S: Good morning, my love.

おはよう

M: So guys

みんな

M: Had a real rough night last night. Did not sleep well at all. Just had a lot of body pain

昨晩は本当に辛い夜で…体の痛みが辛くて全然眠れなかったの

and... I told Simon today that I really want to make this video because

それでもサイモンには絶対このビデオを撮りたいって言ったのだけど

I keep telling you guys about building a ladder, and about the importance of how it's little steps.

ずっと一歩一歩「はしごをかける」ことの重要さを強調してきたよね

It's not necessarily like huge epic trips to Hawaii.

ハワイ旅行みたいなことじゃなくて

And you've only seen me in my videos bei positive and happy.

それに普段のビデオからは嬉しい楽しいマーティナしか知らないだろうし

So I want to show you guys how I get through a really hard day and how I build that ladder.

今日は本当に辛い日をどう乗り越えて「はしごをかける」のかを見せたいの

Just so that you guys can look at this video and go:

皆もこのビデオを見て

"I know those days," and like, "okay, I can follow some of those steps." Or

「こんな日あるの分かる！」「ちょっと参考にしようかな」とか

people who don't know what you're going through; you can show them what it's like to build a ladder. So

他の人に自分の大変さを少し分かってもらうこともできるといいな

I'm starting my ladder

で、はしごの一段目だけど

to build myself out because I'm feeling so down and depressed, and my body is killing me that I just wanted

鬱で元気じゃなくて体もどこもかしこも痛むから

to stay at home in bed all day and not leave the house, but

家を出ないで一日中ベッドで寝ていたいけど

I'm starting my first step: I'm getting out of bed, and that is a really big base ladder step.

まずは一段目：布団から出ること、でこれが一日の重要な基盤になるの

Then I'm gonna go pick out some colorful clothing,

その後は自分が元気で明るくなれるようで

something that makes me feel happy to wear, and something that I think people

街で他の人が見かけて楽しくなってもらえるような

looking at me on the street might smile if they see.

カラフルな服を選ぶの

And then we'll see where we're going from there.

そこからどうなるかはまず考えない

Two very important rungs on the ladders, guys.

このはしごの最初の二段はすごく重要なの

M: Thanks for getting through this with me, ducky. S: I'm always there for you, girl.

M:一緒に乗り越えてくれてありがとう S:いつでもサポートするよ

M: Alright, let's go.

よし、じゃあ行くね

S: Okay.

オッケー

M: Okay.

複数の遺伝情報の異常がコラーゲンの生成に異常をきたし

M: -sniffs- My tears steamed up my glasses, and I couldn't see where I'm going.

EDS（エーラス・ダンロス症候群）をひきおこします

M: I'm down! S: You did it, girl!

体中の結合組織が影響され、結合組織が支える

M: Ladder!

血管、骨、内蔵などに様々な異常が現れます

S: I love you, mum!

M: 涙でメガネが曇って目の前が見えないの

M: He's the worst possible therapy dog, because he smells so bad.

M: 着いた！S: やったね！

M: I'm sure most therapy dogs like smell good, but Spudgy just is like

（階段を降りる）

You're just like moving your mouth away from him when he tries to rub his slimey face on you.

はしご！

M: Thanks, buddy; it does make me feel better. I love you.

「ママだいすき！」

M: This is my pig hat,

M:臭いがひどくて全然セラピー犬には向かないね

and my pig hat I use to get extra strength when I'm having a real hard time

M:ほとんどのセラピー犬はいい匂いだと思うんだけど、

So when I've acknowledged that I'm having a hard day,

スパッジーの場合はベタベタの顔をすりつけようとしてるのを避けなきゃ

Simon puts the pig hat on me, and it gives me more power because the pig hat is filled with the power of the pig.

M:ありがとう、大分気分が楽になったよ、大好き

M: Kogi does not like the pig hat.

これはブタさん帽子

S: Why do you have two pigs, by the way?

本当に辛い時はこの帽子から元気をもらうの

M: They're different. This is a pig, and this is a pig /hat/.

だから「今日はキツい日だ」って受け入れたら

S: Question: Why do you have three pigs?

