It's Ronnie. And I'm here today to report on some men's names.

Did you know that common men's names are actually nouns? Or

verbs; sometimes an adjective. So, maybe you want to choose an

English name, or you want to choose a name that's not an

English name, but you want to rename yourself. Be careful.

There are some doozies. Which means there are some dangerous

names you have to be careful about. So, this thing that I'm

holding, it is a microphone. Yes, it is. It is a microphone.

Yeah, it is. Believe me. And in the short-form, we call it a

"mike". Oh, hold on. Hold on. That is also the short-form of a

man's name: "Michael". So, "Michael" is a super-⁠common

name in Canada and North America for English-speaking people, and

Ireland. All over the English-speaking world, there...

you will meet lots of Michaels, but I would say about 42% of

them go by: "Mike". So, this microphone is spelt: "m–⁠i–⁠c",

but the person's name: "Michael" is shortened to "M–⁠i–⁠k–⁠e",

which is "Mike" because we don't say the "e". So, this

microphone, his name is Mike. Nice to meet you, Mike.

Another guy — one of my good friends — he hangs out in my

bathroom. This is... hold on, let me put Mike down. Mike, hold

on. Hold on, Mike; I'll pick you up in a second. This is a

bathmat. It's actually a pelican bathmat, but there's a man's

name called: "Matt". Again, it's the short-form for: "Matthew".

But most people shorten their names and call them: "Matt". So,

"mat" can also be, like, a bathmat. Oh, Matt's funny, isn't

he? "Phil". Yeah. I knew a guy named: "Phil McCracken". He was

an Irish guy. His real name was: "Philip", but we just call him:

"Phil" because it's a short-form. So: "P–⁠h–⁠i–⁠l".

Remember the "P–h"⁠ makes an "F" sound. So, we have a verb:

"fill", so you can "fill" something — it means you put

something else in it to make it whole. Oh, Ronnie. So, for

example, you can fill a hole with dirt. You can fill a coffee

cup with coffee. So, if you "fill" something — as a verb —

it means you're putting something inside of it to make

it whole again. Oh. "Robert", "Bobby", "Rob", "Robbie". In the

short-form, we have: "Rob". Hold on, that's a verb. So, if I

steal something, I can also "rob" something. It's a verb.

Don't steal Mike, though; he's really important to this. Do you

like going to art galleries? Did you know that: "Art" was also a

man's name? It's a short-form for: "Arthur". Is your name:

"Arthur"? Hi, Arthur. How you doing? Hey, Art. So, it could be

funny. Make a joke about that later, maybe. "Russell". Ah,

Russell Crowe. Oh, hold on. That's super funny because a

"crow" is a bird, and the famous actor, Russell Crowe. Oh! The

spelling is different. But "rustle" as a verb means to make

noise. So, I can rustle a mat. It doesn't work. I can rustle

paper. If I rustle paper, it makes a sound like this. So,

that's the rustling of paper. We usually use it for leaves. As

you walk, there's the rustle of leaves in the autumn day. Aw.

Mike, you like that, don't ya?

"Cliff". "Cliff", "Clifford". "Clifford" is the... the formal

name and most guys go by: "Cliff". "Cliff" is a noun and

it's something... take a short walk off a long "cliff", or

something like that. "Cliff" is basically the edge where the

ocean meets the land and it's a huge hill. So, if you walk off a

"cliff", you're probably going to die. You will see movies

where people throw themselves off a "cliff". But not the man;

the high mountain by the edge of the water. "Jim". Oh, such a

popular name. "James" is the longform of the name. You get:

"Jim", you get: "Jimmy", but did you go to "gym" class? Not Jim's

class. Or did you hang out in the "gymnasium"? Oh, guess what?

We shorten that; instead of saying: "gymnasium" — so long —

we just use the word: "gym". The spelling is different. Watch

out. Okay? This is: "J–⁠i–⁠m", and this is: "g–y–m"⁠.

"J–⁠i–⁠m". So, again, we know how tricky spelling is in

English; just be careful. So, "gym" is a noun. "Doug". Do you

have a problem remembering the past, simple past, the verbs?

Guess what? The simple past of the word: "dig" is: "dug".

"Doug" is also a man's name. Hi, Doug. You know how I always tell

you that English spelling is a little crazy? The past tense is

spelt: "d–⁠u–g⁠". But the name is "D–⁠o–⁠u–⁠g. So, we don't

actually say the "o"; we don't say: "Doug". Hi, my name is

"Doug". "My name is Doug". I'm just the past tense of "dig" —

"d–⁠i–⁠g"; past tense: "d–u–⁠g". "I'm Doug". Dig, Doug. "Stu".

Okay. The formal name or the long name is: "Stuart". It's a

very Scottish name. "Stewie", "Stuart". And: "stew",

"s–⁠t–⁠e–⁠w" is actually a very delicious thick soup. In the

winter time... Oh, in the summertime, too — we would have

"stew". It's basically a meal with vegetables, some kind of

sauce, and meat in a big container. The difference

between "stew" and "soup" — I know you're asking — is "soup"

has a lot more water. So, "stew" is, again, very, very thick

soup. It's delicious.

Next up... Uh-oh. Be careful. This is where it gets funny.

There's a really famous singer called: "Harry Styles". "Harry"

I guess is a short-form for "Harold", if you will, or some

people are just named Harry. If we look at the spelling as an

adjective... These are homophones, so this means the

two words have the exact same pronunciation. The man's name

is: "H–⁠a–⁠r–⁠r–⁠y", but the adjective for someone that has a

lot of hair, usually on their back or their armpits — not too

attractive; unless you're into that — is: "h–a–i–⁠r–y"⁠⁠. So,

it's describing something that has a lot of hair. My Mom is

"hairy". She's not, actually. Sorry, Mom. "Dick". What?

