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  • INTERVIEW 5: Making my own way

  • So I earned an extra 800 Rand a month.

  • That was for taking care of a five year old son and waitressing.

  • I had a 24/7 job. In the mornings I would wake up and dress her son.

  • I'd take him to school, and I waitressed.

  • Until about 2 o'clock in the afternoon, I'd go fetch her son at school, do his homework with him until it was "bath time."

  • You know, bathe him, give him dinner, to him to sleep and then that was the only time I had for me, then.

  • On Saturday's and Sunday's I would have to keep him busy with what was necessary.

  • So, at 18 years old, I was basically a mother.

  • You know, that whole application,

  • what women experienced with their children of literally having to have 24/7 - a day,

  • I've had that experience. So it was quite extensive.

  • And during that time, I was introduced to drugs, and alcohol and partying, and it was just wild.

  • Sometimes we'd go out, say up to about five in the morning, get home, get dressed, go to work, and my whole day would again.

  • It was the first time I was introduced to drugs, ecstacy, which I used about twice,

  • while I was with Lynette and the people I was "friends" with.

  • So then, one day (now this was in 2004), Eagle and his fiance came into the coffee shop.

  • And they started eating there.

  • (More background: In my school years, I was a Christian. Extensive Christian, you know. But not the whole belief in it.

  • You know, reading your Bible and going to church and Sunday School and all those things, I did.

  • But in terms of heart-felt belief in God and all those things, I wasn't really ever there.

  • I just did it. But in terms of everything else, for instance...

  • You know the Ouija Board and Astrology and spirits and all those things intriqtued me,

  • but because of my Christian background, I was always afraid of it.

  • Curiosity for for me was always there almost those things, but I never dared going "into it."

  • because it's "wrong" And it's bad And you're not supposed to do that, because that little voice in your head going:

  • (although I don't fully believe in a "God", or God being here,") that voice goes,

  • "you know, that's Lucifer, Satan, Hell! I'm going to hell. Going to Hell, not Heaven,"

  • That little background noise was always so there.)

  • And Eagle started talking to me. The first thing he said (I've got a little tattoo on my... astrology sign) and he started talking to me about that.

  • "What's that mark on your flesh, there?" I remember those words.

  • I said, "No, it's my mother's sign, because she passed away a few years ago. Two years ago, three years ago."

  • And so he started talking to me about astrology. And so the conversation started going, (because they came quite often),

  • and I always ran to go and serve them because their tips were very good.

  • So that was the main reason why I enjoyed waitressing for them.

  • And one day, it was a Sunday, I was managing the coffee shop on my own,

  • I was manager sometimes, and I went to go clear their plates off after they've eaten.

  • And Eagle says to me, "Your mother is proud of you."

  • When he spoke those words, I almost wanted to cry.

  • The tears were here, this emotion just welled up inside me, I had to fight to just keep back the tears.

  • Because this was my mother's death, I was so not over it yet.

  • And everything culminated from Erica being there, and the whole change,

  • and me being stuck here in this coffee shop with Lynette and she's got her drug problems

  • and her relationship problems with her husband, the fears-- God knows what.

  • It was not an easy time. And because of the situation I was in, you know, the drugs, the partying and all those things,

  • it's like, how could she be proud of me? You know, I'm a mess. I was literally a mess.

  • After he said that to me, I asked him, "How do you know that?"

  • And he said, "She told me that." How is that possible? That's impossible.

  • I said to him, "Eagle, that's impossible. She's dead." at the same time, I was quite intrigued.

  • -----

  • I held my tears back and I cleared their plates as quickly as possible.

  • I was still holding the plates as they were still talking to me, and I couldn't hear what they were saying,

  • cause all I was concentrating on was getting out of the vicinity I was in.

  • I wanted to run back into the coffee shop, into the kitchens.

  • So I did. And I cried. And I couldn't stop crying. Just uncontrollable crying. I couldn't stop.

  • And every time I calmed down, they'd just come again.

  • And they just come again. Come again. Haven't cried like that ever before in my life.

  • When I eventually calmed down, a little bit when tears didn't come down,

  • --- When I eventually calmed down, a little bit when tears didn't come down,

  • ---

  • I walked out and sat outside, you know, to calm down a bit, and here they come again!

  • Around the corner. They had done some shopping.

  • And just when I saw him again, I broke down crying and I couldn't stop.

  • So he came and sat down. and he looked me in the eyes and said, "Okay. Calm down."

  • And when he spoke those words, every thing in me went quiet. Silent. As though as I hadn't cried.

  • I could still feel the tears, but everything went quiet.

  • And he said to me would I come visit him and his fiance. I said, "Okay."

  • So Lynette and myself went (I asked her to come with me - maybe I wasn't brave enough to go alone).

  • So I went and we did some tarot cards. This was quite amazing. Because he could tell me things nobody knew. Only me.

  • He was reading from the tarot cards while I was sitting.

  • I strained my back a couple of years ago, when I was about thirteen years old.

  • And he could tell me about that - the reason for why I hurt my back, lower back

  • And I was fascinated. Intrigued. Especially about the tarot cards and what he was saying.

  • And I quite enjoyed it. So after that visit, it was on a Wednesday... < clip ends >

INTERVIEW 5: Making my own way


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A2 初級

異次元空間連携の歴史(5):自分の道を行く (跨次元空間連接口的歷史(5):走我自己的路)

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    Hhart Budha に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日