comes another zombie movie.

But this time...

it’s got Brad Pitt!

World War Z.

Get ready for the big-screen adaptation of the best-selling novel that’s got everything

you loved about...

the title.

And nothing else.

A film with so many production problems, people were genuinely surprised when it wasn’t

a complete disaster.

Meet Gerry Lane, he’s just your average everyday

Super attractive

Scarf-wearing

Spanish-speaking

Airplane-piloting

Sharp-shooting

Skull-bashing

Armor-crafting

Arm-chopping

Prisoner-Interrogating

Surgery-doing

Slo-mo-vision-having

Antidote-making

Eagle-eyed

Stay-at-home Dad.

“All you do is make pancakes in the morning!"

"Yeah, but I'm really good at it."

Travel the globe with Brad Pitt and the film’s screenwriters as they stumble from set-piece

to set-piece tied together by the flimsiest evidence ever.

“There was a memo sent from this installation that had the word zombie in it. Do you know

anything about it?"

"It was an email, not a memo."

Come on.

Watch Brad Pitt survive an unsurvivable apocalypse thanks to a constant stream of life-saving

coincidences like...

never hitting traffic in the middle of mass hysteria,

finding an RV with the keys and a loaded gun inside,

this friendly mugger showing him where to find medicine,

this friendly Mexican family taking him in no questions asked,

these fast zombies who slow down as soon as they’re about to catch him,

this small child head-shotting a zombie on top of him,

this plane dropping a ladder down to save him mid-takeoff,

this Israeli soldier killing a zombie about to eat him,

surviving this car crash,

surviving this plane crash,

surviving this spike through his stomach,

and shooting up with a randomly picked virus that happens to be curable while also serving

as zombie camouflage.

Wait, is that Matthew Fox?

So get ready for a by-the-numbers action movie full of PG-13 violence

and none of these awesome things from the book:

Man, what a waste of good source material.

Starring

these zombie movie cliches:

dead car batteries,

flickering lights,

shakey cam,

jump scares,

zombies banging on doors,

a kid with asthma,

accidental noises,

and

obligatory

Inceptions

Bwaas.

Brad Pitt Zombie Movie.

Man, all those reshoots must've cost a fortune.

How'd they pay for that?

Man, that really makes me want a Coke.

Thanks for watching!

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