WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT, I'M FLAD TO BE YOUR HOST

♪ I'M M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT, I'M FLAD TO BE YOUR HOST ♪

TONIGHT, ALL NIGHTS, BUT PARTICULARLY TONIGHT IS AN

TONIGHT, ALL NIGHTS, BUT PARTICULARLY TONIGHT IS AN

HISTORICAM NIGHT IN THE ANNALS OF TELEVISION.

ヒストリカム・ナイト・イン・ザ・テレビジョン。

TONIGHT IS THE FIRST NIGHT I AM SITTING DOWN WITH A GUEST IN

TONIGHT IS THE FIRST NIGHT I AM SITTING DOWN WITH A GUEST IN

PERSON "THE LATE SHOW"" AND WHO ELSE DO YOU WANT TO

PERSON "THE LATE SHOW"" AND WHO ELSE DO YOU WANT TO

BREAK THAT SEAL WITH BUT PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.

バラク・オバマ大統領と一緒にシールを破る。

THAT'S RIGHT, BARACK OBAMA, MY GUEST TONIGHT.

THAT'S RIGHT, BARACK OBAMA, MY GUEST TONIGHT.

THREE ACTS?

THREE ACTS?

THREE ACTS OF BARACK OBAMA.

バラク・オバマの3つの行動。

AND YOU GO, "IS THAT-- SEEMS LIKE A LONG TIME"

AND YOU GO, "IS THAT-- SEEMS LIKE A LONG TIME"

NO, IT'S NOT.

いや、そうじゃない。

YOU CAN'T BELIEVE HOW QUICKLY IT FLIES.

こんなに速く飛ぶなんて信じられないよ。

FIRST ACT, OBVIOUSLY, JUST FRIENDS HANGING OUT.

第一幕、明らかに、ただの友人同士のハングアウト。

POWER PACKED THOUGH, AND REALLY SUBSTANTIVE.

徹底したパワー、そして本当に素晴らしい。

NEXT ACT WE'RE GOING TO MOVE SOME PAPER.

次の幕では紙を移動します。

WE'RE GOG SELL SOME BOOKS.

WE'RE GOG SELL SOME BOOKS.

SUPER FUN AT THE SAME TIME.

SUPER FUN AT THE SAME TIME.

THEN THE THIRD ACT, WE PLAY BASKETBALL.

THEN THE THIRD ACT, WE PLAY BASKETBALL.

THAT'S HISTORIC.

それは歴史的だ

THAT IS AN HISTORIC GAME.

歴史的なゲームだ

WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE THE RESULTS.

結果を見るまで待ってください。

AND, YES, THERE WAS SOME WAGERING.

そして、そうです、多少の衰えがありました。

ANYWAY, HOW MANY QUESTIONS DID I GET IN?

ANYWAY, HOW MANY QUESTIONS DID I GET IN?

>> THREE.

3. >> THREE.

>> Stephen: THREE QUESTIONS, 20 MINUTES.

>> スティーブン3つの質問、20分。

HE WAS VERY GRACIOUS.

彼はとても優美だった

THANK YOU AGAIN, MR. PRESIDENT, FOR SITTING DOWN WITH US.

ありがとうございました、MR.大統領、私たちと一緒に座ってくれてありがとう

YOU KNOW WHO HE IS MARRIED TO, THAT MICHELLE OBAMA.

彼が誰と結婚しているか知っていますか？あのミシェル・オバマです。

THAT WOULD BE A GREAT GUEST.

最高のゲストになるだろうな

THAT, THAT WOULD BE A GREAT GUEST.

それは、それは素晴らしいゲストになるだろう。

NOT THAT HE'S NOT A GOOD GUEST.

彼が良いゲストではないということではありません。

HE'S A GREAT GUEST, BUT EVERYBODY LOVES HER.

彼は素晴らしいゲストですが、誰もが彼女を愛しています。

EVERYBODY LOVES HER.

