  • I don't think that's part of the tradition.

  • So, please, just sit down.

  • - You know, you can't make a good pie

  • unless your heart's not in it. (Dory exhales)

  • That's a fact.

  • - Thank you.

  • Sit.

  • (knife tapping)

  • (Mama exhales)

  • - When was the last time you heard from Maggie?

  • - Maggie? My Maggie?

  • - Your daughter. You remember her?

  • - Gosh. I don't know.

  • Why?

  • - Oh, no reason.

  • I was just thinking about her last week.

  • - God, let me think.

  • Maggie and I, we haven't spoken in,

  • well, I guess it's got to be two years now.

  • - Oh, don't you miss her? - Of course I miss her.

  • - Well, why haven't you called her, then?

  • - Then why hasn't she called me?

  • When she was little, we used to talk all the time.

  • We'd talk about which boys she had a crush on

  • or what her interests were.

  • But ever since the accident,

  • the gaps between our talks

  • just keep getting bigger and bigger and...

  • God, after Louis and Michael were gone,

  • when it was just the two of us in the house,

  • she could go days at a time without talking to me.

  • The bottom line is, Mama, she doesn't like me anymore.

  • - Now, that is ridiculous. - No, that's true.

  • I know it's true.

  • Oh, God, it's funny, isn't it?

  • I haven't spoken to her in over two years.

  • And I think about her every day.

  • - Well, it can't last forever.

  • Silence was made to be broken.

  • Pull your sleeve down.

  • - What? - Pull your sleeve down.

  • I can see them. You know how I hate seeing those.

  • - I'm sorry.

  • (Dory exhales)

  • So sorry.

  • Okay.

  • All right. This is the last of them.

  • (dog barking)

  • - All right, then. - There we go.

  • - Just stir those all in.

  • - Okay. - Get them going there.

  • Another one.

  • - Okay.

  • - Now, get them covered up.

  • - Okay, I think they're stirred in and well-covered.

  • - I think that looks pretty good.

  • - All right, good.

  • Well, you like that, huh?

  • - I think you did a fine job.

  • - Thank you very much.

  • - And now- (Dory snorts)

  • - No. - Set that aside.

  • (both laughing)

  • - You've got to be kidding me.

  • Are we ever gonna put this thing together?

  • - Yes. But set that aside.

  • First, we have to deal with that crust,

  • which is now nicely thawed.

  • - Okay. (chuckles)

  • - Now, we're gonna take this crust

  • and we're gonna squoosh it all the way out

  • to the sides of the dish.

  • - Okay.

  • - And make it real thin.

  • - Okay. Okay.

  • Like that?

  • - Even thinner.

  • - Mm. Okay.

  • Really? - That's right, I'm not lying.

  • - Okay. - And this ridge part

  • up at the top, just press that out flat.

  • - [Dory] Uh-huh.

  • - And then, if you get any holes in it,

  • you just mush them together.

  • - Oh, this is gonna make for a very thin piecrust.

  • - Well, you need a thin piecrust.

  • - Okay. - There you go.

  • If you get any holes in the bottom, you just mush them

  • back together. - Okay.

  • - Once it starts cooking,

  • it's gonna melt itself together anyway.

  • Now, there you go.

  • I got to tell you- (Dory laughs)

  • There is your piecrust. - Oh, my.

  • - Woo-hoo! - Well, I have to say,

  • that was a lot easier than making one from scratch.

  • - Damn anything's easier than making one from scratch.

  • Hell, I'd give birth again before I do that.

  • (Mama laughs) - Okay, let me guess,

  • you want me to set this aside now, don't you?

  • - No, Miss Smarty Pants.

  • I want you to take this piecrust and set it in the freezer.

  • - In the freezer? - That's right.

  • - We just took it out of the freezer.

  • Why are we putting it back in?

  • - 'Cause it bakes up better if it's chilled.

  • - Why?

  • - I don't know, it just does.

  • I don't know the scientific reason.

  • But the crust comes out flakier

  • if the shortening is chilled.

  • - You're pulling my leg.

  • - Why the hell would I pull your leg

  • over something as stupid as chilling a piecrust?

  • - God only knows.

  • - This is the way my mama did it before,

  • it's the way I do it now. - All right, then.

  • Back into the freezer it goes.

  • - And now, we need to deal with this oven.

  • It needs to be preheated

  • to 425 degrees. - Okay.

  • 425 degrees.

  • (dial clicks) - All right, now.

  • You are ready now for the biggest secret of all.

  • Are you ready? This is just gonna blow your mind.

  • - [Dory] It is, huh?

  • - Grab that big skillet out of the drawer.

  • - Okay. This one here?

  • - That's the one.

  • - [Dory] Okay.

  • - Can you guess what we're gonna do with that?

  • - Can it get us arrested?

  • - We're gonna preheat the apples on top of the stove.

  • (Mama laughs) - That's it?

  • That's your big secret?

  • - It's a pretty big secret. Don't you tell anyone.

  • - Who would I tell? So what, we're not gonna bake this pie?

  • - Of course we're gonna bake it, it's a "baked apple pie."

  • But if you just take those raw apples,

  • and stick them in the crust, and put it in the oven,

  • those are gonna come out crunchy.

  • And we want them to be soft but firm.

