So they were just friends with benefits?

"If you want to I COULD be your boyfriend." I was like WTF

Hey guys and girls on Ask Japanese it's CathyCat and today I am joined by...

Hey guys it's Hiroko from Hiroko TV!

And this time again we want to do a little bit of Japanese love and dating

talk with us. Since quite a lot of the guys watching here

are curious how to speak to a Japanese girl, become friends or even have a J girlfriend

We already talked about it, it's not as easy. Not everyone wants a Western Boyfriend or

from another country. We are going to discuss how to transition

from friends to lovers. How to confess your feelings to the other person.

So....

This is a tricky one. How long do... In Germany people sniff around each other for a long time

Before they start dating. - How long.

That depends on the person while in the UK

Things happened a lot quicker - I see.

But! What you see now in western countries, which is interesting, that some people

do everything that couples do, but they are like...

they don't know what they are yet. The kind of like...

"are we girlfriend and boyfriend?" but noone is daring to say that. They don't wanna be too fast

Don't want to move too fast. The kind of like "are you mine?

"cause I stay here all the time" there is a song about that by Lilly Allen

It's a big mystery to me. So the confession is...

only Japanese stuff?

I think in other countries you say "I kind of like you, would you like to go out" but some people

don't want to come on too strong right from the start. They probably

you can say "I like you, you wanna go on a date" but not "GO OUT!"

You overstepping the whole other part of it, while I heard in Japan

it's pretty much, you go on one date and the man will go to the woman

and say "would you like to go out with me." It's very official or maybe

I am having a different image of it. - Before we were dating like

"Do you want to go out for dinner" and then...

After a couple of dates, let's say 3 dates...

Then a guy will confess his love to a girl "I really like

you because... will you be my girlfriend" and THEN they start

becoming girlfriend and boyfriend. Ideally but..... - In a funny way it seems

that Western societies are a lot more shy. We don't drop the L bomb until we are like...

SURE we really like that person. You know what I mean? - I see.

But in Western culture... - WAIT!! We are speaking in English!!!

Oh no not again! I didn't notice it either!

Guys don't forget there are subtitles so click them

on. You have to click a little gear (or CC symbol) to follow our conversation

It's gonna help with your Japanese studies. Let'S do it. - That's right.

"Please be my girlfriend" seems to be embarrassing for some Westerners.

They are already sleeping with each other, yet still can't say it. - WHAT?

Wouldn't that make the girl feel insecure? Like what if he's just playing?

Am I his friend? Am I his girlfriend? - I saw that in the UK

That's worrying! Make a girl feel saver than that! - I guess so

If the girl asks "Tell me what kind of relationship we are" would that bad?

I guess those who can say it do say it. Some worry that it's too early

and they will scare the other person off. "She's too much"

I see. At least at the University in the UK I was surprised to see that with the young students

So does that mean they were just friends with benefits???

I think it was more like in-officially dating.

The time before it's official. - Oh before being official!

They like each other but... - They are doing couple things but...

us as friends can see that they are more right?

Like "I think one of those stayed over!" - Yeah

They stayed over, but as students you share houses so you will notice that as friends.

And then I would ask my girlfriends "are you dating?" And she'd say

"I don't know yet" which surprised me. - Are they ok with that???

But Japan is becoming more like that I think.

Some boys don't make the relationship official anymore. Japanese girls...

will also ask me what I think about their relationship.

"He is taking me on dates but..."

"We are doing what lovers do but..."

"he hasn't said "I love you" or Be my girlfriend." I am shocked!

about that. "My friend was worried about that.

Coming back to Japanese girls... do they want it official

won't they think the boy is being to much at the start? - No no no

We want to hear "I love you" and "be my girlfriend."

That's good. - Now tell me about "I love you."

When do you guys say that? - We say "I like you lots"

But we don't say "I love you" ... it means aishiteru

Aishiteru... sounds dramatic. - If you said that, you might shock girls.

If you say it with a straight face, it's too much. You only say that at weddings.

I don't know. - When should a boy confess his feelings then?

How long should they date first? - Go on dates for at least....

one month or 3 months. You should say it before you sleep with each other.

True. That sounds better. Don't copy those

modern couples abroad. - But if two love each other but

are to shy to say it, but still sleep with each other...

... having that question linger afterwards, that's sad.

I think boys want to have the assurance of knowing where they stand

But don't many boys want to have their "freedom"?

I assume some prefer to have their freedom....?

If they want to have their freedom, they should say it.

I think that's good to be open about it. - Yeah then girls know where they are at.

