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  • So, E, you got the key to my heart? Hi. James from engVid. I would like to give

  • you three keys on small talk. And if your case... in case you're wondering

  • what small talk is, it's something all of us do. It doesn't matter if we're

  • meeting strangers or even people we know. But as an English student or

  • someone studying English, I would like to give you a reason why small talk is

  • especially important for you. Okay? So, let's go to the board and I'll explain

  • why. So, what is "small talk"? Okay? There are three things I would say. One

  • is a way to meet someone new. Right? So, you... you're standing by a bus, and you

  • ask somebody: "So, how's the weather?" You're engaging in a conversation to

  • meet someone. You can both stand silent; but this way, you get to meet new

  • people. And that's just fun in itself. Right? Makes life more interesting to

  • know different types of people. Number two: Build a relationship. Okay, so,

  • you're not meeting someone at the bus stop; you've met them a few times. Well,

  • if you just say: "How's the weather?" and walk away, you'll never have... have

  • a relationship. Meeting is the first part; you meet someone, but how do we

  • build that relationship? Well, you take small talk, and it helps lead to doors

  • where we get to know things that are important to people to make for deeper

  • conversation, more interesting conversation. So, if you were thinking

  • small talk is more like an appetizer and a meal. If you're ordering steak and

  • french fries, you have a salad first, and you eat the salad get... to get

  • ready for something bigger. Because maybe at that moment, you just want to

  • sit and relax, and you don't want to just put steak, and potato, and beer in

  • your mouth. And you want to engage in a small conversation with people. So,

  • "small talk" is that way to build to the next meal or the main course. A deeper

  • relationship. Right? Because once you've got, you know... "How's the weather?"

  • and someone says: "I like... I don't like it because it's cold." And the

  • other person says: "I like it, because cold means I can ski." You can say: "You

  • like to ski? That's cool. How long have you been...?" See how that works? And

  • the third reason we do small talk: Because it's just fun. It's fun to go

  • out there and engage in the world and other people. Okay?

  • So, this is what "small talk" is, but how does it help you as a student?

  • Right? Why is it important for you, as a student? Well, here are three reasons

  • why. Number one: Practice, practice, practice. Your pronunciation sucks.

  • Sorry. I'm just kidding. But you need pronunciation skills. Practice. When

  • you're talking to someone, small talk is short... a short enough period of time

  • that you can practice things; drills, because you'll say them again and again.

  • "How is the weather?" You know. "Hot enough for ya?" — things like that. So,

  • you get to work on pronunciation. And it's short enough that you can take the

  • lesson you learn, take it home with you to practice. Also, your listening

  • skills. Small talk isn't you just talking, like me, on the video — I do

  • all the talking. You actually have to listen, like you are now. And you're

  • going to find out very quickly that I don't care how many English speakers you

  • meetnone of them sound the same. We all have different backgrounds and, you

  • know... histories. Some people were born in Canada, some in the United States;

  • some in the South of United States. You know what I'm saying? They're not born

  • where you think they're born, so it's kind of hard to understand what they're

  • saying to you, boy. Pay attention when I'm talking to you. You go: "What did he

  • just say?" Well, what he said to you was: "Pay attention, please, because

  • he's speaking English. Don't you understand?" All Englishall

  • different. So, every person you interact with is giving you something. Okay? So,

  • listening skills you get to work on.

  • Next. So many students ask: "How can I stop translating in my head? I can't

  • stop it." Engage in small talkthat means participate in small talk. If it's

  • really small talk, it's very quick. You don't have time to translate everything.

  • By the time you're done, the conversation's done. So, it's a good way

  • to stop you from translating because the real conversation is too fast. If I know

  • you don't speak English, I'm going to slow down and that's not what you want.

  • Like: "Hot enough for ya?" They don't know you speak English. And you go:

  • "Yes, it's very hot. Why you ask?" They go: "Oh, because it's hot outside. Hot."

