B1 中級 12 タグ追加 保存
When when you inherently sound sarcastic?
Even if I mean it.
Oh, you look nice, John.
Just just for the second.
Just genuine.
I mean right.
You look lovely this evening.
But genuinely John.
Look Rachel in the eyes and tell her she looks nice this evening.
See if you get it.
She's a beautiful woman.
Tell us she's a beautiful woman.
Just tell her.
Tell her how she is.
So many women at home will be.
You're a very beautiful lady.
That's honestly you're happy without.
That's the best you could.
It's not.
It's not the sort of arena right plan for it's happening, you know?
I mean, I'm a whiner.
I'm a diner from a fucking whiner.
I'll see.
Oh, around on how to compliment a man I got needs.
Why don't you look me in the eye and tell me I'm amazed.
After I went to see your standup show, I clean my house a bit more.
That's the most depressing.
You do the thing you're good at.
You know, you show off in front of the women.
I went home and I tell you what, I screw up that skirt.
I don't think it can be done.
You get it?
Even close.
I tried.
I got seven.
They don't think it could be done.
Do you think you definitely did it?
Okay, Richard, take the 10 and square it allowed in Countdown, actually, can you, Um, Cuba.
I'd like you to square the fine for me, please.
I like it.
And then I'd like you to time top 25 by the to the other two.
Perfect weight.
And you've got your knife mind blown.
That was amazing.
That was proper mass.
And you haven't used anything.
I was twice never been done before.
It's groundbreaking.
That's right.
One of those things could actually be done.
No, it's just being done.
Amazing maths.
No one got any points.
Their scores in the moment of Richard Rob have no point.
Like they even on their team.
But he just did something with it.
If you want to square and cube things, get a job in a fucking jelly factory, mate.
Way weakest.
Maybe the weakest.
Come back.
That's ever be jelly factory, mate.
That's the worst thing that's ever been said.
What do you think makes someone cool?
I don't know.
I've got a, uh, stainless steel bird seed feeder yourself.
Sit in the wrong way on a chair's calling it in the nineties now.
So if you're gonna sit on that chair in a cool fashion shows how that would work, I think the arms of Tokyo she It feels like that was the wrong way to do that.
I agree with you.
You're waiting for something else to happen.
I do feel Daddio Quiz.
J c.
Have you got a mascot this week?
Well, a lot of people have liked lucky pants.
I've never I don't consider anything that's touched my Penis.
To be that lucky I've gone for this week is a sort of a distraction technique.
Uh, so I should be playing a character this week that will both intimidate Shawn on Dr Several Wild with sexual desire.
Wait, what are you gonna count down?
You want John may?
You don't like something Elton John's ordered in cases of it.
Pretty mask, kid, You go.
You ain't gonna be laughed so much in 30 seconds time when I'm gonna get a six and you're gonna get kid didn't know studio was gonna be so hot.
You getting us?
What he had down, kid might have a bit of a switch problem.
Sara, you're on Jon's team last week with the countdown.
Kid, we're showing this evening.
What do you think?
Well, John didn't wear the hat last week.
So I think it's not a lucky charm it all.
I don't think you can keep it up.
I mean, the accent, it's lipstick.
So it looks like a vagina.
That's what lipsticks four did.
You know, count down, kid.
Think that's ironic?
Because when you open your mouth, everybody else gets fucked.
Sorry, that wasn't made, John.
What do you think George Clooney got married, Didn't, eh?
George Clooney did get married.
I'll tell you who else is engaged.
Yeah, Turn around.
No one saw this coming.
Congratulations, John.
And if the other half is watching a home commiserations the other half of May.
Huge news, though, isn't it?
It's big for May.
Yeah, I wouldn't expect too many other people to give a shit.
But you propose.
Obviously, Clooney got down on one knee and did the whole romantic thing about How did you How did you propose?
I panicked and went down on two knees.
Cover your bases.
So squatted.
It's how you going?
To showbiz, isn't it?
Theo George Clooney.
But he hasn't given you any ideas for your nuptials.
Well, he did a deal with hello.
And I'm pleased to reveal that I have done an exclusive deal with Good Housekeeping magazine.
I'm not gonna have any pictures of ceremony, but now we're gonna have pitched to me tidying up afterwards to get confetti out of a carpet.
John Adam, your turn to pick the numbers.
I didn't feel quite comfortable in that round as myself.
No, no achieved.
Think if I could just put this on for a moment.
You're Jimmy Shuman.
No phone contact on one of those words.
You can't say many words.
Your what's your tips for this one?
You have actually have a theory about this Pick in number eyes do it again.
Five times a big number.
The big number place.
Thank you.
Girls versus boys tonight.
People laughing because you just called John Richardson ago.
I presume that's why they were laughing with him to go.
Just you.
Well, I mean, I'd rather fight this fight myself.
You calling me a go.
Ladies deal with this place.
I'm too upset to speak with you.
I have a Penis gone wrong.
Wrong meeting.
Ah, girlfriend and testicles and some whiskey on the fridge.
I mean, we can carry on with the things I've got.
Got Hammer.
Tried to put up some shelves on DDE.
Doesn't matter e have another hat.
Hey, didn't you started your Australian who's been castrated case with all of them as lovely as this time I can actually talk to a French.
I'm not across but Australian.
Yeah, Kingery before, didn't you?
