字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント he's made a mess except the guy. And welcome to Human Simulator. You could see a beautiful picture of my family on the wall who all look Devilishly handsome on my little bobble head. Weighs everything the exact same. I think this is a game where I have to learn how to become human. I love humans, I'm sure do. OK, handy jobs. Jar named Hugh Man. It's very clever. Very clever joke. Okay. Should I do this? How do we do this? How do we start it? Okay, let's do this retort. Oh, yeah. That's how I become human. That's how you know it's a really human. Whenever you're walking around, you're doing this. You're like that's a human because no robot or alien would be that fucking stupid. Okay, what do we have to do? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I have to say yes. This is my head. Move! Oh, no. God! What do I do with this? Look at the fluffy bunny now. Okay? I am very smart, human. All right. Sign here to certain I want to do my job. Human. I'm gonna become a handy man. It's easy to be a human. I do it every day. Poorly. This is how humans D'oh! Yeah. Is that what you do when you go out in the street? To show that you're a human with somebody walks by and goes, Yo here when you go, Okay. Ah, you must be Mr Mind. Yes. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Yeah, it is wonderful. I've been looking forward to meeting you. You seem like one of the most promising candidates. Yeah, I didn't have any trouble finding the interview room, I hope. No, no, no, no, no, I didn't. Did you start by telling me some of your strength, Mr Man? Yes, I have money. Strengths. I wanted to cheer on Horn. I see. Humble. That's exactly what we're looking for here. Handy jobs. Tell me, how did you hear about this position? Um Oh, shit. Oh, yes. Is there anything else I can do? Oh, God, he's looking at you right now. He's looking dead in your eyes and he wants an answer. How do I answer? I think the tutorial all it did was teach me howto look up and down. Oh, phone. I learnt interview from phone. Big brain. Mr. Men, where do you see yourself in five years from now. 10 years. Don't say doing your wife. Don't say doing your wife. Don't say doing your wife, Uh, on the beach retires early retirement because I'm so good at my job, I'll be able to retire early. And you could just pay me all the daughters that you want. $10.20 dollars, even. I'll be Arabic. What is your least favorite aspect of this industry? I'm looking right at it. It's you, Mr Interview man. It's you. It's these meetings. Meetings are boring as fuck. Um, Ceiling. I hate ceiling. I ate radio. I turned that only fucking mind cabinets. Yes, me Aid cabinet, brain flow night goodly because blood flow caught off from neck twist. Let me just re sent her there for a second. If you found out your company was doing something against the law like fraud, what would you do? Yes, Nothing. That could be a very waste decision. Insider trading? Yes. Oh, this said if you were in my position, which of these candidates would you select work at our company? Uh, no. That guy's too hairy. You want you want You want this guy? This guy stream light. No hair on head like me. Bald mean, less pressure. Brain. Get out! Yes. Are you able to keep a level head under pressure? What's this? I did it. Oh, it's halfway, Mr Man. Ready to continue? Oh! Oh, hey! Interviews! Ah, yes. Off the fucking radio. It's going to head off now. This is interviewed music. Have you ever been to an interview where they played this music? No, because they're boring. If you knew one of your coast work colleagues with stealing small amounts of officers place, would you report them? Yes, I would do the same. Good to know we're on the same page. I am a sing this interview. Would you give me the job? I would give me the job right now. Who are our main rivals here at Handy Hobbs, Inc. Handy hubs, Honey Jobs. A big building corporation, man. Correct Those damn bastards over Jack offs. All trades. They've been dragging down a profit. Sir. Month off. Fucking jackoff jokes write themselves. Tell me, Mr Man, who is this company's CEO? Uh, I don't know. Is that you? You? That's right, Mr Man. It's me. Now Tell me I'm a sing this interview. How many interviews you go into when they're like, OK, so how do you see yourself fitting into our current economical establishment on DDE? If you feel yourself starting into a certain region, how much does an elephant way? You're like what they ultimately want to become here in Handy Jobs, Inc. Um, water. I want to become water. I want to become employee of the month, our top employees. Ambitious. I like that. It's been a while since of Indra. Interviewed someone like that. Let me tell you. Okay, I'm your man. I'm your Hugh. Matt, Don't confuse me with my cousin Hugh. Janis. It's very unfortunate. And every one of your personal pet peeves, Mr Man, um phone call phone Are your phone or rather not being able to escape technology? I see phone by job guides me work money, get dollar capitalists. But problem to cross. Tch, This is just the prequel to that game. What was the name of the game? The lunch game Crimes. What problem? I know exactly how you feel these days. It often seems like some of