Now you may remember these two fabulous faces,

this is Jamie and Shaaba,

and we did a little collab at Christmas talking about

what it's like being teetotal when you're going

to Christmas parties, when you're socializing,

how that works, Claudia's here at the end like, "I drink."

(laughing)

You know, diversity in the video.

But today we're gonna be talking about something

that's very exciting, that we are very much

looking forward to, and that is Parenthood.

But, parenthood with some caveats.

Because apparently these guys are

suddenly gonna wait five years.

(laughing) Which I didn't know

before I said, "let's make this video together."

But, as couples, we are both couples who are part

of the LGBTQ plus...

Society, genre, community? - [Friends] Community.

- I don't know where I was going with that.

(laughing) - Genre

- Society, it's a secret club. - But then, but we also deal

with disabilities and--

- Interracial. - Yes.

- Is that, were you coming to that?

- That was exactly what I was going to say.

- That's fine, you jump on in wife, you jump on in.

So, if you go over right now to Jamie's channel,

there's a video where we're discussing all of those kind of,

the heavy issues.

- Yeah, fears.

- Yeah-- - Or worries.

- Like our plans for the future and our kind of fears.

We made this video, which is all about our hopes

for the future, the things we're really excited about,

and we'll be answering some of your questions

that are asked on my Instagram,

which is @jessicaoutofthecloset.

Should we all do our other Instagram names?

Anyway-- (laughing)

- That's not what this video's about.

- We're gonna make great parents.

- You guys have been together for how long?

- Oh, it will be nine years this November.

- Yeah, and they're getting married.

(clapping)

Very exciting, and we are already married,

married for three and a half blissful years.

- Very exciting, adventurous,

jam-packed filled years, actually.

- Yeah. (laughing)

- Not that blissful. - An awful lot just happened.

- Blissfully in love, but really like, woo.

- Yeah. - Well then.

- And we've been together for five and a half years.

And we're a bit obsessed with each other.

- Like (joking) all my life.

(laughing) - No, sorry.

So, let's just start with saying

how we each personally identify and what impact

that may have on future parenting.

- My name's Shaaba, my pronouns are she/her,

I am a bisexual Asian.

I don't know if the Asian is important.

- Yeah. - It is if it is to you.

- Yeah, that comes into, yeah. - You feel like it is, yeah.

I'm Jamie, and I'm a transgender man.

- You had to think about that did you?

(laughing) - Yes.

I am a man who is trans.

- But sometimes that means that people will think

I'm just bi, because I'm with you,

which is not the case, and we want all intents and purposes

our kids to be able to see us as male and female,

even though we can't naturally sort of conceive in that way.

- Or can they?

Watch Jamie's video. (oohing)

- Science.

- I'm Jessica and I am she/her, and a cis-gender woman,

and I'm also disabled, and that worries me

I guess when it comes to raising children,

because even though I know that I can 100% be there

for them emotionally and love them with all of my heart,

I also just have days when I,

I'm in so much pain I can't lift my head, and that sucks.

I'm also a lesbian.

- Yeah, I was gonna say, you didn't put that bit in,

(laughing) until you were at the end.

- Well, I was leading into it.

I'm a lesbian, and this is my lesbian wife.

- You do have the best word, lesbian is so cool.

- Lesbian. - Isn't it good to say?

[Everyone] Lesbian.

- I'm a Jessican. (oohing)

I don't know if that works, does it?

- No. - It doesn't sound as good as

lesbian. - Jessisexual

- Jessicasexual. - Yeah.

- That's not actually true, I am just gay.

(laughing)

But I make promises now. (laughing)

And I'm she/her, and I'm a cis woman.

So, the first question, and we did sort of,

we did cover this in Jamie's video, but is,

"Is it easy for you to adopt a child?"

Our couples, we've both said that adoption is something we'd

be really interested in, it's something that we think

is obviously a massive positive for the world,

as is fostering, it's great stuff,

but I as a disabled person would have difficulty adopting

a child as my first child, because they would need

to see that I can raise a child in order to give me a child,

which is like a weird catch-22.

- Hm-mm. - So unfair.

- Rock in a hard place, isn't it?

- I covered this a bit more in Jamie's video, but it is,

so many of these questions are about adoption--

- Adoption. - and fostering.

- Yeah. - I wonder if that's

because people think that's the default for--

- Mm, yeah. - Like our community--

- That's true. - couples would do.

- Or it's one of, it is one of the prominent options,

I guess, for most people.

- We're currently planning on having a baby

the biological way first. - Uh huh.

- And then adoption later, once I can prove

I can look after a baby.

- I've noticed, when I talk to my work colleagues

and things, they just assumed it's IVF.

