GENTLEMEN, AGAIN, THESE ARE ACTUAL RESULTS THAT WE RECEIVED,

紳士よ、もう一度、これは私たちが受け取った実際の結果です。

THANKS TO ADVANCE ED THANKS TO

THANKS TO ADVANCE ED THANKS TO

ADVANCED COMPUTER MODELING AND THE OCCASIONAL SINGING TELEGRAM.

先進的なコンピュータモデリングと一般的な歌謡曲のテレグラム。

WHAT DO WE HAVE FIRST, MARYLAND?

WHAT DO WE HAVE FIRST, MARYLAND?

LET'S START IN MARYLAND, WHERE CBS PROJECTS THAT JOE BIDEN HAS

LET'S START IN MARYLAND, WHERE CBS PROJECTS THAT JOE BIDEN HAS

DEFEATED DONALD TRUMP.

ドナルド・トランプを倒しました。

( AS TRUMP ) "BUT MARYLAND AND I HAVE SO MUCH

( AS TRUMP ) "BUT MARYLAND AND IAVE SO MUCH

IN COMMON!

IN COMMON!

WE'RE BOTH KNOWN FOR GIVING PEOPLE CRABS!"

WE'RE BOTHER KNOWN FOR GIVING PEOPLE CRABS！"

WE CAN ALSO REPORT THAT VERMONT HAS BEEN CALLED FOR FORMER VICE

ヴァーモントが前副大統領に招集されたことも報告します

PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN.

ジョー・バイデン大統領

THE TICKET WAS GIVEN A HUGE BOOST, THANKS TO BEN & JERRY'S

ベン＆ジェリーズのおかげで、チケットが急上昇しました。

NEW FLAVOR: FORMER ICE PRETZEL-MINT

新フレーバー：旧アイスプレッツェル-ミント

CUP-OF-JOE BITE-IN AND CALI-FUDGIA SENA-PEANUTBU-TOR

カップ・オブ・ジョー・バイト・インとカリフジア・セナピーナッツ・トル

KAMALANANNA HARR-REECES-PIECES.

KAMALANANNA HARR-REECES-PIECES.

I HAVE TO HYDRATE AFTER THAT JOKE.

I HAVE TO HYDRATE AFTER THAT JOKE.

THERE'S MORE?

THERE'S MORE?

MOVING ON, WE ARE NOW ABLE TO PROJECT THAT DELAWARE HAS BEEN

MOVING ON, WE ARE NOW ABLE TO PROJECT THAT DELAWARE HAS BEEN

WON BY JOE BIDEN.

ジョー・ビデンが勝ちました。

WELL, I SHOULD HOPE SO.

そう願うよ

IT'S HIS HOME STATE.

彼の故郷だ

THAT WOULD BE LIKE DONALD TRUMP LOSING NEW YORK.

ドナルド・トルンプがニューヨークに負けたようなものだ。

HE WHAT?

HE WHAT?

THAT'S GOTTA STING.

刺さったぞ

WELL, AS I JUST PRETENDED TO HEAR FROM OFF CAMERA: NEW YORK

さて、ちょうどオフカメラで聞いていたように

STATE AND ITS WHOPPING 29 ELECTORAL VOTES HAS JUST BEEN

州とその29の選挙人の投票を叩くことは、単にされています。

CALLED FOR VICE PRESIDENT JOSEPH R. BIDEN.

副大統領ジョセフ・R・バイデンを招集しました

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY: IF YOU CAN MAKE IT HERE, YOU'RE NOT

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY: IF YOU CAN MAKE IT HERE, YOU'RE NOT

DONALD TRUMP.

DONALD TRUMP.

FURTHER SOUTH, THE NUMBER CALLERS HAVE CALLED THE NUMBERS,

FURTHER SOUTH, THE NUMBER CALLERS HAVE CALLED THE NUMBERS,

AND IT LOOKS LIKE KENTUCKY HAS GONE FOR DONALD TRUMP.

そして、それはケントゥーキーがドナルド・トルンプのために行ってきたように見える。

AND, OH, OF OH, LOOK!

そして、ああ、ああ、見て！

MITCH McCONNELL IS SO PROUD, HE'S INFLATING HIS WATTLE!

ミッチ・マコネルは誇りに思っている 彼は自分のワトルを膨らませている！

OH, AN AGGRESSIVE MATING GESTURE.

