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  • In this episode of MarieTV we do have some adult language.

  • So if you have little ones around grab your headphones now.

  • Hey, it's Marie Forleo, and welcome to another episode of MarieTV and the Marie Forleo Podcast.

  • So today you are in for a treat.

  • I have one of my dearest friends, she's a brilliant writer and she's got a new book

  • out that I know you are going to love.

  • Glennon Doyle is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller, Love Warrior, which

  • was an Oprah's Book Club selection, as well as the New York Times bestseller, Carry On

  • Warrior.

  • Glennon is an activist and speaker, and she's the founder and president of Together Rising.

  • She lives in Florida with her wife and three children.

  • Her latest book, Untamed, is available now.

  • Glennon.

  • Hi baby.

  • I know my audio guy's like, "What the hell is she doing?"

  • You guys, Untamed.

  • I texted you from the plane, I was halfway through.

  • I was bursting out of my skin because this thing is incredible.

  • I was like, "Who is my friend?

  • Who has my friend become?

  • How has she become one of the most brilliant moving writers I've ever had the pleasure

  • of reading in my life."

  • I have so many damn underlines in here, I'm like, "Holy cow, this interview is going to

  • be ..." I was like, asked you, texted you, "How long do you have today?"

  • Because this conversation's going to be big.

  • Congratulations.

  • Thank you.

  • I can't believe you said bursting out of your skin.

  • That's what I want this to do.

  • Let's get women to burst out of their skin.

  • And it will, and it will.

  • I have a feeling it's going to be atop anything that you can possibly imagine.

  • So.

  • I love the line, "When women learn how to please, we forget who we are."

  • For those in our audience who may not know who you are quite yet, or just may not be

  • familiar with your story and your journey, can you share a little bit about what inspired

  • you to write Untamed?

  • I will share another line.

  • I've been doing this a lot in this interview you guys, basically telling Glennon about

  • her own brilliant words.

  • "What follows is how I got caged and how I got free."

  • Yeah.

  • Well, who I am.

  • I've spent the last 10 years writing and speaking about feminism really, about women trusting

  • themselves and believing in themselves and conspiring together and challenging institutions

  • and ideas.

  • Then I got all of that tested fairly recently, a few years ago.

  • I was struggling for many reasons in my marriage.

  • That was the last book, and I was at an event, and a woman walked in the door and I looked

  • at her and three words swelled up in my being, and the words were, "There she is."

  • For a long time, I thought those words had come from on high.

  • This was some magical Disney moment.

  • It took me a while to realize that those words had actually come from within, right?

  • That I was actually hearing from the voice of the person I was before the world told

  • me who to be, right?

  • Because I fell in love with her, and it was the first time I'd loved someone beyond the

  • people who I had had been conditioned to love, right?

  • I wanted her so much, and it was the first time I had wanted something beyond who I'd

  • been trained to want and what I'd been trained to want.

  • Right?

  • What unfolded next was this question, will I trust that voice?

  • Will I trust myself?

  • Because what I realized is it's one thing to be a feminist out in the world saying,

  • "Believe women, trust in women," and it's quite another thing to become a woman who

  • actually trusts herself.

  • Yes.

  • Right?

  • Because the whole rest of the world, you can imagine, the whole rest of the world was saying

  • to me, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no," about upending my life, and following my truth to

  • love Abby.

  • But I think that's when you realize that you're starting to untame when the whole rest of

  • the world is going, "No," and you're going, "Yeah."

  • That is the good stuff.

  • Yes.

  • You're like, "If this makes no sense to me the world, then this must be me finally hearing

  • from myself."

  • Yes.

  • Yes, yes, yes.

  • Again, for those who don't know your journey specifically, all of this was going down when

  • your last book was soaring to the top of the charts.

  • Oprah had you on the show.

  • We're talking about marriage, you're a faith-based person.

  • There's all of these different layers and it's like, "Whoa!"

  • And life isn't convenient that way.

  • Yes.

  • Right?

  • You'll get tested right at the moment...

  • You'll get tested.

  • The universe will say, "That's nice that you're out there preaching that.

  • Do you believe it?"

  • Right?

  • Because yeah, I announced my divorce I think a few weeks before my book came out that was

  • touted as a marriage redemption, and this is life, right?

  • Yes.

  • This is life.

  • Yes.

  • Before we go any further, we have a lot of writers and aspiring writers and creators

  • in our audience, and I want to take a little bit of a right turn for a minute into the

  • structure of the book, because I get asked a lot of questions about, "Oh my gosh, I have

  • this other idea for a book," or, "I want to write my first one, how do I do it?"

  • What I so appreciated about yours, was it's like these little...

  • I would call them almost like little chapterettes, toastettes, little delicious pieces of toast

  • that I want to put tomatoes and mozzarella on, and then we go into an area that there's

  • Q&A, and then it's different.

  • It is untamed and it's structured.

  • So I'm curious from the craft of writing side, did you go in with that intention or did the

  • book reveal that to you as you were writing it?

  • It felt to me, writing this book –– art, feels to me the same way that religion or

  • sexuality, all these categories that we have, right?

  • So I have this wild faith inside of me, right?

  • This unique wild idea about who God is and who I am and how we co-create together, and

  • then I get this blueprint for religion, and I'm like, "Not that.

  • It doesn't fit in there," right?

  • Yeah.

  • Or I have this a sexual identity, right?

