like Valentine's day or hate it, it is a fact of life, so get used to it. You have a couple

of options increase your chances of getting laid on the day of love. One is to go out

to a fancy restaurant, spend a bunch of money. The other option is to stay home, spend like

$10, and an hour in the kitchen and cook something for your special lady or your special man,

and they will be all like, "Oh, my God! I can't believe you made me dinner. I love you!"

[MUSIC] All right, so what we got going on today is

the $15 Valentine's Day dinner. We're going to make linguini with caramelized onions an

artichoke hearts, and here's what you need. You need two big onions. You need a pound

of linguini. You need some artichoke hearts, some parsley, some wine. This is some $6 wine,

whatever. You can get more expensive if you want, a little olive oil, and some garlic,

and some red pepper, and I just saw these at the store and I might put them in. They

are some kind of weird peppers I have never used before, but we'll see about that, and

I am going to also mix salad, but we'll get to that later.

Okay, so this is how you should cut up this onion, your two onions. Cut off the root and

the stem end first, and then cut it from one cut side to the other lengthwise if you will.

Get that paper off, and then you want to cut it just parallel with the top and bottom,

super-thin and then end up with these little rainbows of onion slice, beautiful. All right,

so once we get all these chopped up, we are going to start caramelizing them. It looks

like a lot of onions, but it's going to reduce by about half in volume by the time we're

done with the caramelization. I have got my skillet heated up over medium-high heat. I

am going to add two or three tablespoons of olive oil. I am then going to put the onions

in. Looks about right. All right. I am going to

put in the onions, and I am going to toss them around. C'mon toss, that's right. There

we go. So I am going to add a little bit of salt, maybe like half a teaspoon. Sorry, I

didn't put that on the ingredients list previously. Toss it, and you don't have to like stir it

continuously or anything, just sort of keep an eye on it. Now, we're just going to leave

that alone, and let it do its thing. Okay, so these have been cooking for about 10 minutes.

I kind of forgot about them and they got a little brown. Whoops! That's okay. I am going

to turn it down now, and just cook them on low for about 30 minutes, and while that is

happening, I am going to make the salad. All right, so this is how I am going to make fancy,

little citrus segments for salads. I think they are called suprens.

Cut off the ends. We're going to peel it with the knife. I mean using the knife, and try

to get off as much of the pith as possible, that's the white part, and with grapefruits

that's the part that really makes them taste bitter. So once you get all that out, they'll

be actually pretty sweet. All right, now I am going to cut them into little segments.

You can see the membrane lines here, and what you want to do is cut on either side of those

so you completely cut the membrane out and then you just end up with this beautiful little

segment of fruit, put it in a bowl. It gets a little tricky towards the end. All right,

that last one in there, I am just going to squeeze the rest of this over the bowl. That's

going to be the, we're going to keep that juice and that's going to be part of the dressing

later, and then just do the same thing with oranges. It's pretty dangerous. Son of a.

. . All right, not even one cut.

So we'll just set this aside, and I am going to stir my onions again. Okay, these are looking

really amazing and wonderful and brown. They probably need another 15 minutes or so. So

I think I will go ahead and start my water boiling. If your loved one is late, and they

are ruining your plans, don't fret because once these are done, they can just sit and

then you can just wait to cook the pasta until your lover arrives. The onions are done dude.

I am going to put in a couple cloves of garlic that I chopped up. Stir that up, and then

add in some wine Mmmm! Warm, white wine, it's delicious! Okay, and then with that liquid

you can scrape the little burny bits off the bottom, and then I am going to let that go

and get the garlic cooked a little bit.

In the meantime I am going to cut up this pepper that I have bought that I have never

used before and see if I am going to smell it and then I am going to see if that smells

like it would go good in here, and if it doesn't then screw it, but it could be a new invention.

I just cut up a few little rings because I think it'll look real pretty. It's like a

really mild poblano flavor, so that will be good. I want to put it with my artichoke hearts

and throw them in later, and cut up a hand full of parsley, and that's also for the pasta,

and then I will put the salad together. All right, this is everything for the salad. I

have got some red leaf lettuce that's washed and torn up into small pieces. We have our

beautiful suprens, some olive oil, some salt, and then these hearts of palm which are exactly

what they sound like. They are like little, the inside of palm trees I guess. If you get

the ones that say "salad cut," those are cheaper because they take all the messed up ones I

guess, but it doesn't matter because they still look adorable.

That's what they look like, and then sometimes you can do that and then you have that. Isn't

that cute? So throw a few of those on, and then I am gonna put on some of these little

beauties. All right, and then for the dressing I am going to put a little bit of olive oil

and with the remainder of the juice that's in this bowl, maybe just like a teaspoon or

so and some salt. The bunny is pooping salt, ha ha! That was gross, sorry, and then just

mix that up and we'll put these in the fridge until we're ready to serve them, and then

we'll pour the dressing on later. Okay, so the wine has almost completely evaporated.

There is still some liquid in the bottom. I am going to go ahead and put in the artichoke

hearts and the weird peppers that I decided to add today, stir that around and just let

it continue to simmer on low. Just mix it around. I am also going to add in a couple

of pinches of crushed red pepper because I like it spicy. So our water is boiling. I

am going to put in some salt and then throw in the pasta.

Whoa! It exploded. Okay, here it goes. Just want to give it a little stir for the first

minute or so, so it doesn't all stick together in giant clumps because that's not appetizing,

and the box says it's ready in 12-14 minutes. It is now 2:47. Why am I making Valentine's

dinner at 2:47. That's crazy. All right, we are putting this shit together. It's gonna,

just gonna make a big mess here, and toss this together. This is pretty well combined.

Turn that baby off. Onions, there you go. A little artichoke heart there and some parsley

over the top. Parsley actually is not just a garnish it can add a lot of flavor to this

thing, and now I am gonna put the dressing on the slide and then we'll be done.

There we go. Voila! Dinner is ready, so serve it up with some wine and pants will be coming

off. Cheers!