アグレッシブ・マティング・ジェスチャーだ

WATCH OUT, LADIES.

気をつけろ

NO SURPRISE, DONALD TRUMP HAS WON TENNESSEE, WHICH HAS AN

驚くべきことではありませんが、ドナルド・トランプはテネシー州を制覇しました。

ACTUAL STATE GUN, THE BARRETT .50-CALIBER M82, WHICH I'M BEING

本物の州軍の銃 バレット50口径M82を手に入れた

TOLD HAS ALSO WON ITS SENATE SEAT.

TOLDはまた、その上院の議席を獲得しました。

AND A LITTLE FURTHER WEST, OR NORTH-- I'M NOT SURE--

そして、もう少し西か北に...よくわからない...

INDIANA HAS JUST BEEN CALLED FOR DONALD TRUMP.

インディアナ州はドナルド・トルンプを 求めています

WELL, OF COURSE, IT WAS EITHER VOTE FOR HIM, OR TAKE MIKE PENCE

もちろん 彼に投票するか マイク・ペンスを選ぶかのどちらかだった

BACK.

BACK.

THAT WAS AN EASY CALL.

簡単な呼び出しだった

AND FOR ANY OKIES WONDERING HOW YOUR PAN IS BEING HANDLED, I CAN

あなたのパンがどのように扱われているのか知りたいと思っているすべてのオキアミたちのために、私はあなたのパンを扱うことができます。

NOW CONDFIDENTALY REPORT THAT THE STATE OF OKLAHOMA IS BEING

NOW CONDFIDENTALY REPORT THAT THE STATE OF OKLAHOMA IS BEING

CALLED FOR DONALD TRUMP.

ドナルド・トルムを呼びました。

WELL, YOU KNOW HOW THE SONG GOES:

WELL, YOU KNOW HOW THE SONG GOES:

( TO THE TUNE OF "OKLAHOMA" ) ♪ OOOOKLAHOMA, WHERE THEY DON'T

( TO THE TUNE OF "OKLAHOMA" ) ♪ OOOOKLAHOMA, WHERE THEY DON'T

CARE TRUMP KILLED HERMAN CAIN ♪ HOW ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE?

CARE TRUMP KILLED HERMAN CAIN ♪ HOW ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE?

DID YOU GET SOME MORE WINE?

DID YOU GET SOME MORE WINE?

WITH WE GET HER SOME MORE WINE, PLEASE?

彼女にもっとワインを飲ませてくれないか？

THAT'S NOT A JOKE.

冗談じゃないよ

THE WOMAN NEEDS TO STAY-- WHATEVER THAT STATE SHE'S IN

THE WOMAN NEEDS TO STAY-- WHATEVER THAT STATE SHE'S IN

RIGHT NOW.

RIGHT NOW.

SPEAKING OF STATES ANOTHER STATE HAS BEEN OFFICIALLY DECIDED.

国家といえば、別の州が正式に決定されました。

SOUTH DAKOTA IS BEING CALLED FOR DONALD TRUMP.

サウスダコタはドナルド・トルンプを求めています。

LET'S SEE HOW PEOPLE IN THE STATE ARE REACTING,

LET'S SEE HOW PEOPLE IN THE STATE ARE REACTING,

AAAND...

AAAND...

>> AND OH NO!

>> とか、もうダメだ!

>> ( BLEEP )!

>>( BLEEP )!

>> Stephen: OKAY.

>> スティーブンいいわよ

BACK EAST I'M GETTING-- IS THIS TRUE?

東に戻ってきた...本当か？

I AM GETTING BREAKING RESULTS FROM TWO HOURS AGO THAT NEW

2時間前にその新しいものから結果を得ています。

JERSEY HAS BEEN CALLED FOR JOE BIDEN.

JERSEYはJOE BIDENのために呼び出されました。

THAT MAKES SENSE.

筋が通ってる

AFTER ALL, THE FIRST-EVER BASEBALL GAME WAS PLAYED IN NEW

AFTER ALL, THE FIRST-EVER BASEBALL GAME WAS PLAYED IN NEW

JERSEY IN 1846, AND JOE BIDEN WAS THERE.

1846年のJERSEYにJOE BIDENがいました。

YEP, STILL GONNA DO THESE JOKES, SIR!

