spouse or a friend or a certain status

within a group but we feel threatened of

losing it we experience resentment which

we call jealousy so how can we deal with

this this video presents you stoic

solutions for jealousy first of all I

want to thank Neil Rankine for his

generous PayPal donation and young for

becoming a supporter on patreon thank

you guys very much appreciate it and it

will help me creating more videos in the

future a commenter named Ankara Mundi -

recently suggested to make a video on

how the Stoics handled the jealousy so I

decided to do it because I think it's a

great idea and I know there's lots of

people struggling with this to begin I

first need to explain the difference

between jealousy and envy jealousy comes

from a fear of losing something to

another person and is very common in

intimate relationships in which we fear

to lose a partner to someone else Envy

is wanting something that someone else

has like a car a house looks etc thus

envy is being resentful of people that

are in our eyes more fortunate than

ourselves when I look at jealousy from a

stoic point of view I see two things the

illusion of permanence and the belief

that external things will make us happy

now the Stoics noticed that the nature

of the universe is impermanence that

everything outside of faculty is not in

our control

we're jealous you don't want to lose

something external that you attach

yourself to in this moment the truth is

however no matter how infatuated you

curve the art with your boyfriend or

girlfriend someday you will be separated

bear in mind that everything that exists

is already fraying at the edges and in

transition subject to fragmentation and

to rot is a quote by Marcus Aurelius

everything is subjected to continual

change we could say that change is the

only constant when we fear and

just change we become insecure and

insecurity is where jealousy is coming

from but we simply don't know how this

change is going to manifest so why worry

about it

the only thing we can do is what's best

in a moment we're in without the

arriving rise from our actions and

regards to the future this is called

amor fati which means embracing the

outcome whatever it is Epictetus has a

powerful quote that relieves the pain of

jealousy by reminding us that we never

own what we are attached to and that the

presence of this particular person in

our lives is temporary I quote never

save anything I have lost it but I have

returned it a short child that it is

returned

it's a wife that she is returned is your

estate taken away well and it's not that

likewise returned but he would took it

away as a bad man what difference is it

to you who they give her assigns to take

it back while he gives it to you to

possess take care of it but don't view

it as your own just as travellers view a

hotel and quote no matter how much

effort we put in our relationships how

well our property is secured how great

our reputation is we can still lose the

things we are attached to like our

spouse our house or our social status at

the blink of an eye this means that the

fear we are experiencing when we are

jealous is actually quite a rational one

that aligns with the nature of the

universe yes your spouse may cheat on

you with a co-worker tomorrow yes your

supposed best friend may prefer the

presence of someone else over your

presence the fact that these

possibilities are realistic and common

is a reason not to worry about it why

are you trying to control the external

world that's not up to you anyway it's a

waste of time but I need this person to

be happy you might say no you don't

within the stoic system of ethics all

external things including the people you

love are considered so-called preferred

indifference it's nice to have them and

they might support you in living a

virtuous life but preferred indifference

or no

heart requirement to be happy according

to the Stoics happiness is found in

virtuous actions here's a quote from

Seneca virtue is free inviolable not to

be moved not to be shaken and so

hardened against misfortunes that she

cannot be bent let alone overcome by

them and quote from my understanding of

stoicism my suggestion would be

replacing the focus on the external with

focus on the internal thus stop

obsessing about losing the things you

love because you'll lose them anyway

and they aren't as vital for your

happiness as you may believe instead you

might want to focus on living well

regardless of what happens around you

and paradoxically when you focus on

living well instead of anxiously

grasping and clinging to the things you

don't want to lose you might actually

attract more preferred indifference into

your life also the ones you already have

are more likely to stick with you out of

free will as opposed to you being

jealous which will only drive them away

thank you for watching

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you