WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!

みんな、おかえりなさい！

LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.

ジョン・バチステに挨拶しよう

HEY, JON!

HEY, JON!

>> Jon: WHAT'S HAPPENING?

>> ジョン どうしたの？

YOU GOT TO GET IT IN.

入れるんだ

>> Stephen: I LIKE THAT SHIRT A LOT.

>> Stephen: I LIKE THAT SHIRT A LOT.

>> Jon: THIS IS A GOOD VIBE.

>> Jon: THIS IS A GOOD VIBE.

IT FEELS LIKE FALL.

秋のような気がする

IT'S GREAT.

最高だよ

>> Stephen: YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT GOOD VIBE, I SPENT THE

>> スティーブン：あなたはGOOD VIBEについて聞きたい、私はそれを費やした。

MORNING TALKING TO PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.

バラク・オバマ大統領と話しています

>> Jon: WOW.

>> ジョン。WOW.

>> Stephen: I WAS DOWN IN NICE TO SEE YOU TALKING TO HIM.

>> スティーブン：私はあなたが彼と話しているのを見るために素敵にダウンしていました。

THAT IS A GOOD VIBE.

それはグッドバイブです。

HE SEEMS GOOD, HAPPY, RELAXED.

元気そうで、幸せそうで、リラックスしている。

>> Jon: OH, WOW.

>> ジョン。ああ、わぁ。

HE'S GOT A LOT ON HIS PLATE.

彼はたくさんのことをしている。

THE BOOK, YOU KNOW.

THE BOOK, YOU KNOW.

>> Stephen: THE BOOK'S DONE.

>> スティーブン：本は完成しました。

>> Jon: RIGHT.

>>ジョン。Right.

>> Stephen: ObamaCare DIDN'T GET TOSSED OUT BY THE SUPREME

>> スティーブンObamaCareは、最高裁判所によって投げ出されて取得しませんでした

COURT.

司法書士事務所。

HIS GUY IS GOING TO BE THE NEXT PRESIDENT.

HIS GUY IS GOING TO BE THE NEXT PRESIDENT.

HE'S GOT A SPRING IN HIS STEP, I TELL YOU THAT.

彼の足元にはバネがあると思うよ

>> Jon: WOW.

>> ジョン。WOW.

HOW WAS THE CONVERSATION?

HOW WAS THE CONVERSATION?

>> Stephen: FAR-RANGING, LIGHT, DEEP, IT HAD IT ALL.

>> スティーブン遠くまで伸びて、明るくて、深くて、すべてを持っていました。

I DON'T KNOW HOW WE'RE GOING TO FIT IT INTO A SHOW.

どうやってショーに組み込むのか わからないわ

MAYBE WE'LL DO TWO SHOWS.

MAYBE WE'LL DO TWO SHOWS.

MAYBE WE'LL DO AN EXTRA SHOW WITH IT.

これで別のショーをやるかもしれない

>> Jon: THAT'S WHAT I WOULD SAY.

>> ジョンそれは私が言いたいことです。

THAT'S ONE TO HAVE THE GREATEST LIVING HUMANS.

THAT'S ONE TO HAVE THE GREATEST LIVING HUMANS.

YOU'VE GOT TO SHOWCASE IT ALL.

全てを見せつけてやるんだ

WE NEED TO HEAR IT.

聞く必要がある

>> Stephen: JO JON, WE PLAYED WASTE BASKETBALL, YOU KNOW THE

>> スティーブンジョー・ジョン 俺たちは無駄なバスケットボールをしてた 知ってるだろ？

BALL PAPER AND CHUTE.

BALL PAPER AND CHUTE.

>> Stephen: HE'S GOT THE LEFT-HANDED J.

>> スティーブン左利きのJ.

>> Jon: HE DOES.

>> ジョンそうです。

YOU'VE GOT TO STICK AROUND FOR THE GAME.

YOU'VE GOT TO STICK AROUND FOR THE GAME.

.>> Jon: WHO WON?

.>> >> ジョン：WHO WON?

>> Stephen: I CAN'T GIVE THAT AWAY!

>> Stephen: I CAN'T GIVE THAT AWAY!

LET'S SAY WE DID WAGER.

俺たちがやったとしよう

>> Jon: YEAH, YEAH.

>> ジョンイェーア、イェーア。

I REMEMBER WHEN YOU PLAYED THAT WITH STEF AND YOU GOT A J.

I REMEMBER WHEN YOU PLAYED THAT WITH STEF AND YOU GOT A J.

I KNOW YOU GOT SOMETHING ON YOU WITH THE SOCKS AND THE BUCKET.

I KNOW YOU GOT SOMETHING ON YOU WITH THE SOCKS AND THE BUCKET.