サイモンがブタさんパワーがこもったブタさん帽子をつけてくれるの

M: [in Meemer's voice] What the-?

M:コーギーはブタさん帽子が気に食わないけどね

M: Well, we were gonna film and open

S:そういえばなんで二匹もブタさんを持ってるの？

the fan mail. I can't even -- S: live stream. -- a live stream today, but I'm feeling a bit too down.

M:違うんだもの、これはブタさんで、これはブタさん帽子

Uh, my original plan for when I wake up feeling miserable is usually lying in bed and not doing anything all day.

S:じゃあ質問…なんで三匹もブタを持ってるのさ？

I usually just like lie on the couch all day and watch Netflix and literally chill, because I put ice packs on my body. Get it?

「なんのことー？」

M: Chronic pain joke~ S: Netflix and chillll - what what? M: Netflix and chill~

今日はファンレターを開くのを

M: Today, I'm gonna push myself. I have

撮って、もう - S: 配信 - M:そう、配信するつもりだったけど無理そう

serious shoulder pain. My shoulder's been dislocated for how long ago, ducky?

ひどい朝起きて、頭に浮かぶ最初のプランはベッドでごろごろして一日何もしないこと

S: Probably like three weeks. M: Three weeks. I can't get it back in. I'm seeing physiotherapists; it's not working.

ソファで一日ネットフリックスを見ながら保冷剤を体中にあてるの

My elbow hurts; my knees are shooting.

今日はもうちょっと頑張る

Everything is just in so much pain, and

本当にひどい肩の痛みだけど…肩脱臼してどのくらいたった？

When you're in pain, it mentally affects your mind as well and so it's real easy just to stay at home,

多分三週間ぐらい前じゃないかな

but it doesn't make you feel better, and I think we can all agree to that.

理学療法士にも診てもらってるんだけど何も効かなくて

Whether you're depressed or you have chronic pain or whatever you're going through, staying at home does not

肘は痛いし膝もガクガクだし

necessarily make you feel better. It's good sometimes, because you need to rest your body.

何もかも本当に痛くて

But in this case, for my mental well-being, I'm gonna try real hard to get out of the house.

ずっと痛みを感じていると精神的にも影響されるからずっと家にいる方が楽なんだけど

To add a different rung to my ladder that helps me pull myself out of this pit.

でも気分が良くなるわけじゃないことは同意してもらえると思うな

M: Hey, never underestimate the importance of music.

鬱であっても慢性的痛みがあっても何があっても家にずっといるのは

I've been enjoying what Simon calls "shitty George Michael." You don't know anything about music!

改善につながるわけじゃないと思う

This is, ladies and gentlemen, "The Best of George Michael," and I love George Michael, and

時々は本当に体を休めなきゃいけないから家にいたほうがいいけど

music makes you feel really great, but you have to try to avoid the dark music. Because man, do I have a whole, entire playlist

今日は精神的に良くなるためにも家を出ることにしようと思う

dedicated to dark music. But on this day - this is not the day. This is the day that you listen to something that makes you smile.

どん底から這い上がるためのはしごのもう一段にもなるし

Something that makes you want to dance. Even if you're just like elbow dancing, 'cause you can't support your weight.

「音楽は大いに助けになる。」

So that's a - that's a big rung on my ladder is listening to music to kinda get me going.

「時間が早く進み、痛みが和らぐように感じられる」

M: My hair is soaking wet.

そう、音楽の力を見くびらずに有効活用して

Um, but I just do not have the energy to blow dry it. So what I'm gonna do is some loose braids.

この頃は（サイモンが言うには）「ダサいジョージ・マイケル」の音楽を聴いてるの

I'm not lifting my arms up high. I'm keeping them down as low as I possibly can, and I'm just gonna do some real

音楽のこと何にも分かってないんだから！

loose braids. It still looks cute, right? S: You're a cute girl -- M: Looks cute~ -- I like your little braids!

ここにあるのは「ザ・ベスト・オブ・ジョージ・マイケル」で私ジョージ・マイケル大好き

M: So I'm gonna try to do one more on this side here.

