of hate on the internet recently this

video isn't meant to be a commentary on

her one way or the other

but after seeing those hate videos we

thought you'd like to know the common

types of jokes that make people dislike

you and some of the jokes you can make

instead that will make people like you

the first type of joke that will make

someone dislike you is sharing their

sensitive information to get a laugh for

example watch Taylor Swift's reaction

after Ellen tries to get her to say who

the song we are never ever getting back

together is about now not everyone is

uncomfortable talking about their exes

so this isn't immediately a bad idea for

a gag but Taylor is obviously

uncomfortable with it

despite this Ellen plows ahead to try to

get a laugh in the scenario it's pretty

obvious early on that Taylor wants Ellen

to stop but normally you won't get such

clear feedback so there are two signs of

discomfort you should look out for if

you're going to make jokes about

potentially sensitive areas of someone

else's life if you see these signs it's

time to pull back and pivot topics the

first sign you want to look for is

verbal hesitation check out this clip of

ariana grande and notice how she

repeatedly cuts herself off mid-sentence

the second sign is that Arianna shows

shrinking and self-soothing body

language first hugging herself then

covering and touching various parts of

her face body language like that is a

clear cue to pull back and pivot to a

different topic but instead Ellen plows

ahead so she can tell her joke and while

the audience laughs notice Arianna does

not you know I'm his homey and now he's

living in your homey

[Applause]

there's that right it seems like Ellen

wanted to tell that joke no matter how

ariana reacted and maybe as a talk-show

host that's okay but in your life if you

plow through these signs of discomfort

you'll end up hurting your relationship

with the person you're talking about

even if you get a laugh from other

people in this next clip take note of

Cara Delevingne self soothing body

language as the Graham Norton starts to

share a potentially sensitive sex story

of hers I think your embarrassment that

shows quite high why clearly Graham

thinks this is a funny story and wants

to share it with the audience and maybe

he thinks that since Keira shared it

with him she won't mind him telling it

and that's all good there's no harm in

bringing it up but when you see these

early signs of discomfort in your own

life like breaking eye contact and

self-soothing neck or face touches

that's your cue to change topics don't

continue to force the issue like Graham

does if you notice someone nervously

touching their face or suddenly closing

off their body take it upon yourself to

stop and redirect the conversation one

great way to do this is to turn the joke

back on yourself for example watch this

awkward clip of Ellen trying to out

Mariah Carey as pregnant by showing she

won't drink alcohol

[Applause]

ask you if you're pregnant

right then if Ellen had realized Mariah

wasn't comfortable sharing and said

something like oh you don't want to

drink great that means to for me it

would have gotten the laugh she wanted

from the audience plus a laugh from

Mariah and then she could have segwayed

into Mariah's upcoming album Mariah

would have appreciated Ellen in that

moment for taking the pressure off of

her and inviting her to talk about

something she actually wants to discuss

when telling jokes you should aim to

make the other person feel good any

negative emotion the experience will be

linked back to you

this is the second mistake people

sometimes make making jokes designed to

make the other person feel guilty for

example in this clip you'll see Ellen

attempt to jokingly make Dakota Johnson

feel guilty for not inviting her to a

party it does not go over well how was

the party I wasn't invited actually no

that's not the truth Ellen you were

invited nice to know last time I was on

the show last year he gave me a bunch

about not inviting you but I didn't even

know you wanted to be invited to a party

why I didn't even know you liked me this

is a surprisingly common joke that most

people make when they're hurt or don't

know how to communicate their

frustration but ironically all you do

with this joke is make the person want

to spend less time with you than they

already do Ellen continues the joke

after Dakota Johnson's co-star Zack

mentions how great of a friend Dakota is

from Dakota's expression you can see

she's not enjoying this style of humor

she's not a good friend of mine but

she's a good friend

to you and that's what matters for

another example here's Jimmy Fallon

trying the same joke with Robert Downey

jr. crazy blowout from what I read I

guess my invitation lost in the mill

it's fine obvi but you know I you know

where I am pretty much every nevas know

that you you can tell from Roberts face

he does not love the joke and instead of

responding with something apologetic he

fires back with a burn you had a lot of

people there pray over 30 people over

there brother yeah thing about yeah you

weren't invited these jokes often become

habits which is why you want to be

careful you say them unthinkingly and

then they backfire if you catch yourself

making jokes like this your best bet is

to change them out for jokes that make

the other person feel good the examples

in this video aren't the norm for Ellen

she's actually quite good at making

jokes that pretend to be teasing but are

really meant to elevate the other person

like here with Amy Adams you're an

amazing actress you're not not one but

two nominated films tonight you were in

that's just

that is so what is the word for it

selfish I guess if you want help

learning how to build this positive

habit you can check out our other video

on Ellen which will link to in the

description that said not every joke has

to be a compliment in order to be

well-received there's nothing inherently

wrong with teasing in fact this is how

some of the closest friends interact

with each other but one situation that

will often get you in trouble is when

you're teasing someone of lower status

than you for a solid example of how

social status affects the reception of

your jokes check out these two clips the

first clip is Jimmy Kimmel a famous TV

show host poking fun at markiplier and

mrs. May two youtubers who he doesn't

know very well and who are by contrast

less famous than him markiplier in

particular doesn't seem to like it you

guys should try being around other

humans

[Applause]

it's likely markiplier felt Jimmy was

coming from a mean place and mocking him

contrast that with this clip of Sofia

Vergara effectively making the same joke

saying her husband has a nerdy

personality I've heard you accuse him of

being a nerd in what way is hold on what

way is that

hey nerd he's inside of him he was just

put in the wrong body I tell him you're

in you're trapped in the wrong body

Sofia can get away with calling her

husband a nerd because they have a close

relationship and because Jo is an

incredibly handsome movie star so he's

very unlikely to feel sensitive about

this or take offense and as overkill she

even makes sure to compliment him each

time before calling him a nerd that's a

great way to tease someone and still

make them feel good so feel free to

tease people you're close to especially

about things they're unlikely to be

sensitive about but be aware that those

exact same jokes can come off as hurtful

or mocking if you direct them to people

who you don't know well who aren't as

high on the social totem pole like lower

classmen at school or people below you

on the org chart at work and especially

avoid teasing those people about

something they care about if you follow

this advice you'll avoid alienating

people with these common types of jokes

but unfortunately there's no guarantee

that everyone will like you especially

if you plan to live a life where you

take risks and try to be exceptional

you're going to acquire haters and

doubters along the way that's why we

created a program designed to help you

develop deep and authentic confidence

it's a 30-day program that will give you

emotional mastery so that even if you

say the wrong thing in conversation make

a mistake at work or don't have things

go the way you planned you're able to

pick yourself up with confidence and

continue to feel great about yourself

no self-doubt no beating yourself up the

way this works is by focusing first and

foremost on your relationship with

yourself

this means exercises that put an end to

those moments where you're controlled by

fear of rejection failure or conflict a

very common outcome is that members

realize they deeply want to share what

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so we've added a bonus section that is a

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only offered it to people who had joined

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program and that means there's no page

explaining the course just a checkout

page so if you're intrigued and want to

know more the best thing to do is check

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there's nothing you need to do no

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you just go to billing and refund and

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