BeingborninAmericatoimmigrantparents, sometimes I amashamedofmyfamily's brokenEnglishwhen I amoutinpublic.
Mybiggestregretissaying I wouldn't cryifmymomdied.
Shewasgiventwoyearstoliveifherhealthcontinuedthewayitwasgoing, and I wastoomuchofanangsty, self-centeredteenagertoworryaboutanyonebutmyself.
I feelthepressuretodowellinschoolandtogetinto a goodcollege.
I wishgradesdidn't havetodefinesomeone's worth.
I startedgettingdepressedwhenmyparentseventuallysplitup.
I neverseemydadanymore, and I have a lotofpressurefrommymomtosucceed.
Yeah ...
I wentto a verycompetitiveschool.
Performancewasessentiallylike a sourceofvalidation, so I totallyunderstandwherehe's comingfrom, becausemyschooliskindofcrazy.
I'm ashamedofmybody, but I tellotherpeopletolovethemselves.
I'm actuallyveryactiveonsocialmedia.
Itcanbe a lotofpressure, 'causemaybe I postsomethinganditseemslike I'm veryhappy, butdeepdown, I'm nothavingthebestday.
Andthere's timeswhere I wouldfeelashamedofsharingit.
When I wasfouruntil I wassixyearsold, I wasmolestedby a babysitter.
Andwhen I toldmyfather, hetoldmetobequietaboutit.
Hesaidthatas a female, mybodyisformen.
Thisideahasstuckwithmeeversince.
Firstandforemost, I'd tellthemit's nottheirfault, alsotellthemthatlikeitis a fight, learninghowtounderstandandtoreallyinternalizethatlike, youareyourownperson, andlikeyourbodyisyoursandyoursalone.
Mywholelife I'vebeenmadetofeellike I wasundeservingoflove.
Bothfrommyselfandothers, and I'm afraidthatpartofmebelievesthem.
Awman, thisonehits.
When I wasabout 12 or 13, I realizedwhatthewordrapemeant, and I justbrokedown.
I rememberedwhathadhappenedtome, anditfinallymadesensetome, andthefactthat I wasrejectedfrommyownfamily, especiallyfrommymom, ledtodepression.
I hadnobodytotalkto.
I can't evenimagine.
I thinkbecausethere's always a questionof "Oh, likewhatcould I havedonetoavoidthis?""Oh, I shouldhaveseenthesigns," "I shouldhavesteppedup," "I shouldhavesaidsomething."
Butatthesametime, youneverknowhowyou'regoingtoreactuntilyou'rein a situationlikethat, andsometimesit's completelyoutofyourcontrol.
Heyguys, thisisJasonfromJubileehere.
Thankyousomuchforwatchingthatvideo.
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