Is this just all a game to you Shinji?!

I don't want to hear your excuses! What would your father think of this?

He doesn’t care! He’s not even here now!

Your father is a very busy man Shinji!

No he's not! He's probably just somewhere laughing at the fact his son almost got killed again!

HAHAHAHAHA

SILENCE!

Everyone in this organization is risking their lives Shinji! We all have our roles we have to learn!

Ok Mr Ikari, we will try this one last time.

What, do you see here?

- It's Godzilla! - Incorrect.

- Its Godzilla!!!! - Incorrect!!!!

- ITS GODZILLA!!!!!! - INCORRECT!!!!!

Your Mom?

Everyone here just hates me, nobody cares about me. I’m the one that always gets pick on! I’m the one that-

That’s enough! If you’re unhappy, then go do something about it.

Oh yeah! Well you know what I’m, gonna do?!

What Shinji? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO!?

THAT LITTLE SHIT!

Ok new kid, I need you to hit me as hard as you can

- ...What? - Come on, I decked you the other day so you need to hit me back

I'm not gonna hit you

I can take it so just do it already!

I don't want to!

We need to do this so we can be friends!

I don’t wanna do it!

- Do it! - I'm not doing it!

- DO IT! - NO!

JUST GROW A PAIR HIT ME IN THE FACE YOU LITTLE MAMA'S BOY!

Did you just slap me?

Why, what should I have done?

Rei Ayanami…

No known family, no past records. The girl is just a mystery

Interesting way to say she has the personality of sandpaper. What happened anyway? How’d she get so injured?

It was during the unit 0 testing phase...

All systems nominal. Commencing unit 0 activation test

Everything was going well, until something happened that triggered the Eva off...

and so my wife said: "I’d rather die than spend another second with you!”

So I was all like: “Ha, Jokes on you! You can go die for all I care, cause I’ve already made some stupid clone of you called Rei! HA!”

Wait is this speaker on?

Sounds kind of dangerous

Well, the commander was still his usual self

Sir it's dangerous you need to get back!

Relax, I got this

STOP FREAKING OUT YOU STUPID ROBOT!

Aaaaaaand I just shit myself

That still doesn’t explain how Rei got her injuries

Well, after Unit 0 had stopped going berserk, we had to get Rei out. Normally we’d send a team to extract her but-

EJECT THE ENTRY PLUG!

Oh right...the ceiling. It’s probably not as bad as it looks

She ended up breaking most of the bones in her body

Wow. How’d she take all this?

How do you think?

Rei! You’re Ok to pilot again right?

I hope you die in a fire

That’s my girl

I just don’t get it. How can the commander be so ignorant? He doesn’t even understand his own son.

Oh please, that’s the way his mind works!

He’ll probably be calling me up soon telling me about some new genius plan of his or something.

- Don’t say it - I HAVE A NEW GENIUS PLAN!

*Sigh*

Does this one also involve your son?

No, I heard he didn’t come home last night anyway

Shinji ran away again?

Well stop the fucking presses!

So in the Godzilla movie she was only attacking the city to find food for her children right?

- No! - and the army distracted her with fish…

- You're not serious.... - And that means...

You can’t be!

WE CAN USE FISH TO BAIT THE ANGELS!

Oh. My. God.

For the last time sir, Godzilla is a fictional monster!

Maybe that’s exactly what the military wants us to think!

WE ARE THE MILITARY!

Perhaps Dr Akagi would know what to do

That is if she doesn’t want another ride on the Gendo train

What the- …Can you get out of your self-absorbed world for one second!?

What is our next plan against the angels?!

YES!

What?!

Sorry, I was picturing the Gendo Train

Wait...what do you mean if she's wants another ride on the Gendo train…

YOU DID WHAT?!?

Right, I might’ve slept with him

But…he’s an idiot!

Everyone gets lonely sometimes

He shot you in the arm!

So I slipped a little...

and what, you landed on his penis?!?

Oh please, this coming from the person who keeps herself occupied with stupid brainless toys!

What's that supposed to mean!?

Misato! What's that 9 inch black thing floating in the bath tub?!?!

I’m sorry, were you talking about Shinji or the actual dildo?

You know what, forget it. Here take these.

Just ask Shinji to give it to Rei tomorrow

I don’t think he has the courage to take the initiative

Not his virginity the card! What else could I possibly mean!?

So do you always say hello by pushing people down?

This isn’t what it looks like!

Oh, well that’s good.

