Thanks mostly to the massive success he had

with carpool karaoke

and while it's certainly fun to watch your favorite singers

rock out to the most popular songs,

a big contributor to the success of those videos

is the dynamic that James is able to create in such a short time.

He's able to get people to open up and really enjoy themselves

and if you watch closely, there's a moment where the stars

were previously bored or sceptical seemed to really begin to like James.

Here's Justin Bieber saying why himself.

You know what? I appreciate you.

I appreciate the character that you come with.

Stop it, I'm welling up.

I appreciate your heart.

You're such a kind individual — you love people.

It's probably true that James Corden does love people

and his magnetism comes from the fact, certainly,

that he's able to make people feel good without losing the respect.

That's what we're going to learn how to do in this video

so let's start with one of the simplest ways to make someone feel good —

the direct compliment.

We often compliment people at the beginning of an interaction

saying something like, "It's great to see you" or "you look great."

Both are solid polite phrases

but watch how James takes those to the next level

by being specific in his complimenting.

You are looking fine right now.

Thanks very much, James.

Seriously, I'm loving the hair — it's a triumph.

Everytime I've met you, you seem like you're in a great manage.

Thank you.

You have such an amazing audience.

Don't I? I know.

It's the most incredible audience I've ever seen.

(audience cheers)

By trying to compliment to a specific attribute,

James makes it feel like more than just a polite formality.

And while you might brush off it's-nice-to-see-you,

if someone were to say to you, "You're always in such a great mood,"

it would probably make you feel really good

and want to spend more time with that person.

So the lesson here is that the more specific you can make your compliments,

the more genuine they feel and the greater impact they will have

and that's because in order to be specific,

you can't just have a stock compliment that you use with everyone —

you need to notice something special about the individual.

And the more that you can attune yourself to the things

that you appreciate in others, the easier this will become

because at that point, it's just about voicing what you've seen.

Now while compliments can be wonderful

for connecting with people, if you overload on them,

it can begin to feel a bit like you're kissing butt —

that makes people lose respect for you and the good news is

that there's a simple way to make compliments not feel like butt-kissing —

it's the push-pull compliment or, in our case, the pull-push compliment.

Just watch.

I mean this from the bottom of my heart.

Yes?

I swear to you, and this is what I've been saying this whole carpet,

I was like, "If the only person I want to win

is this man right here more than anything —

more than anything, truly, because if he wins, it gives us hope."

(Jimmy laughs)

Push-pull, pull-push — whatever you want to call it,

it's something that we've discussed in the video on flirting

which you can check out now in the description or by clicking on the screen here.

The main idea is that even though it feels nice to be complimented,

it does create a feeling of tension

so an excellent way to defuse that tension

is by following the compliment up with a joke

that lets some of the air out of the compliment

and allows people to relax back into laughter.

This next clip is a great example.

Watch as Emily Blunt starts to feel a little bit embarrassed

while James pours on his specific and genuine compliments.

I've been telling people for a very, very long time

that I think Emily Blunt is one of the best

actresses in the world — I've been saying it for a long time.

Genuinely, I've been saying, "You got no idea."

You know, like, if you go back and watch that My Summer of Love

and things like this, they have phenomenal performances

and the the most thrilling thing watching this film is you go,

"Ah, there it is," and now everyone's going to say it...

So at this point, Emily is thoroughly embarrassed by the lavish praise.

You saw her making the kill-me sign at the beginning.

Even though that kind of praise must make her feel proud,

she simultaneously feels like she needs to reject the compliments

because they're beginning to feel like a bit too much.

So here's when James releases the tension with a joke.

...and it will be actually annoying

and then I'll come full circle

and I'll start saying, "She's a bitch."

She is the worst.

She is horrendous.

She is the worst.

Like I said, we have more examples of push-pull in a flirting context in the description link

but for now I want to move on to another way of being both complimentary and funny

which is basically by complementing someone in such an over-the-top manner

that it becomes a joke.

By exaggerating someone's good features or success

so much that it becomes absurd,

you can see James do that here as he talks about a short film

he's shooting with a group of people he just met in Starbucks.

Excuse me?

What are you four doing right now?

Would you like to be talents folk in a major motion picture?

Come here just you four.

Here, here, here, and here.

Cut!

That's the scene they'll show at the Oscar's — that's the scene.

Thank you. Thank you.

Everyone knows that James is being absurd here

but it still feels nice to receive that over-the-top compliment

and the absurdity makes it a funny moment as well

so in this next clip, James does something very similar

with the addition of some self-deprecating humor.

