"pay $1,000 property tax" !

Isn't this great, you guys ?

Our first family home evening.

I wanna watch TV !

We're not watching TV, we're Mormons now

and we're having family home evening !

Dad, did you know that that Joseph Smith guy

read the Book Of Mormon out of a hat ?

And ? Your turn, Sharon.

It's just that,

the Book Of Mormon says a lot of strange stuff.

Like that Adam and Eve lived in Jackson county, Missouri ?

Yes ?

But school taught me that the first man and woman

lived in Africa.

Well, you can't believe everything

school tells you, Stan.

Your turn, Shelley.

( Doorbell rings )

Ooh, that must be the Harrisons !

Hey, everybody !

Wow, what a great house !

You must be Mrs. Marsh, it's so nice to meet you !

And you must be Stan's sister !

Oh, I think your brother's the greatest !

My brother is a stupid turd.

Hey, Stan !

Hey, Gary.

Well, come on in and sit down, everybody.

You're here just in time.

My son was having a little problem with our new religion.

Dad !

Oh, really ?

Well, that's just because he hasn't heard

the best part about the Joseph Smith story !

The one that proves he was for real !

Yeah ! Yeah !

Ooh, what's that ?

Well, you remember Martin Harris,

the rich man who wrote down

what Joseph Smith read out of the hat ?

Yeah.

See, after he was done, he took some of the pages

of what would become the book of Mormon home !

♪ Martin went home to his wife ♪

♪ dum dum dum dum dum

♪ and showed her pages from the Book Of Mormon ♪

♪ dum dum dum dum dum

and so, Joseph Smith put his head into a hat

and read to me what the golden plates said !

I wrote it all down,

and we're gonna publish it into a book !

Martin, how do you know he isn't just making stuff up

and pretending he's translating off golden plates ?

♪ Lucy Harris smart smart smart ♪

♪ smart smart smart smart smart ♪

why would he make it up ?

♪ Martin Harris dum dum dum ♪

all right, here.

I'm gonna hide these pages.

If Joseph Smith really is translating off of golden plates

then he'll be able to do it again.

But if Joseph Smith is making it all up,

then the new translations will be different from these.

Okay, fine !

I bet he'll have no problem !

♪ Lucy Harris smart smart smart ♪

♪ Martin Harris dumb

♪ so Martin went on back to smith's ♪

♪ said the pages had gone away ♪

♪ smith got mad and told Martin he needed to go pray ♪

♪ dum dum dum dum dum

look, I'm sorry about losing the pages we worked on, Joe.

But I'm ready to write it all down again

if you translate from the plates.

I would love to, Martin, except--

I just had a vision.

And the lord said he is very angry with me

for letting you take those pages !

He is ?!

♪ Dum dum dum dum dum

yes !

He is so mad that he will never let me

translate from the plate of lehi again.

He said we must now translate from the plate of nephi.

So it will be the same basic story,

but written a little differently.

Wow !

If God got angry with you

then you must be telling the truth !

♪ Dum dum dum dum dum

all right, Martin, let's get to work !

And that's how it happened !

Yeah ! All right !

Wait, Mormons actually know this story

and they still believe Joseph Smith was a prophet.

Well sure, the story proves it, doesn't it ?

No, it proves he did make it all up !

Are you blind ?!

Well, Stan, it's all a matter of faith !

No, it's a matter of logic !

If you're gonna say things that have been proven wrong,

like that the first man and woman lived in Missouri

and that Native Americans came from Jerusalem,

then you better have something to back it up !

All you've got are a bunch of stories about some asswipe

who read plates nobody ever saw out of a hat

and then couldn't do it again

when the translations were hidden !

Hey, Stan, don't denounce our religion.

I don't want to be Mormon, dad !

Me neither.

Hey, that's totally cool, guys,

you can believe whatever you want !

Yeah, it's great you have your own beliefs !

Yeah !

Yay for the marshes !

Oh, stop it !

That's another thing !

Why do you have to be so frickin' nice all the time ?

It isn't normal !

You just weasel people into your way of thinking

by acting like the happiest family in the world

and being so nice to everyone

that you just blindside dumb people like my dad !

Yeah !

( Sighs ) Well, kids...

Who's up for a water balloon fight ?!

Yeah !