  • That's weird and different, and I can't really explain and was different last year than it

  • is this year.

  • Then they're like, "Here's the blueprints for sexuality."

  • I'm like, "What's in here, the wild in here doesn't fit inside there," which is what a

  • lot of people are saying now, which is why our old ideas of sexuality are crumbling,

  • and our old ideas of religion are crumbling, right?

  • Yes.

  • Same with art.

  • I wrote this book which is really about getting that wild inside out into the world and living

  • with integrity, which means that our insides match our outsides, right?

  • In a very structured way at first, it was essay after essay about what it means to be

  • a woman in the world.

  • And I sat down with a dear friend, and I was figuring out why isn't this working?

  • By the way, this is 100,000 words in.

  • Okay?

  • Yeah.

  • That's no small amount.

  • That...

  • No, at that point you're like, "I'll just make this work."

  • Right?

  • Yeah.

  • We figured out, "Oh, you're writing a book about being untamed and you're trying to put

  • it in an old structure that's been created by somebody else."

  • You're trying to birth this thing, this idea.

  • I mean art is just about having a vision inside of us and somehow through all this blood,

  • sweat and tears, making it real in the world.

  • You have this particular wild vision inside of you and you're trying to fit it into somebody

  • else's structure.

  • Burn it, throw it away, let it all burn.

  • Start over.

  • The opening vignette is about a cheetah.

  • I wrote it like that cheetah.

  • I want to run through this.

  • I don't want to second guess myself, I don't want to try to fit it into anybody, I want

  • the reader to be breathless by the end.

  • Right?

  • That's how I wrote it, and I think it feels wild.

  • It does.

  • It feels fantastic, and when I say it makes sense, I mean on an intuitive and soulful

  • level, not necessarily from a logical structured place because that's why I was like, "Yes."

  • I was like, "Even how this book unfolds is untamed."

  • I'm curious, from the publishing standpoint or editing standpoint, did you get some pushback

  • initially or...

  • Yes.

  • Yes, okay.

  • Cool.

  • Talk...

  • If you don't get to pushback initially, that means you're not doing anything new.

  • Yes.

  • Right?

  • Absolutely.

  • It's very interesting to be an artist because your job is to always push the envelope, to

  • always do the next thing that no one's ever seen before.

  • But inherent in that is that you're bringing that new thing to a structure that is built

  • on, but all of these other things have worked.

  • Totally.

  • Right?

  • It is your job as the visionary to push back on that.

  • It is their job by the way, to still say, "Yikes."

  • But that's why it's so important to be with a team and be with an editor, be with a publishing

  • house that believes in your vision even when they're afraid.

  • Absolutely.

  • Right?

  • We experienced that with Everything is Figureoutable too, and I was really grateful to have people

  • that I could have those tough conversations with and that we can go back and forth, and

  • for me to be able to just remind them like, "Hey, here's why you invested in me because

  • you saw something different than I was going to do something a little different."

  • Yeah, I just...

  • And you trust your people that they'll get it, right?

  • Yes.

  • It's not just with art, it's with your life, it's with your relationship, it's with the

  • way that you speak about your faith.

  • Like, "Oh my God, that's scary.

  • That doesn't fit into the mold."

  • I think they'll get it.

  • Yes, 100%.

  • I think they'll get it, and even if they don't agree, they're going to feel that...

  • They might not say, they're going to feel the truth and the beauty in it.

  • That's right.

  • Right?

  • We're not trying to be right, and when you're an artist and they say, "That won't sell,"

  • you have to say, "Okay, all right.

  • I'd much rather make what's real and true and see what happens than change this thing

  • to fit what you tell me will happen next."

  • Yes, absolutely.

  • You talked about the cheetah story, which by the way, come on.

  • I love a theme.

  • Let's stay on theme, baby.

  • The story about the cheetah and the dirty pink bunny, oh my God, I was laughing but

  • also the metaphor of that just struck me so hard.

  • I'm wondering if you can share that story, because I think it alludes to the fact that

  • so many of us begin to get caged at a very early age.

  • Yeah.

  • I love that day, because when you're messing with ideas in your mind and then you see the

  • metaphor for it in the world, there's no more exciting moment, right?

  • Yeah.

  • I'm at the zoo, this safari park with my daughters, and we go to this thing called the cheetah

  • run.

  • This is the park's big event for the day.

  • The zookeeper comes out, and she's holding the leash of a lab.

  • I'm like, "What?"

  • She says, "Is this our cheetah?"

  • The kids all say, "No."

  • She said, "You're right.

  • This is Minnie the lab.

  • We raised Minnie alongside Tabitha, the cheetah, so that we could tame her.

  • Now, Tabitha and Minnie are best friends, and Tabitha does whatever Minnie does."

  • Something about it, and we watched the cheetah run.

  • Tabitha...

  • Minnie went first, and they attached this pink stuff, dirty bunny to a Jeep, this little

  • Jeep, and then the Jeep took off, and Minnie the lab chased the dirty pink bunny, right?

  • Tabitha watches from her cage.

  • Open the cage, Tabitha walks out, just majestic, gorgeous, muscles rippling.

  • This gorgeous majestic creature stands at the freaking starting line and chases this

  • dirty pink bunny.

  • Why is this wild animal following this well worn path, settling for this applause of these

  • spectators when she could turn to those zookeepers and tear them to shreds if she remembered

  • her wild.