us are more robot than human. That's very deep of you, Hugh. Thank you. That's very deep of Hugh. Still little interview joke there. Come on, mister Man, laugh. You are prepared to work a 70 hour week? Yes. Really? That's good to know. Most people say the opposite, knowing that they're never going to get paid for the extra hours. I like you, Mr Man. Are you gonna performing difficult test for extended periods of time? Yes, If you say so. You If you say so. I'll be here all week. And, Lassie, are you good at spotting someone who isn't quite what they see, Mr. Man? Like a person who was trying to hide something from you? Yes, my big alien, bright human brain. Good at spot irregularity. One last question. Okay. Is there anything more you'd like to tell me before we finish? No. Well, in that case, Mr Man is my delight to inform you that I think you'd fit in perfectly around here. The job is yours. Welcome toe. Handy jobs. I get it. It's hand job. I smiled. I got the job. You proud of me? I am. You mad? I can do man with the bass is, um that's an angry face, though It looks like Jason, stay for Oh, you've been stapled. Wow. My very first trophy at my job. Yes, I got I got the money in a briefcase. That is a fucking giant hand or a tiny briefcase. All right, I got the job. Now. The next one is crane operator required skills and trades, levelheaded. Got it. Good control. Ding fine motor skills. Look who you're talking to. I'm a gamer. Explosion of verse. That's not really me, but I'm up for the task, you man. Time to goto work. Time to make all the big books. I don't want to make work look easy. I'm about to put the fun back into work. Can't spell work without fun loving community. All you need to do a good job is a positive attitude on a chicken neck. All right, what do I do? You? Can you hear me there, mate? Uh, sure can. There did. Laurino. Oh, yes. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Keep your keep your new snack on there by an actual alien. Maybe I'm the goose from title goose game. Try to become a human good. Seems like that's working just to confirm I'm coming through loud and clear. Look at the cabin camera for me. Would you die? The great seems like that's all working to. I'll be watching you from that camera. So if you have any issues, let me know. We'll do. Okay, Let me just refresh you on the controls real quick. Look at that. Stick down your right, will you? That's the main control stick that sends the Charlie back and forth along the jib, and she allows you to rotate the camera. All right. No butter tall. That one controls the trolleys motor. Unless you raise and lower the magnet, you need both of the east to control. The crane is a hole already. Lastly, there's your modern. Turn it on and see if it's working free. It looks fine. Taba, Rudy There. Navarino talking school. I could send info through that. Monitors keep an eye on her from time to time. Oh, if you've ever having trouble at the controls, you gonna get the instructions. Support. Okay, Got it. Oh, God, no. I control hands independently. Oh, fuck. Oh, yeah. I'm a fucking natural at this. Can you see the red crate with a large white cross? You, uh, Yes. God, it's hard being a human. It's her control. All of this mess. Get up in the morning. I'm like, Oh, God, another one. Fuck. Go ahead and pick it up. Using the magnet. Okay. Oh, God. Okay, this is gonna be fucking tricky. S s X tricky. Lauren, down there. You okay? Did I get it? What's missing? Oh, I have to write, like, Okay, there we go. All right, up she gets Find that bike is good. Work easy. Uh, no puppet over the slight will be waiting verte bit later. Puppet over to decide. Oh, I can't. I'm a regular. You a man. I know how work. All right, you need You need this. ERM, at a lad, being a fucking human is easy. Why do people complain about it all the time? Perfect. I feel like it was an easier way of moving that, though. I said I haven't get a whole crane to you right now. I'm just a human. All right. So I need to look for I see it already. I see it already. It showed up in the monitor, for sure. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yes. I have to use. Oh, God. I'd use the torch screen. What? Got it. Who might God, is this where the humans do it? This is amazing technology. Sick. All right. Combination of crates. Incoming! Don't you even worry about it, Chief. Know that throw? It's the chief. It's all fucked already. Okay, so you bring that down. Look, okay, We're going for this. Who? I didn't know I could knock them over A ll. God, we're going for this bad boy right here. Yeah, that a boy. Good man. You all right? But this right here, true. There's what? What was the next one? You use your fucking hand there for a second day. Go! So now we need toe blue one with Don. Decide. OK, I know where it is. Nor it is. Don't even don't even fear, folks. Here it is. Plunk! I never want to hear anybody complain about being human again. Goodbyes? All right. And the last one then is just this one over here. Wait! Hold up. Become so efficient at this. No, too efficient Shit. Perfect. You know what? I better than most people at this job? All these other people you don't even pay me pay me in. Just nice compliments. Okay. I need to pick this