  • And they change the way they're speaking. But if you get that practice

  • with the pronunciation and listening skills, and enough small talkyou can

  • respond quickly and they will keep speaking quickly. And that is great. The

  • final thing is: You get new friends. Like I told you, it's fun. But these

  • friends will keep you practicing, which is where we go back to number one. The

  • initial practice of small... small talk, lets you know: "How well am I doing?"

  • It's like a test. Then you get to solve that problem of translation, which slows

  • down your conversation. And, finally, you get a new friend who's going to help

  • you practice even more. Small talk. Small... wonder we don't do it more.

  • Anyway, let's go to the board so I can give you a bit more of this particular

  • lesson. Actually, will give you things you can work on to improve your small

  • talk, so we can get this all working for you. Okay? (snaps fingers)

  • So, what are my three keys to small talk? You must be wondering. Well, I'm

  • going to give them to you right here. One. Given them to you right now. Give

  • them to you right now. One, two, and threethey look like slices of pie.

  • All right? So, the first key to getting the benefits of small talk has nothing

  • to do with the small talk itself; it's with your mental state, or your brain,

  • your mind. Okay? So, my first key is: First, don't feel like your English

  • isn't good enough. Quite frankly, English people's English isn't good

  • enougher. And I said: "enougher" because I've heard people say things on

  • television and on the street that's, quite frankly, really bad English; where

  • people don't use the "ly" when they're speaking with an adverb for things. They

  • don't say: "I speak slowly", they go: "I speak slow". And they're okay with it,

  • and there's no correction. So, don't feel your English isn't good enough.

  • You're learningthat's part of the process. So, by changing this mental

  • part will get you into the small talk. Second, most people are nervous about

  • starting conversations, whether this is in English, or if this is in Spanish,

  • Mandarin Japaneseit doesn't matter. For the average person talking to

  • another human being, when there is no reason to do so, is a bit nervous.

  • Because you don't know if they're in a good mood or a bad mood; they're going

  • to be happy or angry, or walk away from you, make you feel stupid. So, it's not

  • about the language; the other person is nervous as well. And sometimes, as

  • something you say that's funny or interesting, makes them go: "Wow", and

  • you've changed everything. Cool? All right. The third thing we have here, in

  • our third... or our first key is... here's where I'm going to start talking

  • about, you know... moving into the small talk: Have a plan. So, I know this seems

  • like I'm talking about the small talk, but I'm saying: In order to not worry

  • about your English being not good enough, and overcoming being nervous

  • have three objectives for your small talk. Because if you know you just

  • want... okay, to small talk, you want to have someone talk to you for one minute,

  • and that's it. After the minute's done, you're finished. Once you hit that

  • objective, you'll feel really good. And you'll feel confident and relaxed; the

  • other person can relax. Right? Or maybe you want to specifically get good at

  • getting... drawing information out of people, or get someone else to talk, so

  • you don't have to speak a lot. These are all different objectives. Another one

  • could be that you speak most of the small-talk conversation. And once you've

  • obtained them, you can say: "I've got a certain level; I can move on" — that

  • will give you the confidence to forget not feeling like you're English is good

  • enough, forget about being nervous, and just get your job done. Right? You brush

  • your teeth in the morningyou don't get nervous; you just do it because it's

  • something you've decided to do. Do it like that, or making the bed. So, that's

  • my first key. Let's get our mental picture right, or the mental thinking

  • correct. Okay? And having that objective will help with that.

  • So, how do you start small talk? Well, I kind of start leading in with the

  • objectives, but having an objective isn't going to start it. So, I'm going

  • to give you something that you could notice and you should talk about. Yes,

  • compliment and cold read. Okay? A "cold read" I'll explain in a second, but

  • "compliment" is easy. Say something to somebody. Now, if you're a male, it's

  • best to say things that aren't about... if you're talking to a female, obvious

  • physical attributes. But there's always something you could look at, like for

  • instance: I've got a really cool bracelet that my sister made for me. You

  • see the blue, and you go: "I love the blue in that bracelet." I'm like: "Oh,

  • that's so cool." That has nothing to do with what I look like physically, but it

  • is something I like. Okay? So, give a compliment. One of the best ways to do

  • that, and I've taught this before, is when you go out... next time you go out,

  • just close your eyes... like, look around, close your eyes, and try and

  • think: "What captured your imagination right away? What things stood out?" Open

  • your eyes and look again. You will start noticing certain things made... brought

  • your interest. And those things are usually designed to capture your

  • interest. And almost every human being, when they wear jewelry, or a shirt, or

  • shoesthey bought it because they liked it. So, if you close your eyes and

  • you can think of capturing that one thing, and you bring it upthey'll

  • generally think it's a genuine compliment, and they'll like it. Nobody

  • wants to hear you say something like: "Your face, it's like human. It's cool."