  • Right?

  • Why is she doing it?

  • Because she's been tamed, because she's been raised to be a lab.

  • It just struck me that, "Holy crap, if a cheetah, if a freaking cheetah can be tamed to forget

  • her wild, certainly a woman can too.

  • Right?

  • Yes.

  • Then I started thinking about all of the dirty pink bunnies that women are trained to...

  • To chase, yes.

  • ...chase.

  • Right?

  • I talked to a group of women recently, and they were , and at first they weren't buying

  • this cheetah thing, and I was like, "Okay, all right.

  • I want you to start talking to me about all of the things that you were taught to believe

  • about what makes a good girl, what makes a good wife, what makes a successful woman,"

  • and they just started, "Oh, be quiet, be small, be pleasing, be..."

  • Nice. "...accommodating, be nice, be humble," and

  • then, "Oh, there's your dirty pink bunnies."

  • Be perfect, be thin, be beautiful, be faultless, be... over and over and over again.

  • Then we wonder why we are unfulfilled, why we are exhausted, why we are overwhelmed and

  • underwhelmed at the exact same time.

  • It's because we were meant for wildness, but we're chasing these dirty pink bunnies that

  • somebody else put in our path.

  • Totally.

  • Right?

  • Yes.

  • Yeah, that's the cheetah.

  • I think it was so cool, because later, they led Tabitha into this field, and then the

  • zookeeper started talking about cheetahs that were raised in captivity, right?

  • The little girl raised her hand and said, "But does Tabitha miss the wild?"

  • And the zookeeper said, "No, no, no, no, no.

  • Tabitha was born here.

  • She doesn't know any better."

  • Right?

  • Or she doesn't know any different.

  • Tish, my daughter, was watching Tabitha in that field and she pointed to Tabitha and

  • she said, "Mommy, she changed."

  • I look over at Tabitha and Tabitha is a different animal away from the zookeeper, away from

  • the dirty pink bunnies.

  • Her posture has changed, she's looking regal, she's looking fierce, she's stalking the periphery

  • of the fence, looking beyond the fence.

  • You could just see this energy rise up into her, and Tish looks at me and she goes, "Mommy,

  • she turned wild again."

  • I thought, "Oh, that's what happens because Tabitha has never seen the wild.

  • It's in her."

  • Yes.

  • Right?

  • That's what women are feeling.

  • It's this restlessness, this stalking of the periphery.

  • This is all I've seen.

  • All I've seen is a bunch of Minnies, right?

  • But I know I'm meant for something different.

  • Right?

  • I know my faith is bigger than this religion I've been handed, I know my sexuality is wider

  • than this category I've given, I know my potential is bigger than the opportunities that have

  • been put in front of me, I know I'm meant to love deeper, I know I'm meant to be loved,

  • deeper and realer and truer, and it doesn't matter that I can't see it because it's in

  • my imagination, and I really think that imagination is not where we go to just dream up something.

  • That imagination is where our truest reality is.

  • Yes.

  • Right, so...

  • Right.

  • If we start there and lead from the inside out instead of the outside in, that's how

  • we create the truest most beautiful from our wild.

  • Yes.

  • I love the line that you wrote, "Who was I before I became who the world taught me to

  • be?"

  • I feel like so many of our early, when we're in our 20s and our 30s, at least my own experience,

  • was trying to fit myself in, trying to chase those fucking dirty pink bunnies.

  • Oh God.

  • I remember I was engaged at 23, thankfully my inner knowing, she is so unbelievably loud.

  • She will make me physically sick when I am going too close to a path that is not true

  • for me.

  • So I'm super grateful for that.

  • I want to shift because I think there may be a lot of people listening right now who

  • can relate to that feeling of both being overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time, and in

  • a form of pain.

  • You write, "Being human is not about feeling happy, it's about feeling everything.

  • Pain is not tragic, it's magic.

  • Suffering is tragic."

  • You said, "If you are in deep pain or angry, yearning, and confused, you don't have a problem,

  • you have a life."

  • Let's talk about pain, let's talk about the story of protecting Tish from pain.

  • I think this is a great place to go next.

  • Yeah.

  • Well, after I fell in love with Abby, I was really struggling to figure...

  • I mean I was trained early to believe that good mothers don't break their children's

  • hearts, right?

  • In order to be true to myself, I would have had to leave my then-husband, which would

  • have broken my children's hearts, because he is such a good man and such a good father,

  • and still is one of my dearest friends.

  • I was taught that being a mother, that a good mother protects her children from pain, right?

  • I'm standing in front of my daughter, Tish.

  • She's an extremely sensitive, fierce, wonderful soul, and she's doing her hair and she looks

  • back at me and she says, "Mommy, can I do my hair like yours?"

  • Something in that moment I realized, "Oh, every time my daughter looks at me, she's

  • asking a question," right?

  • She's looking at me and she's asking, "Mommy, how does a woman do her hair?

  • Mommy, how does a woman live?

  • How does a woman love?

  • How does a woman be loved?"

  • Right?

  • I realized, Oh, I am staying in this marriage for my little girl, but would I want this

  • marriage for my little girl?"

  • I realized that in staying in that marriage to protect her from pain, I was taming her,

  • right?

  • I was training her how to be a lab.

  • I am a mother who...

  • Our parenting generation, maybe every parenting generation, gets this memo that mothers should

  • show their love by martyring themselves for their children, right?