Ronnie. "Dick". Yes, "Dick". Yep, it's a man's name. Mm-hmm.

I told you: Short for Richard. But also, it can be the part of

a man. Women don't have this part; men do — it's called a

"dick"; "penis". Yes. But the spelling is: "d–⁠i–⁠c–⁠k" — it's

the same. Ah, so please, if your last name is Dick, I would

caution naming your son: "Harry", because at school, he

could get teased; he could be called: "Harry Dick". Or even if

your first name is Richard and your last name is Harry, you

could have attendance called and still be "Harry Dick", so please

be careful with that one. Mm-hmm. Or name your kid that,

and good luck with that kid's ego. No, don't do that. No.

"John". "John", I don't know how we got this word, but it's a

very common name — "John", "Jonathan", "Johnny" — it... for

somehow, to us, is a toilet. I guess I should have looked that

up and figured out why. But: "I have to go to the john." And

you're like: "the John, who? But John's house?" No, just: "the

john". That means: "I have to go to the washroom." Okay? Also, we

have portable toilets, and those are called "Johnny on the Spot".

I don't know if that's funny yet. Okay.

"Bill". Oh, everyone hates "bills", but "Bill" not a bad

guy — "William" is his long... his word... Blah. "William" is

his long name, and he just gets "Bill" for short. But we hate

"bills" because, as the noun, they're the things that we get

and we have to pay. So, I have a "bill" for my phone, a "bill"

for my internet usage. If you go to the restaurant and you eat...

I hope you go to the restaurant and eat — that's the purpose —

you're going to get a "bill" at the end of the meal. And that's

what you have to pay for your delicious, overpriced food. You

ask. You actually ask for it, you're like: "Can I have the

bill?" and Bill's like: "Me?" the whole time. No. The bill;

not Bill. "Mark". This is weird; "mark's" a verb. It's a very

common first name for a man: "Mark"; usually not a woman. And

interesting, doing the research, there weren't a lot of ladies'

names that were fun like this, because ladies are usually named

after flowers. "Lily", "Rose", "Violet". These are kind of

older names. Or herbs: "Rosemary". Hmm. So, we're just

beautiful, little flowers; but men are, like, verbs and crazy

things. "Mark", because I'm a teacher... Did you know I'm a

teacher? What I have to do sometimes is I have to "mark

papers". So, students will give me assignments, and I have to

"mark" them. That means I go: "Oh, yeah! Good job!" or "Oh,

that's terrible." So, if I "mark" something as a verb, it

means that I correct it. I tell you if it's right or wrong. So,

things that can be right or wrong — I'm going to get into

some jokes just because it's so funny. So, please don't laugh at

these jokes — okay? — they're not meant to be funny. Jokes are

never funny. And, Mike, you're getting too heavy for me, buddy.

I have to put you down, here. Ah, Mike. Wow. So, all of these

words, as I've told you, are also nouns, or verbs, or

adjectives.

So, first joke, this guy: "Matt". What do you call a man

who's always lying down at your front door? "Matt". His name's

"Matt". Yeah, I know. Stop laughing so much. Okay? Mike.

Yeah, this is just this. I don't have a joke about Mike. Sorry,

Mike. Oh, that's okay. Good. I know. I know. Okay. Now, this

one: What do you call a guy hanging out, making noise in a

pile of leaves? He's moving around a lot. His name is

"Russell", because the leaves "rustle". Now, if I have to

explain these to you, it's not going to be fun anymore. We do

have some female names. The French name, I, as assume. What

do you call a lady who likes to burn her bills? French name;

starts with a "B". "Bernadette" Because a "debt" means you have

to pay money, so "burn a debt" — you're burning your debt. Funny.

It is really funny. It's really funny. It's really funny. What

do you call a guy — okay? — and he always has seagulls on the

side of his head? Flying around; probably poo on him. His name's

"Cliff". Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. A man who has, instead of a regular

head, he has a shovel. A "shovel" is used for digging.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Remember I told you this? It's used for digging,

but instead of a head, he has a shovel — his name is "Doug".

Mm-hmm. And then, magically, he lost his shovel, so he no longer

has a shovel for his head. Do you know what he becomes? He

becomes "Douglas". Because... it's a play on the word: "less".

So, a man with the shovel, his head is "dug", past; and then

without the shovel is "dug-less". Mike, help me out

here, man. These... these are... these are pretty... pretty...

pretty terrible.

What do you call a guy who's always stealing stuff? You know,

you just go someplace and he's taking your mike, and he's

taking your mat. His name's "Rob". Yeah, I don't really have

any Rob friends because I think they're just thieves. Yeah. What

do you call a guy sitting in a big pot of hot water? "Stu".

Yeah, his name's "Stu" because he's stewing in the pot, and

he's... someone's going to eat him. Yeah. And last one. Two.

Oh, I've got two more. Okay. What do you call a guy that's

hanging on your wall? All right. He's just hanging out in the

wall. Mm-hmm. And people look and go: "Wow. Oo, I don't know.

What do you think?" His name's "Art". Mm-hmm. And my Dad. What

do you call a guy who fixes potholes? Now, "potholes" have

nothing to do with pots or pot. But a "pothole" is a big hole in

the road when you're driving. So, you drive: "Kablam" — "Oh! I

hit a pothole." That guy, the guy that... that puts more dirt

in the potholes, his name's "Phil". Mm-hmm. And he's a

pretty good guy. Yeah. But that's all. So, I hope you

really enjoyed the jokes because they're so funny, and I just die

hearing them. They're so funny. And, yeah, enjoy.