There was a silence.

And then the next question came, Okay, teach me something that caught me completely off guard.

The interviewer was open to learn for me with one question.

He had just reversed the power dynamic in the situation.

He made me feel not test it, but trust it.

And I discovered that it's possible to get a job at Hugo by reciting a poem in Spanish.

These types of discoveries can only happen when you're open, open to learn and open to under NW.

What do I mean when I say underneath?

Oh, he's an example.

Can I see a show of hands If you've ever moved countries or apartments?

Okay, many of us know the joys of packing.

In that case, you're anything like me.

You completely underestimate the amount of stuff that you own.

And so you end up last minute throwing fancy wrapping paper and candleholders.

Just everything that is left into this one books.

Did you put in the basement of your new apartment and will never actually open up again.

Sounds familiar.

Sometimes opinions, perceptions, concepts become like that box.

They get dusty, and it's useful to open them, see what's in them and throw away what doesn't serve us anymore.

This is what I call unlearning.

It is a practice, and today will do exactly that.

We'll go down to the basement and open up to metaphorical boxes together the 1st 1 if I play it safe.

Now.

When I decided to recite a poem during a job interview, I was taking a risk.

And before knowing that I had actually got in the job, I was filled with self doubt immigrants.

So I didn't tell anyone about the potent situation.

I was scared.

I thought they were gonna tell me to play it safe.

We are told to not take too many risks and are invited to follow a more predictable, safer path.

Instead.

This is an important box to open.

Why?

Because it has major implications in our lives, from what career path you're supposed to follow to what our romantic life is supposed to look like.

And today I went to look at it in relationship to skills.

There is also an important association related to the safe path, which is the dearest, only one definition of success, but its success the same for everyone, the success mean the same for me than for you.

Okay, returning to our skill, Flint's I want to tap into your wisdom.

So using the traditional heart and self skills division.

So it's a refresher.

Heart skills or technical in specialized skills such as coding and self skills are emotional and social abilities such as empathy.

Right?

So what type of skills do you associate to playing it safe?

Heads up for heart skills.

Heads up.

I don't see many hands.

I want to see more hands for discipline.

Okay, great.

So we see a couple of them.

What about self skills?

Okay, interesting.

There's a couple of, well different views here in the room, which is interesting.

And some of you did not participate.

And maybe it is because you were thinking Wait, is this reader and either or question what tends to be more accurate is robust research.

And maybe you're familiar with this paper that the World Economic Forum published on the future of jobs where they identified the top 10 skills that were required to flourish in 2020.

As you can see you, they're mostly self skills.

Does this surprise you coming back to our previous question?

Is there something to intern for you now?

I asked you about associations, and I think associations are very interesting.

Very good tool for unlearning because they highlight perspectives that we might not be aware off.

And if we use the lens of semantics, we can see that heart.

It's often association.

Associate it with traits such a strength and resistance qualities, the rest area typically more masculine, while softness is linked to gentleness, delicacy, weakness sometimes which are stereotypically more feminine traits.

There is an important disclaimer to be made here, which is that when I talk about feminine and masculine, I am not talking about gender identity, the feminine.

It's not exclusive for women, just as the masculine.

It's not explosive for men, their sets off qualities that men, women, non binary, trans people everyone can develop.

And just as we can have both soft and hard skills, we can also have both masculine and feminine traits simultaneously.

We need to understand that this isn't either or scenario.

Reality is more nuanced than that the magic words are both and and we can cultivate this traits and integrate them and balance them both at an individual level and at a wider social and cultural level.

So let's go down to her basement and pick up the second box.

I think off a leader.

Take a moment to become aware of the image that comes to your mind.

Are you thinking off a specific gender race?

H outfits?

Are you visualizing an individual or a group?

How do you know this is a leader?

Is it because of a formal title, or is it a set of behaviors?

What behaviors?

Researchers at the University of you did a study to understand what traits we associate to leadership.

What they found was that masculine traits such as assertiveness were seen us necessary, whilst feminine traits such as tolerance were desirable but optional.

Something like the cherry on top of the cake, right?

Nice you half, but not a deal breaker.

More importantly, they found out that there was a perception off having a trade off, having to choose between being likable or being competent.

Can we not be both now, off course, we're talking here about stereotypes and just as all models are wrong, but some are useful, so your types are never accurate.

But sometimes they can highlight interesting insights and point at the bigger picture at the transfer going on underneath and I can sense a pattern emerging here.

We tend to underestimate the importance off the feminine.

We sold with skills, and we start with leadership trades.

No, everyone balance in integration.

I think we have to unlearn this.

This pattern has been holding us back for a long time.

We need to recognize that both feminine and masculine traits are as important for leadership.

But how do we change those patterns?

Well, we break them, We do things differently, and language can be a powerful tool for this.

We can create our reality with language.

We can start by reclaiming the word feminine, you said consciously and plowed proudly to describe ourselves and our leadership style.

I'm curious to get a sense of how you feel about this, so I would love to see your hands up.

If you feel comfortable using the label masculine to describe yourself, can't you show offense?

Okay, what about feminine?

Okay, it's a couple of hands.

Did you raise your hands twice.

Can I see that?

Okay, Interesting.

We have a lot of diversity in the room, which is interesting, but maybe you didn't raise your hands because you find labels tricky.

I get that labels reduce us.

They don't get to capture all of us, right?

But labels can also give us clarity.

And the first words that came to my mind with relationship to leadership was busy nous to be clear in a business.

But dizziness and I found this interesting.

We've come to associate success with being busy.

So somehow we think that the busier we are, the more we are accomplishing.

And so exception is becoming then you norm and slowing down is becoming a privilege.

It's well being a privilege.

I think it is urgent to remember that we have a choice that we can slow down.

We can open those boxes and throw away what is no longer serving us to me leadership.

It's not so much about doing more, but being more.

And yet action is important.

And maybe you're thinking OK in theory, on learning sounds great, but how can I put it into practice?

What can I do.

There's one simple tool that I want to share with you that we said Google to integrate unlearning into our day to day.

It looks like this before starting a meeting, an important meeting in which you're gonna make a decision.

Sorry.

Start by sharing your bias.

So instead of starting with the discussion, have a quick sharing circle in which you stage your individual bias.

For example, I could say that I tend to favor views off people that look like me.

Why is this practice important and powerful is a free things.

First, it develops our awareness.

We can never throw anything away if we're not aware that there's a box there in the first place.

Second, it makes spices visible that it encourages us to speak openly about them rather than pretending they don't exist or that we don't have them.

We all have bias ist where a conscious of them or not, and 30 it keeps us accountable.

It doesn't dissolve biases altogether, but it gives us a choice and a responsibility to keep us in check.

It also develops the mindfulness around how we make decisions, how we form opinions.

I sense that Often we focus so much on the content under what?

That we forget the process.

The how and maybe you're seeing that with yourselves today.

If you're taking notes, see if you're writing down ideas and concepts or if you're also writing down how to integrate them, how to embody them.

I think wisdom doesn't only live in the head.

I think everybody's air very wise.

And that's why I like to think of learning ass.

A dance, a dance, yes, a dense Why?

Because it's an embodied practice.

It requires adaptability and openness and curiosity and being brief.

No.

What if those skills are useful Way beyond the dance floor?

They're essential life skills.

So maybe we can use the dance metaphor for life in general.

I find it useful to have this image is because they turn insights, do something beautiful.

And this is exactly what poetry does too.

They invite us to concentrate on their own and see new possibilities.

So today I want to finish with the poem.

This is a stanza off the invitation.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you can risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure off being a life.