  • That mothers, their job is to just keep disappearing, to keep putting their needs so far below everyone

  • else's that they just slowly disappear, and what a burden for our children, right?

  • To know that they are the reason that their mom stopped living.

  • Right?

  • And to know that if one day they become parents, that will be their fate also because they...

  • If we teach them that martyrdom is the epitome of love, they will feel like they need to

  • rise to that definition.

  • Right?

  • Yes.

  • What I realized in that moment was that this is why Carl Jung said thatthe greatest

  • burden a child can have is the unlived life of a parent,” because children will only

  • allow themselves to live as fully as their parents lived.

  • So the duty of a parent is to not accept any life, relationship, conversation, occupation,

  • to accept nothing less true and beautiful than we would want for our own children, right?

  • Because they will only allow themselves to step into lives as big as the ones that we

  • allow ourselves to live.

  • So that was a dirty pink bunny, that I was taught that mothers are to be martyrs, right?

  • Oh, who could have created that one?

  • Who could've created this dirty pink bunny after dirty pink bunny that insists in every

  • arena that women get as small as possible, and slowly die?

  • Right?

  • Well, we know the answer to that.

  • Right.

  • So if you go, "Oh my God, this little girl, she doesn't need her mother to protect her.

  • She doesn't need me to protect, to save her.

  • She needs to watch her mother save herself."

  • Right?

  • I threw away that dirty pink bunny of mothers are martyrs and I said, "No, no, no.

  • I'm going to create my own ideal, my own expectation, which is that mothers are models."

  • Yes.

  • Right?

  • I will live my life so fully that my little girl will have no other option than to live

  • her life as fully as possible.

  • Not to match mine, but to match herself.

  • Yes, and on pain too, I love that you said, "I can feel everything and survive.

  • Everything that I thought would kill me didn't.

  • Every time I said to myself, 'I can't take this anymore,' I was wrong, and this is what's

  • great.

  • I can also use pain to become.

  • I am here to keep becoming truer, more beautiful versions of myself again and again forever.

  • What scares me more than feeling it all, is missing it all."

  • I think for anyone listening to us right now who finds themself in pain, it's such a powerful

  • reframe.

  • Well, listen, we live in a capitalist culture, and the way that people sell things to us

  • is that they tell us through 17 million messages a day that the reason that you're sad and

  • depressed and angry and lonely and heartbroken is not because life is sad and depressing

  • and heartbreaking and lonely, it's because you just need these countertops.

  • Right?

  • Everyone else is happy because they have these countertops, and if you also...

  • We're like, "Okay, I'll get the thing," and then we just keep going and we keep getting

  • the thing and we keep getting the thing and we're still lonely because you can never get

  • enough of what you never really needed.

  • The lesson of my life is to figure out that a very early age I learned that it is too

  • much to have big feelings.

  • I was a little girl who was trying to fit in in every which way possible, and the world

  • showed me a dirty pink bunny that girls are pleasing and smile and are accommodating,

  • and I had big feelings and I had big fear and I had big rage and I had big all the big,

  • and so I started numbing myself with bulimia.

  • I became bulimic when I was 10, and I spent the next 25 years in a cage trying to protect

  • myself from my muchness.

  • Right?

  • I was too much.

  • Numb, numb, numb, food, booze, but all the things.

  • Then I'm raising my little girl, right?

  • Sometimes it just takes looking at the world through another person's eyes, especially

  • a child, to forgive yourself and figure out who you really were.

  • She has so much.

  • Big feelings, big all the things.

  • This is a good example of her.

  • When she was in kindergarten, her teacher called me and said, "Glennon, we have an issue,"

  • and I was not shocked.

  • She said, "I just accidentally may have mentioned to the kids about global warming and that

  • the polar bears were losing their homes."

  • She said, "The rest of the kids were sad about that, but able to soldier on to recess."

  • She said, "Tish is still sitting in the middle of the carpet.

  • She keeps asking me questions about polar bears, she keeps asking who's going to step

  • up for the polar bears?

  • Where's the polar bear's mom?

  • I can't get her to go out to recess."

  • Marie, I'm not kidding you when I tell you that, for months, our freaking family's life

  • revolved around polar bears.

  • We had polar bear posters on the wall, we adopted four freaking polar bears from Antarctica.

  • I don't know if there's some website.

  • It got so bad that at one point I asked my friend to please email me and pretend that

  • she was the president of Antarctica, and tell me that the polar bears were now in fact fine.

  • Because I just couldn't take it anymore, this child.

  • One night, I'm getting ready to put Tish to bed and I'm walking out the door and I hear,

  • "Mommy," and I'm like, "Jesus, no," and I go back and I say, "What's wrong?"

  • She says, "It's the polar bears."

  • I said, "Oh hell no."

  • Hell no.

  • She says, "Mommy, it's just that, it's just that... it's the polar bears now, but

  • nobody cares, and so tomorrow it'll be us."

  • And that little brat fell asleep, and I was like, "Oh my God, it's the polar bears."

  • Holy shit.

  • I'm looking at her, and I'm thinking, "Oh my God, she's not crazy.

  • She's a prophet."

  • Right?

  • Yes.

  • The sensitive freaking kids.

  • Basically, her teacher just told her the world is ending, and then then it's like can you

  • just carry on?