Cause to me it looks like I’m naked, you’re lying on top of me with what appears to be an erection

My underwear are scattered everywhere and you’ve just reached second base.

Have I missed anything?

B-b-b-b-bu

You could’ve tried buying me dinner before trying to have your way with me

Or at least start with some small talk

Oh OK! Sooo ummm…

Nice weather we’ve been having!

That, was a joke. But you do have your hand on my breast

Well this is awkward

Would you get off me?

Ah! Yes Mam!

And you can put away that one inch thing you call an erection.

It’s an embarrassment to penises worldwide.

So wait...does this mean I just got laid?

Sure why not

AWESOME!

Now what’s that polite thing father told me to say after sleeping with a girl...

So does bitch wanna make me a sandwich?

Rei?

Sorry…..I just realized stupidity was a genetic disorder

I wonder what she means by that...

SO DOES BITCH WANNA MAKE ME A SANDWICH!?

Sir, I am not your wife.

Bitch say what now?

So I’m sorry about earlier

Are you mad?

I feel like you’re a bit mad

You’re mad aren’t you

You mad Rei? You Mad?

I’m not mad. Do I look mad?

Errrrrrrr

Don’t answer that question. In fact just don’t talk to me

Say Rei, what do you think of my father?

Apparently you don’t know what “don’t talk to me” means

He always treats you so nicely!

I’ve heard that father said he always wanted a son…and well, I’m a guy!

That’s debatable

So why doesn’t he care about me?! What does he want me to do?!

Well, have you tried not completely failing at life?

Or you could also laughing at your problems, everyone else does.

I’m kinda sensing that you don’t really like me that much

Take it this way. If I had a dick, now would be the time I’d tell you to suck it

Are you coming on to me?

An object has been detected entering zone 6

Switch to code red and put unit 1 one on standby

Hey Misato.....guess what I have!

- Is it a Boner? - Errrrrrr

Cause if you say “I have a boner” one more god damn time

I will come over, and personally kick your ass!

We have visual of the target!

Great, what can you tell me?

The target appears to be…a thing

What the hell do you mean “a thing”?

It’s a…a…thing?

Can none of you three do anything useful around here?

Maya!

Yes, the object is cruising at a steady pace towards central dogma

It’s constant phase pattern gives it a reflective qualities that makes it appear like a massive….

Thing

Massive thing, I’ll show you a massive thing

Have we at least got an analysis of it?

Analysis pattern is blue

Its...

IT'S AN ANGE-

NOBODY FUCKING SAY IT!

WE ARE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN!

- I have a boner - THAT'S IT!

What the hell is that massive thing?!

Why don’t you pull down my pants and find the massive thing

Get unit 1 out there!

Affirmative, launch the EVA!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

OH MY GOD, I'M GONNA DIE!!

What the hell are you doing?

This is too good!

I THINK SOMEONE PEE'D IN MY ENTRY PLUG!

Just launch the damn thing

Hold on!

I detect an exponential increase in photo energy levels!

Say that again?

She said Photonic levels are rising!

IN ENGLISH!

WE’RE FUCKED

Oh.....

AT fields at maximum level!

He’s won’t hold out much longer like this!

Quick, deploy the blast shield NOW!

I’M ON IT COLONEL!

How do I do that?

Oh for god’s sake!

- Blast shield deployed! - Target has ceased attack!

- The enemy has halted the energy beam - Energy spike detected!

WHAT THE CRAP?!

WHAT THE BONER?!

- WHAT THE FUCK?! - WHAT THE FUCK?!

Saw it coming

Quick, execute emergency recovery of Eva Unit 1!

We can’t, the catapult has melted!

Then just eject the plug suit dammit!

Cancel that order!

But sir! Shinji is-

We can distract its motherly urges using fish!

- What?! - Just.....Don't

Ugggghhhh

Detonate explosive vaults. Get him out of there!

- Explosive vaults detonating - Commencing unit 1 recovery

- Now evacuating Section 10 - Target has ceased attack

Transferring unit 1 to emergency extraction

Colonel

We need a medical team down here now!

Colonel!

I’m reading a pulse, but it’s faint

- Maximize the life support! - Yes Mam!

Colonel!!

Get Shinji out of there now!

Roger that

LCL release sequence initiated

AND HURRY!

COLONEL!

WHAT?! WHAT IS IT SHIGERU?!

It's an Angeru!

It's an Angel!

Angel it's an!

It's an Angel!

It's a Gundam!

OH MY GOD IT'S GODZILLA!