to their baby's distress.

Sometimes they can be loving.

Other times they are angry.

And at other times they may

ask their child to worry about them.

Watch this mother's response to her child's crying.

"Stop that!

I don't want you to do that. Stop it again!"

Here's another example:

"You scared me!

I thought that something terrible had happened.

Come here now, Mummy was just so scared,

make Mummy feel better,

give Mummy a hug, make Mummy feel better."

As you can see, once when this baby hurt himself,

his mother got angry,

and another time the mother got more upset than the baby.

"You scared me,

I thought something terrible had happened."

By doing that, whether she meant to or not,

the message the mum gave the baby

was that her own needs were more important than her baby's.

These babies stop going to their parents for comfort

because they don't want to upset their parents.

It's important to remember

it's not up to a baby to meet a parent's needs.

It's the other way around.

It's up to you to meet your baby's needs.

A child who gets a loving response only some of the time

has to work very hard,

often by clinging or whining,

to get their mother's attention.

They don't know what to expect from their parent,

and are not sure how to get love and affection.

They can become very demanding.

In the long term, children who are unsure

about themselves and their parents

are likely to have problems getting along with other people.

Here's another way this mother

could have responded to her child.

"Shhhhh. It's okay."

See how this time the mum focuses on her baby's needs.

See how she paid attention to her baby,

calmly picked him up,

held him close, and reassured him.

She responded to her child in a loving way,

and a baby whose parent responds in this loving way

learns that he can count on his parent

to be there when he needs her.

Babies whose mothers respond in a loving way

learn to trust that their needs will be respected and valued,

and they in turn learn to respect

and value other people's needs.

In other words, they can go on to form good,

close relationships with their parents and with others.