  • What I figured out is these sensitive souls, they're standing on the bow of the Titanic

  • going, "Iceberg iceberg," and everybody is like, "We just want to keep dancing."

  • These sensitive souls in most cultures and throughout history have been identified as

  • important to the culture.

  • They're the shaman, they're the medicine men, they're the poets, they're the clergy.

  • They're the ones that are a little different, a little eccentric because they can see things

  • that other people can't see, hear things other people can't hear, feel things that other

  • people can't feel, and so they are honored as weird but crucial to the culture's survival.

  • Yes.

  • But our culture is just so hell bent on efficiency that we call those people broken, like they

  • did with me, instead of understanding that they are responding appropriately and importantly

  • to a broken system.

  • Amen.

  • Right?

  • Through raising that girl, I figured out, "Oh my God, I was never crazy.

  • I was a goddamn cheetah."

  • That's right, girl.

  • Right?

  • Now, what I figured out is that I am still...

  • Well, I should say I am finally the girl I was before the world told me who to be, because

  • we know that we start to internalize our conditioning at 10 years old.

  • 10 years old is when I became bulimic.

  • Right?

  • When Abby proposed to me, she went to talk to my parents first, and the first thing my

  • mom said is she started crying, and she looked at Abby and she said, "Abby, I have not seen

  • my daughter this alive since she was 10 years old."

  • Tamed at 10, untamed at 43, right?

  • I just finally returned.

  • Untaming is not about becoming better.

  • There's no self improvement in it at all.

  • It's just returning to who you are as always were, right?

  • Before you started that self-improvement shit.

  • Yes.

  • Just returning to who you are, it's an unbecoming of all of the expectations and ideals and

  • dirty pink bunnies that the world laid on you, and it's just returning to that person

  • you were before you were 10 years old.

  • What I figured out is, "Oh my God, the sensitivity, the intense sensitivity that I hid from for

  • so long is the sensitivity that makes me a really good artist, and the fire that I have,

  • which my therapist calls anxiety, but these labels, right?

  • I call it my fire, that makes me live a fearful life sometimes, that's the fire that makes

  • me a really freaking good activist.

  • Yes.

  • Right?

  • I was Tish on the floor of the school saying, "I'm not ready to go out to recess yet."

  • I heard what you just said and it affected me and my heart is broken, and I'm a little

  • angry, I'm going to stay and keep asking freaking questions.

  • That's how Together Rising started.

  • Yes.

  • It was a group, it was of women who will no longer numb and ignore their anger and their

  • heartbreak, but who will stay with it, who will stay on the floor of the school and say,

  • "I am not ready to go out to recess yet."

  • Let's talk about Together Rising.

  • We'll bounce around.

  • We're going to go there later.

  • But let's go there now.

  • So that anger and that heartbreak, you say, "Despair says, 'The heartbreak is too overwhelming.

  • I'm too sad and too small and the world is too big.

  • I cannot do it all, so I will do nothing.'

  • Courage asks, 'I will not let the fact that I cannot do everything keep me from doing

  • what I can.'"

  • So you introduced us to Together Rising, but again, for those people who don't know, and

  • I'm obviously a huge fan and huge supporter.

  • I consider myself...

  • Yes, you are.

  • ...a champion of Together Rising.

  • Yes, you are.

  • Tell us a little bit about the organization and some of the phenomenal numbers.

  • Well, my sister and I started Together Rising.

  • What I would say about Together Rising first is that it took me to become untamed.

  • I think before I would've said I'm too sensitive to make a difference in the world, and now

  • I would say I am so sensitive that I can make a difference in the world.

  • Right?

  • Yes.

  • Every activist and artist I know is a little mentally different, right?

  • As a matter of fact, the only people I really like are the people who are a little mentally

  • different.

  • We're the most interesting, passionate, sensitive group.

  • So Together Rising started when my sister and I decided to harness our anger and our

  • heartbreak to make a difference in the world, right?

  • I think that is a very untamed thing to do because one of the dirty pink bunnies that

  • the world sells to women is that we are supposed to be happy and grateful, and not angry all

  • the time.

  • Right?

  • So women, I'm sure they say this to you, but when raise their hand and say, "I'm struggling

  • with anger, Glennon."

  • I say, "Why are you struggling with it?

  • Are you struggling with joy?

  • Just be freaking angry."

  • There's only two types of women that I respect in the world right now, and those are women

  • who are angry, are women who are in an active coma.

  • Right?

  • If you are in an active coma, when you wake up, I'm going to send you some links and you

  • are not going to believe the shit that's going on down here, right?

  • So what I figured out is, "Oh, okay, in cultures like ours and patriarchal cultures like ours,

  • the zookeepers will always train every marginalized group to be ashamed of their anger, and to

  • suppress it and to stay in this cage of gratitude and happy."

  • Why?

  • Because pissed off women make change.

  • Yes.

  • So if we are just constantly ashamed of our anger and trying to fix it, we won't harness

  • it and use it.

  • So Together Rising is a community of fierce, heartbroken, pissed off, hugely loving, cheetah

  • untamed women and men who have decided to harness their heartbreak together.

  • We have raised $23 million through...

  • The amazing thing is the average donation is $28, right?

  • So this is a very grassroots effort.

  • What I'm proud of is the numbers.

  • $23 million for change is unbelievable.

  • But what I'm more proud of is how it's raised.

  • Every single thing that we do at Together Rising, every effort, every cause that we

  • give ourselves to is presented in a way that is meant to educate all of us, right?

