Every time a girl compliments another girl's piece of clothing,

We always respond with where we got it from and how good of a deal it was.

Thanks! I got it from a thrift store for five dollars.

Thanks! Anthropologie. On sale.

Thanks! My friend did a clothing swap so I got it for free.

But anyway. That has absolutely nothing to do with the video at all.

I just thought that it was pretty funny.

And now you're gonna notice just how often it happens.

But onto why you're potentially ruining your chances at happiness!

I've been reading a plethora of psychology books this year,

specifically those focused around the issues of relationships, how we attach,

and the science behind emotional connectivity.

And one thing I've found incredibly fascinating is that there are two main fears

that show up over and over again around love.

The first one is the fear of abandonment.

Ding ding ding! Does that sound familliar?

It definitely does for me.

Fear of abandonment looks like:

Hi! I know I just met you, but now I'm attached.

Please don't leave me because it will just devastate my life.

I'll stay with you no matter how unhealthy this relationship gets.

I am now clingy and demanding!

Because I'm totally insecure about the natural space that has evolved over time in our relationship

And I'm gonna overreact to and overthink everything.

The second is the fear of engulfment.

Your love and affection makes me simultaneously feel like I'm on fire and drowning.

I desperately want love, but I'm afraid that loving means losing myself and my freedom.

You're too close, I need you to back up.

Still too close.

Keep going.

And sometimes we can have both of these fears

depending on the dynamics of our relationships. Yay! [kids cheering]

And talking to my therapist about my fear of abandonment

He said that the number one thing one can do to be more secure in their relationships

Is to build self reliance.

To know that these fears are triggered by the traumatising death in my past,

as well as patterns of physical and emotional unavailability from my parents.

Fun stuff.

As always, awareness of why you're acting the way you're acting is the first step

And slowly but surely cultivating parts of yourself that disallow those fears to be triggered

until they no longer hold power over you.

It's just so much fun. Growing is the best.

But he did say that all of our fears come from who we were as children.

And that,

[kids cheer]

[kids cheer]

[kids cheer]

[deep voice] WISDOM

Thank you to Audible for sponsoring today's video.

One book I can't wait to recommend is Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller

which goes into the three attachment styles that we developed

based on our early relationships with our parents or caregivers.

This book was just so helpful in allowing me to understand the healthy and unhealthy ways

that I connect with the people in my relationships.

So you can go to audible.com/Anna or text Anna to 500-500 to start your free 30-day trial.

Every month you get 1 credit good for any audiobook of your choice,

Plus 2 Audible originals.

Audible members also get access to audio fitness, health workouts, and podcasts.

You can listen to audiobooks while you work out, drive, complete household chores,

or assemble a thousand piece puzzle by yourself.

Go to Audible.com/Anna or text Anna to 500-500 to start your free trial today.

Audible, the most inspiring minds, the most compelling stories, the best place to listen.