I'd like to fellowship on my experience related to this passage.

That's great.

The church was preparing to film a movie last year,

so brothers and sisters recommended I take on the duty of director.

I was thrilled when I heard that

and felt that since they'd recommended me,

they must have seen my caliber and talent.

Why else would they have chosen me?

I developed a superiority complex, thinking I was better than others.

I studied hard, learning about how to make the movies,

and slowly came to grasp some of the skills.

I remember when I first started that duty, I felt a little bit nervous,

but I prayed all the while to God and gradually my nerves were calmed,

and I was able to go get my feet wet.

And then,

brothers and sisters kept adopting my ideas.

Especially for the first scene I directed,

they all really liked what I had filmed

and the leader said that I was cut out to be a director.

My heart was bursting with pride,

I felt this was something I was really good at,

and I was an indispensable talent in God's house.

I started feeling like I had a crown on my head,

and I walked around with my head held high.

I felt that getting so much praise right after starting this duty

was because I was really capable, and with a little more practice,

I'd certainly become competent, without a doubt.

When working with brothers and sisters from then on,

I wasn't as modest as I had been,

but spoke with confidence, and I held my head up high.

I also wanted to have the final say in everything and thought nothing of anyone else.

The moment someone questioned my idea or made another suggestion,

I was unyielding, impatient, and looked down on them.

I felt I surpassed them in every regard,

that they should just do what I told them to do instead of making such a fuss.

And in my eyes, they were just bringing up really petty things

that didn't even merit discussion.

So I'd always ask "Is this a question of principle?"

just so I could shut them up.

One time, Sister Zhang, the main character, had me look at some costumes she'd picked.

I thought to myself,

"How could you have such a terrible eye?"

I had her choose all new ones.

I shot down almost every one of her clothing choices.

I was filled with this idea of being the director,

so my sense was right and they should listen to me.

The brothers and sisters ended up feeling constrained by me

and didn't want to make suggestions anymore.

I actually did feel bad when I saw this,

but then I thought,

I'm only considering our work, and I can't be too off in this.

So, I didn't think much of it.

During that time, my leader gave me fellowship and exposed me,

saying I was too arrogant and that I liked to control people,

and warned me not to fix my gaze on others,

but to reflect on myself and practice the truth to resolve my own problems.

That's right.

But I didn't have any understanding of my own nature then.

I felt I was really responsible in my work.

I just kept living in that kind of rebellious, obstinate state,

and I was no longer able to work well with brothers and sisters.

Over time,

there were problems that kept cropping up at our work, that hindered our progress.

One day,

I heard there was a director

who had been dismissed because of holding up work from being arrogant,

unable to accept the truth, and constraining brothers and sisters.

That left me feeling a little bit afraid.

I knew I'd been behaving just like that director.

I figured God was giving me a warning,

so I decided I couldn't keep throwing my weight around like that.

Instead, I should control myself, speak more kindly,

and do my best to communicate and discuss work with others.

But I still didn't have any understanding of my own nature,

so I didn't seek the truth to resolve it.

After a while,

since progress in our team was so slow,

the leader arranged for Sister Liu to work with me.

At first I admit I just couldn't accept it.

I thought the leader must be doubting my capability,

but since it had already been arranged, I reluctantly bit the bullet.

In my work discussions from then on,

I found the leader always asked for Sister Liu's advice.

I was really uneasy,

and I felt the leader didn't think much of me.

I started to resent her.

But even more, I was resistant to Sister Liu. I couldn't accept her.

So whenever we discussed our work

I would just sit there scowling in silence.

One time,

she found some issues with the team's work and made some suggestions

that our brothers and sisters all really liked,

but I was having none of it.

I refused to listen to any of her suggestions.

When everyone asked for my opinion, I bottled up my anger and said:

"Whatever."

The leader then dealt with me,

saying I wasn't upholding the work of God's house.

I did actually feel bad,

I knew that no matter what,

I couldn't keep taking out my frustration in the work of God's house.

But I really couldn't swallow it.

I thought, "If you just listen to Sister Liu all the time,

what is there to discuss?"

I kept thinking that I was right in everything,

so in the next few work discussions

I clung to my own opinions

and I disagreed with Sister Liu even when her suggestions were reasonable.

I thought she was just trying to show off.

There was one time she recommended a certain actor

and I brought up all sort of issues with that actor

and shot her suggestion down.

I just wasn't willing to listen to her.

I wanted to be in charge of all the work.

Sister Liu ended up feeling constrained by me,

and wouldn't make suggestions anymore.