  • - Well, why don't you just bake it longer?

  • - Because then the crust would burn.

  • So, my little secret is to pre-cook the apples

  • on top of the stove. - Oh.

  • If Hitler had known this, he might have won that war.

  • - If you pre-cook the apples, they come out al dente.

  • - Al dente?

  • - It's an Italian word.

  • - Yes, I'm familiar with the word,

  • I've just never heard it applied to apples before.

  • - Oh, al dente can refer to lots of things.

  • Matter of fact, Howard and I once had

  • a bed that was al dente.

  • - Soft but firm.

  • - That's right. (Dory chuckles)

  • In fact, oftentimes,

  • when we were in the bed, we were al dente.

  • I was soft and he was firm.

  • - Let's just keep cooking, all right?

  • - What's the matter?

  • Have you lost your sense of humor all of a sudden?

  • - Just trying not to throw up.

  • - You're no fun at all anymore.

  • Now, get us some butter.

  • We need two tablespoons of butter right here in this pan.

  • - All right.

  • Okay.

  • That looks like two tablespoons to me.

  • - All right. There you go.

  • There is hope for you yet.

  • (both laughing)

  • Now, we just need to wait for that butter to melt

  • and cover the bottom of the pan.

  • - Oh, boy.

  • You know who would have loved this pie?

  • - Who's that? - Michael.

  • Oh, Michael loved your cooking.

  • - Yes, he did. (Dory exhales)

  • - Oh, I miss him.

  • - I know you do. So do I.

  • - Mm. I still dream about him, you know.

  • (Dory chuckles)

  • And when I do, he's always eight years old.

  • I don't know why, he always is.

  • Just is.

  • My Little Fellow, oh, that's what called him,

  • my Little Fellow.

  • Never even saw 15.

  • - He was a good boy. You really raised a good boy, Dory.

  • - You think so?

  • - Might have been gay, but he was a good boy.

  • All right.

  • Your butter is melting, your oven is preheating,

  • it is time to make Mama's Apple Pie!

  • Now, grab that piecrust out of the freezer

  • and put it here in your 425-degree oven

  • for exactly five minutes.

  • - You want me to put this in the oven?

  • - For exactly five minutes.

  • - There's not a damn thing in this piecrust, woman.

  • You know that, don't you?

  • - Oh, ye of little culinary skill.

  • If you don't pre-cook that piecrust a little,

  • it's gonna come out mushy instead of crisp.

  • And we want it to be crisp.

  • So, my little secret is to give it a little headstart

  • in the oven for the same five minutes

  • that we're pre-cooking the apples on top of the stove

  • for the same five minutes. - Mm-hmm.

  • Yeah, well, if you would've pre-cooked

  • all this last night, we'd be done by now.

  • - You have a very short fuse, you know that?

  • Now, quick as a bunny, grab those apples

  • and pour them right here on top of this butter.

  • - Right there on top of the butter?

  • - [Mama] That's right.

  • - All right.

  • - And get all that flour and sugar mixture in there with it.

  • (apples sizzling)

  • There you go.

  • Now, on a medium-low flame,

  • we're gonna slowly saute those apples for five minutes.

  • - Oh, the same five minutes

  • that the crust is in the oven. - That's right.

  • - Yeah, you just said that a minute ago.

  • You're starting to repeat yourself.

  • - I only said it once, you repeated it.

  • I'm just agreeing with you.

  • (Dory chuckles) Now, stir all that around,

  • don't let it get stuck to the bottom.

  • That sugar'll just turn to asphalt

  • if you don't keep it moving.

  • - Okay. - Now, smell that.

  • Take a whiff.

  • - [Dory] Mm.

  • - The brown sugar and the flour and the butter

  • and the cinnamon and the juice

  • from those apples are mixing together

  • to create an aromatic glaze that is simply to die for.

  • You smell that?

  • - I smell that.

  • - Is that not to die for?

  • - That is to die for.

  • - Making this pie reminds me of my mama.

  • She taught me this recipe,

  • and now I'm passing it along to you.

  • And someday, you'll pass it along to Maggie.

  • - Maggie doesn't cook, Mama.

  • Maggie's a poster child for the fast food industry.

  • - Oh, you don't know.

  • Someday, she may get her act together

  • and get married and have kids of her own, you don't know.

  • - Yeah, someday, she may do a hell of a lot of things

  • but come visit me or give me a call,

  • that's not gonna be among them,

  • I can tell you that right now. - You don't know.

  • Everybody matures at their own pace.

  • Keep stirring. Stirring.

  • - Okay. It's got nothing to do with maturity, Mama.

  • She resents me, that's the problem.

  • - Well, everybody gets over their resentments in time.

  • I think age does that to you. Maggie's no different.

  • She just needs a little more time, that's all.

  • - Mama, Maggie is 35 years old.

  • How much more time does she get?

  • Now, what it is, is that she blames me

  • for the accident. - I know.

  • - Which is just ridiculous because it wasn't my fault.

  • But damn if I can convince her of that.

  • - Well, she can't blame you forever.

  • - Well, I think that's her intention.

  • Last I heard, she was dating a man twice her age,

  • and I know it's just to piss me off.

  • All right, maybe it's just some sort

  • of father-figure substitute type thing, I don't know.

  • Here, how does that look?