誰もが彼女を愛している

I'M ALSO JOINING YOU ON-- IS THAT TOO LONG A PAUSE?

私も一緒に参加します -- ちょっと長すぎるかな？

I WAS JUST INSPIRED BY THE PRESIDENT.

私はただ大統領に感化されただけです。

IT WAS AN OBAMA-ESQUE PAUSE.

それは、オバマ・エスクの間だった。

I'M ALSO JOINING YOU ON AN HISTORIC DAY FOR FANS OF

I'M ALSO JOINING YOU ON AN HISTORIC DAY FOR FANS OF

CAPITALISM, BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, THE DOW HIT

CAPITALISM, BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, THE DOW HIT

30,000.

30,000.

WOW!

うわぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁ

THAT IS IS... SO MANY OF THEM.

それは...沢山の人が

OF THE DOW... POWNTS?

ダウの...ＰＯＷＮＴＳ？

IS IT DOW POINTS.

それはダウポイントです。

DOWELLINGS.

目標。

IS IT DOW DROPS.

IS IT DOW DROPS.

DOW UNITS.

DOW UNITS.

30,000 DOWS, DOWELLINGS.

3万のダウリングス、ダウリングス。

LET ME PUT IT IN LEHMAN'S TERMS.

レマンの言葉で言ってみましょう。

IF YOU PUT ALL 30,000 OF THOSE DOW POINTS END TO END, IT WOULD

30,000個のダウポイントをすべて最後まで入れたら、それは素晴らしいことです。

STRETCH ALL THE WAY TO THE S&P 500.

STRETCH ALL THE WAY TO THE S&P 500.

I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE.

実際には何が何だか分からないんだ

I THINK EACH DOW IS LIKE A TICKET AT CHUCK E.

I think EACH DOW IS LIKE TICKET AT CHUCK E.

CHEESE.

チーズ

WHEN IT WAS AT 25,000, AMERICA COULD GET A STUFFED BUNNY.

25,000ドルの時には、アメリカはスタッフィングバニーを手に入れることができました。

NOW WE'RE AT 30,000, AND WE COULD GO FOR THE BEAR OR THE BIG

30,000になりました クマかビッグのどちらを狙うかです

LION, OR THE FULL-SIZED FOOTBALL.

LION, OR THE FULL-SIZED FOOTBALL.

ANYWAY, WHATEVER THEY ARE, IT'S A LOT OF THEM.

とにかく、それが何であれ、それは多くの人のものです。

SO, TO EVERYONE WHO WORKS ON WALL STREET, CONGRATULATIONS.

だから、ウォールストリートで働くすべての人に、おめでとうございます。

AND TO EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T WORK ON WALL STREET, GOOD LUCK WITH

ウォールストリートで働いていない全ての人へ 幸運を祈ります

THAT.

THAT.

NEVER ONE TO PASS UP AN OPPORTUNITY TO GLOAT FOR

NEVER ONE TO PASS UP AN OPPORTUNITY TO GLOAT FOR

SOMETHING HE'S NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR, THE PRESIDENT HELD AN

彼には責任のないことで 大統領は会議を開いた

IMPROMPTU PRESS CONFERENCE TO CONGRATULATE HIMSELF FOR THE

IMPROMPTU PRESS CONFERENCE TO CONGRATULATE HIMSELF FOR THE

DOW JONES NUMBERS GOING BIG ON THE MONEY CHART.

ダウ・ジョーンズの数字が収益チャートで大暴落しています。

>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH, AND I JUST WANT TO CONGRATULATE

>> 仝ありがとうございました。

EVERYBODY.

すべての人に。

THE STOCK MARKET, DOW JONES INDUSTRIAL AVERAGE JUST HIT

株式市場、ダウジョーンズ工業の平均株価は、ちょうどヒットしました。

30,000, WHICH IS THE HIGHEST IN HISTORY.

