BOOK OUT "CONFESSIONS

OF AN HEIRESS: A TONGUE-IN-CHIC

PEEK BEHIND THE POSE."

PLEASE WELCOME PARIS HILTON.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Conan: WOW.

>> HI.

>> Conan: HI.

THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S REALLY ME.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BIG THRILL FOR YOU.

THANKS FOR BEING HERE

ON THE SHOW.

YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Conan: YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

YOU NEVER -- AND YOU SAID THIS

IN INTERVIEWS AND

IN YOUR BOOK -- YOU NEVER WEAR

THE SAME OUTFIT TWICE.

IS THAT TRUE?

>> WELL, I'LL WEAR, LIKE,

THE SAME JEANS TWICE, BUT NOT,

LIKE, THE SAME DRESS.

>> Conan: SO YOU'RE DONE

WITH THIS DRESS.

WHAT HAPPENS TO IT?

>> I'LL GIVE IT TO CHARITY,

OR ONE OF MY GIRLFRIENDS.

>> Conan: RIGHT.

COULD I HAVE THAT DRESS, PLEASE?

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> YES.

>> Conan: I'D LIKE TO WEAR IT

AROUND TONIGHT IN MY APARTMENT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

■■, YOU WEAR AN OUTFIT -- THAT'S

WHAT I DO.

DON'T JUDGE ME.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO YOU WEAR AN OUTFIT ONCE,

AND THEN THAT'S IT, AND IT'S

SO THAT YOU NEVER ARE CAUGHT

LIKE IN A MAGAZINE --

>> I'VE DONE THAT ONCE,

AND THEY WROTE IN THE MAGAZINE

LIKE, "PARIS HAS ONE OUTFIT."

>> Conan: RIGHT.

WELL, A LOT OF US DON'T HAVE

A LOT OF OUTFITS, YOU KNOW.

I'VE GOT THREE SUITS THAT

I INTERCHANGE IN THIS SHOW.

>> THAT'S HOT.

>> Conan: YEAH.

YOU LIKE THIS?

>> YEAH.

>> Conan: J.C. PENNEY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I THINK MANY PEOPLE THANK

YOU FOR HELPING TO START THIS

TREND OF SHOWING THE MIDRIFF.

IT'S VERY SEXY, A LOT OF WOMEN

NOW ARE SHOWING THEIR MIDR■■F.

I THINK YOU HELPED POPULARIZE

THIS TREND.

YOU SAY IN YOUR BOOKEVERYBODY

SHOULD SHOW THEIR MIDRIFF.

DO YOU REALLY MEAN EVERYBODY?

[ LAUGHTER ]

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO SEE

MY MIDRIFF?

>> YEAH.

>> Conan: NO, YOU DON'T.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

NO, YOU DON'T.

IN THE INDUSTRY, WE CALL THAT

"PITY APPLAUSE."

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT DO YOU REALLY MEAN

EVERYBODY?

I MEAN WHAT IF GUYS STARTED

WALKING AROUND WITH

THEIR MIDRIFFS SHOWING?

>> NO, THAT WOULD LOOK SO LAME.

>> Conan: YEAH, THAT WOULD LOOK

HORRIBLE.

AND IF YOU'RE WALKING LIKE

THIS -- I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M

WALKING LIKE THIS IN THIS

SCENARIO.

■■UR BOOK BEGINS WITH RULES.

ALL RIGHT, YOU HAVE RULES

IN YOUR BOOK.

ONE IS, HAVE A GREAT NAME.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE YOU NAME

OR IT'S NOT A GREAT NAME, YOU'RE

SUGGESTING PEOPLE SHOULD

CHANGE IT.

>> CHANGE IT, YEAH.

>> Conan: REALLY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "CONAN?"

BE HONEST, I CAN TAKE IT.

>> IT'S KINDA LAME.

>> Conan: IT'S LAME.

[ AUDIENCE OHS ]

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE -- LISTEN.

I ASKED, SHE'S TELLING ME

SHE THINKS IT'S LAME.

SO, PARIS --

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]■■■■

WHAT WOULD BE A GOOD NAME

FOR ME?

>> LONDON.

>> Conan: LONDON?■■

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> YEAH.

>> Conan: THERE'S A TUNNEL

BETWEEN LONDON AND PARIS NOW.■■

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

WHAT ABOUT LIKE "DEX"

OR "BLAZE?"

WHAT IF MY NAME WAS "BLAZE?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> NO.

>> Conan: COME ON.

"HEY, BLAZE, LET'S GO OUT

ON THE■■OWN."

>> NO, I THINK "LONDON."

>> Conan: HOW ABOUT "CHIP?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ IN HIGH VOICE ]

"I'M CHIP, HOW ARE YA?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU DON'T LIKE CHIP?

>> NO, IT DOESN'T WORK.

>> BOSCO?

REX?

DEXTER?

>> BROOKLYN.

>> Conan: BROOKLYN?

>> YEAH.

>> Conan: BROOKLYN?

HOW ABOUT WILLIAMSBURG?

WHAT IF I'M WILLIAMSBURG?

[ LAUGHTER ]

JEWISH NAME, IT'S A JEWISH

NAME -- WILLIAMS BERG.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU SAY IN YOUR BOOK, "ALWAYS

HAVE A TAN."

>> YEAH.

IT LOOKS LIKE YOU TRAVEL ALL

THE TIME THEN.■■

>> Conan: WELL, I CAN'T GET

A TAN, I CANNOT HAVE A TAN.

>> YOU CAN DO THE SPRAY ON.

>> Conan: THE SPRAY ON?