- Oh. - And when I'm like, oh no no,

it's just like IUI, which just basically means like,

intrauterine insemination, they're like,

"Oh, so you can just put sperm in there?"

I'm like, "yeah." (laughing)

Ya know, like. - Yeah.

- I don't, yeah, I don't know why it has to be so complex.

It's like, you have to extract the egg out of the body,

and then like, you know. - Oh yeah, I'm just gonna pop

it back out, yeah.

"What do you want to be called, mom, momma, bio-name?"

- That is a great question.

- Dad.

- Daddy? - Dad.

- Daddy.

- Daddy or Dad?

- Daddy when they're like little,

and then Dad when they're older,

not Father. - 'Cause it's really weird

when 30 year olds go, "Daddy".

(laughing)

- That's really interesting, 'cause in our culture

it's Ma and Pa, so you wouldn't want to be a Pa?

- Oh, I wouldn't mind if they call me Pa, but like--

- Oh my god, Ma and Pa.

- Yeah, or Momma and Papa. - So "Little House

"on the Prairie." (laughing)

I love it. - No, but with the accent

it's more, Ma. (laughing)

- What about you?

- You sound a bit like a sheep.

(laughing) - So, would you like to be?

- Ma. - I think I'd like to be a Ma.

- You call your mom, Ma?

- Yeah. - Like to her face?

- Or Momma. - Yeah, Momma.

- Yeah. - That's really adorable.

- I don't mind, just one of those, Dad, Daddy, Papa,

Pa. - Yeah.

I would be Mommy, Mommy, and you wanna be Momma.

- Yeah.

- (gasping) I love it. - Momma.

[Everyone] Momma.

- That suits you. - That really fits

with your aesthetic. - I know.

(laughing)

Well, so I find it very odd when there's been couples,

they're like, "We're Mom and Mommy."

Really, are you though?

Can that child tell those words apart?

- Well, also like, also it's like what you said

with Daddy, like as they get older they'll probably

just say, "Mom", for me rather than Mommy.

- But I can just always

be Momma. - Momma.

- This is a bigger one, "How would you handle

"it if your future child made homophobic

"or transphobic comments?"

- That's like-- (Shaaba throat clearing)

- I mean, I don't think they would.

- My worst nightmare.

I would really hope they wouldn't,

but in a hypothetical situation I guess

it's just how any like parent would tell their kid,

like how that's wrong, and if they had that view,

if they were like trans-friendly, LGBT plus friendly

and everything, you just sit them down and explain it.

It would be heart-breaking though, especially because,

you know. - It would really hurt.

I genuinely have like tears coming up to my eyes

just thinking about it. - Oh darling.

- Like could you imagine?

I could see it happening like, imagine if your kid

just comes home from the playground, and is like,

"Oh, Mommy, that's so gay."

You know like. - Mm, but I think

that's like, that's just like an educational thing,

like if they-- - Yeah.

- And when they get older and become teenagers,

they're going to say potentially because of their hormones,

things that they know is deliberately gonna

be your weak spots. - Yeah.

I know that's gonna happen. - And like, that's all kids.

And that's like it doesn't matter what your sexuality is,

your child will pick up what your weak spot is.

- They'll find something.

It might not even be that your trans-ness, it might be like,

your glasses. - Your big nose.

(laughing)

- My glasses. - To clarify.

No, no, no, to clarify, Jamie's talking about himself.

You don't have a big nose. - My big, oh no, my big nose.

Mine, no, no. - Jamie, what have you done.

- Oh my god. - All right, well okay,

next question, next question. - 100% my big nose.

- "How will you approach gender identity?

"Will you take a gender neutral approach?"

- Hm. - To your child.

- Yes, so 'cause this has been in the news as well recently,

people raising their kids non-binary.

- With like how I feel, is not with like pronouns and names,

but expression and like roles in society, neutral.

They can wear what they want play with whatever toys,

like do whatever sports, activities, but--

- We would raise them--

- Use pronouns. - And refer to them

as their assigned birth at sex.

- (laughing) Birth at sex?

- Sorry, sex at birth. - Yeah.

- And then, should they, obviously we wouldn't want them to

be trans, because it's a-- - But just because we don't

want them to experience that. - Horrible thing for them

to have to go through, based on stigma, et cetera,

et cetera, but should that happen, we'd clearly be able

to deal with that.

- Yeah, that's an interesting question in itself actually,

the, would you want your child to be X?

- Everyone thinks that I'm rude for saying that, but like,

no I don't, 'cause

I wouldn't want to-- - I think it would

be more confusing for the child

to try and bring them up genderless, you know?

Personally. - Yeah, right.