歴史上最高の3万人。

THE STOCK MARKET'S JUST BROKEN 30,000, NEVER BEEN BROKEN, THAT

株式市場は3万ドルを突破したばかりで 今まで一度も突破したことはありません。

NUMBER.

番号は？

THAT IS A SACRED NUMBER, 30,000.

それは神聖な数字だ 3万だ

>> Stephen: YES, A SACRED NUMBER.

>> スティーブン：はい、神聖な番号です。

AS JESUS HIMSELF SAID, "BLESSED BE THE NUMBER 30,000, FOR, MAN,

イエスご自身が言われたように、「人間は３万人の数に祝福されている。

THAT'S A LOT OF WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE COUNTING.

THAT'S A LOT OF WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE COUNTING.

SHEEP?

シープ？

WHAT ELSE DO WE OWN AROUND HERE?

この辺には何があるんだ？

NOTHING."

"何もない"

GOTTA BE SHEEP.

GOTTA BE SHEEP.

THEN, JUST ONE MINUTE AND 15 SECONDS AFTER THE PRESS

そして、プレスからわずか1分15秒後に

CONFERENCE STARTED, IT TURNED OUT IT WASN'T A PRESS

会議が始まったが、それはプレスではないことが判明した。

CONFERENCE.

CONFERENCE.

IT WAS JUST A BRAG 'N DASH, BECAUSE HE LEFT WITHOUT TAKING

彼は何も取らずに出て行ったから ただのブラグンダッシュだったのよ

ANY QUESTIONS.

ANY QUESTIONS.

>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYBODY.

>> 皆さん、本当にありがとうございました。

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

(CROSSTALK) (REPORTERS SHOUTING QUESTIONS)

(CROSSTALK) (REPORTERS SHOUTING QUESTIONS)

>> MR. PRESIDENT-- >> MR. PRESIDENT--

>> MR.大統領...大統領は...

>> SIR, WHY NOT... FOR THE GOOD OF THE COUNTRY, SIR.

>> SIR, WHY NOT... FOR THE GOOD OF THE COUNTRY, SIR.

( BLEEP ) >> Stephen: STIRRING WORDS THAT

( BLEEP ) >> Stephen: STIRRING WORDS THAT

SOMEDAY, NO DOUBT, WILL GRACE THE FACADE OF HIS PRESIDENTIAL

SOMEDAY, NO DOUBT, WILL GRACE THE FACADE OF HIS PRESIDENTIAL

LIBRARY.

図書館だ

THIS WAS A RARE POTUS SIGHTING.

THIS WAS A RARE POTUS SIGHTING.

SINCE THE ELECTION, HE'S MADE FEW PUBLIC APPEARANCES.

SINCE THE ELECTION, HE'S MADE FEW PUBLIC APPEARANCES.

HE KNOWS THAT IF HE COMES OUT OF HIS BUNKER AND SEES HIS SHADOW,

HE KNOWS THAT IF HE COMES OUT OF HIS BUNKER AND SEES HIS SHADOW,

HE'LL ONLY HAVE SIX MORE WEEKS OF PRESIDENT.

HE'LL ONLY HAVE SIX MORE WEEKS OF PRESIDENT.

BUT TODAY, HE HAD A PRESSING MATTER OF NATIONAL SECURITY: THE

しかし、今日、彼は国家安全保障の逼迫した問題を抱えていました。

ANNUAL TURKEY PARDON.

年に一度のトルコの恩赦。

THIS YEAR'S STAR TURKEYS WERE NAMED CORN AND COB.

THIS YEAR'S STAR TURKEYS WERE NAMED CORN AND COB.

WE HAVE SOME FOOTAGE OF THEM ARRIVING IN D.C. FOR THEIR BIG

ワシントンに到着した映像があります

DAY.