  • Secondly, I'm really proud of how we give the money, right?

  • Because what we have figured out at Together Rising is that we are not the warriors.

  • One of my favorite quotes is, "The most revolutionary thing you could do is introduce people to

  • each other," right?

  • We have these heartbroken, angry warriors in their homes, and we have these boots on

  • the ground warriors who are out in the world doing this incredible work and have been doing

  • it forever, so like at the border, right?

  • There are groups that have been on the ground dealing with these separated families crises

  • for so long.

  • Our job is to find the boots on the ground people, doing the most effective, scrappy,

  • immediate, wise work and connect them with the warriors in their homes.

  • Right?

  • That's really important because what we found over and over again as a nonprofit is that

  • a lot of the giving goes to these big organizations that have so much red tape.

  • They're what people know because they have the most marketing money, right?

  • Yep.

  • But what we found over and over again is that most of the most effective scrappy warriors

  • on the ground, meeting the crisis that is happening all over in the world right now,

  • are led, are smaller and you don't know them, and they're very often led by women and they're

  • most often led by women of color, and the reason why is because the women of color have

  • been in every single justice since the beginning of time.

  • We just got there, where the white women are like, "We're here now."

  • Right?

  • Yeah.

  • That's one of the joys of our life, and one of the responsibilities we take so seriously

  • is to find the people who are doing the most effective work on the ground and connect them.

  • Warriors in the homes to warriors on the ground.

  • Yeah, I mean we've become the leading organization in reunifying families on the border.

  • You know because you were a crucial force outwardly facing, and your people should know

  • behind the scenes, you're one of our secret angels who give so that every penny that we

  • get from the public can go directly to people in need.

  • It's the honor of my life.

  • I think that every word that I write is really about Together Rising.

  • One of the reasons why it's so closely related to this book is that I just feel like when

  • women become untamed in their lives, meaning when they do the thing they think they cannot

  • do, because it'll rock the boat.

  • When you do that in your relationships and in your conversations and in your parenting

  • and in your home, you start to do it out in the world too.

  • Yes.

  • Right?

  • Big time.

  • We figure out that we can do...

  • The world will tell us, "You can't make a difference.

  • There's nothing you can do."

  • That's right.

  • I mean, some of our favorite things that we've done in the company because I'm finding

  • ways to use our resources, financial, our voice, anything that we have to help, and

  • I just remember our first love flash mob that we did together and it was just like I found

  • myself sitting on the couch watching the nightly news, hearing some horrific thing and feeling

  • that heartbreak in my heart and going like, "God, someone should do something."

  • I was like, "Wait, I'm someone."

  • Do you know what I mean?

  • What do I have?

  • I just happened to really love business and I love making money and I love connecting

  • with people.

  • I'm like, "Oh, I have some assets here.

  • How can I align them with people that are doing the right thing to make some change

  • happen?"

  • So for people watching right now, one of the things I loved...

  • A gajillion things I loved about the book, is a question that...

  • Let's say someone watching this right now, they're getting fired up, right?

  • They can feel that wild coming back, and they're not sure though perhaps how to start making

  • that bridge from where they are right now to where some essence of them, a pre-verbal

  • energy is imagining where they could be.

  • So you have a question?

  • Is it okay if I read it?

  • Please.

  • Yes.

  • I'd love for everyone watching, you all have to journal about this.

  • I'm so big into writing too.

  • It just helps us I think become clear in ways that we can accomplish just mulling around

  • in this thing.

  • This thing is a messy place for me.

  • Here's the question.

  • What is the truest most beautiful story about your life that you can imagine?

  • Tell me about the power of that question.

  • Because I love when women come to you and ask, "Glennon, what the hell do I do?

  • I'm feeling so lost."

  • This is often what you tell them.

  • This is what you ask them.

  • Well, I think that we tend to have this tamed language that we use, which you'll hear women

  • say, "What is the right thing to do?

  • I want to be good, I want to be good mom."

  • If you hear right and wrong, good and bad, that's very tamed language, right?

  • Because there is no right and wrong, there is no good and bad except what you've been

  • conditioned to.

  • So for example, when I was deciding what to do with my marriage, the feminists would tell

  • me this was the right thing to do.

  • The Christians would tell me this was the right thing to do.

  • The parenting experts would tell me this was the right thing to do, and all of those things

  • would be different, which made me realize, "Oh, right and wrong are not up here."

  • Right?

  • They're not here.

  • They're culturally constructed ideas.

  • Yes.

  • Right?

  • They're also the cages that keep us locked up, right?

  • They're purposeful, because we're always thinking should/shouldn't, good/bad, right/wrong.

  • To get us out of that language, that caged language, that tamed language, there's questions

  • we can ask ourselves, which is, "Okay, forget the right and wrong.

  • What is true and beautiful?"

  • Right?

  • What happens, what I've realized is when I use that language with women, their mind shuts

  • down and this other thing rises up, right?

  • Which is imagination, which is soul, which is spirit, which is pure, which is wild, which

  • is true to them, right?

  • A woman might write to me and say, "My marriage is struggling.

  • What's the right thing to do?"

  • I'll say, "Tell me the truest, most beautiful story you can tell me about a marriage," right?

  • Then what happens is when you say story...