During that time,

since I was living within an arrogant, self-righteous disposition

and wasn't seeking the truth,

my spirit slowly fell into darkness.

I felt depressed every single day

and it seemed God was hiding Himself from me.

I didn't have anything to say to God in prayer

and God's words weren't sinking in when I read them.

My mind was blank and I was obtuse in my duty.

I couldn't see any problems.

I was living in a state of anxiety

and kept feeling like something was about to happen.

A few days later, our leader came to hold a gathering with us.

She exposed my disposition and said I was too arrogant,

that I was autocratic and arbitrary in my duty,

and I'd really disrupted our work.

She told me to go home and do some serious devotionals and self-reflection.

I was shocked.

I was so shocked to hear that,

but I prayed to God in earnest, saying

"Oh God, no matter what situation I encounter,

I believe it's all set up by You

and I'm willing to submit."

- Thanks be to God! - Amen!

Then, later that night I couldn't sleep at all.

I was thinking about how I'd been on the film team for so long,

but that from tomorrow I'd no longer be a part of it.

I couldn't let go of it and I was really upset,

I couldn't hold back my tears.

I wanted to use that chance to work on my devotionals and reflect on myself,

so I could pick myself back up where I had stumbled.

But back at home

I couldn't focus on God's words and I was really having a hard time.

All I could do was come before God and call out to Him over and over again.

I said,

"God, I'm in so much pain.

Please help me and protect my heart

so that I can understand Your will in this situation, and know myself."

By constantly praying to God,

I was finally able to feel some peace.

Thanks be to God!

The next day, a few brothers and sisters came to check in on me

to give me fellowship and help me, and they mentioned some of my issues.

I remember that one sister said,

"You've changed so much since you started working as a director.

You even look at others differently

and you want to have the final say in everything.

You're really controlling and there's just no way to work with you."

A brother said,

"In work discussions, we're all relaxed when you're not there,

but as soon as you show up we're all on edge,

afraid that you'll shoot down our thoughts and ideas."

Every word out of their mouths

was like a knife in my heart.

I was so ashamed to face them

and I felt so terrible.

In all my life, I had never felt like such a failure as a person.

It had gotten so bad

that brothers and sisters wouldn't approach me out of fear when they saw me.

I thought, "Am I still being a proper person?

How could I have been so insensitive?"

I had never realized

that my arrogant disposition could constrain and do such harm to others.

I already knew that I was arrogant

and the leader fellowshiped with me often,

but I'd never thought much of it.

Instead, I thought my arrogance came from having a higher caliber.

Who isn't arrogant if they're gifted and of high caliber?

That's why I never sought the truth to resolve it.

But through the help and fellowship of brothers and sisters

I finally found peace in my heart

and could quiet myself to reflect on my behavior.

Thanks be to God!

As I reflected, I read two passages of God's words, which I'd like to share now.

Great.

Amen!

I realized from God's words

that my arrogance was causing me to rebel against and resist God.

Since I'd done my duty as a director,

when I had some success I thought it was because of my own hard work,

that I was better than others.

I began to disregard others, and stubbornly hold to myself,

wanting to have the final say in everything.

When I failed to achieve results in my duty

I never reflected on whether the issue was with me,

but just focused on my brothers and sisters.

I condescendingly dealt with and lectured others.

I looked down on everyone out of arrogance and conceit.

I couldn't see anyone else's strengths, and thought my ideas were best.

I shot down everyone's suggestions at every turn, and was controlling.

I failed to know myself because of my arrogance and conceitedness

and even after being dealt with many times, I wouldn't accept it or reflect on myself.

I was totally lacking a seeker's heart.

When my work progress slowed and it became clear I couldn't manage the work,

I still didn't want to work with others or have them meddle in my tasks.

I felt it would compromise my authority and threaten my reputation and position.

I wanted to be totally in charge, and I wanted to have the final say.

Wasn't I walking the path of resistance to God?

Yes.

When Sister Liu had some success in her duty that threatened my position,

I well knew she was right

and what she suggested would benefit the work of God's house,

but I wouldn't accept it.

Instead I nitpicked,

and when I saw our brothers and sisters agreeing with her,

I just couldn't take it, and took out my frustration in church work.

I was ready to see the work of God's house suffer

to protect my own reputation and status.

Where was my reverence for God?

Where was my conscience and reason?

I saw I'd been living by my arrogant and conceited satanic disposition,

forcing my own thoughts and opinions on brothers and sisters as if they were the truth,

making people listen to me in everything.

Wasn't that wanting to be on par with God, and wanting to control others?

I finally realized I was in a precarious position.