音楽は本当に気分を持ち上げてくれるけど、暗い歌は避けなきゃだめだよ、私もそういう

A lot of people have been asking me about what this like blue, sticky stuff they see on my knees and legs are.

暗～いプレイリスト持ってるけど - 今日は笑顔になれる歌を聞く日

And it's KT tape, which is like a athletic wrap or athletic tape. Doesn't cure it.

踊りたくなる曲とか！でも自分で自分の体重を支えられないから肘だけダンスだけど

It doesn't make it feel like super better, but it keeps me from damaging it /more/.

これもはしごのもう一段 - 自分の背中を押すような音楽を聴くこと

Mobility aids: These are all different types of aids that are important to help you out, and I used to be really embarrassed to wear these out.

「湿疹の再発」

This is so ugly! I asked them if they had it in black or white, and they're like, [in accent] "No, only skin color beige!"

「悲しい時はもっと口紅を塗って再突撃 - ココ・シャネル」

Ugh. Anyways, so I added some Sailor Moon charms that I got from some of you nasties in the mail.

「キレイになると自信と一日を過ごす力につながっていく」

But it like doesn't even - I can't even draw on it. It's just so ugly. I'm trying real hard not to use a heavy bag

髪がびしょびしょなんだけど

or something that will pull my shoulder throughout the day. This I can easily just sling over here. Alright, I think we're ready to go!

でもどうしてもドライヤーを使う元気がなくって…だから今日はゆるい三つ編み

M: Butterfly!

なるべく腕を低くするようにして、ささっと三つ編みをしちゃうね

M: You see him? S: It's a little butterfly in a rosemary plant. M: He's like omnomnomnom~

それでもかわいいよね？S:かわいいよ！

M: When I'm having my... like lowest of days, I try my absolute hardest

じゃあこっち側もやってみるね

to look at things around me and try to observe some thing that's like

色んな人がこの青いペタペタした物について知りたがってるんだけど

interesting or cool or beautiful. Like this Morning Glory plant, like climbing up and just spilling over.

KTテープっていって、運動のためのテープで、根本的に治すものじゃないし

And like this butterfly eating. If I just walk like constantly and I just think inside my own head that I'm just like

すごく楽になるわけでもないけど、さらに体をひどくしないようにつけてるの

looking inside myself and seeing all this darkness. So I try to like

移動補助器具！色んな種類があって、昔は外でつけるのが恥ずかしかったんだけど

turn the spotlight and face it outwards, so that I can see things that are like cool or pretty or nice.

すごくダサいし！「黒か白はないですか？」って聴いても「肌色だけですぅ」って

So that's one of the big, strong things I try to do. And I'm lucky today that I can walk.

それはそれなんだけど、皆からもらったセイラームーンの飾りをつけてるの

'Cause you know, ducky, when I'm having a bad like leg or knee day -- S: Mhm.

でも全っ然 - 何にも書けないし、すごくダサくて

M: You know, me taking a taxi or I'm not leaving at all or I have my cane. But now I can like walk and like observe some things.

肩に負担をかけないように軽いかばんを持ってくように心がけてるの

M: Come observe with me~

これは簡単に持っていけるね - 準備オッケー！

M: That's a big boy!

「細かいこと一つひとつが大事。細かいことが積み重なって大きい出来事につながる」 - ジョン・ウデン

M: A nice, salted salmon onigiri.

蝶々！

M: Made me really happy to open it up; felt like some big, happy childhood memories.

見える？ローズマリーにのってる小さな蝶 「パクパクパク～って」

Added definitely a little rung to my ladder on this one.

本当にどん底の日には周りを見て

Really hard to eat with one hand.

綺麗で面白い物がないか観察してみるの

M: I strongly believe that it is extremely important to get out of the house, even if it's just going for a walk or going to the library or

ほら、この朝顔が登って溢れるようになってる様子とか

going to a university campus or sitting in a coffee shop, observing people.

この蝶々が食べている様子とか…ただ歩いて自分の頭の中にいたまんまだと

Seeing life existing outside of your own mind. Just so critical to your well-being.