はい、まだ冗談を言いますよ、サー！

AND I AM ALSO GETTING RESULTS IN FROM THE NATIONS MOST

そして、私はまた、国の最もからの結果を取得しています。

MASSACHUSETTS-Y STATE, MASSACHUSETTS.

マサチューセッツ州のY州、マサチューセッツ州。

WE ARE READY TO PROJECT THAT IT HAS GONE FOR JOE BIDEN.

WE ARE READY TO PROJECT THAT IT HAS GONE FOR JOE BIDEN.

BIDEN WON THE HEARTS OF BOSTONIANS WITH HIS

BIDEN WON THE HEARTS OF BOSTONIANS WITH HIS

MESSAGE OF TELLING A GUY FROM NEW YORK TO SHUT THE HELL UP.

ニューヨークの男を黙らせるメッセージ

OF COURSE, ALL DAY WE'VE BEEN WAITING ON RESULTS FROM OUR

もちろん、私たちは終日、私たちの結果を待っていました。

COUNTRY'S MOST RECTANGULAR STATE, COLORADO.

この国で最も田舎の州、コロラド。

AND WE GOT THEM.

そして、私たちはそれらを得た。

AND IT LOOKS LIKE JOE BIDEN HAS JUST WON COLORADO!

AND IT LOOKS LIKE JOE BIDEN HAS JUST WON COLORADO!

HERE'S AN INTERESTING FACT: COLORADO HAS A LONG HISTORY OF

HERE'S AN INTERESTING FACT: COLORADO HAS A LONG HISTORY OF

VOTING BY MAIL.

郵送です。

IN THIS YEAR'S STATE PRIMARIES, 99.3% OF VOTERS USED MAIL-IN

今年の州の初等部では99.3％の人が郵便物を使っています

BALLOTS.

バロツ。

THE REMAINING .7% COULDN'T, BECAUSE THEY AHD TURNED THEIR

残りの0.7％は、できませんでした。

MAILBOX INTO A BONG.

MAILBOX INTO A BONG.

THERE'S MORE.

THERE'S MORE.

HERE WE GO.

行くぞ

MISSOURI.

ミズーリ

I'M PRETENDING THIS NEWS HAS JUST BEEN HANDED TO ME.

I'M PRETENDING THIS NEWS HAS JUST BEEN HANDED TO ME.

MISSOURI HAS JUST BEEN CALLED FOR DONALD TRUMP.

ミズーリはドナルド・トルムのために告訴されました。

APPARENTLY THE SHOW ME STATE LIKES THE GUY WHO'S ENTIRE SHOW

APPARENTLY THE SHOW ME STATE LIKES THE GUY WHO'S ENTIRE SHOW

IS ME.

IS MEです。

THIS ONE-- THIS ONE I DID NOT EXPECT RIGHT AWAY.

THIS ONE-- THIS ONE I DID NOT EXPECT RIGHT AWAY.

THIS HAS GOT TO COME AS A SHOCKER TO EVERYONE IN A COMA.

昏睡状態の人には衝撃的だわ

JOE BIDEN HAS WON THE GOLDEN STATE, CALIFORNIA

ジョー・バイデンはゴールドステートとカリフォルニア州で優勝しました。

WITH CALIFORNIA, BECAUSE OF HOW THE VOTES ARE TALLIED, WE MAY

カリフォルニア州では、投票の集計方法のために、我々は可能性があります。

NOT KNOW THE OFFICIAL RESULTS FOR QUITE A WHILE.

公式の結果を知らないまま、しばらくの間。

SO WITH ZERO PERCENT REPORTING-- AND THIS IS TRUE-- WITH ZERO

SO WITH ZERO PERCENT REPORTING-- AND THIS IS TRUE-- WITH ZERO

PERCENT REPORTING BECAUSE, COME ON, IT'S CALIFORNIA.

カリフォルニア州だからな

AND THIS ISN'T THE NEWS, OKAY.

これはニュースじゃないわ

IS THAT IT?

これでいいのか？

CAN I MOVE ON TO OTHER JOKES?

他のジョークに移ってもいいですか？

HAVE THESE COMPOSTED.

HAVE THESE COMPOSTED.