  • That's not a compliment. Or other things you can talk about on the female anatomy

  • or the male anatomy. It's obvious, and it's like some people are quite frankly

  • bored that you would bring it up. They want something interesting, so they can

  • give you their interest. Remember, my interest is my time; my time is my life.

  • So, make it worthwhile for me to turn around and go: "Wow. I'm going to stop

  • what I'm doing to talk to you because you're interesting." Okay? So,

  • compliment.

  • Follow that up with what's called a "cold read". A "cold read", if you have

  • ever been to a psychicthey have the crystal ball. "In your future, you will

  • be married to a sheep. I mean, you will get married and have sheep." They are

  • guessing. They're looking at you and they're looking at what you're wearing,

  • how you speak, and they're trying to make a guess about who you are. So, make

  • a "cold read". Like: "Hey, that's a really cool shirt you're wearing." It's

  • a shirt. "Do you golf?" That's a "cold read". You don't know. It is a golf

  • shirt. This is for golfing. Yes, people wear this shirt so they don't get hit by

  • balls. It's like: "I'm here. Don't hit me." Okay? So, you make a "cold read",

  • like: "That's a really cool shirt. I bet you are into golf." And I go: -"Why,

  • yes, it is a golf shirt." -"I like golfing." Right? Now, you can also do

  • that and ask a question, like: "Do you golf often?" So, you've gone from: "I

  • like your shirt." Maybe you don't, but maybe you do. Right? Or you go... here's

  • something. Maybe you don't like my shirt and you go: "That's an interesting

  • shirt. Do you golf?" Now, by saying: "interesting", you never said you liked

  • it; that's up to me to interpret. So, that's a little thing you keep in your

  • back pocket. If someone says: -"Do you like my food?" -"Ah, it's an interesting

  • choice. You went with the fish with bones and nails. Interesting. Hmm."

  • Right? Didn't say I liked it; I said it was interesting. Okay? Back pocket. Keep

  • it. Okay, so ask a question. So, you say... you give me a compliment. Right?

  • Make a cold read: What would somebody like wear a shirt like that? Or why

  • would they wear a shirt like this? Then ask a question. You've moved the

  • conversation along that I will start talking, and you've engaged me. Cool?

  • Right?

  • Here's another one: Ask a question, and ask... and a clue. What? Ask a question

  • and a clue? Maybe you see this shirt and you go: "Okay, hold on a second. That is

  • an interesting shirt. Give me a clue about where you would wear something

  • like that." And then I would... and then you go on and start talking more about

  • them. So, you say: "Give me a clue." I was like: "Let's say Arnold Palmer." You

  • go: "Oh, of course, golf! You play golf. You like golfing." And because you've

  • asked a question, like: "Oh, I want to know where you got that from, but don't

  • tell me. Don't tell me the answer." And this is the key: You ask the question,

  • and you say: "But don't tell me the answer. Give me some information, so I

  • can guess." This is a very cool strategy, because you've involved them

  • in the conversation and they didn't see it coming. Because when I say: "I want

  • to know about your shirt. Where did you get it?" Right? Say that's it. "I want

  • to know about your shirt. Where did you get it?" But then you say: "But don't

  • tell me. Don't tell me. Give me a clue. Give me a clue." And then I would have

  • to say: "Hmm. Well, I was down in Florida, and there was a guy named

  • Arnold Palmer." And you go: "Arnold Palmer. Golf! Golf! Of course it's golf!