  • - Now, that looks fine. Turn off your flame now.

  • Let those just sit there while your crust finishes.

  • We can clean up a little bit.

  • - Boy...

  • (faucet running)

  • Louis was a better father than I was a mother.

  • - Oh, what a thing to say.

  • - Maggie used to tell me that.

  • - Well, if she'd said that to me, I'd'a slapped in the face.

  • - Yeah, well, I would have too

  • if I didn't think she was right.

  • See, Maggie had a bond with her daddy

  • that I just never could match.

  • But I tried.

  • I tried to fill that void, hmm?

  • After Louis was gone, I tried being her sister.

  • Tried being her friend. What I couldn't be was her daddy.

  • And, God, that's what she needed.

  • That's what she wanted.

  • - You did your best you could.

  • That's all anybody can ask of you.

  • And I think she's gonna come around in time. I really do.

  • Everybody ripens when the sun comes up. She'll ripen too.

  • - Who are you all of a sudden, the Dalai Lama?

  • The sun comes up and everybody ripens?

  • What the hell does that mean?

  • - Means I'm a genius.

  • (timer ringing) Oh!

  • There's the timer. All right, let's make a pie!

  • Grab some mitts and get that piecrust out of the oven

  • and set it right there.

  • - Okay.

  • Here we go.

  • - There you go.

  • And now, quick as a bunny,

  • grab those apples and pour them in here on top.

  • - [Dory] Right there on top?

  • - Right here on top.

  • - [Dory] Okay.

  • - There you go.

  • Get all that flower and sugar mixture in there with it.

  • There you go.

  • Now, you want to get that in there and spread it out,

  • you don't want any mountains in the middle.

  • 'Cause your crumb topping needs a flat surface,

  • so you need it nice and flat.

  • Are you hearing me? Flat.

  • - Yeah, that is flat.

  • - Does that look flat to you? - Yeah, that's flat.

  • - That's not flat. - Sure, it's flat.

  • - What's that? - All right, (groans)

  • it's not entirely flat.

  • There. Ooh!

  • - When I say the word flat, what does it mean to you?

  • I say flat, do you think pancake or do you think porcupine?

  • - I know what flat is, Mother. - I don't think you do.

  • Otherwise, that'd be flat. Give me that to me.

  • Now, this is flat.

  • Get your crumb topping

  • and bring it over here. (Dory gasps)

  • - My God, the Holy Grail,

  • the time has finally come for my crumb topping.

  • - Oh, why don't you stop talking about it

  • and get over here for heaven's sakes?

  • Now, get this all around.

  • All around on the edges and every place.

  • I just love a crumb topping.

  • It's so light and airy on your tongue. Sorta just dances.

  • A double crust pie does not dance on your tongue,

  • it just lays there.

  • Now, get all these corners.

  • Don't leave any apples underexposed or they'll likely burn.

  • Get them all the way out there, the edge.

  • There you go. - That's good.

  • - I think this is ready for the oven.

  • - All right.

  • - So slide that puppy in the oven.

  • - Okay. - And set your timer

  • for 30 minutes, and we will be on our way.

  • - [Dory] Oh, so it takes about 30 minutes, huh?

  • - Not about 30 minutes, 30 minutes exactly.

  • - [Dory] All right, then. 30 minutes.

  • - And in one half hour,

  • you will have the most delectable pie

  • that your tongue has ever experienced.

  • (Dory exhales)

  • All right, now the pie's in the oven,

  • we need to clean up a bit.

  • Oh, got a bunch of peels there on the floor.

  • - Well, yeah, well...

  • Mama? - Mm-hmm?

  • - How is it that you get up

  • at four o'clock in the morning to bake a pie,

  • and yet I am doing all the work?

  • - [Mama] I guess I'm just smarter than you.

  • - [Dory] Hey, what is this?

  • - Oh, it lives down there now.

  • I just needed some more room on the shelf.

  • - Mm-hmm.

  • (Dory chuckles)

  • Mama? - Mm-hmm?

  • - Did you ever love Daddy?

  • - What an odd question to ask out of the blue.

  • - [Dory] Well, no, the way you were talking

  • about him before, falling into the hay baler and all,

  • you didn't sound like a woman who loved him very much.

  • - Oh, I suppose I did. It's hard to love a drunk.

  • Harder still to love a coward.

  • And your father was most of those things.

  • - [Dory] Why did you ever go out with him

  • in the first place?

  • - 'Cause he had a big dick.

  • - Oh, my good God.

  • Where is your tact nowadays?

  • - I don't need tact.

  • I'm 85 years old. I can say anything I damn well please.

  • Besides, didn't you ever go out with a man

  • just 'cause he had a big dick?

  • - [Dory] What?

  • - I said, didn't you ever go out with guy-

  • - No, no, Mama. I heard what you said.

  • I just can't believe you said it.

  • - Well, didn't you?

  • - [Dory] Well, yeah.

  • - Yeah? - Yeah.

  • - Damn right, yeah.

  • - But how did you know?

  • - What? That he had a big dick?

  • - Oh, would you stop saying that?

  • - Well, you asked.

  • - But I'm trying to be discreet.

  • - You can't be discreet about something like that.

  • You just have to blurt it out.

  • I knew because he wore those tight,

  • stretchy jeans back then.