FOLKS IF YOU WATCH ELECTION COVERAGE-- AND SPIRAL, YOU ARE

FOLKS IF YOU WATCH ELECTION COVERAGE-- AND SPIRAL, YOU ARE

RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW THE NEWS NETWORKS ALWAYS HAVE A PANEL OF

RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW THE NEWS NETWORKS ALWAYS HAVE A PANEL OF

EXPERTS TO HELP THEM BREAK DOWN THE BREAKING NEWS.

EXPERTS TO HELP THEM BREAK DOWN THE BREAKING NEWS.

AND, IN CNN'S CASE-- SO THAT THE DIRECTOR HAS SOMETHING TO CUT TO

そしてCNNの場合は... ディレクターが切り口になるように

WHEN JOHN KING GETS A LITTLE TOO HANDSY WITH HIS TOUCH SCREEN

WHEN JOHN KING GETS A LITTLE TOO HANDSY WITH HIS TOUCH SCREEN

ELECTIONS CAN BE LONELY.

選挙は長引くことがあります。

NOW, WHEN IT COMES TO PANELS, IT'S IMPORTANT TO HAVE QUALITY,

NOW, WHEN IT COMES TO PANELS, IT'S IMPORTANT TO HAVE QUALITY,

BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS QUANTITY.

しかし、最も重要なのは品質です。

CNN KNOWS THAT.

知ってるだろ

BACK IN 2016, THEY HAD NO LESS THAN NINE DIFFERENT PEOPLE

2016年、彼らは9人の異なる人々を持っていませんでした。

WEIGHING IN ON THE RESULTS-- MEANING THEY HAD MORE PEOPLE

結果に重きを置いて -- つまり、彼らはより多くの人々を持っていた。

DISCUSSING THE VOTERS OF WYOMING THAN THERE ARE VOTERS IN

DISCUSSING THE VOTERS OF WYOMING THAN THERE ARE VOTERS IN

WYOMING.

ワイオミング

WELL, I WILL NOT SIT HERE TO BE OUT-QUANTITIED BY CNN.

私はCNNに見放されるために ここにいるつもりはありません

SO, TONIGHT, I'M PROUD TO INTRODUCE OUR NEW SEGMENT:

今夜は新部門の導入を 誇りに思います

STEPHEN COLBERT'S SHOWTIME 2020 ELECTION SPECIAL THE MOST

STEPHEN COLBERT'S SHOWTIME 2020 ELECTION SPECIAL THE MOST

ELECTION NIGHT PANEL EVER.

ELECTION NIGHT PANEL EVER.

WITH ME TO HELP ARE THE BIGGEST NAMES IN THE BIZ.

WITH ME TO HELP ARE THE BIGGEST NAMES IN THE BIZ.

FIRST UP FROM CBS NEWS, MY OLD PAL, JOHN DICKERSON.

最初にCBSニュースから 私の古い友人 ジョン・ディッカーソン

>> I'M HONORED AND CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO BE HERE, STEPHEN.

>> I'M HONORED AND CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO BE HERE, STEPHEN.

>> Stephen: RIGHT YOU ARE.

>> スティーブン君は正しい

HERE TO GIVE US THE INSIDER PERSPECTIVE, SOMEBODY WHO RAN

ここでは、内部の人間の視点を提供するために、誰かが運営していた。

FOR THE DEMOCRATIC NOMINATION, FORMER COLORADO GOVERNOR, JOHN

民主党候補には、元コロラド州知事のジョン氏が選ばれました。

HICKENLOOPER.

ヒッケンルーパー

>> ACTUALLY, STEPHEN, I'M MICHAEL BENNETT, THE COLORADO

>> 私はマイケル・ベンネッツ コロラドの

SENATOR.

上院議員

>> Stephen: NICE TRY, HICKEN LOOPER.

>> スティーブンナイストライ ヒッケンルーパー

WE WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO BOOK A MICHAEL BENNETT.

WE WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO BOOK A MICHAEL BENNETT.

THAT DUDE IS A ROCK STAR.

THAT DUDE IS A ROCK STAR.

WE HAVE JAMES CARVILLE LIVE FROM THE 1993 DOCUMENTARY "THE WAR

私たちは、1993年のドキュメンタリー「戦争」からジェームズカーヴィルのライブを持っている

ROOM."

"部屋"

>> IT'S THE ECONOMY, STUPID.