>> MYSTIC.■■

>> Conan: THAT WOULD COVER

IN ALL THE FRECKLES AND I WOULD

LOOK LIKE FERNANDO LLAMAS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WITH A "BOB'S BIG BOY" HAIRCUT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU SAY, "ACT DITZY, LOSE

THINGS."

THAT'S ADVICE THAT YOU'RE GIVING

PEOPLE -- ACT DITZY, LOSE

THINGS.

WHY?

>> 'CAUSE IT'S CUTE.

>> Conan: IT'S CUTE?

IT'S NOT ALWAYS CUTE -- WHEN

AN AIRPLANE PILOT ACTS DITZY,

IT'S NOT FUN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> I KNOW, I'M SAYING --

>> Conan: IT WORKS FOR SPECIFIC

PEOPLE, MAYBE.

IT'S CUTE WHEN CERTAIN PEOPLE DO

IT, BUT WHEN A BRAIN SURGEON'S

LIKE, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M

DOING --"

[ LAUGHTER ]

IT'S BAD, BAD NEWS.

YOU SAY, "IF YOU'RE HAPPY, WEAR

PINK."

SERIOUSLY?

>> YEAH.

>> Conan: EVEN FOR MEN?

>> I'M DISAPPOINTED YOU DIDN'T

WEAR PINK.

YOU KNOW I WAS COMING

ON THE SHOW.

>> Conan: WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW

I'M HAPPY?

[ LAUGHTER ]

I COULD BE VER■■AFRAID YOU'RE

COMING ON THE SHOW.

NO, I'M WEARING BLUE TO BRING

OUT MY -- ISN'T IT NICE --

MY EYES.

>> YEAH.

>> Conan: OKAY, I FORCED

YOU TO SAY THAT.

>> WELL, ALL THESE RULES -- I'M

NOT SERIOUS.

>> Conan: RIGHT, IT'S JUST KINDA

GOOFING AROUND.

>> THE WHOLE BOOK IS LIKE

A JOKE, IT'S A SPOOF ON MY LIFE.

AND IT'S FUNNY AND --

I'M JOKING AROUND, I KNOW A LOT

OF PEOPLE CAN'T FOLLOW THESE

RULES.

>> Conan: RIGHT, RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, LET ME ASK YOU SOME

OTHER THINGS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

'CAUSE ONE OF THE RULES IS "BE

BORN INTO THE RIGHT FAMILY."

[ LAUGHTER ]

THAT'S A HARD ONE.

[ APPLAUSE ]

I'M HEIR TO THE O'BRIEN FORTUNE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> EXACTLY.

>> Conan: THAT'S ONE MOTEL CHAIN

YOU DO NOT WANT TO VISIT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

ALL RIGHT.

YOU HAVE SO MANY --

YOU HAVE BECOME AN INDUSTRY

FOR ALL THESE DIFFERENT

PRODUCTS, NOW.

SO MANY THAT I'M WONDERING

IF YOU'RE EVEN FULLY AWARE

OF ALL THE PRODUCTS THAT ARE OUT

THERE RIGHT NOW THAT YOU'RE

ASSOCIATED WITH.

DO YOU MIND IF I READ YOU A LIST

AND YOU TELL ME IF THIS IS ONE

OF YOUR PRODUCTS OR NOT?

>> YES.■■

>> Conan: OKAY.

MOST OF THESE ARE REAL,

AND I PUT A FEW THAT AREN'T

REAL, JUST IN CASE.

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]

ALL RIGHT, COSTUME JEWELRY.

>> YEAH.

>> Conan: OKAY.

MAKE UP?

>> YEAH.

>> Conan: PERFUME?

>> YEAH.

>> Conan: INSECT REPELLENT?

>> NO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Conan: MUSIC CDs?

>> YEAH.

>> Conan: MAPLE SYRUP?

>> NO.

>> Conan: SWEAT SUITS?

>> YEAH.

>> Conan: WOW.

SHOES?

>> YEAH.

>> Conan: ARTIFICIAL HEART

VALVE?

>> NO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Conan: A PINK ARTIFICIAL

■■ART VALVE WOULD BE SO CUTE.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S TALK

ABOUT YOUR DOG.

I ALMOST THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD

BRING THE DOG HERE ON THE SHOW

BECAUSE WHEN I SEE

YOU EVERYWHERE, YOU'RE■■OLDING

YOUR DOG■■TINKERBELL.

>> SHE'S IN PARIS, SHOPPING.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Conan: REALLY.

YOU JOKE, BUT TINKERBELL --

YOU HAVE CLOTHES FOR TINKERBELL,

IS THAT RIGHT?

>> YEAH.

>> Conan: TINKERBELL

WEARS SHOES.

>> YES, SHE DOES.■■

>> Conan: TELL US

ABOUT THESE SHOES.

DOES TINKERBELL LIKE THE SHOES?

>> SHE LOVES THEM.

SHE, LIKE, TAP DANCES WHEN I PUT

THEM ON.

>> Conan: HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE'S

NOT STRUGGLING TO GET OUT

OF THE■■

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> BECAUSE SHE'S SMILING.

>> Conan: WHAT LOOKS LIKE TAP

DANCING TO YOU COULD BE,

"OH, GOD!"

■■LAUGHTER ]

"THESE MONSTERS ARE EATING

MY FEET!"

>> NO, THEY'RE COMFORTABLE

FOR DOGS.

THEY LIKE THEM.

>> Conan: AND WHAT KIND OF --

THERE ARE CLOTHES

FOR TINKERBELL.

WHAT KIND OF CLOTHES?

>> EVERYTHING.

SHE HAS DRESSES, SHORTS,