It's a company called SurveyMonkey.

And it polled professionals across the country,

found out that 85% of Americans are happy with their job.

And my first thought was SurveyMonkey sounds

like a great place to work, because I imagined cubicles

all lined up with little monkeys in the cubicles,

and headsets on them, and little clipboards.

And I thought, how adorable that would be to work there.

And then I thought Ellen, snap out of it.

You already have a job you love.

I get to walk out here to the best audience ever.

Everyone-- ever.

I get all the free mints that I want.

I know what Ryan Gosling smells like.

You want to know what he smells like?

Pickles.

Sweet, sweet pickles.

Another thing I love about my job--

look at me and Jennifer Aniston.

Yeah.

I mean, who else gets paid to kiss Jennifer Aniston?

I guess Paul Rudd, and Adam Sandler,

and David Schwimmer, and Charlie Day,

and Gerard Butler, Ben Stiller.

Man, she gets around, huh?

Now that I think about it.

I also-- I get to kiss Howard Stern.

That's to remind me I prefer kissing girls.

Only because of the beard-- he has the-- otherwise,

I'd hit that.

He's not the only man I've gotten close to.

Two words-- Channing Tatum.

Yep.

So I had to go to the Magic Mike Live Show.

And-- it's my job.

And he smells like patchouli and money, is what he smells like.

I've danced with presidents.

I've beaten the first lady in a push up contest.

I've hugged Oprah and taken $100.00 out of her back pocket.

She didn't even notice it.

And I guess what I'm trying to say

is, thank you for allowing me to do this amazing job that I

have.

Without you-- thank you.

Yes, thank you.

Because without you, I would be a handsy nobody.

And that stuff would be illegal.

So--