  • Oh! That it." So, you've involved me in that conversation; you made me part of

  • your conversation. See how that is? You slid that inthat's really cool.

  • Right? So, I'm more likely to speak with you because now I feel like it's my

  • conversation; not just your conversation. Cool? All right.

  • Now, the third part, which is most important part, in my opinion. Remember

  • it's called: "small talk". Now, I do these videos; it's a long talk. "Small

  • talk" means short; it could be one minute, it could be five, maybe ten, but

  • it's got to be short. Here, we started off with the beginning of your small

  • talk, getting your mindset. Then I went into the meat of it: Doing it; getting

  • that conversation started. The most important part, here, to keep it small

  • talk that keep people coming back so you can get more information to create these

  • relationships is the talk... sorry. The touch, talk, walk phenomenon.

  • Phenomenon. Here's what you do: You hit your objectivethat's why I started

  • with the objective. What was it? You got itboom. People always want more.

  • Please keep that in mind. Never be the last person at a party. Never be the

  • last person to sit at the dinner table. I'm going to say something terrible, so

  • forgive me: It's called Loserville, because you're hoping that everybody

  • will stick around; it's done. The meal is done, the party's over; all the cool

  • people left. You're the last one left. Don't be that person. So, what do I

  • mean? End the conversation early so people want to continue. You start a

  • great conversation on physics or politics, and they go: "Oh, that's so

  • cool!" and you go: "I gotta go. We'll talk another time." They're like: "Yeah,

  • yeah. I'd like to do that. I'd like to finish that conversation." You've now

  • created that relationship we talked about. So, how do we get that situation?

  • I helped you with: Have your objective. Meet your objective, then end that

  • conversation, so that person's like: "Can we talk again? Get coffee?" They

  • want to initiate, and you've moved from small to long talk. Touchtouch them

  • on the arm. Touching them on the arm, it's like: "Hey. You know what? Love to

  • talk more, but I gotta go to work. See you." A light touch on the arm

  • indicates: "We're done now. Moving on. You're on your own." Talk. Touch and

  • talk. So: "Hey. It was great talking to you. I'll catch you next week", and

  • move. So, as you touch, you talk, and you keep. And this is the third part:

  • Walkleave; leave the area. Now, they're in the middle of it, they might

  • be like: "Oh, okay."

  • But, now, it's this thing about not completing a taskthey're going to

  • want to complete that conversation; complete where you were going on it, and

  • they're looking forward to the next opportunity. So, you've taken our small

  • talkand that's why I said it's important for you as a student to get

  • practice, practice, practice. You've left the seed, like for growing a tree.

  • You've left a seed to grow. Now that person wants it to grow, so you guys can

  • come back together and start the relationship where you'll get more

  • practice. Now, I added: Fun, because I don't think... you're not here to use

  • people. They're not here for... to practice with so you can get benefit,

  • and there's nothing there. The idea of "Fun" is that two people share time

  • together that they enjoy, and they willingly engage and want to engage in.

  • So, this isn't trying to trick people. You had an objective, you made it; and

  • you do want to make friends. We're going to do that by continuing the process.

  • But you want to make it so that people, who probably are having a difficult time

  • understanding you, want to help you improve. So, it's a bonus for them,

  • because you are probably a wonderful person, let's face facts. And I'm not

  • trying toas we say — "blow smoke up your ass", which means give you a

  • compliment for no reason. The fact that you are trying to learn another language

  • sets you apart from other people; it's just a fact. So, you're probably a

  • decent person. And the only problem that people may have is they can't

  • communicate because you don't have the language. And in order to get that, you

  • need to practice. So, this is a tool to be used to help you practice, so you can

  • show people the person that's inside you, so they can appreciate what you

  • have to offer.

  • Anyway, this class wouldn't be complete if I didn't give you bonus and homework.