  • He knew what he had. He was advertising.

  • First time he came towards me,

  • I thought I was being charged by a rhino.

  • (Dory laughs)

  • - [Dory] But it wasn't enough, huh?

  • - Oh, it was plenty.

  • - No. I mean, it wasn't enough to save the marriage.

  • - Dory, I need to tell you something.

  • - Okay. What is it?

  • - You're 65 years old now,

  • you're probably old enough to deal with this.

  • (Dory gasps)

  • - My good God, you're a democrat, aren't you?

  • - What?

  • (Dory chuckles) No, I'm not a democrat.

  • For God's sakes. - Okay.

  • What is it, then?

  • - Your father and I were never married.

  • - [Dory] What?

  • - You heard me.

  • - You were never married?

  • - [Mama] No.

  • - I'm finding this out now?

  • - [Mama] Yep.

  • - You waited all these years and you never told me?

  • - [Mama] That's right.

  • - Well, when were you planning on telling me?

  • - [Mama] Eventually.

  • - Eventually? Mama, you are 85 years old.

  • How much more eventually were you planning on using up?

  • - Well, I was cleaning out my closet over the weekend

  • and I saw some photographs of him, and I thought,

  • well, now might be the right time to tell you.

  • - How many skeletons have you got in that closet of yours?

  • - Oh, I've got quite a few. How many have you got?

  • - I don't have any.

  • - You will by the time I'm finished talking.

  • - God, I can't believe you never told me.

  • - I did, I just told you right now.

  • I swear, you're never satisfied.

  • - I just assumed the two of you got divorced

  • when I was a baby.

  • - I know. And I just let you think that all these years.

  • But you said you wanted the truth and so there it is.

  • You're not gonna cry, are you?

  • - No.

  • I mean, I suppose it doesn't much matter.

  • It doesn't change the way I feel about you.

  • It's just a little odd finding

  • these secrets out this late in life.

  • - Well, I'm sorry.

  • That's just the way life is, just full of little secrets.

  • - So, then, technically, I'm a bastard.

  • - Yep. That's right.

  • You're a bastard.

  • - What's the female word for bastard?

  • - Bastard.

  • - Really? It's not bastress, or something like that?

  • - No, I think you're just a bastard.

  • - Thank you. I think you're one too.

  • - Hey, while you're up,

  • why don't you get me some more coffee?

  • - I'm not up.

  • - Well, then get up and get me some more coffee.

  • (Dory exhales)

  • - [Dory] Now, wait a minute.

  • If you and Daddy were never married,

  • how did you end up with his last name?

  • - Oh, I just took it.

  • - [Dory] You took it?

  • - Yeah, I took it.

  • When it became clear to me

  • that he wasn't gonna give it to me himself,

  • I just went over to the courthouse

  • and had my name legally changed to his.

  • I didn't want him trying to pretend that you weren't his.

  • And I didn't want you going through life

  • with a stigma around your neck.

  • Nowadays, women are just popping out babies right and left,

  • not caring who the father is, sometimes not even knowing.

  • But back then, a woman out of wedlock giving birth

  • to a bastard was frowned upon.

  • - So you became Margaret Jackson

  • all those years just for me?

  • - Well, it wasn't that hard. (laughs)

  • When your maiden name is Strogonavich,

  • Jackson just seems like a happy accident.

  • And then I married Howard and became Margaret Garlifini.

  • So I was Polish and British and Italian

  • and never left the country. (kettle whistling)

  • - So, you never lived together?

  • - No.

  • He'd show up in town from time to time

  • and tell me all the things I needed to hear.

  • And that usually resulted in a night of passion.

  • And then by the morning, he'd be gone.

  • Finally, when you were about three,

  • I just told him to take a hike.

  • - Why did you do that?

  • - Because he wanted to have another baby.

  • - With you?

  • - Of course, with me. What the hell's that supposed to mean?

  • - I'm just asking.

  • - I said there's just no way

  • I'm gonna raise two kids by myself.

  • If you want to have another baby,

  • it's gonna cost you a diamond ring.

  • - So, what happened?

  • - Well, you know what happened. We never married.

  • Suppose that big cock of his

  • just kept him too busy to ever think about settling down.

  • And then when I wouldn't open up

  • those golden gates anymore- - Okay, Mother, please.

  • Please.

  • - Well, he just stopped coming around.

  • - Well, that's not totally true.

  • I remember him stopping by from time to time

  • when I was growing up.

  • - [Mama] Well, that's right, but he didn't come to see me.

  • He was coming to see you.

  • He really liked being your daddy,

  • he just didn't know how to do it very well.

  • Do you remember him at all?

  • - Sort of. I remember he was really tall.

  • - [Mama] That's because you were really short.

  • How old were you the last time you saw him?

  • - Oh, the last time I saw him, I was 11 years old.

  • - [Mama] That sounds about right.

  • - Yeah, I know I was 11

  • because that was the year that I had sixth grade spelling,

  • and that week, one of the words I had to learn was autopsy,

  • and I didn't know what it meant.

  • So, he was around, so I asked him, I said,

  • "What's an autopsy?"

  • And he said, "Your last physical."

  • (both laughing)

  • - Daddy.

  • - So, I told this to all my friends.

