The headlines.

We've got some way just a week away from Donald Trump's second impeachment trial.

Hey, that not talking about Trump was fun while it lasted.

Wasn't it we're talking about?

Because over the weekend, five of Trump's impeachment lawyers abruptly quit, Trump's suddenly found himself without any legal representation, which is still a huge improvement over being represented by Rudy Giuliani.

Earlier today, in an unexpected move, House managers called on Donald Trump to testify under oath in his impeachment trial next week on I'm just hearing now we've got a quick update on this story.

Yeah, he's not gonna do it.

Meanwhile, President Biden is now looking into revoking Trump's access to intelligence briefings.

Ah, courtesy, which is traditionally given to all ex presidents.

Revoking Donald Trump's access to intelligence briefings is like revoking a dolphins access to an Xbox.

By the way, Trump famously skipped intelligence briefings when he was president of the United States.

So this would be like if I got fired from this job and people were like, Sorry, James, you can no longer go into Stu's office.

I'll be like right Who's shoot President?

Biden has now signed a record 28 executive orders in his first two weeks in office, and he addressed that large volume of orders by saying this.

I want to make it clear there's a lot of talk with good reason about the number of executive orders that I have signed.

I'm not making new law.

I'm eliminating bad policy.

It's eliminating bad policies.

Yeah, eliminate bad policy.

I love bad policy.

I saw bad policy in Manchester.

Oh, yeah, in 96 they were opening for Weezer.

Absolutely fantastic.

What a nine course I like.

Joe Biden is now like a cool step.

Dad steps off a motorcycle wearing a leather jacket and aviator sunglasses.

He's like, Son, I'm not here to be a new dad.

I'm here to eliminate your mom's loneliness way were reading about this story today.

I've got to ask, Is it just me, or does this come across like an unnecessarily sensual headline?

Right.

True headline.

Democrats wield their massive package as they plow through Senate Republicans.

Stimulus everywhere.

Please.

E actually saw stimulus everywhere in Liverpool.

Yeah, they opened for Weezer.

Fantastic night from here in Hollywood After finding out that they were preparing disciplinary action against him, Donald Trump abruptly resigned from the Screen Actors Guild today.

Yeah, now he's gonna he's gonna have to go back to community theater.

His he's doing a production of Godspell in Bakersfield.

That's true.

Anything he would love to see Trump in Godspell day by day by his resignation letter, Trump said, I write to you today regarding the so called disciplinary committee hearing aimed at revoking my union membership.

Who cares?

I'm gonna use that all the time from now on.

All right, you today regarding the ticket I got from running a red light at the corner of Wilshire and Fairfax.

Who cares?

Vaccine, developed by Oxford and AstraZeneca, is the first shot that's proven to reduce person to person transmission rather than just protect from infection.

Sure great news.

Brilliant news.

Don't need the details.

Just get it in my arm Now.

Honestly, at this point, I take a vaccine made by Arizona State University and Fuddruckers.

E was would someone said it's take the Arizona in front rockers Vaccine if you got one.

Yeah, sure dio some big news from the world of tech Earlier this afternoon, Jeff Bezos announced that effective this summer, he will be stepping down a CEO of Amazon.

Yes.

Yeah.

I wonder what he's gonna do for money now basis will be staying on until the summer.

On his final day, he'll be boxed up, covered in packing peanuts and dropped on his family's doorstep.

Yeah, if Jeff Bezos called here and said I wanna work on the late late show would we give him a job?

100%?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Be great to have Jeff visas work here.

There you go.

Things are looking up already.

What would he do?

What would you put?

What would you dio, script coordinator?

Do you think we'll fight?

Listen, Jeff, we'd find something for you.

All right?

The door is not closed.

I don't think any other late night show is being that open with Jeff tonight.

No starters.

Apia.

He's gonna work his way out.

Hundreds of first base.

So it's Give me a coffee.

Now.

This is pretty cool.

Nike has just announced a new kind of shoe.

It's a no lace slip on sneaker that does not require the use of hands to put them on and take them off.

Have a look at this.

So there they are.

There.

Look.

Look that easy on.

Easy on.

I want it easy.

I want it now.

Look at that.

Yeah, Good idea.

Now do pants.

That's all I would ever want.

If that's what Bezos should be working on right now.

A pair of pants You don't have to church to put on and off you, just you.

So you lay them on the floor and you just sort of sit and they just Yeah.

How would you feel if I told you I have both nipples pissed?

I actually be honest.

What would you think?

I wouldn't be surprised.

I'm not even studs.

Hoops?

Yeah.

You know, to hoops on.

I just say it's just for May.

You know, it's just like so much of my life is public.

So much of my life.

So much of my life is out there and lived in public.

I just felt I needed to do something for May.

I couldn't think of anyone on planet Earth.

Worse toe Have both nipples pierced than me.

Scientists have developed a backpack with an electric generator that can harvest energy from your movements to power and charge your electronic devices.

Here's what it looks like here.

It makes you look like a ghostbuster that instead of busting ghosts bus any chance you ever have of having sex, Reggie, I imagine you've already got three of these.

Yeah, I dio dio Well, I have to know Seriously, Would you buy that?

Would you get one?

I mean, I have to see the final.

If that's the final design, I don't know, I'd wear it.

I like being the weird guy walking around the lake with Sorry.

Which lake is this?

The lake of silver nous?

Sure.

Is there actually a lake in Silver Lake?

Yeah, I wouldn't know.

What's a reservoir?

Never been east of air one.

Oh, okay.

E love that movie.

Okay, Nice.

True stories in my mind.

That's where l a stops.

It's not true.

You've been further east than Air one.

I know this for a fast.

I have been funders.

Kerem.

Oh, it's a joke.

I have been further center.

Kim was a literalist.

Further east.

I've been further east, but I actually didn't know there was a lake in Silver Lake.

That that I believe, is this the one they filled up with balls.

Yes.

Yeah, filled up with balls, which I thought it looked fun.

It did.

Look back.

There are no interest in going in the lake, but I would go in a lake full of balls.

Yeah, Yeah, I worked Not knows, but no.

Yeah, to be clear, I mean, like, inflatable balls, not testicles, a jump in a pool of testicles.

You know what I mean?

I want to do that.

I'll just go to Vegas with Pete on a Friday.

Yeah, a lawyer in Peru has gone viral after he was caught having sex on camera during a virtual court hearing over Zoom.

Now we've had to blur it because, well, you know, they're having sex, But the lawyers there in the lower right?

Why?

Because actually a virtual court hearing, I mean, Well, look, I think it's a given that we all enjoy having sex, but sometimes you've got to go, babe, I'm in court right now.

I can't e e Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I was just gonna mute one minute.

I can't.

I'm in court.

Yeah, I'm back.

Guys.

What?

Stop.

Yeah.

All right.

Way.

The judge said all rise.

And the lawyer was like, I'm way ahead of you, buddy.

Yeah, e don't get too graphic.

But the woman he was with said that the lawyer really belongs in small claims Court Queen.

Great.

It's my phone.

Zuhri, answer Redondo Beach.

Oh, redundant.

Should turn that off.

Um, let's see what this?

Hello?

Hello.

Hello.

This called is strong Law enforcement unit off Federal Reserve System.

It sounds suspicious activities from your king accounts due to which there is a legal case being filed under your name.

And there is an arrest warrant being issued for the same.

What?

They're from law enforcement ***.

Federal Reserve System, please.

Press one and hold the line.

Guys, I've got to go.

Thio, you know, heard what's happened, Lawrence.

It's fraudulent activity in my bank and I'm gonna get arrested.

I've got Thio.

Oh, my gosh, e have todo Uh huh.