ずっと暗闇しか見えないから、スポットライトを内側じゃなくて

I'm enjoying amazing coffee at Light Up Coffee, which is one of our favorite shops. A little bit of a walk from our house, but -

外側に向けて、面白い物とかきれいなものとかいいものを観るようにするの

nice to get here. -sighs- Nice to enjoy, nice to look around.

それも辛い日に頑張って私がしてること…今日は歩けるからまだラッキーだし

-groans-

時々脚とか膝が駄目な日とか

Ugh, so pooped.

タクシーに乗ったり家に残ったり杖に頼ったり、今は歩いて観察できるけど

So, just got home after my big adventure out.

一緒においで～

I'm really happy that I went out. I think that my attitude changed a lot from the morning.

おっきいヒマワリ！

In the morning, I was just about to - just give up on everything.

シンプルで美味しい塩鮭おにぎり

And now I feel like I'm all tuckered out from an adventure day, where I just went for a simple walk around the block,

開けるの楽しかった - 子供の頃の楽しい思い出そのままみたいで

but I saw so many things and people - alive and people walking, and people in wheelchairs, and people on bikes, and...

これは絶対にもう一段はしごを登れたな

And I feel really happy that I left the house and I had a really good onigiri.

片手で食べるの大変！

But I have to know my limits, and my leg and knee and ankle started to hurt so I'm back home.

家から出ることは本当に大事なことだと思う…散歩でも図書館に行くのでも

I got my pig hat on, and I got my ice packs, and I'm gonna start icing my body down, and maybe just watch a...

大学のキャンパス、カフェで座って人間観察するのでも

A funny TV show to make me feel happy.

自分の頭の外にある世界を観察すること　- 精神面で本当に大事

-sigh- So

今はライトアップコーヒーですごく美味しいコーヒーを楽しんでるの、歩くとちょっと

I hope you guys can see the importance of like the small things, helping you to build a ladder.

家から遠いけど - 楽しむの、周りを観るの大事

Even if you don't live in Japan and you don't live somewhere like that you think is super cool,

あーもうヘトヘト

I think you can still get out there and start changing your perspective and start changing your mindset to see things in a different way.

外での冒険から帰ってきたところなんだけど

You know, rub your toes on the grass, or, you know, walk to the convenience store and get a lollipop or a

外に出て本当に良かったと思う…朝とは自分の態度が一変した感じ

popsicle or take the car, or call an Uber, or take your bike, you know.

朝はもう…何もかも諦める気分だった

Get out there and change your mind.

でも今は冒険を楽しんできた後で、ちょっと散歩しただけだけど

Don't keep your spotlight shining inwards in a dark, dark place and let it consume you.

色んな物とか色んな人を見たし…車椅子に乗ってたり、自転車に乗ってたり

Try to, try to turn that spotlight so that it shines out, and you start seeing the things that life has to offer you.

本当に家を出ていいおにぎりも食べられて良かった

And you know what? You know you're gonna have another bad day.

でも限界があるから、脚と膝も痛みだしたから帰ってきたの

It might be tonight. It might be tomorrow.

ブタさん帽子もかぶって、保冷剤も持って、何か…

But at least you started to like build that ladder, to kind of get out of that pit.

おもしろいテレビでも観て気分を晴らそうかな

So I hope this helped out with you guys. Let me know in the comments section any

で

tips that you do to help yourself build a ladder. What small things you do within your own house.

みんな、一段一段はしごをかけて登ることの重要さを分かってくれたら嬉しいな

What you do with your body. What you do outside the house.

日本に住んでなくても、自分で素敵と思える街に住んでなくても

Umm, yeah. And I hope this video didn't make you guys feel too down, but I think it's important to share

それでも外に出て視点を変えて自分の考え方を変えることはできると思うの

some of my bad days with you, too, so that you guys can get an understanding that it's not --

ほら、裸足で草を触ってみたり、アメとかアイスを買いにコンビニに行ったり

it is not super easy. You know, I do struggle like you guys struggle, and I.. and I try to make myself positive and happy

車で、ウーバーで、自転車で、ね、

so that you guys can also feel the positivity, so...

外に行って考え方を変えていかなきゃ

Pig hat and Martina out.

スポットライトを内側の暗い暗い場所だけに当てて集中しないで