>> Stephen: WHEN THE CAMERA TURNS ON AND THE ADRENALINE

>> スティーブン：カメラがオンになり、アデナリンが出ると

FLOWS, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE, JON YOU KNOW THAT.

FLOWS, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE, JON YOU KNOW THAT.

>> Jon: YEAH, I'LL PUT YOU ON THE FREE-THROW LINE FOR THE

>> ジョンフリースローのラインに 載せてあげるよ

TECH.

TECH.

( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YOU GOT ANYTHING

( LAUGHTER ) >> スティーブン。何かあったか？

COMING UP FOR THE HOLIDAYS?

COMING UP FOR THE HOLIDAYS?

ANYTHING FOR THANKSGIVING?

感謝祭は？

ANYTHING THAT PUTS YOU IN THE AUTUMNAL MOOD THAT MATCHES YOUR

自分に合った秋の気分にさせてくれるものなら何でもいい。

SHIRT?

SHIRT?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

>> Jon: OH, YEAH, YOU KNOW, THE --

>> ジョンああ、ああ、あのね、あのね、...

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

>> Stephen: NOW I WANT TO GO FOR A WALK IN CENTRAL PARK.

>> スティーブン：今、私はセントラルパークに散歩に行きたい。

JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.

ジョン・バティステ、エブリバディ

THANK YOU, JON.

THANK YOU, JON.

>> Jon: THANK YOU.

>> ジョンありがとう

>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I SPENT A LOT OF TIME TRAINING ON

>> スティーブン：皆さん、私は多くの時間をかけて訓練してきました。

THE MIGHTY STEED OF NEWS, DONNING

THE MIGHTY STEED OF NEWS, DONNING

THE DAY'S MOST TOPICAL ARMOR, AND SHARPENING THE LANCE OF

THE DAY'S MOST TOPICAL ARMOR, AND SHARPENING THE LANCE OF

SATIRE FOR THE MEDIEVAL ROYAL JOUSTING TOURNAMENT THAT IS MY

メディエバル・ロイヤル・ジョウスティング・ツーリング・トーナメントTHAT IS MY IS MEDIEVAL ROYAL JOUSTING TOURNAMENTのためのSATIRE。

MONOLOGUE.

モノローグ

BUT ONCE IN A WHILE, I DOWN A 40 OF BOURBON, RUN NAKED IN THE

でもたまには ブーボンを40杯飲んで 酔っぱらって

PALE MOONLIGHT TO THE FARM TWO TOWNS OVER, AND STEAL A BABY

PALE MOONLIGHT TO THE FARM TWO TOWNS OVER, AND STEAL A BABY

PONY TO STAGE THE FULL-FRONTAL ONE-MAN AMATEUR PRODUCTION OF

PONY TO STAGE THE FULL-FRONTAL ONE-MAN AMATEUR PRODUCTION OF

EQUUS OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:

ニュースのEQUUS THAT IS MY SEGMENT.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

>> QUARANTINE WHILE!

>> クワランティーン WHILE!

>> Stephen: I DON'T ALWAYS READ THESE AHEAD OF TIME.

>> スティーブン：私はいつも前もってこれらを読んでいません。

IN THIS SCENARIO AM I HAVING SEX WITH A PONY?

この光景の中で私はポニーとセックスしているのか？

IT'S A BABY PONY.

IT'S A BABY PONY.

VERY UPSETTING.

非常に動揺しています。

I DO NOT APPROVE THAT INTRO, BUT I DID ENJOY IT.

序文には賛同できないけど 楽しめたよ

QUARANTINE-WHIILE, LET'S GET STRAIGHT TO THE QUESTION

QUARANTINE-WHIILE, LET'S GET STRAIGHT TO THE QUESTION

EVERYONE IS ASKING TODAY: HAS SEX PISTOLS STAR JOHN LYDON BEEN

セックス・ピストルズのスター ジョン・リドンは？

BITTEN BY A FLEA ON HIS PENIS AFTER BEFRIENDING SQUIRRELS?

スクワイアレスと出会った後、ペニスの上のフレアに噛まれたのか？

GOOD NEWS: SEX PISTOL STAR JOHN LIEDEN WAS

GOOD NEWS: SEX PISTOLのスター、ジョン・リーデンは

BITTEN ON HIS PENIS AFTER BEFRIENDING THE SQUIRRELS.

スクワイアレスと仲良くなった後、ペニスに噛まれた。

IT SEEMS THE FLEA NEVER MINDED THE BOLLOCKS, AND WENT STRAIGHT

それは、フレアは、ボロックを気にしないように見える、とまっすぐに行った。

FOR THE SEX PISTOL.

"SEX PISTOL "のために

GOD SAVE THE PEEN.

