A year later, I started my duty as a church leader.

I was grateful to God for giving me this opportunity to practice,

so I happily threw myself into my duty,

followed up and learned about the work,

and solved the problems my brothers and sisters had in meetings.

After a while,

most newcomers attended meetings on a regular basis,

and they spread the gospel and performed their duties.

The other work also produced some results,

and I couldn't help but feel a little pride.

I thought,

"It didn't take long in my leadership duty to solve some practical problems,

and my brothers and sisters respect me.

I must be much better than the last leader."

Gradually, I started to become arrogant.

When I inspected others' work,

I noticed some team leaders didn't understand the situation in their teams

and procrastinated in their duties,

and I became very impatient and scolded them.

When I saw that some of them felt constrained by me,

I realized I was showing my anger, and I felt a little guilty,

but then I thought, "I am working for the church,

and I can't achieve results if I'm not strict."

After that, I didn't reflect on myself, and the matters passed.

Before a meeting, I met with several watering group members

to discuss the meeting content to be fellowshiped with the newcomers.

I asked them to share their views first,

but after a long time, no one said a word,

and only one sister offered a little fellowship.

At the time, I was very angry.

I thought they were so useless

that they couldn't even talk about the meeting's content,

and I wanted to lose my temper at them,

but I was afraid this would upset them

and it would affect the meeting that evening,

so I prayed to God to cool my temper.

I thought, "None of them have opinions,

so I'll arrange the content of the meeting in accordance with my way of thinking."

But at the meeting,

I saw that some sisters didn't fellowship as I instructed,

and others didn't actively fellowship at all.

I was furious and wanted to lose temper,

but I feared the newcomers at the meeting would feel constrained,

so I kept myself under control.

After the meeting,

we didn't achieve the expected results,

and I felt sad.

When the meeting finished, I said,

"How do you feel about the results of tonight's meeting?

Tell me what problems or deficiencies you noticed."

A sister said she couldn't calm herself enough to fellowship,

another sister said the meeting was too short,

and other brothers and sisters followed suit,

saying there wasn't enough time….

After I heard it, my anger surfaced again.

I thought,

"Not only are you not aware of your problems,

but you are also looking for excuses.

I really ought to teach you a lesson."

Because of that, I used a passage of God's word to deal with them

and tell them that they were very passive when discussing the meeting content,

and that they made excuses

and didn't reflect on themselves when the meeting didn't go well.

None of the brothers and sisters dared to say a word.

Afterward, I was aware that my words were too harsh.

It wasn't right to deal with brothers and sisters that way.

But then I thought that I did this to help them know themselves,

and so I didn't reflect on my own problems.

After that, I reported to my leader

that the waterers had low caliber and no sense of responsibility in their duties.

I wanted her to send me good waterers

and I even wanted to remove a sister.

But my leader fellowshiped with me, saying,

"They have believed in God for a short time and have small stature.

We can't ask too much,

and we need to fellowship and help them."

She also said there were many newcomers who had accepted God's new work recently,

so they couldn't spare any waterers for me.

Once I heard this, I reluctantly accepted it.

Later, I found out that Sister Zhang, my partner,

didn't talk to me very much about work.

She was unwilling to tell me about any problems at work at all,

and at co-worker meetings, several deacons didn't actively fellowship.

Just a few days later, my leader said to me,

"Sister Zhang reported that you tend to scold and deal with people at meetings.

This makes people feel constrained,

so you need to properly reflect on this matter…."

I thought,

"I was pointing out their problems.

They don't know themselves, and say they feel constrained now,

but I never asked them to feel constrained.

It's their own issue if they feel constrained."

Later, I felt guilty,

and upon casual reflection,

I realized I had shown corruption while cooperating with my brothers and sisters,

which made them feel constrained.

I went to Sister Zhang to open up and fellowship,

and I said,

"I am someone who speaks directly and often gets angry.

Sometimes, in the partnership of my duties

I don't treat your corruption and deficiencies properly,

and I speak very harshly,

which makes you feel constrained."

I was surprised when Sister Zhang said,

"I think you are arrogant, self-righteous, have a terrible temper,

and love to talk down to and scold others."

I was stunned when I heard that.

I thought,

"I admit I'm arrogant,

but I certainly didn't speak down to any of you!

I opened up and told you so much just now,

but you don't know yourself,

and now you're digging up my problems."

I couldn't swallow that,

so I also pointed out some of her problems in her duties,

but I was taken aback when Sister Zhang immediately accepted what I said.

Seeing Sister Zhang accept my criticisms so well,

I felt ashamed and also a little uneasy.

I thought to myself,

"Since Sister Zhang pointed out my problems,

I shouldn't argue back, I should just accept it."