  • I did, I said, "You know how you go to the doctor

  • every year for your physical?

  • Well, your last one's an autopsy."

  • I had half the class using this word wrong

  • before the teacher set us straight.

  • (Mama laughs)

  • - [Mama] He must have had his last physical soon after that.

  • - Yeah, that summer.

  • - Sounds about right. I married Howard soon after he died.

  • Oh, now, they're all gone. - Yeah.

  • - Daddy and Louis and Michael.

  • I swear, men are just unreliable.

  • Every time the dishes need washing, they just up and die.

  • (Dory chuckles)

  • Those dry goods aren't gonna put themselves away, you know.

  • - They're not, huh?

  • Is that your subtle way of telling me to do it?

  • - I wasn't trying to be subtle. Pull your sleeve down.

  • - Well, I guess I should call Cousin Mavis

  • at the hospital this morning and see how Aunt Lucy's doing.

  • - 92 years old, is that what you said?

  • - Yeah. - Good for her.

  • Your father and I visited Aunt Lucy once.

  • - In Temecula?

  • - No, they were living in El Paso at the time.

  • We drove all through the night

  • with you curled up in the back seat.

  • You probably don't remember. You were just one-year-old.

  • - No, but pretty sure we didn't get there

  • in a Volkswagen Vanagon.

  • (Mama laughs)

  • - No, we did not.

  • - Hmm.

  • So, if I was only a year old,

  • then Mavis wasn't even born yet, was she?

  • - Not quite.

  • - [Dory] And you didn't keep in touch

  • with Aunt Lucy over all the years?

  • - No, we sorta had a falling-out early on.

  • - [Dory] Over what?

  • - Oh, I don't remember right now.

  • First met Howard on that trip.

  • - Howard? Yeah, Howard's from El Paso, wasn't he?

  • - Well, look who's still got a memory.

  • Yes, he was. I'm surprised you still remember that.

  • - Hmm.

  • So he knew Aunt Lucy too.

  • - How'd you know that? Did your aunt tell you that?

  • - [Dory] What? No, no.

  • No, I was just asking. Why, were they friends?

  • - You could say that.

  • - [Dory] Huh.

  • I never knew that.

  • - Yeah, they were good friends.

  • - So, all those years you were married to Howard,

  • I don't ever remember him mentioning Aunt Lucy.

  • - Well, they sorta had a falling-out too.

  • - Huh.

  • So, they must have moved to Temecula

  • soon after that visit of yours.

  • - I don't know. I suppose so.

  • Why?

  • - Well, because Mavis was born in Temecula,

  • she's lived her whole life there.

  • So if I'm only a year-and-a-half older than her-

  • - You're nosy today.

  • - What?

  • - You're like a bloodhound on a scent.

  • Where are you going with this?

  • - Nowhere.

  • - Look, you don't get to pass judgment

  • on all the decisions I made in my life.

  • Some of my secrets are just going to my grave with me,

  • and that is the way that is gonna be.

  • - Look, it was just idle chat.

  • - Well, let's just idle chat about something else, then,

  • for God's sake. - All right, all right.

  • - Good God almighty. - Okay, I said all right!

  • (both exhaling)

  • - Have you ever ridden a skateboard?

  • - Seriously? That's what we're gonna talk about now?

  • - [Mama] I'd like to ride a skateboard.

  • - Right now?

  • - [Mama] You got one?

  • - No.

  • - Well, maybe later, then.

  • (Dory exhales)

  • - Yeah, you on a skateboard,

  • that will be quite a sight, you know.

  • Why would you want to ride a skateboard?

  • They're dangerous, you know. You can break a hip.

  • - At my age, I could break a hip

  • just getting out of bed in the morning.

  • That's not my point.

  • - Okay, so what is your point?

  • - My point is it looks like fun.

  • - Fun? Oh, yeah.

  • Well, so does skinny-dipping,

  • but I'm not gonna do that at my age either.

  • - You're a sour-suck.

  • - A sour-suck?

  • - Living with you is like sucking on a lemon.

  • - Yeah, well, you're no jelly donut, you know.

  • Fun is overrated at our age.

  • - You see, that is the difference between us.

  • - What is?

  • - I still want to have fun, you've given up on it.

  • - Oh, I haven't given up on anything.

  • - You've given up on everything.

  • - No, I haven't given up on anything. That's just not true.

  • I just happen to know what my limitations are

  • at this point in my life.

  • And you don't.

  • You still want to run and jump and play like a prairie dog.

  • - Well, what's wrong with that?

  • I'm just a young person trapped inside an old body,

  • while you're an old person trapped inside

  • a young body. - What does that mean?

  • - You go around here all day acting like your life is over.

  • 65 is not old.

  • I'd kill to be 65 again.

  • - I'm not even middle aged anymore, Mama.

  • 65 is well past middle age.

  • - That doesn't mean you're dead.

  • You need to go out and find yourself a man.

  • - Oh, see, yeah!

  • Here we go. Here we go.

  • - [Mama] It'd knock a few years off you.

  • - Mama, the last thing I need is a man.

  • - No, I'd say the first thing you need is a man.

  • - No, Mama, I am not in any position to have sex nowadays.

  • - Oh, I don't know, that looks like a pretty good one.

  • - Good Lord. - When was the last time?