日目

HERE THEY ARE ARRIVING AT THE ICONIC WILLARD HOTEL, GREETING

HERE THEY ARE ARRIVING AT THE ICONIC WILLARD HOTEL, GREETING

THEIR THRONGS OF FANS, AND THEN RELAXING IN SOME PLUSH BEDS,

ファンの綱渡りをして、豪華なベッドでくつろいでいます。

WHERE THEY ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR PRIVILEGE DURING AN EXPLODING

爆発的な爆発の中で自分の特権を認識している場所

HOMELESS CRISIS.

HOMELESS CRISIS.

OUR SOON-TO-BE FORMER LEADER MADE IT CLEAR HOW FORTUNATE THE

もうすぐ元リーダーになる私たちが、世界がいかに恵まれているかを明らかにしてくれました。

PARDONED BIRD WAS.

PARDONED BIRD WAS.

>> NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE MOMENT OF OUR GUESTS OF HONOR.

>> >> 今こそ、私たちの栄誉あるゲストの瞬間の時です。

THEY HAVE BEEN WAITING.

THEY HAVE BEEN WAITING.

AND, IN THIS CASE, HE HAS BEEN WAITING FOR THIS.

そして、このケースでは、彼はこれを待っていた。

BRING THEM OUT.

奴らを連れ出せ

LOOK AT THAT BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL BIRD.

あの美しい、美しい鳥を見てください。

OH, SO LUCKY.

ああ、とてもラッキーだ。

THAT IS A LUCKY BIRD.

それは幸運な鳥です。

>> Stephen: YES, IT'S A LUCKY, LUCKY BIRD... TO HAVE A BETTER

>> スティーブン：YES, IT'S A LUCKY, LUCKY BIRD...より良いものを手に入れるために

LEGAL TEAM THAN THE PRESIDENT.

大統領よりも法的なチーム。

THEN HE SAID THE WORDS THAT SO MANY WHO HAVE WORKED FOR THIS

THEN HE SAID THE WORDS THAT SO MANY WHO HAVE WORKED FOR THIS

ADMINISTRATION HAVE LONGED TO HEAR:

ADMINISTRATION HAVE LONGED TO HEAR:

>> I HEREBY GRANT YOU A FULL PARDON.

>> 私はあなたに全面的な 恩赦を与えます

>> Stephen: THERE YOU HAVE IT-- AN INNOCENT TURKEY PARDONED BY A

>> スティーブンこれだよ -- 無実のトルコ人が 恩赦されたんだ

LAME DUCK.

DUCK BLADE。

AND HE JUST GOT A LITTLE BIT LAMER BECAUSE LAST NIGHT, THE

AND HE JUST GOT A LITTLE BIT LAMER BECAUSE LAST NIGHT, THE

GENERAL SERVICES ADMINISTRATION FINALLY DECLARED THAT BIDEN CAN

GENERAL SERVICES ADMINISTRATION FINALLY DECLARED THAT BIDEN CAN

BEGIN HIS TRANSITION.

彼の転生を始めろ

HIS TRANSITION, EVEN THOUGH THE CURRENT PRESIDENT STILL HASN'T

彼の転身、たとえ現在の大統領がまだであったとしても

CONCEDED, AND HE'S NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT.

判決を受けたが、彼はそれについて満足していない。

I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN TONIGHT'S EXCITING INSTALLMENT

今夜のエキサイティングなインスタ映えで全てをお伝えします。

OF...

ｏｆ...

( TO TUNE OF "JINGLE BELLS" ) ♪ SCREW YOURSELF

( 「JINGLE BELLS」の曲に合わせて) ♪ SCREW YOURSELF

SCREW YOURSELF ♪ I WON'T GO AWAY ♪

♪自分をねじ込んでも逃げない♪

>> "THE ROAD FROM THE WHITE HOUSE."

>> "THE ROAD FROM THE WHITE HOUSE."

>> Stephen: WHEN THINGS GO WRONG FOR THE PRESIDENT, HE LOOKS DEEP

>> スティーブン：物事が大統領のためにうまくいかないとき、彼は深いところを見ています。

INSIDE AND TRIES TO UNDERSTAND WHO HE'S GOING TO BLAME.