Now I've gone deeper into self-deprecating humor before

so rather than repeat myself, I've made a playlist that you can check out

just go ahead and click the link in the description.

The important thing to know for this video

is that self-deprecating humor is very winning

when it's used by someone who is demonstrating the ability to lead conversation.

Now, if self-deprecating humor is used by someone who is already on the outskirts

or who seems to has low self-esteem,

that can rouse feelings of pity rather than laughter.

Clearly, as the host, James is capable of leading conversation

so it works for him — check it out.

We would make a hell of a boy band, no?

We've got the cute one, the cool one,

the fat one who writes the songs...

(audience laughs)

And the bad boy.

...and the Maverick who refuses to play by the rules.

Yeah.

(audience cheers)

Now everything that we've covered up until this point

is how you can go out and make people feel great

but of course we want to know how to do that

without getting walked over, without losing people's respect,

and sometimes that can mean dishing it out a little bit.

Now this is particularly true in certain groups of men.

There are groups, and you probably know some,

who relate to each other by digging at one another in a playful manner

and if you find yourself in a group like this, it's usually best not to go overboard

trying to win the who-can-dish-it-out-the-most game

but being able to ping pong back and forth in a playful insult manner can help

and the cue to do this is that someone tosses a playful insult your way.

So in this next clip, watch Joe Montana do it to James after he drops a few catches.

Are you serious? We refer to that as The Credit Card Jump.

A Credit Card Jump? Why is that?

Right, because we could just get a credit card underneath your feet.

Don't start, Montana.

So Joe has shown that his style of humor

is going to occasionally involve dissing his friends — in this case, James.

Again, it's all playful — he's not commenting on sensitive subjects —

just that James drop the football.

Now, James picks up this style of humor and comes back at Joe

after some other drop catches. Check it out.

You put the hands on the laces.

That's how you throw it.

There. See what I just did? I threw it into your hands.

Sorry guys, let's go again because of Joe Montana.

The important thing here is that even though he's giving it back to Joe a little bit,

James isn't taking really serious digs at him.

Joe Montana's ability to throw football is not something he's insecure about —

he's one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time.

So you can tease people on topics in which they are strong

like when James teases Joe's throwing

or about topics in which they're not particularly invested

like when Joe teases James about dropping the football.

Either case is likely to lead to laughter and maybe even some bonding

but unfortunately not everyone follows these guidelines.

Some people do make mean-spirited jokes

so watch here as one guess makes comments about James looks and weight.

It's undeniable.

(audience laughs)

That's Matt Damon and Fat Damon.

I feel like I'm looking in a mirror and I feel like you don't think so.

Like a funhouse mirror or...

(audience cheers)

Now those are not nice jokes

and I've talked about this before in previous videos

but I don't recommend making jokes that are really at someone else's expense.

These jokes might have been worthwhile and funny

if James Corden were a male model but he's not.

When you tease someone for something that they likely struggle with,

it might get laughs but it makes you look like a jerk

so I really recommend that you don't do that.

And if someone does it to you, the goal is not necessarily to hurt them back —

you're not trying to make the most mean-spirited joke and win that way —

not if you want to be charismatic.

The goal is simply to retake control of the conversation

Now the first time that this guy made a mean-spirited joke

James just ignored him.

It's undeniable.

(audience laughs)

That's Matt Damon and Fat Damon.

Now, ignoring someone who's making mean-spirited jokes usually works

but in the cases where it doesn't send a strong enough message,

you have to do something else.

So here, James retakes control

by sarcastically saying that he's glad that he invited Zack

and then making a quip about Zack's age since it's his birthday.

Again, the age quip is not meant to hurt his feelings,

it's just meant to retake control of the conversation

and establish that James' jokes are funnier.

So pleased you're here on our fifth...

(audience laughs)

...on your 55th birthday.

(Zack and James laugh)

It's coming in. It's coming in.

(audience cheers)

For the rest of this conversation,

there were no more mean jokes at James' expense

and while that's partially because it's a short televised interaction

it's also because people are less likely to make digs

at those who established themselves as conversational leaders.

So if you find yourself as the butt of jokes and you don't like it,

start off by ignoring then see if you're able to work in James' reply

basically, "Wow, I'm really glad I invited you," and then a bit of situational humor.

If you add up all the things that we talked about —

the specific compliments, absurd compliments, push-pull,

dishing it back out and, again, setting boundaries —

you're well on your way to making the kind of amazing impression

that gets people to open up on carpool karaoke