  • - What? - The last time you had sex,

  • when was it? - No, mm-mm.

  • I'm not gonna stand here and discuss my sex life with you.

  • - It'd be a short conversation.

  • The last time I had sex-

  • - No! I don't need to know this.

  • - You don't find it interesting?

  • - No.

  • - Really? - No, no.

  • Not in the least. So, please, Mama, just shut up.

  • - What about that Ed fella?

  • - What? What are you talking about?

  • - Ed, Ed that fella you

  • hung out with a couple years- - No.

  • Mama, that was over a year ago.

  • - Well? Maybe he's interested in you.

  • - He hasn't called in a year.

  • Does that sound interested to you?

  • - Well, maybe he hasn't called

  • 'cause he lost your phone number.

  • - Or maybe he hasn't called because he died.

  • Either way, it doesn't sound promising, does it?

  • - Maybe you should call him, then.

  • - Why?

  • - Maybe you'd like to find someone to grow old with.

  • I'm not gonna be around here to entertain you forever.

  • - Oh, yeah, because it is your soft shoe

  • that gets me up in the morning.

  • - You know what I mean.

  • You don't want to die alone.

  • - I'm not gonna die alone, Mama.

  • I've got you.

  • And you are clearly gonna outlive everybody

  • because the ornery ones always do.

  • So, maybe you ought to call Ed.

  • - Well, maybe I will.

  • - Mm, fine.

  • - Fine! - Fine, then!

  • Fine.

  • (Mama exhaling)

  • What do you want me to do with these apples?

  • - [Mama] Oh, I don't care.

  • - [Dory] You want to save them?

  • - You're not gonna throw them away, are you?

  • - [Dory] Are you planning on making

  • something else with them?

  • - No, I think I'm done.

  • - [Dory] All right, well, they'll be in the fridge

  • if you change your mind.

  • - What were we talking about?

  • - [Dory] I don't remember.

  • - Oh, good lord. Here we go again.

  • Men, that was it. - Oh, yeah, right, men.

  • - That was it. That was it.

  • I was gonna say you need to find yourself

  • a fella like Howard.

  • - [Dory] Oh, Mama, they don't make fellas

  • like Howard anymore.

  • - Oh. He was my little Rock of Gibraltar.

  • Loyal as a puppy and just as happy.

  • - He was a good man, Mama. - Yes, he was.

  • He was a shy, though, and quiet,

  • I don't think he said a hundred words

  • the whole time we were married.

  • - But he had a good heart.

  • - Yes, he did.

  • Shame it had to stop ticking. Right there in the Circle K.

  • I went to the next aisle to get some Diet Rite,

  • I came back, he was dead on the floor.

  • - Just horrible.

  • - I'll always remember his last words.

  • - What were they? - "I love you."

  • - Oh, that's so sweet.

  • - He was reading a greeting card.

  • And then just fell on the floor.

  • - Unbelievable.

  • - I was your age, 65.

  • - Do you miss him?

  • - Oh. I think I miss him more now than when he first died.

  • But you remember, I had his ashes spread

  • up there on the mountain.

  • So, every spring when those cactus flowers come into bloom,

  • I just feel like he's paying me a visit.

  • - That is sweet.

  • - You know, they charged me for that greeting card.

  • - What? - Yeah.

  • Said they couldn't resell it.

  • - That's terrible.

  • - Well, he did wrinkle it.

  • And he adored you.

  • He treated you better than his own daughter.

  • - He had a daughter?

  • - Well, if he had a daughter.

  • He treated you like his own.

  • - Mm, yeah.

  • He was so tickled when I asked him

  • to walk me up the aisle. (chuckles)

  • His face turned bright red.

  • (Mama laughs)

  • - Yeah, shy men are like that.

  • Oh. (laughs)

  • I remember the first time I had him over to the house.

  • I offered him some of my homemade fudge, and I said,

  • "Do you want the male fudge or the female fudge?"

  • And he said, "What's the difference?"

  • And I said, "Well, the male fudge has nuts."

  • (both laughing)

  • Bright red!

  • (both laughing)

  • In fact, the first time we slept together,

  • his faced turned the color- - Oh, whoa, whoa,

  • whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

  • No. That's far enough, old woman.

  • We do not need to go any further with that story.

  • - It's really good one. - Oh, no.

  • No, thank you. - Well, you're just

  • missing out. - No, thank you.

  • Mama. Mama?

  • How many apple pies do you think

  • that you've made over the years?

  • - I don't know. At least a hundred.

  • Probably more.

  • - And how long does it take to make an apple pie?

  • - How long? - Yeah.

  • From start to finish, how long would you say it takes?

  • - Oh, I don't know, hour and 20 minutes.

  • - So, 80 minutes.

  • - That sounds about right.

  • - All right, so that's 100 pies at 80 minutes a pie,

  • that's 8,000 minutes.

  • 8,000 minutes you've spent making apple pies. Hmm.

  • - That's about right.

  • (Dory laughs)

  • - 8,000 minutes. That's about nearly a week.

  • Nearly a week of your life

  • you've spent doing nothing but making apple pies.

  • - Well, that sounds like a pretty good use of my time

  • on this earth, don't you think?

  • Oh, my God. - Yes, I do.

  • I certainly do. (Mama laughs)

  • - Oh. - Muah.

