字幕表 動画を再生する
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[ restaurant noise... ]
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RHETT: Pass me some of that garlic stuff. LINK: Have you noticed the waitress?
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RHETT: Oh yeah. I was thinking about talking to her. LINK: Well you might wanna check your breath first.
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RHETT: I'm sure your's isn't any better. LINK: Hold on. Here she comes.
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LINK: Hey, I think we're done. Can you split up the check? And do you have any gum? I only need one piece.
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[ music starts... ]
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First off, I want to tell you I enjoyed the pizza Well, it really wasn't great, but it allowed me to meetcha.
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I'd like your number- but I'm not gonna leave a big tip to get it.
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That means he's cheap and pathetic and if you date him you'll regret it.
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Twenty-three percent from me communicates I'm generous; not desperate. And I can calculate.
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Is she supposed to be impressed? Well, if you wanna battle be my guest...
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I'm a computer programmer and a cubical dweller. I disabled spellcheck 'cause I'm a stellar speller.
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When I write an email that includes an attachment, I never hit "send" before I've attached it.
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Your job is a bore; I keep it hardcore. Selling knives and insurance from door to door.
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You're reflecting on a watercooler conversation. I'm giving an incredible knife demonstration.
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May I interest you in some accidental death coverage or a hard-boiled egg slicer?
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I can change your computer wallpaper to a tropical beach scene.
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Egg slicer.
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I carpool, 'cause I'm environmentally sensitive. I pack a snorkel 'cause I'm clever and so inventitive.
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It's inventive. Inventitive isn't a word.
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Yeah, I just inventi-ted it. You just got served!
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Well, when I carpool, I take a group of third graders.
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On my way to work, I teach them multiplication tables. See I'm a...
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role model--an example to the youth.
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Then why did this kid just tell me that 1x1=2 ?
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At the gym people line up just to give me a spot.
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All eyes on me when I'm popping a squat.
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My career Plan-B is to teach P.E. The model on this machine...he's based on me.
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I've mastered the art of mental manipulation.
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Working every muscle group through meditation. This is me working out my triceps.
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Pick up my DVD called "Mind Reps."
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My sense of style is sweet like syrup. It's not uncommon for people to think I'm from Europe.
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I don't follow the trends. I'm a style pioneer. See this turtleneck, with a necklace--you'll be wearing this next year.
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[music continues...]
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Is that all you got?
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No.
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I see buttons, I just push 'em to see what they do. If something were to go wrong, I'd just blame it on you.
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I'm quick-witted. I always know just what to say.
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Then say something clever.
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Uh...Okay.
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I was offered a record deal, while singing at a karaoke bar. But I turned it down and became the President's karaoke czar.
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I rescued a dolphin entangled in a tuna net and donated it to an orphanage to keep as a pet.
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I gave the heimlich to a horse choking on beef jerky. Two hours later he won the Kentucky Derby.
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I'm allergic to nothing.
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I'm allergic to weakness.
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I embrace my weaknesses and call them uniquenesses.
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I can drive a stick-shift.
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Well, I can golf.
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Well, I can make it look like my thumb is coming off.
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I invented the half nelson.
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I invented the full nelson.
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I've got a signed picture of Boris Yeltsin.
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My uncle is a lawyer.
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I roll my own sushi.
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I use the metric system exclusively.
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I know Morse Code. Well I can speak it.
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[Morse Code]
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You just said that "the square root of raspberry should be legalized."
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Exactly.
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[swoosh]
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[Exhales] So, what do you think?
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[music starts]