誰を非難しようとしているのかを 理解しようとしている

IN THIS CASE, THE NEEDLE LANDED ON HIS PERSONAL ATTORNEY AND

このケースでは、針は彼の個人的な弁護士と

BILBO POSSESSED BY THE ONE RING, RUDY GIULIANI.

BILBO POSSESSED BY THE ONE RING, RUDY GIULIANI.

AFTER RUDY'S DISASTROUS PRESS CONFERENCE LAST WEEK, AIDES SAY

AFTER RUDY'S DISASTROUS PRESS CONFERENCE LAST WEEK, AIDES SAY

THE PRESIDENT STARTED TO WORRY THAT HIS LEGAL TEAM "IS COMPOSED

THE PRESIDENT STARTED TO WORRY THAT HIS LEGAL TEAM "IS COMPOSED

OF FOOLS THAT ARE MAKING HIM LOOK BAD."

"彼を悪者にしている愚か者たち"

NO, SIR, THAT'S YOUR HAIR AND MAKEUP TEAM.

NO, SIR, THAT'S YOUR HAIR AND MAKEUP TEAM.

BUT ONE OF THE KEY CONFIDENCE KILLERS COULD HAVE BEEN WHEN

しかし、重要な確信殺人者の一つは、その時にいたかもしれません。

RUDY HAD THIS LITERAL MELTDOWN.

ルディはこのような致命的なメルトダウンを持っていた。

EVEN IF IT'S CLOSE TO THANKSGIVING, THE PRESIDENT

感謝祭に近づいていても 大統領

DOESN'T WANT A LAWYER WHO MAKES HIS OWN GRAVY.

DOESN'T WANT A LAWYER WHO MAKES HIS YOUR OWN GRAVY.

NOW, IT MAY BE HARD TO IMAGINE, BUT RUDY WASN'T ALWAYS THE TROLL

NOW, IT MAY BE HARD TO IMAGINE, BUT RUDY WASN'T ALWAYS THE TROLL

LIVING UNDER AMERICA'S BRIDGE.

アメリカの橋の下で暮らしています。

JUST 18 YEARS AGO, HE WAS ALMOST UNIVERSALLY HAILED AS A NATIONAL

ほんの18年前には、世界中から国民的な注目を集めていました。

HERO.

HERO.

IN FACT, THIS MORNING, THE INTERNET UPCHUCKED A NEWLY

実は、今朝、インターネットは新しいものをアップチャックしました。

REDISCOVERED CLIP OF A 2003 RUDY BIOPIC FEATURING ACTOR AND GUY

2003年に公開された俳優とギューが共演したルーディ・バイオピックのクリップが再発見されました。

ON THE SUBWAY WHO KEEPS MENTIONING THE SEAT NEXT TO HIM

地下鉄で誰が隣の席のことを言ってくるのか

IS FREE, JAMES WOODS.

無料です、ジェームズ・ウッドズ

WOODS-- 1600 ON HIS S.A.T.s, JUST ASK HIM AND HE'LL TELL

ウッズ... S. A. T. で1600だ 彼に聞いてくれれば教えてくれる

YOU-- UNIRONICALLY PORTRAYED GIULIANI AS A ROMANTIC IDEALIST.

あなたは ジウリアーニをロマン主義的な理想主義者として 誤って描いていましたね

HERE'S JUST A TASTE.

ここにあるのは、ただの味見です。

>> THAT'S WHAT MY FATHER TAUGHT ME.

>> THAT'S WHAT MY FATHER TAUGHT ME.

MY DAD AND MY OTHER HEROES: WINSTON CHURCHILL, BOBBY KENNEDY

私の父と私の他のヒーロー：ウィンストン・チャーチル、ボビー・ケネディ

>> DEMOCRATS.

>> 民主党。

>> AS I ONCE WAS.

>> かつての私のように。

>> WHY'D YOU SWITCH?

>> WHY'D YOU SWITCH?