  • (hand tapping)

  • ♪ Show me the way to go home ♪ - Oh, my goodness.

  • ♪ I'm tired and I want to go to bed ♪

  • ♪ I had a little drink about an hour ago ♪

  • ♪ And it went right ♪

  • ♪ To my head ♪ ♪ Silver bell ♪

  • ♪ Wherever I may roam ♪

  • - [Dory] Whoa.

  • ♪ On land, or sea, or foam ♪

  • ♪ You can always hear me singing this song ♪

  • ♪ Show me the way to go home ♪

  • ♪ Woo-hoo ♪ ♪ Boom boom ♪

  • - We've still got it!

  • (both laughing)

  • Remember how we used to sing that song

  • when you came home from school?

  • - Yeah. Yeah.

  • Yes, I do. It's one of my favorite memories.

  • You'd come from the kitchen, I'd come from the hall,

  • we'd come together and we would dance like we had no cares.

  • - Oh, we didn't back then.

  • - Boy. What made you think of that?

  • - Oh. (laughs) You got me thinking of your daddy.

  • That was his favorite song.

  • - That was? - Yeah.

  • - [Dory] Huh.

  • - He and your aunt used to sing that

  • right after they'd tied one on.

  • - Daddy and your sister?

  • - Yeah, they were drinking buddies,

  • among other things. - Oh, my God.

  • - I always thought that a sad little song,

  • but your daddy had a way of singing it,

  • made it seem real happy.

  • - Yeah, you know, I taught that routine

  • to Maggie when she was little.

  • And there was a year or so there when she was seven or eight

  • when she refused to go to bed until we'd danced together.

  • - Dancing makes everything seem a little bit better,

  • doesn't it? - Yeah, sure does.

  • - I need to get to my chair,

  • I think. - Okay, here.

  • Here we go. - Here we go.

  • - Yeah.

  • (Mama exhales) Mm-hmm.

  • Okay?

  • - Life is good.

  • - Yeah, life is good.

  • (no audio)

  • - I called Ed.

  • - You did what? - I called Ed.

  • That Ed fella.

  • - [Dory] Yes, I know who he is.

  • - Well, I called him.

  • - Just now?

  • - No. A few days ago.

  • - Why on earth would you do that?

  • - Well, 'cause he needed to be called.

  • And for the record, he's not dead.

  • - Oh, well, thank you.

  • - In fact, he's free Friday night.

  • - What? - I said he's free

  • Friday night. - What did you do?

  • - I didn't do anything.

  • (Dory exhales)

  • But he's be picking you up after eight.

  • - What? - He's picking you...

  • What, are you going deaf? Eight, eight!

  • - Oh, God.

  • What, you made a date for me?

  • - Well, you weren't making one for yourself.

  • - Mother, I'm 65 years old.

  • I do not need you making dates for me.

  • I'm perfectly capable of making my own dates.

  • - Well, why don't you, then? - Because I choose not to.

  • - Well, that's just dumb. You're running out of time.

  • - Well, that's a horrible thing to say.

  • - Well, it's true. - Yeah, well,

  • I know it's true.

  • But you just don't say that to somebody.

  • I'm very upset with you, Mama.

  • I mean, just how could you do such a thing?

  • - It was easy, I picked up the phone-

  • - Okay. Okay.

  • Can't believe you sometimes. Really.

  • - [Mama] What?

  • - Eight. - Yes.

  • - This Friday.

  • - Yes. - Mm-hmm, well,

  • that's just ridiculous.

  • You should have made it seven.

  • You know I can't stay up past 10.

  • - What?

  • - Seven, seven! What, are you going deaf?

  • - Well, why don't you just call him and change it yourself?

  • I mean, I put his number right up there on the fridge.

  • - Really, I cannot believe you sometimes.

  • What has gotten into you?

  • - Life has gotten into me.

  • (Dory exhales)

  • - Oh, my goodness gracious.

  • This changes everything.

  • - [Mama] Good.

  • (paper rustles)

  • (oven door opens) (Dory gasps)

  • - [Dory] Mama, I think it's done.

  • - [Mama] Has the timer gone off?

  • - No. - Then it's not done.

  • - [Dory] Well, but it's getting brown on top.

  • - [Mama] Yeah.

  • - [Dory] Well, do you want to come and look at it?

  • - [Mama] No, I don't want to look at it.

  • - [Dory] Well, maybe you should just peek.

  • - No, I don't want to look at it

  • until it's done and it's not done.

  • - [Dory] Well, how do you know

  • without looking at it? - Because the timer

  • hasn't gone off.

  • Now, close that door or it's never gonna finish cooking.

  • (Dory exhales)

  • (oven door closes)

  • - I can't believe you made a date for me.

  • It's like high school all over again.

  • Can you imagine what Maggie would say

  • if she knew I had a date?

  • - I think she'd be happy for you.

  • - No, I doubt that.

  • No, in her mind, I'm supposed to live in perpetual mourning

  • as punishment for my crime.

  • - You didn't commit a crime.

  • Now, you've got to stop

  • thinking like that. - Mama, I know I didn't.

  • But just try telling her that.

  • I don't know how she could blame me

  • for an accident I had nothing to do with.

  • But she does.

  • - I don't think she blames you for the accident.