one up. I got him almost there already. Beautiful. Easy. Oh, God. Easy does it. Easy does it. There. Easy does it. There. You, you You can the fuck down Did it right now we get the the lovely one over here. That looks like that Swiss flag. Danish flag. Everyone's flags in the world were just like, Hey, can I copy your homework? Yeah, but try to make it look a little different. They were like, Okay, whatever. All right. What next, Mr Man? Let me do it. Next truck should be here any second. Give us a nod when it turns up. Okay, So you actually want a nod? Got it. God, I'm gonna get a goose neck ready. Look, Like Bob the builder, Right. There it is. There you go. Not not. This is a very efficient establishment. I love working here. Carefully find a white crate with a shade de el tino and sons logo on the ship. You may need to move some other crates to get it. Oh, say less, Fam. Here we go. Yeah. Move, move! Holy fuck! Everything's good. Everything's good. True. Is that it all? Find a white crepe au Oh, that makes a lot more saints. Okay, Just get all these out of the way first. Excuse me. Excuse me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Yes, I got it. Chief. Frye. Madonna hit. Rise up. Yeah, it was perfect. You have never seen efficiency and speed like this in a human before. I just shut up. If you fucking rat me out, I'm gonna come to your house, okay? And that might sound nice, because you think Oh, Jack and come over and have, like, biscuits with my mother. No. I'll make it a living hell. I'll tell your mother what you been up to. I know all the secrets. Hold on. I gotta put this down. There we go. Nailed. It cannot be the last one to die. I want to go. The last truck should be here. Okay. Okay. Okay. As long as they don't kill anyone. Oh, dark ends all back from lunch break and you'll return to blend in with them before we do anything further with the crane. I'm sending you the security footage from the cameras. Cycle through and see if anyone looks like a dirty rat. Oh, no. Is it me there? I don't recognize him at all. That must be our guy. What is? What's different about this one? This one right here, I saw there's one. There's one right here. What's wrong with him? Look, I'll level with you here. We're in serious breach of a bunch of safety regulations and we can't take another hit from these guys. I know you're new here. It's on your first date, But take him out. I don't know who he is. He's gonna get little handing to stick here again. Um, okay, I'm looking for a guy that looks like every other guy. Let's just grab a crate. Let's just turn more lights down. Was that him? I guess that's not him. What? Murders? Fun. Let's just keep killing people until it works. This guy here looks awfully suspicious hanging out in his own there. I got him. Fourth time's the term. All it takes is to kill a little murder, murder a few debtors to kill a few people. And then it's fine. No one's gonna call anybody. What are we going to do that assure that mongrel I have a clean up crew put together, so I'll have a little cleanup crew put together. So what say we just keep this between you and me? Haul butt? That sounds okey day to me, Captain. All right, now that's taken care of. Just one truck left to deal with. Just give me a sec. You okay? Let me just put this down. I don't wanna murder anybody else. Something wrong with this Joker's gearbox? So essentially, he is unable to stop his truck. We have to get creative. Load up a green crate for him on the flight. Load the broken truck with any green crate from the shipment with white Americans if you miss him and have him coming back around so you can try again. Oh, God. All right, we're gonna have to thread a needle on this one here, guys. Don't worry. Just regular old human Jack Septic guy here, ready to do work? Just regular old Hugh man, I'm ready. I'm ready. I'll just drop it. Drop it like it's hot. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Boo! But being better, baby, fantastic. You're one hell of an operator, kid. Solid day's work, maybe You should come back full time, eh? Okay, I leave there. Yes, way Didn't. I did it. I'm so good. Wait a second. There's some guys left. A life. They're gonna talk. I got him. That guy was fucking octo, Dad, is that he was locked in that he wasn't fucking octo that okay and shift another day, Another job. Another 5 to 7 people killed all the day's work of a human. Look at it. Look at that beautiful trophy. This is my trophy for murder ology and murderer on a me is actually a sick trophy. 88. Does that mean? Is there one in the bottom of this 37? All right, well, that does it for this episode of Human Simulator. I'm glad that you all learned how to be a human here today. Maybe you could be a bit more civil towards one another and stop. You know, just just stop. But whenever anybody asks you a question anymore, you know, you do stay silent and look around the room and things and just just bob on your way to victory. So don't forget Thio. Tilt your head down to the like Horton. And also tilted over to subscribe because we upload videos every single day. At least I tried to, but this humans going to go do some or human stuff. Peace out cards against humanity deck underneath his desk.