I wouldsaymalevoicethatwouldrandomlyspeakupoutofnowhereandsay, KillyourselfAnd I knew I washearingvoicesbecauseitfeltlikeitwasintheroom, anditfeltlikeitwaslikethisdisembodiedthing.
Butitwasundeniablyalonewherever I waswhenever I heardhiminthebeginning, and I didn't tellanyoneaboutitbecause I selfishlythoughtthespeoplecareaboutmesomuch.
If I tellpeoplemydepressionsobadthat I'm hearing a voice, I thinkthey'llhospitalizemeand I won't gettolivemydream, Um, wheretheyputmeonmedicationand I won't bepresentforthedreamthataretheliving.
Andso I talktomytherapistaboutit, andhewaslike, Oh, haveyoutoldanyoneaboutthis?
それでセラピストにそのことを話したら、彼は「誰かに話した?
And I waslike, No, I'm justkindofafraidthat I also I'm worriedthat, likedepressionis a glamorous, youknow, likedealingwithsomeonewho's depressedislikeannoying.
うつ病の人を相手にするのは 迷惑なことなんじゃないかと心配しています
Mostofthetime, I feellikeforpeoplearoundmebecauseit's likethis, thisdiseasepeopledon't getwhereyou'relike.
I know I shouldbefine, but I'm notandmymanifestitselfinwayswhere I'm notlikelyingonthefloorandmorelike I'm upsetor I like, feel a lotofthingsmanicallyor I'm likeHappyoneman.
Andsoit's justthatnot a funthingtolivewithforpeoplewhoare, youknow, inmylife.
だから、私の人生に関わっている人にとっては、一緒に生きていても楽しくないことなんです。
Andhewaslike, Youknow, I feellikeyoureallyshouldtellthepeoplethatyouloveaboutthis, UmAndso I did.
彼はこう言ったんだ 愛する人に伝えた方がいいと思って それで伝えたんだ
I wasabouttotellmyboyfriendwhenhegotbackfromthistrip, butbefore I could, hebrokeupwithmeandthenthefriendsthat I hadsomeshithappenedandthatkindoflikegotputonpauseandmyshowdidn't getrenewed.
I wassupposedtogowithmyboyfriendandhisfamily, and I washomeallaloneforlike, twoorthreeweeks, and I gotinto a hugefightwithmymomandspentChristmascompletelyalone.
I lookbackonitnowbecauseit's eightmonthsold, liketheshortseightmonthsold.
今振り返ってみると、ショーツ8ヶ月の時と同じように8ヶ月だったからね。
You'relike, I couldhavedonesomanythingsbetter.
あなたは、私はもっといいことがたくさんできたのに、という感じです。
Likethisistocheesierlikethisiswhatever, butno, they'redoingthatshortishonestly, like I pouredmysavingsintoitbecause I waslike, I justneedsomethingtodothatremindsmeof, like, why I'm hereand, like, makesmewannalive, becausethisisreallyhard.