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  • Love makes you think about doing things you never thought

  • you'd do before, you know? Like, getting married.

  • I thought I was gonna get married.

  • For me, I never thought I was gonna get married

  • cause I have all this divorce in my family, you know.

  • I also think when you get older as a woman,

  • marriage just becomes a little more appealing,

  • 'cause marriage is set up for girls

  • as an offer that you just cannot refuse.

  • If someone came up to me on the street randomly,

  • and marriage as an institution, did not exist,

  • and someone was just like, "Excuse me ma'am.

  • Hi, um, would you be interested in a beautiful diamond ring?

  • And a bunch of parties where your friends will buy you

  • whatever the (bleep) you want?

  • And then you get to move into somebody else's house

  • and get on their health insurance plan.

  • And then if they cheat on you,

  • you get half their shit, no questions asked...

  • would you be interested in that?"

  • Yeah, man, yeah, yeah.

  • How do I get all that shit?

  • Well, you just have to have sex with the same man

  • for the rest of your life.

  • Ohhh.

  • You know what? (Bleep) it. I have Tylenol PM.

  • Let's do this shit. Where do I sign up?

  • (giggles)

  • It's not that we love you.

  • We just want shit, okay?

  • It's the same thing with sex.

  • Like, we don't always have sex with you guys

  • because we like want that (bleep).

  • No!

  • No!

  • Okay, Half the time I have sex with a guy,

  • it's because it burns calories.

  • (applause)

  • I'm like oh, God. I had that lasagna today...

  • I don't have time to go to the gym, so...

  • I should probably just (bleep) this guy.

  • (sighs)

  • But I really go for it, you know.

  • I wear a terrycloth headband and ankle weights.

  • I get in there...

Love makes you think about doing things you never thought


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A2 初級

ホイットニー・カミングス - 私はあなたを愛している - 結婚とセックス (Whitney Cummings - I Love You - Marriage & Sex)

  • 358 10
    Angus に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日