GOD SAVE THE PEEN.

LYDON IS RECOVERING WELL, AND AUTHORITIES HAVE RELEASED THIS

ライドンは順調に回復しており、当局はこのリリースを発表しました。

PHOTO OF THE SUSPECTED PENIS-BITING FLEA.

ペニスを噛むと疑われているフレアの写真。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, JUST IN TIME FOR THANKSGIVING, "PERDUE HAS

QUARANTINE-While, JUST IN TIME FOR THANKSGIVING, "PERDUE HAS HAS "は感謝祭に間に合った。

RELEASED A LIMITED-TIME-ONLY ITEM CALLED "THANKSNUGGETS."

期間限定アイテム "THANKSNUGGETS "を発売しました。

IT'S PERFECT FOR ANYONE SPENDING THIS THANKSGIVING ALONE,

それは一人でこの感謝祭を過ごす人のために完璧です。

WONDERING, "HOW CAN I MAKE THIS SADDER?"

"どうやってこのサダーを作ることができるのか？"と悩んでいる

ALSO, PRO TIP, DON'T GIVE YOUR PRODUCT A NAME THAT

また、プロのヒント、あなたの製品の名前を与えるべきではありません。

AUTOMATICALLY SOUNDS LIKE SARCASM.

AUTOMATICALLY SOUNDS LIKE SARCASM.

THANKS, NUGGETS.

ありがとう、ナゲット。

THERE ARE TWO FLAVORS OF THANKS, NUGGETS: ONE INCLUDES

THERE ARE TWO FLAVORS OF THANKS, NUGGETS: ONE INCLUDES

DARK TURKEY MEAT BLENDED WITH A CRANBERRY SAUCE AND STUFFING

濃いめのターキーミートとクランベリーソースとスタッフィングのブレンド

FLAVOR, AND ONE FEATURES WHITE TURKEY MEAT "INSPIRED" BY

風味はもちろんのこと、ホワイトターキーの肉にも影響を受けています。

THE FLAVOR OF SWEET POTATO.

スウィートポタートの香り。

"INSPIRED" BY ACTUAL FOOD? OKAY, PICASSO.

"実際の食品に触発された？よし ピカソ

(AS ARTIST) "AND OVER HERE YOU'LL SEE MY

(アーティストとして) 「そして、ここの向こうに私の姿が見えます。

NUGGETS THAT ARE LOOSELY INSPIRED BY THE CONCEPT OF

のコンセプトにインスパイアされているナゲット

CHICKEN.

チキン

THEY INCLUDE AN HOMAGE TO NUTRITION AND OF COURSE A NOD TO

栄養学へのオマージュが含まれていて、もちろん、への言及も含まれています。

PROTEIN, BUT THE MEDIUM IS PRIMARILY SALT MIXED WITH

タンパク質だが、中間層は主に塩分と混合されている。

OIL AND BREAD CRUMBS."

"油とパンのくず"

QUARANTINE-WHILE, "FLORIDA OFFICIALS HAVE PROPOSED CULLING

QUARANTINE-WHILE, "FLORIDA OFFICIALS HAVE PROPOSED CULLING

THEIR INVASIVE PYTHON POPULATION BY EATING THEM."

"それを食べることで 侵略的なパイソンの人口を増やす"

THE ONLY THING THAT SURPRISES ME ABOUT THIS STORY IS THAT

この物語で私を驚かせてくれるのは、それだけです。

FLORIDIANS WEREN'T "ALREADY" EATING PYTHONS.

フロリダ州民はパイソンを食べていなかった

UNTIL NOW, FLORIDA'S FISH AND WILDLIFE COMMISSION HAS

今までは、フロリダ州魚類野生生物委員会が

DISAPPROVED OF EATING THE INVASIVE PYTHONS BECAUSE

侵略的なパイソンを食べることを拒否した理由は

"A DECADE-OLD STUDY FOUND EVERGLADES NATIONAL PARK PYTHONS

"数十年前の研究でエバーグラード国立公園のパイソンが発見された

CARRIED ALARMING AMOUNTS OF MERCURY, A NEUROTOXIN THAT CAN

神経毒素であるマーキュリーのアラーム量を携帯していました。

IMPAIR BRAIN FUNCTIONING."

"脳の機能を損なう"

AGAIN...

またかよ...

ARE WE "SURE" FLORIDIANS HAVEN'T ALREADY BEEN EATING THESE

私たちは "確かに "フロリダの人々はまだこれらのものを食べていない

SNAKES.

スネークだ

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A STATE THAT KEEPS ELECTING A MAN WHO IS

私たちが話しているのは、州の話をしているんですよ。

CLEARLY PART PYTHON.

クリアパートパイソン。

HE WILL UNHINGE HIS JAW!