  • Because when you start to ask people to dream up something better, they are afraid to do

  • it because they think if they admit that they dream these things, then they will have to

  • do it, and all women start seeing is their bars, their cages.

  • I would do that but I can't because.

  • What we want to say is forget thecan't because.”

  • All we're doing is dreaming, okay?

  • Imagine that you never ever have to do this thing, right?

  • It's just between you and me.

  • What's the most beautiful story you can tell about parent and child?

  • What's the most beautiful story you can tell about a woman in her community?

  • What's the

  • Then you just see all the cants flow away.

  • I would if I could butand then this other thing rises up, and I think it's super, super

  • important to write it down.

  • Yes.

  • What you just said.

  • Yes.

  • I do not think that the truest most beautiful life goes from here to reality.

  • I think it comes to life one dimension at a time.

  • Correct.

  • Right?

  • It's in the dimension of imagination, which is not a pipe dream.

  • What I really want to get to the wildest...

  • What is in our imagination?

  • It's not Pollyanna, it's not a pipe dream.

  • It's our marching orders, right?

  • So first, forget the marching order part.

  • It's too scary.

  • Write it down on a piece of paper.

  • An architect does not dream up a building and then start building, right?

  • The architect has a vision, and then they let it come to life on paper.

  • Tell yourself, "You are only going to dream it up.

  • You're not going to do a damn thing with that dream."

  • Right?

  • So you don't scare yourself out of admitting that you can dream.

  • Yes.

  • It's okay, right?

  • Then the amazing thing is you write that story and you put it away somewhere, and then you

  • keep living your good enough life, your good enough marriage, your good enough without

  • saying those things.

  • I'll give you an example of the story I was thinking of when you told this, which is about

  • the woman who wrote to me and said her marriage...

  • I said, "Tell me the truest, most beautiful life about marriage you can imagine."

  • She wrote it, she sent it to me, it was beautiful.

  • It was just

  • Women are so scared of what they want, they think it's too much.

  • What women want is freaking beautiful.

  • She wanted to be loved, she wanted to be seen, she wanted it to be valued.

  • Everything she wanted was true and beautiful.

  • Right?

  • Took her a while, but she eventually put that dream on her husband's pillow, and then he

  • didn't say anything for three weeks.

  • I'm like, "She's emailing him like shit.

  • I don't know."

  • That was the best advice I had.

  • Right?

  • Then later later, he puts his true and beautiful on her pillow.

  • Right?

  • They both

  • They both...

  • I think women are so afraid to own what they want, but there is no such thing as one way

  • liberation.

  • That's right.

  • When we free our wild and ourself, that frees other people to free themselves too.

  • Right?

  • 100%, including our husbands, our sons...

  • Our children.

  • ...our children, everyone.

  • All of them.

  • Everybody's just asking, "Can I be free?"

  • Yes.

  • If we say yes with our lives, that's the ripple effect, right?

  • Yes.

  • And talking about can I say yes, a story that had me laughing was Adam and the Keys, because

  • I have an inside joke.

  • We have an inside joke here at Team Forleo.

  • So do you want to read this one?

  • Sure.

  • It's pretty short.

  • Okay.

  • Adam and the Keys.

  • You guys are going to love this.

  • A few years ago, Alicia Keys announced to the world that she was done wearing makeup.

  • She said, "I don't want to cover up anymore.

  • Not my face, not my mind, not my soul, not my thoughts, not my dreams, not my struggles,

  • nothing."

  • That's it, I thought.

  • Last month, I read an interview with Adam Levine.

  • He said that while they were filming a show together, he poked his head into Alicia Keys's

  • dressing room.

  • She had her back to him, and she was leaning into the mirror putting on makeup.

  • He smiled and said, "Oh, I thought Alicia doesn't wear makeup."

  • She turned around, looked at him, lipstick in her hand, she said, "I do what the fuck

  • I want."

  • That's it.

  • Oh my God.

  • Again, on the plane, the people sitting next to me, they were like, "What is going on over

  • there?"

  • We say that phrase in our company all the time.

  • I often tell it to guests before they're going to come on, and I'm like, "Hey, we can do

  • this however you want.

  • You know why?

  • Because it's my fucking show.

  • I do what the fuck I want, because I'm a grown-ass woman."

  • Yes.

  • There is so much like, yeah, that's picante Marie, spicy Marie coming out.

  • But it's just the truth, the truest of the truth, and it just had me howling.

  • I want to move on to something.

  • I get asked this question a lot, and it's essentially, if you're any bit of a public

  • figure or the type of work that you want to create and share with the world requires you

  • to share things publicly online or perhaps speak in public, folks are really afraid of

  • criticism, afraid of the pushback that comes back.

  • I thought it was interesting you wrote about ... that it's easier for the world to love

  • a suffering woman than it is to love a joyful woman, and that someone stood up at an event

  • that you were speaking at and just said, "I used to really be able to relate to you and

  • now I don't really relate to you anymore."

  • I've heard versions of this, like, "I used to like you when you had the brick wall."

  • I'm like, "Bitch, I'm growing."

  • Do you know what?

  • It's just...

  • Absolutely.

  • Yeah.

  • What was your experience of that?

  • Well, criticism comes in all kinds of forms to women, but I think in terms of women who

  • are untaming, this is going to be the one that they get the most often.

  • I was at an event recently, but it happens all the time recently, where a woman will

  • stand up and say, "When you used to talk about suffering and pain and being miserable all

  • the time, I related to you.