Take a womanizer for example saying "just playing girls"

I think that honesty is ok. So he will only attract girls who want the same. - He will

If some people don't want to be serious, they should both say that

And those who want to be serious, should voice that too

Guys, you need to talk. - I prefer that honesty too. Boys who lie make things complicated.

The Japanese love confession is important.

It's part of our culture I think.

It feels a bit like in an anime "I have liked my senpai for so long"

"please date me senpai" - Adorbs! - So

I heard that the boy HAS TO confess to the girl

Yeah that's the majority. - Why?

I don't know. When girls confess they are seen as too sexually aggressive.

Girls that are too forward. - Bad image??

WHAT COME ON!!! -Generally the guy has to make the move BUT

Recently there are many passive boys in Japan...

The "B-males" not the "A-Males."

In that case girls might make a move. But when a boy does the move...

Girls are happier then.

An official love confession is important and the boy should make the move.

I think that's the case in Japan. I once confessed my feelings

to a boy. - You're brave - And he thought i was too much

I think he thought I was a convenient girl.

He said "Let's meet every day" and I even had a key to his house

we went for food or hot springs together.

He knew I liked hot springs so he looked them up

and we walked there. - You did a lot together

but he didn't ask you to be his girl? - He did say "I love you" but

"You are cute. I like you. I want to meet you" things like that

So I felt safe and fell in love with him but...

we pretty much lived at his house together and

helped with each others work troubles. He was older than I and intelligent

He would help me out. I thought I loved him but...

but.... I didn't know where I stood.

He also invited me to drink with his friends or colleagues.

But I got told not to mention that we would go home together. He never said I was his girl

What? - I got introduced as friend.

What? - It made me wonder...

So I said "sit down on" and he said "wow scary talk coming"

I said "I will ask something scary so please sit down."

He laughed and sat down. So I said...

"What are we? I think I know the answer but..."

"I don't want you to lie to me."

"I will not be angry whatever you say."

"I just want to know, so please tell me"

Then he said "I don't want to marry."

"I love you but..."

"you are in the age when women want to marry in Japan right?"

"I will not be able to marry you, so just dating you might not be fair to you."

"But I COULD be your boyfriend if you so wanted me to."

I thought I was already his girlfriend in a way. He said "I could be so kind to be your boyfriend."

I said "No thanks" .... "If YOU want to..."

"I COULD be your boyfriend. It's like WTF!!!

(fake male voice) "I as boy, like you Hiroko"

"Date me gurl." - "Alrighty!" - Nice one. - Saying these words is so hard.

Making a move is hard. - It totally is embarrassing! - Yeah...

I think boys who can have guts. - This has turned into a girls talk video

True and to be honest... we are trying to give love advice...

... but we both don't have a boyfriend...

- Lol - What is your ideal love confession scenario

then Hiroko? - If I like him but am not sure if I am just his friend...

a trip somewhere might be nice. Going on a trip with friends. - Friends?

Other people. - You won't go as couple if you are not a couple yet

I think that's too tough. When having food later...

I want him to say "I like you Hiroko" ...

If he suddenly said that, would you not choke on the food in surprise??

*cough* What?! - I wanna have that scenario!

I want him to say that to me!

If a boy tells me he loves me when I am anxious how he feels about me...

my heart would skip a beat. - So the ideal is to start as friends

and then become lovers. - Yeah.

I want to know what he thinks about me and feel safe

and then find out.

Summarizing today's talk... boys need to make the first move - Ideally

And don't wait too long. - Don't wait longer than 3 months.

I see. - But some Japanese girls might watch this...

feel free to correct us if we are wrong. I don't have

that much experience in relationships. We have no clue. Please comment.

People are all different, but the official proclamation

will make each other feel safer.

I think girls should confess to boys too.

I think that should be ok. Time Place Occasion are

important. How long you know each other - True.

and date each other. The place where you confess. And...

what you have done with each other already. Love is difficult. - So true!

I guess men also do the wedding proposal right? How honorable!

I don't think I could do that.

No way!!! - No way!!!

On that note, love is hard. - Love is super hard!!!

If you have love tips for us, tell us too.

Nice one! - I will read them all. - Thank you guys

for watching. Don't forget to subscribe for more. Catch you soon for anther video and check out Hiroko's

channel as well. She is doing a couple of really interesting challenges. Maybe it will help you with

your luck in love too Hiroko. Ok girl I see you later.

Catch you later. Bye!!! - Bye!!!

What type of boy am I trying to imitate here? - Sorry my senpaiiii