>> YOU KNOW, DEMOCRATS ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT THINGS GETTING

>> 民主党はいつも「大変なことになった」と話していたが、それを知っているか？

BETTER.

ベター

REPUBLICANS DID WHATEVER THEY COULD TO MAKE THEM BETTER.

REPUBLICANS DID WHATEVER THEY COULD TO MAKE THEM BETTER.

THAT'S WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR, RIGHT?

THAT'S WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR, RIGHT?

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: THEY WOULD HAVE PAID

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> スティーブン彼らはお金を払っていただろう

FOR BETTER WRITING, BUT THEY BLEW THE WHOLE BUDGET ON THAT

FOR BETTER WRITING, BUT THEY BLEW THE WHOLE BUDGET ON THAT

WINDOWS 98 SCREENSAVER OF THE OCEAN BEHIND HIM.

WINDOWS 98のスクリーンセーバーには、彼の背後にある海が描かれています。

NOW, THE ACTUAL TITLE OF THAT MOVIE IS "RUDY: THE RUDY

NOW, THE ACTUAL TITLE OF THAT MOVIE IS "RUDY: THE RUDY

GIULIANI STORY."

"GIULIANI STORY"

SEEMS A LITTLE REDUNDANT, BUT THEN AGAIN, ALL THE BEST MOVIES

SEEMS A LITTLE REDUNDANT, BUT THEN AGAIN, ALL THE BEST MOVIES

DRIVE HOME THEIR SUBJECT MATTER.

DRIVE HOME THEIR SUBJECT MATTER.

THAT'S WHY MY FAVORITE MOVIE IS "STAR WARS: A STAR WARS STORY."

THAT'S WHY MY FAVORITE MOVIE IS "STAR WARS: A STAR WARS STORY."

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THAT SCENE IS HOW REALISTICALLY IT PORTRAYS

私がこのシーンで気に入っているのは、それがリアルに描かれていることです。

THE ROMANCE OF TALKING ABOUT REPUBLICAN POLICY RIGHT BEFORE

THE ROMANCE OF TALKING ABOUT REPUBLICAN POLICY RIGHT BEFORE

YOU MAKE OUT.

YOU MAKE OUT.

HOLLYWOOD DOES IT ALL THE TIME IN LOVE SCENES:

HOLLYWOOD DOES IT ALL THE TIME IN LOVE SCENES:

>> I'M ALSO JUST A GIRL, STANDING IN FRONT OF A BOY,

>> 私もただの女の子で、男の子の前に立っているだけです。

ASKING HIM TO TAKE AWAY-- >> HER BODILY AUTONOMY.

ASKING HIM TO TAKE AWAY-- >> HER BODILY AUTONOMY.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ HOLY INFANT SO ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ HOLY INFANT SO

>> YOU COMPLETE ME.

>> YOU COMPLETE ME.

I'M NOT JUST-- >> SHUT UP.

私はただ... >> 黙れ

JUST SHUT UP.

黙れ

YOU HAD ME AT-- >> OPPORTUNITY ZONES.

YOU HAD ME AT-- >> OPPORTUNITY ZONES.

>> Stephen: I GOT ALL TEARED UP THERE.

>> スティーブン涙が出てきたよ

SO, WITH THE PRESIDENT DISTANCING HIMSELF

それで、大統領が自分を離した状態で

FROM THE NATIONAL EMBARRASSMENT THAT IS RUDY GIULIANI, HE'S

国の恥さらしであるルーディ・ジュリアーニから 彼は

LOOKING TO ALIGN HIMSELF WITH A MORE REPUTABLE FIGURE: ACTOR AND

自分をもっと保守的な人物に 合わせたいと思っている。俳優と

GUY IN THE MARKET FOR A USED WATERBED, RANDY QUAID.