彼は顎を拘束しないだろう！

QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN MOVIE NEWS, IT HAS JUST BEEN REVEALED THAT

クワランタイン-一方で、映画ニュースでは、そのことが明らかになったばかりです。

"MAHERSHALA ALI REFUSED TO DO A SEX SCENE IN 'BENJAMIN BUTTON'."

"マーシャラ・アリは『ベンジャミン・バトン』でのセックスシーンを拒否した"

BUT THE WEIRD PART IS HE: HE FILMED THE MOVIE, "THEN" REFUSED

BUT THE WEIRD PART IS HE: HE FILMED THE MOVIE, "THEN" REFUSED

TO DO THE SEX SCENE, AND "THEN" AUDITIONED, AND THEN WAS

セックスシーンをして、オーディションを受けて、その後に

A BABY.

A BABY.

NEVER SEEN IT.

見たことがない

QUARANTINE-WHILE, BEAR ATTACKS HAVE REACHED A FIVE YEAR HIGH IN

QUARANTINE-WHILE, BEAR ATTACKS HAVE REACHED A FIVE YEAR HIGH IN

JAPAN, BUT ONE AREA HAS A NOVEL SOLUTION: THE JAPANESE

JAPAN, BUT ONE AREA HAS A NOVEL SOLUTION: THE JAPANESE

ISLAND OF HOKKAIDO HAS CALLED IN A 'MONSTER WOLF' TO SCARE OFF

ISLAND OF HOKKAIDO HAS CALLED IN A 'MONSTER WOLF' TO SCARE OFF

WILD BEAR," HERE IT IS IN ACTION:

WILD BEAR」、ここではその動きが見られます。

NOW THAT'S A HAPPY STORY.

それは幸せな話だ

THIS MONSTER WOLF HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR WORK EVER SINCE HE

THIS MONSTER WOLF HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR WORK EVER SINCE HE

GOT KICKED OUT OF THE CHUCK E.

GOT KICKED OUT OF THE CHUCK E.

CHEESE BAND FOR MURDERING HIS METH DEALER.

彼の薬の売人を殺したためのチーズバンド。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN WHAT COULD GO WRONG NEWS, "SCIENTISTS MADE

FORTYINE-while, what could go wrong news, "SCIENTISTS MADE"（科学者が作った）

MONKEY BRAINS DOUBLE IN SIZE BYSPLICING THEM WITH HUMAN

MONKEY BRAINS DOUBLE IN SIZE BYSPLICING THEM WITH HUMAN

GENES."

GENES."

COME ON!

来いよ！

WE'VE MADE MOVIE AFTER MOVIE ABOUT HOW THIS ENDS BADLY.

これがどうやって悪い結末を迎えるのかについての映画を作ってきました。

"JURASSIC PARK," "THE FLY," ALL THE "PLANET OF THE APES"

"ジュラシック・パーク" "ザ・フライ" "すべての" "猿の惑星"

MOVIES, HAVE YOU NOT SEEN "EX MONKEY-NA?!"

MOVIES, HAVE YOU NOT SEEN "EX MONKEY-NA?!"

IT'S GOOD. A MAZING WHAT THEY DID ON THAT

それは良いです。その上で彼らがしたことは驚異的です

BUDGET.

BUDGET.

AFTER EXPERIMENTING WITH THE -- I'M GETTING WEIRD MIXTURE OF

AFTER EXPERIMENTING WITH THE -- I'M GETTING WEIRD MIXTURE OF

FEELINGS LOOKING AT THAT MONKEY.

その猿を見ていると 感情が湧いてくる

AFTER ALL, WE HEARD WHAT I DID WITH THE PONY AT THE BEGINNING

AFTER ALL, WE HEARD WHAT I DID WITH THE PONY AT THE BEGINNING

OF THIS.

これの。

I DON'T KNOW HOW THE ACT IS PAINTING ME.

どうやって私を描いているのか分からない。

AFTER EXPERIMENTING WITH THE MONKEYS' GENES "THEY FOUND THAT

AFTER EXPERIMENTING WITH THE MONKEYS' GENES "THEY FOUND THAT

THE PRIMATES' BRAINS SOON BECAME MORE HUMAN-LIKE."

THE PRIMATES' BRAINS SOON BECAME MORE HUMAN-LIKE."

SO MONKEYS CAN NOW FEEL WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE HUMAN.

猿は人間になることを 感じられるようになりました

IN FACT, ONE MONKEY BECAME SO HUMAN LIKE THAT SHE BOUGHT A

１匹の猿が人間になったのです。

PELOTON TO HELP HER GET THROUGH HER DIVORCE.

離婚した彼女を助けるために

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH GLENN CLOSE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH GLENN CLOSE.