  • But now I don't know.

  • Ever since you married Abby, ever since...

  • I find it harder and harder to relate to you."

  • I understand that.

  • Okay?

  • I was at my daughter's soccer game recently, and there was this girl on the other team.

  • She was just rubbing all of us soccer moms the wrong way.

  • I don't know.

  • I was looking at my friends and they're like...

  • I felt this on the inside too, and so I'm like...

  • Now learning that my knee jerk reaction is my conditioning.

  • It's important and We can forgive ourselves for it, right?

  • Our knee jerk reaction is our conditioning.

  • It's not our wild.

  • So every time I have a bitchy response like that, I think, "Okay, what's going on here?"

  • So I'm watching her, she is, this girl, she's walking around like she owns this field, right?

  • The other annoying thing is she's on the other team and she's very good, right?

  • She doesn't even look like she's trying that hard.

  • She's like...

  • I'm going through this annoying thing, and I'm thinking, "Oh my God, Glennon, she's 12.

  • She is 12, and you don't like her because she's confident."

  • Right?

  • What's going on there is our conditioning, which it's proven.

  • We know.

  • We know, we know study after study that the more confident, successful, joyful a woman,

  • a man becomes, the more people like and trust him, and it's a bell curve.

  • The more joyful and successful and fierce and bold a woman becomes, the less we like

  • and trust her.

  • Right?

  • It's our taming.

  • That's all it is.

  • What we say, what our conditioning, what our teaming says is we look at a bold, fierce,

  • confident woman and we say, "I can't put my finger on it.

  • I just don't like her.

  • Right?

  • I can't put my finger on it.

  • It's freaking misogyny," right?

  • Because we've been taught...

  • I won't put my finger on it.

  • Right?

  • Yes.

  • It's because we've been taught since we were children that women should stay quiet and

  • uncertain and suffering.

  • Suffer like it's our job.

  • And modest.

  • And modest and quiet and accommodating, and the second we see a woman who has stepped

  • out of that cage, it is in us to want to put her back in it.

  • Right?

  • What I think is part of our untaming, and I'm working on, we all need to work on, is

  • if we do not start, instead of dismissing and shaming and voting for bold, confident

  • women, we just won't have any left, right?

  • That's dismal and scary.

  • We got to support the hell out of...

  • Even when our knee jerk reaction is, "Who does she think she is?"

  • What we need to tell ourselves is she's a goddamn cheetah.

  • That's right.

  • Please vote for the cheetahs.

  • Vote for the freaking cheetahs.

  • Please, God.

  • Well, I need a matching...

  • I'm going to get MC Hammer pants and a cheetah top.

  • Your version of cheetah.

  • I'm going to come and hang out in Florida with you.

  • As we wrap up today, first of all is did we cover everything that we've wanted to cover

  • before I have you read...

  • You always cover everything, Marie.

  • I know.

  • There's...

  • You're the best at this.

  • A gajillion thanks more.

  • But if you would be so kind as to read a little bit that I have flagged for you at the end,

  • I think it will wrap us up on quite a note.

  • Here you go, my love.

  • Okay.

  • "I will not stay, not ever again, in a room or conversation or relationship or institution

  • that requires me to abandon myself.

  • When my body tells me the truth, I'll believe it.

  • I trust myself now, so I will no longer suffer voluntarily or silently or for long.

  • I'll look at those women to my left and right, who must stay, because it's that time for

  • them, because they have to know what love and God and freedom are not before they can

  • know what love and God and freedom are, because they want to know, because they are warriors.

  • I'll send them every bit of my strength and solidarity to help them through this part,

  • and then I'll pick up my mat and slowly, deliberately, lightly walk out.

  • Because I have just remembered that the sun is shining, the breeze is cool, and these

  • doors?

  • They're not even locked."

  • Yes.

  • Congratulations, my love.

  • This is such an incredible gift to all of us.

  • For everyone watching, you have to get your hands on Untamed, get several copies for every

  • woman and man you know.

  • It is just brilliant.

  • I adore you, I love you and thank you so much for coming on today.

  • Thank you.

  • Thank you, Marie.

  • Now, Glennon and I would love to hear from you.

  • So I actually want everyone to answer a question that we talked about in today's episode, and

  • I'm going to read it to make sure I get it right.

  • So I would love to hear from you, what is the truest, most beautiful story about your

  • life that you can imagine?

  • Now, as always, the best conversations happen over at marieforleo.com.

  • So go on over there and leave a comment now, and while you're there, be sure to subscribe

  • to our email list and become an MF Insider.

  • You're going to get a jolt of positivity and really good tools and actionable ideas each

  • and every week in your inbox.

  • Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world really does need

  • that very special gift that only you have.

  • Thank you so much for watching, and we'll catch you next time on MarieTV.

  • Hey you having trouble bringing your dreams to life?

  • Well guess what.

  • The problem isn't you.

  • It's not that you're not hard working or intelligent or deserving.

  • It's that you haven't yet installed the one key belief that will change it all: Everything

  • is Figureoutable.

  • It's my new book and you can order it now at everythingisfigureoutable.com.

In this episode of MarieTV we do have some adult language.

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Glennon Doyleは、結婚、セクシュアリティ、未熟な人生を選択することについて話します。 (Glennon Doyle Talks Marriage, Sexuality & Choosing An Untamed Life)

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    Summer に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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