  • So, let's go to the board and do that. Right? Two-part relationship-building

  • questions with "why". So, what I mean by "two-part" — here's something you can

  • slip into this compliments and read, and all the stuff I was talking about over

  • here. It's a technique, where you're going to use two parts of a question. A

  • lot of the questions we ask are very, very boring, and you've heard them

  • before. "Where do you live? Where do you work? Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah." But

  • we can use: "Why?" to take a simple question that's used often to transform

  • it into something that brings something of the person to the conversation. Once

  • again, once they're engaged, that means part of the conversation, they'll want

  • to continue it. And in doing that, you'll get to know them. And you can

  • actually, as I said, build a relationship. So: -"Where do you work?"

  • -"At McDonald's." That conversation's done. But: -"Why do you work there?"

  • -"Well, I need the money." -"But yeah, yeah. But you can get money anywhere.

  • Why do you work there?" -"Well, my friend worked there, and they got me the

  • job." -"Oh, wow. Cool. You got many friends there?" See how you've taken

  • something that would have been a boring one-answer question: "Money" — and

  • you've moved it. "Why?" is a question that you can't say: "Yes" or "No" to.

  • So, when we do this question, here, to build a relationship, we don't want a

  • "yes" or a "no" answer. We want them to provide a sentence that gives us

  • something that we can build on. That's why it's called: "building

  • relationships" — to build the conversation.

  • Here's another one: -"Where do you live?" -"At home with my parents."

  • -"Well, why do you live there?" -"Well, I don't got any money to move out."

  • -"Well, why not?" -"Well, I was going to school to study... study photography."

  • -"Oh, you're a photographer." That's the "why". We've taken this information, and

  • taken a question like: -"Why do you live in Toronto?" -"I don't know. It's a

  • city." Right? Sorry. Like: -"Where do you live?" -"Toronto." -"Why do you live

  • in Toronto?" -"Well, I got my job there." -"Well, what do you do for a

  • living?" And that... even though it's not to do, I'm like: "What do you do for

  • a living?" I've put in another question. So, "Why?" can help us to use... lead us

  • to places where we can get more information from the person, and have a

  • really cool and interesting conversation. And the best part is, like

  • anything, when we invest in something, we want to see a return. When somebody

  • invests in a conversation by saying more than: "Yes" or "No", then they want it

  • to continue because it makes no sense to be talking to you if they're not

  • interested at all. Keep that. All right?

  • So, what is your homework that we have today? Well, I would like you to write

  • down two things that I... I am personally wearing that interest you.

  • So, remember, I told you: "Close your eyes and then open quickly"? See what

  • you can catch on me. Oh, by the way, maybe you can see these. Wha. Maybe not.

  • But my shoes, they're kind of cool, too, Just take a look, and it's something you

  • might say: "I'm really interested about that", then just bring it up. All right?

  • But don't just do that with me; that's homework. And if you can think of

  • something interesting that I'm going to go: "Yes" — that's cool. Like, I don't

  • know, what you could possibly think about that I would have that

  • interesting, you know, because I mean, I'm just like you know. I'm an ordinary

  • person who... and I eat, I... I breathe. I... I don't know. I... I do everything

  • that you do. Nine o'clockokay, interesting. And I do the same things

  • you do. So, I can't think of anything that you might have brought up that...

  • you don't smoke? Okay. Yeah. I can't think of a single thing that might

  • interest you. It'd be too big, but you know... just in case, any two things you

  • can think of, and write it in the commentspeople will give you a thumbs

  • up. And this give you 100 million points, if you can think of two things

  • that I might have shown you that's interesting. And then think about how

  • you could incorporate that into a conversation with me. All right? And

  • then take that same habit and go out in the street. Have fun. That's why I said:

  • "Have fun" — play with it. Walk up to random people and just close your eyes,

  • open. Have your objective there. Ask the: "Why?" question to see where it

  • goes. I would love to hear some of the good thingsor I can say great things

  • that happened to you when you tried it out. Anyway. It's been a really long

  • talk. "And I do have to go", said the rabbit with his stopwatch. Well, not his

  • watch. His pocket watch. All right. Have a good one, and I'll talk to you soon.

  • Ciao.

So, E, you got the key to my heart? Hi. James from engVid. I would like to give

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3 Keys to Small Talk: Meet new people and build relationships

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    Summer に公開 2022 年 04 月 11 日
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