Because Sister Zhang said I was arrogant,

self-righteous, and talked down to people,

I reflected,

but after thinking about it for three days,

I still couldn't see what my problem was.

I went to Sister Zhang and asked her to clarify for me.

She said, "Last time, at the meeting summary,

you didn't ask us what specific problems we were having,

you just suddenly dealt with us.

It's not appropriate to deal with people like this

and is likely to make them feel constrained."

I thought, "Just because of this one incident,

you say I'm arrogant and like to speak down to others?

Isn't that a little unfair?"

I hastily explained, "I had a reason for dealing with you.

At first, I wanted to go over the mistakes.

I only lost my temper when I saw none of you knew yourselves."

I thought Sister Zhang would understand,

but she immediately said,

"I think you are too arrogant.

You demand that everyone listen to you,

and you regard your own ideas as the truth."

When I heard her say this, I felt confused.

I thought I heard her wrong, so I asked again to confirm,

and she told me very clearly, "That's right!"

I began to feel very afraid and thought,

"How dare I regard my own ideas as the truth?

I've never thought that way."

But I knew God's good intentions were behind me being dealt with like this,

so I quickly prayed to God

and asked Him to enlighten me so I could know myself.

During a devotional, I read two passages of God's words.

God's word revealed my true state.

All humankind has been corrupted by Satan and is full of satanic dispositions.

I certainly don't live in a vacuum.

I've also been corrupted by Satan.

How could I not have an arrogant disposition?

My sister dealing with me for being arrogant and talking down to people

came from God.

But I actually thought she spoke too harshly when she dealt with me.

I was so insensitive that I didn't know myself at all.

God's word says that if leaders can't fellowship on the truth, supply others,

analyze, or know themselves,

but only scold, speak down to others while giving sermons,

and always think they are better than others,

then they are the most arrogant and rebellious people.

I realized this was how I behaved in my duty.

When the work I was responsible for was effective,

or when my brothers and sisters approved of me,

I started to appreciate myself and felt I was better than others.

When I saw them doing things slowly,

I disdained them for not bearing their burden,

and instead of fellowshiping on the truth to help them,

I scolded them, blamed them, thinking they were lacking,

and I wanted to remove my sister who I thought had poor caliber

without even looking at if she was effective in her duties.

When we discussed the meeting content, my brothers and sisters were silent,

but instead of asking about their difficulties,

I looked down upon them.

During the meeting, when they didn't fellowship according to my plan,

I wanted to lose my temper and deal with them.

When I pointed out their problems, but they didn't recognize them,

I despised and belittled them in my heart,

and even harshly dealt with them.

I didn't consider at all their stature or difficulties.

My leader told me Sister Zhang felt constrained by me

and asked me to reflect,

but I didn't take it seriously,

and thought I dealt with Sister Zhang to help her better know herself.

I remembered Sister Zhang had once told me

there was a brother who had just started his duty

and didn't dare fellowship when I was present at meetings.

I thought nothing of it at the time.

Only now did I see that it was because I was always scolding people

that my brothers and sisters all felt constrained by me

and didn't dare fellowship,

but I didn't know my problems, and I despised them for not bearing a burden.

I really was so arrogant!

I didn't treat my brothers and sisters as equals,

nor did I try to understand or consider their difficulties

or try to fellowship on the truth to help them.

Instead, I scolded and criticized them condescendingly.

When God used Sister Zhang to prune and deal with me,

and point out my problems,

I didn't know myself at all and tried to defend and explain myself.

I thought I merely spoke directly and curtly.

I couldn't admit I was being condescending and scolding people,

or that I was treating my ideas as the truth.

I thought that Sister Zhang had just been exaggerating.

I always asked others to know themselves,

but I didn't reflect on my own corruption.

I always thought I was right and it was everyone else's fault.

I was so arrogant and irrational.

God used brothers and sisters to point out my problems time and time again,

to make me know myself, then repent.

Only then did I see God's mercy and tolerance for me.

Later, I read another passage of God's word.

From God's word, I understood that

people with arrogant and self-righteous natures exalt themselves,

belittle others, think they are always right, and think highly of themselves.

They even treat their own ideas as the truth

and can do evil or resist God at any time.

I thought back on my previous contact with others:

I never discussed my own experience

or exposed and analyzed my own corruption to guide them in knowing themselves.

Instead, I condescendingly exposed the brothers and sisters.

When they didn't understand,

I got angry, belittled them, and dealt with them,

making them feel constrained.

They didn't dare tell me if they had any problems,

which hindered their duties and impacted the effectiveness of church life.

All of this was caused by my arrogant nature.

I thought of how God expresses the truth to supply people