中古のウォーターベッドを売りに来た男 ランディ・クエイド

QUAID, OF COURSE, IS MOST FAMOUS FOR TRYING TO ERECT A RANDY

クエイドはもちろん、ランディを立てようとしたことで最も有名です。

QUAID MUSEUM, OR CLAIMING HE'S "ON THE RUN" FROM A

クエイド博物館、または彼は "逃げている "と主張しているから

CELEBRITY-KILLING ORGANIZATION CALLED THE "HOLLYWOOD STAR

CELEBRITY-KILLING ORGANIZATION CALLED THE "HOLLYWOOD STAR

WHACKERS," OR SHOWING UP IN COURT WEARING A SHERIFF'S BADGE,

WHACKERS," OR SHOWING UP IN COURT WEARING A SHERIFF'S BADGE,

OR POSTING DISTURBING SEX TAPES IN WHICH HE AND HIS WIFE ARE

または自分と妻が写っている不愉快なセックス・テープを投稿すること。

HAVING INTERCOURSE BELOW A PICTURE OF RUPERT MURDOCH.

ルパート・マードックの写真の下にインターコースがあります。

OBVIOUSLY, RANDY'S A BUSY GUY-- BARELY HAS TIME TO BUY AND SELL

確かにランディは忙しくて売り買いする時間がほとんどない

URINE ON CRAIGSLIST.

CRAIGSLISTのURINE。

AND, TURNS OUT, QUAID HAS BEEN A LONGTIME MAGA MAN, AND THIS

そして、判明したのは、クエイドは長い間マガマンだった、そして、これは、

MORNING, THE PRESIDENT REPAID HIS LOYALTY BY RETWEETING

朝、大統領はリツイートして忠誠心を取り戻した

SEVERAL OF RANDY QUAID'S POLITICAL OPINIONS SUCH AS THIS

ランディ・クエイドの政治的見解の中には、このようなものもあります。

ONE: "WE'VE LOST CONFIDENCE IN THE

ONE 「信頼を失った」

SYSTEM THAT ELECTS OUR LEADERS.

SYSTEM THAT ELECTS OUR LEADERS.

79 MILLION AMERICANS BELIEVE ELECTION WAS RIGGED, THE RESULTS

79 MILLION AMERICANS BELIEVE ELECTION WAS RIGGED, THE RESULTS

FRAUDULENT.

詐欺師

WE NEED AN IN-PERSON-ONLY PAPER BALLOT RE-VOTE, ESPECIALLY IN

WE NEED AN IN-PERSON-ONLY PAPER BALLOT RE-VOTE, ESPECIALLY IN

THE STATES WHERE FLAGRANT IRREGULARITIES HAVE OCCURRED.

瑕疵担保責任が発生した州。

NO ACCURACY, NO DEMOCRACY!" TO WHICH THE PRESIDENT ADDED

正確さも民主主義もない！"それに加えて大統領は

"ARE YOU LISTENING, REPUBLICANS?"

"ARE YOU LISTENING, REPUBLICANS?"

NO.

NO.

THE ONLY PERSON LISTENING TO RANDY QUAID IS HIS THERAPIST,

ランディ・クエイドの話を聞いているのは彼の治療家だけです。

WHICH, UNFORTUNATELY, IS AN OLD BOOT HE PUT A HAT ON.

不幸なことに、彼が帽子を被った古いブーツだ。

QUAID ALSO GOT A RETWEET TODAY FROM THE PRESIDENT FOR HIS

クエイドはまた、今日は大統領からのリツイートを得た 彼のために

AWARD-WINNING PRO-ADMINISTRATION MONOLOGUE FROM LAST YEAR.

昨年のプロアドミニストレーション・モノローグで賞を受賞しました。

>> IS THIS THE WAY AMERICA GOES?

>> これがアメリカの行く末なのか？

FROM GEORGE WASHINGTON TO GEORGE SOROS?

FROM GEORGE WASHINGTON TO GEORGE SOROS?

WAKE UP, YOU SLEEPING GIANT.