>> 経済だよ、バカ。

>> Stephen: DON'T CALL ME STUPID, YOU CAJUN MOLE RAT.

>> スティーブン私をバカと呼ぶな、お前はカジャン・モルモットだ

NEXT WE HAVE ANDREW YANG WHO RAN ON THE SLOGAN, MATH, HOW ARE THE

次はアンドリュー・ヤンが スローガンで走っていました 数学はどうですか？

NUMBERS LOOKING TONIGHT, ANDREW?

今夜のナンバリングは？

>> THE NUMBERS ARE LOOKING GREAT TONIGHT, STEPHEN.

>> THE NUMBERS ARE LOOKING GREAT TONIGHT, STEPHEN.

THREE AND FIVE ARE SO VISUALLY APPEALING.

THREE AND FIVE ARE SO VISUALLY APPEALING.

11 HAS PERFECT SYMMETRY YOU WON'T FIND ANYWHERE ELSE.

11 HAS PERFECT SYMMETRY YOU WON'T FIND ANYWHERE ELSE.

THESE NUMBERS LOOK FANTASTIC.

この数字は素晴らしいですね。

>> Stephen: ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

>> スティーブン時間が経てばわかる

NOW, FOR A SCIENTIFIC PERSPECTIVE, WE HAVE

今、科学的な視点では、我々は持っている

ASTROPHYSICIST NEIL DEGRASS TYSON.

天体物理学者 ニール・デグラス・タイソン

>> TONIGHT, I PREDICT THE UNIVERSITY WILL DIE OF HEAT

>> >>今夜、大学は熱で死ぬと予測します

DEATH, 10 TO THE POWER OF 100 YEARS.

死、100年の力に10の死。

>> Stephen: WELL, I BELIEVE OHIO MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY

>> スティーブンオハイオは何か言いたいことがあると信じている

ABOUT THAT.

それについて。

AND TO DISCUSS HOW COVID MIGHT BE AFFECTING THE RACE, WE WANTED

コヴィドがどのようにレースに影響を与えるかを検討するために、私たちは望んでいました。

A DOCTOR.

医者だ

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DR. JAY.

紳士淑女の皆さん DR.ジェイ

>> I'M NOT A MEDICAL DOCTOR, STEPHEN.

>> 私は医者ではありません

>> Stephen: AND I'M NOT A BASKETBALL PLAYER.

>> スティーブン私はバスケットボール選手じゃないわ

LET'S STAY IN OUR LANES, JAY.

俺たちの道を歩もうぜ ジェイ

NEXT CALLER.

NEXT CALLER.

FOR AN INTERNATIONAL PERSPECTIVE, WE HAVE FORMER

国際的な視点から見ると、以前の人がいます。

SECRETARY OF STATE MADELEINE ALBRIGHT.

マデリン・アルブライト国務長官

>> WHERE ARE MY PANCAKES!

>> WHERE ARE MY PANCAKES!

I WAS TOLD THERE WOULD BE PANCAKES!

パンケーキがあるって言われたのに！

>> Stephen: WE'RE FAXING THEM TO YOU NOW MADAM SECRETARY.

>> スティーブン今、あなたにファックスしています 議長

NEXT, WE HAVE A USED SKI-DOO SALESMAN ON METH.

次は、中古のスキードゥーのセールスマンがMETHにいます。

>> ARE YOU I A COP?

>> あなたは警官ですか？

YOU HAVE TO SHARE YOUR METH WITH ME IF YOU'RE A COP.

YOU HAVE TO SHARE YOUR METH WITH ME IF YOU'RE A COP.

>> Stephen: WE ARE LUCKY TO BE JOINED BY ONE OF THE GREAT,

>> 私たちは、偉大な人に参加してもらえて幸運です。

BRYAN CRANSTON.

ブライアン・クランストン

>> STEPHEN, THIS DISH NEVER FAILS TO IMPRESS, AND IT'S SO

>> この料理は感動を与えないことはないし、それに...

EASY TO MAKE.

簡単に作ることができます。

ALL YOU NEED ARE CHICKEN THIGHS, HALF AN ONION, AND A BOTTLE OF

ALL YOU NEED ARE CHICKEN THIGHS, HALF AN ONION, AND A BOTTLE OF

QAWNT ROW.

ＱＡＷＮＴ ＲＯＷ