  • I think she blames you for sending them out

  • that morning in the first place.

  • I know that's not right, but I think that's what she does.

  • I think she's decided that if you hadn't sent them

  • out that day to start with, they'd still be here.

  • - And probably they would.

  • But how was I supposed to know

  • that trip was gonna kill them?

  • I sent Louis and Michael to the market, that's all I did.

  • - I know. - And Louis had driven

  • to that store a million times

  • without even getting a scratch on him.

  • But this one time there's a collision

  • and, suddenly, it's all my fault, why?

  • Because I asked them to pick up some ice cream for dessert?

  • Hell, people go out all the time for dessert

  • and they live to tell about it.

  • - Well, I think, in time,

  • that she's gonna come around.

  • I really do.

  • I think all people, over time,

  • come to realize the randomness of life,

  • that says this person's gonna live

  • and that person's gonna fall into a hay baler.

  • Arbitrary nature of things.

  • Maggie's a good girl.

  • She's grown up since the last time you talked to her.

  • I think she's gonna come around. Now, you just wait and see.

  • - You've been talking with her, haven't you?

  • - What?

  • - You've been talking to her.

  • What did you do, did you call her up?

  • Did you send her a letter?

  • - I did no such thing.

  • - Well, you have been talking to her.

  • I can tell by the way you're talking now.

  • - Oh, I texted her, if you must know, Miss Nosy.

  • - You text? - Nearly broke my thumbs off.

  • - And?

  • - And she called me right back.

  • We had a nice phone conversation.

  • - So, why didn't you tell me about this?

  • - 'Cause it's none of your damn business.

  • Besides, she asked me not to.

  • - Well, I tell you things all the time

  • that people tell me not to say.

  • - That's why you have so few friends.

  • - Okay, so what did she say?

  • - Well, I'm not gonna go into the whole thing with you.

  • But I will say this, she's starting to come around.

  • She misses you, Dory.

  • She didn't talk angry about you at all this time.

  • And we didn't even talk about Louis and Michael.

  • We mostly we talked about the weather.

  • - Oh, my God, she's coming for a visit, isn't she?

  • - Why would you say something like that?

  • - Because Maggie never goes anywhere

  • without the appropriate wardrobe.

  • Yeah, when we took vacations when she was little,

  • she'd check the weather reports days ahead of time.

  • She is coming for a visit, isn't she?

  • Mama, isn't she?

  • - Oh, well, damn you!

  • Now you just spoiled your own surprise.

  • - What surprise?

  • - Yes, she is coming here later today

  • to surprise you for your birthday.

  • Now you dragged it out of me. Are you satisfied?

  • - Shit!

  • - There you go. (chuckles)

  • Don't you feel better?

  • - What are we gonna talk about?

  • - Well, it's not like you're strangers.

  • - [Dory] Mm-mm.

  • - She's your daughter. Just like you're mine.

  • You talk to me all the time. Even when I don't want you to.

  • - But, Mama, we haven't seen each other in over two years.

  • - It'll just be like that piecrust from the freezer.

  • Once it was thawed, it was fine. Wasn't it?

  • - Mama, what am I gonna say to her?

  • What am I gonna say?

  • - Why don't you ask her about her pregnancy?

  • - She's pregnant?

  • - Yep.

  • - Shit!

  • - Ask her who the father is.

  • - Who's the father?

  • - She doesn't know.

  • - Shit!

  • (both laughing)

  • - I don't know about you, (laughs)

  • but I feel better hearing

  • you say shit. - Oh, my God,

  • what a day this is gonna be, Mama.

  • - You can say that again. - Oh, God.

  • You know what?

  • - What? - I do feel

  • a little bit better.

  • - All right.

  • It's a good word, isn't it? - Uh-huh.

  • - Happy birthday, Dory. - Oh, thank you, Mama.

  • (birds chirping) - I love you.

  • - Oh, and I love you too.

  • Mm.

  • Look at that.

  • Look, the sun, oh, it's coming up on the mountain.

  • Isn't that pretty?

  • Oh, it's a brand new day, Mama.

  • It is a brand new day.

  • (timer ringing) Oh, there's the timer.

  • It's ready. The pie's ready, Mama.

  • I'll get it.

  • (Dory chuckles)

  • (oven door opens)

  • Oh! Look at that, Mama.

  • Look at that. (sniffs)

  • Ah, do you smell that?

  • Oh, boy. That is one beautiful pie.

  • (Dory chuckles)

  • Here we go. Don't you think so, Mama?

  • Mama?

  • (clock ticking)

  • (clock continues ticking)

  • (clock continues ticking)

  • (gentle music)

  • (clock continues ticking)

  • (clock continues ticking)

  • (clock continues ticking)

  • (gentle music continues)

  • (gentle music continues)

  • (gentle music continues)

  • (gentle music continues)

  • (gentle music continues)

  • (gentle music continues)

  • (gentle music continues)

  • (gentle music continues)

  • (gentle music continues)

  • (gentle music continues)

  • (gentle music continues)

(crickets chirping)

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Pie in the Sky (2023) Full Movie | Family Drama | Mother & Daughter（Pie in the Sky (2023) Full Movie | Family Drama | Mother & Daughter）

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    林宜悉 に公開 2024 年 03 月 05 日
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