目を覚ませ、寝ている巨人。

THE LILLIPUTIANS THAT TIE YOU DOWN WITH THEIR FANTASTIC DREAMS

THE LILLIPUTIANS THAT TIE YOU DOWN WITH THEIR FANTASTIC DREAMS

OF ICEBERGS MELTING INTO DINOSAURS AND TRAIN TRACKS

氷山が溶けて恐竜や鉄道の線路になる様子

STRETCHING ACROSS THE PACIFIC WATERS.

太平洋を横断している。

TRUMP TRUMPETS REVELING, AND IT'S TIME TO HEED THE CALL.

トランプ・トラントンは 復活しています 呼びかけに耳を傾ける時が来ました

>> Stephen: "THANK YOU, MR. QUAID, BUT THIS IS AN AUDITION

>> スティーブン「ありがとうございます。クエイド、しかし、これはオーディションです。

FOR A PROCESSED BEEF STICK.

加工された牛肉スティックのために。

SO IF YOU COULD JUST SNAP INTO THE SLIM JIM AND NOT MENTION THE

スリムジムの中に飛び込んできて、そのことに言及しなかったら

TRILATERAL COMMISSION."

"三国間委員会"

THAT WOULD BE GREAT."

"それは素晴らしいことだ"

THAT'S THE MORE TONED-DOWN OF THE TWO RANDY QUAID MONOLOGUES

ランディ・クエイドの二人のモノローグはもっとトーンダウンされています。

THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES RETWEETED TODAY.

アメリカ合衆国大統領が今日リツイートしました。

HERE'S THE BANANAS ONE: >> FOX NEWS DAYTIME RATINGS HAVE

HERE'S THE BANANAS ONE: >> FOX NEWS DAYTIME RATINGS HAVE

COMPLETELY COLLAPSED, WEEKEND DAYTIME, EVEN WORSE.

COMPLETELY COLLAPSED, WEEKEND DAYTIME, EVEN WORSE.

VERY SAD TO WATCH THIS HAPPEN.

こんなことになるのを見るのはとても悲しい

THEY FORGOT WHAT MADE THEM SUCCESSFUL, WHAT GOT THEM THERE.

THEY FORGOT WHAT MADE THEM SUCCESSFUL, WHAT GOT THEM THERE.

THEY FORGOT THE GOLDEN GOOSE.

彼らは金色のグースを忘れた

>> Stephen: I BELIEVE HE'S USING WHAT'S KNOWN AS "MOOD

>> Stephen: I BELIEVE HE'S USING WHAT'S KNOWOWING "MOOD "と呼ばれるものを使っていると思います。

LIGHTING."

LIGHTING."

THE MOOD?

気分は？

PEYOTE BENDER.

PEYOTE BENDER.

AS CRAZY AS THAT LAST VIDEO IS, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, QUAID WAS

その最後のビデオのように狂ったように、それを信じるかどうか、クエイドがあった。

JUST GIVING A DRAMATIC READING OF A TWEET FROM THE PRESIDENT.

大統領からのツイッターを 劇的に読み上げただけです

SO, A CRAZY GUY RETWEETED ANOTHER CRAZY GUY PERFORMING THE

クレイジーな奴が別のクレイジーな奴をリツイートしたんだ

FIRST CRAZY GUY'S CRAZY TWEET.

FIRST CRAZY GUY'S CRAZY TWEET。

IT'S A MOBIUS MESS.

モビウス・メスです。

IT'S LIKE WATCHING TWO TODDLERS TRY TO CHANGE EACH

IT'S LIKE WATCHING TWO TODDLERS TRY TO CHANGE EACH

OTHER'S DIAPERS, BUT SOMEHOW, IT'S EVEN MORE FULL OF CRAP.

他の人のダイアパーズだけど、なぜかもっとくだらないもので溢れている。

WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

MY GUEST, IN CASE I HAVEN'T MENTIONED IT, IS PRESIDENT

私のゲストは、私がそれを言及していない場合に備えて、大統領です。

BARACK OBAMA.

バラク・オバマ