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  • whether it's Ripley being dangerously distracted by her new cable package, or Yoda losing a force battle with some Rando in a diner over a Diet Pepsi.

  • Sadly, it's becoming more and more common to see our favorite characters sell their souls for a little cheddar.

  • Speaking of which, have you guys signed up for blue apron yet?

  • Actually, it's pretty awesome.

  • However, no one is worse than the king of Monsters.

  • Seriously, Godzilla has to be one of the biggest corporate whores.

  • There are time, Jocelyn the intern.

  • I do all the research nobody else wants to.

  • Straight from the desk of Battle Godzilla, King of Monsters and apparently also the king of shameless commercial appearances this giant lizard has been in.

  • So how many ads?

  • I don't even have time to show them all.

  • Here's a few of my favorites that I've been dying to make fun of.

  • For starters, did you know that the bold 23 flavors of Dr Pepper is seemingly the only drink capable of quenching the thirst of such a giant monster?

  • First off, bullshit is drinking the doctors tonic water from an advertising display.

  • There's no way it's still busy.

  • Secondly, of Dr Pepper is quelling Godzilla.

  • Thirst and rage.

  • Why are the people still drinking it?

  • DP has officially become Godzilla repellent, waiting to be stockpiling this shit.

  • In a second ad for this stupid ass campaign, he finds love with a chi to wearing a bow and forces diet DPD down her throat with a strong.

  • Of course, it has to be diet for the lady and drunk with a straw so she doesn't mess up her perfect lipstick.

  • Enough about educated beverages.

  • Let's talk.

  • Sh is Yom.

  • I remember from a desk of years ago that Nike had an ad that featured Charles Barkley Dunkin all over a glasses clad Godzilla, which honestly, just makes me mad.

  • There's no ref.

  • Godzilla tosses the jump ball with his own tail, and Barkley clearly fouls him by charging him into a building, cut it with the niceties Godzilla and just blast Barkley in the face with some atomic breath.

  • Boom game over 10.

  • Then again, I'm sure the Nikes would create some sort of magical barrier to protect him now that are monstrous.

  • Buddy has shoes and a drink.

  • It's time for him to grab some snacks when G man gets Shangri.

  • There's only one thing that can tame the beast, which, of course, is a Snickers.

  • This whole ad has Godzilla prowling around with a bunch of rat rose partying, playing ping long and flutter skiing.

  • He's a nice guy so long as you're willing to pay his new get laced ransom.

  • So, uh, let's make sure we stockpiles some snickers to go with that DP.

  • Next up on our plate of monetized munchies are Doritos, who, despite their current struggles to make Lady Garrido's once made a chip so spicy that Godzilla himself couldn't handle it.

  • This this mother ever breathes atomic flame.

  • And you're telling me that this one trip made Godzilla run straight back to the ocean to try and cool off his mouth?

  • Plus, the ocean isn't going to work, you giant idiot lizard.

  • It's gotta be Dr Pepper.

  • And while we're on the topic of Doritos, let me make something clear.

  • I don't care if you make an 80 Doritos.

  • What I do care about is bringing back those dope ass three d Garrido's good Godzilla.

  • Those were good.

  • Maybe I still have some around here.

  • And even though that's just a dead rat, good these American advertisements were pretty weird, but they've got nothin on Japan.

  • These hometown ads with Big er on a whole another level.

  • For example, In one single commercial, we see Godzilla ride the subway while reading the paper, go grocery shopping and sing karaoke with a family in their living room.

  • What?

  • There might be a language barrier here, but why use Godzilla to sell?

  • Ah, home karaoke machine.

  • Why is the idea that everyone even Godzilla would love this karaoke machine?

  • He can't do anything but make that stupid bird noise.

  • I guess he could do a pretty good rendition of nickel bag.

  • Yeah.

  • I mean, you can only improve on that ship.

  • You're probably thinking we've hit the pinnacle of strange Godzilla product endorsement.

  • I mean, who could possibly beat Japan when it comes to weirdness?

  • Well, in a surprise twist, it's the Dutch of all people in this wacky tail, Godzilla is doing his usual thing, devastating a city and needlessly tearing apart sign Ege all is well and good until he sees a pretty young thing in a red dress.

  • He takes a page from King Kong's book and picks her up for this next part.

  • Hold on to your butts.

  • Godzilla picks up This chick freaks out when he realizes she's a man in drag who is totally into this, by the way, and then drops her to her inevitable death.

  • Death, death, inevitable deck.

  • Now, what in the hell could this possibly be selling?

  • You ask what product could possibly tie into cross dressing murder?

  • The answer is licorice asses.

  • Faras shameless advertising ties in.

  • That's about as much as I can take for today.

  • Oh, fun fact.

  • Kim Jong Il kidnapped a well respected director and forced him to make North Korea's own version of Godzilla Baldessari, which looks like the love child of Godzilla and Tim Curry's Satan from legend.

whether it's Ripley being dangerously distracted by her new cable package, or Yoda losing a force battle with some Rando in a diner over a Diet Pepsi.


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B2 中上級

ゴジラは売れ残り|デスクオブデスバトル (Godzilla is a Sellout | Desk of DEATH BATTLE)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日