When you do it, just walk past it just like Dr wear these clothes.
He's nine patchy on Apache Goodman cheating with huge and I right that Dame Edna this'll be zero.
You did me a favor.
Can you stay in character when you do the math?
There's an Australian.
It's actually very offensive thing about being a kid not getting stiff.
That was the best thing about being a kid.
I need to my credit.
I didn't say I think tell us more about no getting stiffer, Charlie, sometimes looking up into grown ups in while it's perfectly normal.
If I have a day now where I've gone upstairs a lot in a day.
The next day my legs hurt.
I used to play for 12 hours straight through breaking only for meals.
And I would find you looking at Rebecca.
When you telling you about your workouts as a kid looking at everyone.
Look, anyone will look back and hold my gaze to do a joke about holding my gaze.
I shouldn't have brought them with May I think this is gonna be Mexican or Chinese way it's gonna be racist, my friend still in his eyes and sore, which went, I really wish I hadn't done this one feels to me this is the only thing on television that makes the door Meo ads look okay.
People are ignorant.
Imagine Sarah is very excited to be on Countdown.
Tonight's normally the only letters Georgie's get other ones from bailiffs.
Very careful people.
I don't You don't know anyone.
Not really.
Deep down various, when I'm around physical actual like barriers sometimes.
So North Korean leader Kim Jong un has suffered two fractured ankles due to excessively wearing Cuban heels to look taller.
So we asked our studio audience, Would you suffer pain toe look good.
Yes or no?
So he was wearing Cuban heels to look taller.
You're not paranoid about your high.
Are you sure?
You know?
You know, because I'm exactly six foot.
Told her you, John?
Five like, 9 10 On a good day.
Good news for you.
I've been waiting for Jimmy.
Well, they're Cuban heels, but they're in your side.
So I thought you could You just let him on.
We'll see whether you look more sophisticated.
Pretty good.
Enjoy those.
I have another fact.
Apparently 60% off people.
Millionaires are over six foot two.
I just wanna talk the gene into a Cuban heel.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Yeah, definitely.
Oh, I have a newfound respect for you, I think.
Can you go to the middle of Can you just stand on the stand on the glowing light?
In case I don't like I can.
I made a doc about a shoemaker recently and he's been making she's 50.
I don't think anyone's listening.
Jonah's dropped a hip.
We are mesmerized.
Look at that pelvis.
Could be.
Would you consider a Cuban heel?
Would I consider a human hill.
The army has already been made J six foot.
Can I start next to you to see what the hell?
What does Shawn, if you can come out still bigger?
Looks just like a short prick.
I've been looking at the health and safety regs around this building on this show on having locked.
I'm amazed when all killed on a weekly basis.
This is a fucking death trap.
This building.
So I've done my training.
I'm now a fully approved health and safety officer.
So if you'll permit me to go around, I've got my health and safety.
Vis card again.
Humanely old people's homes.
The's a great lease.
I make these myself and they've caught road deaths in the over seventies by 40%.
Have to say this, but it really suits you.
Thank you.
So I've been having this is the first problem.
This is like sitting under a guillotine every week sharp.
That pointless on that swings around onto my head.
No, it doesn't come near you.
So I had no choice but to provide myself with a hard hat s O.
That that's not a problem anymore.
Then I go and This is a true fact.
If you have more than 10 or Maur employees, you are legally obliged to have an accident.
An incident log book.
I've never been shown us on Dhe.
I know you've got probably 10 or more staff, so I got one for you as well to just have a house.
Next problem is you, Susie, With that death trap in front of you, the dictionary.
We all know how easily a paper cut can happen.
So I've got you some oven gloves, If you don't mind, we're not just any point where Who thought I was gonna get that on the desk shop?
I feel so muscular.
Rachel, you've got You've got a lot going on there.
So get some exercise in safety goggles there, just in case anything falls off for what comes now.
Very masculine run.
That's my thes things.
A bloody dangerous, aren't You never know you having a drink, And then all of a sudden you put the cup down and, Oh, so I got everyone there a little sippy cup down sippy cup.
And then finally looking at the statistics on how many panel show comedians are killed each year in chair based falls.
Absolutely shocking.
Non so far.
I'm not gonna be the first.
Got myself.
Let's count down.
What do you want me to do?
We're gonna raise money for, like, a good cause.
John's getting married.
We quite like to raise money so he doesn't wear a cardigan, raise money for a suit for his wedding.
That be Okay?
So you're getting married?
Let's hope so, John.
Okay, Jorma Rockets for John.
Okay, Fire.
I would need to get married.
Wait, John.
John Richardson wears his beauty on the inside.
Suit and tie.
Make his little face come alive.
He's going to take her up the aisle way.
He's gonna take her up the aisle.
So let's help him do it in style.
People can hear.
May he could look as good as Jimmy.
John Wayne, The soul of a champion Thier way.
John John, John, John John Richardson.
Wait the end.
Did you feel I'm getting married in a car together?
I don't give a shit.
What else?
I'm getting married.
I've never felt simultaneously so patronizing and so happy.
If you live in my house and just look at me every night to go to the market treat Big year was well, I had, uh, we had a baby.
I think it's the fairest way to say it this way.
Do some of the words of the island this year that I didn't know before the year started.
So this is the first word I learned this year.
What On a PC?
Appease the autumn ease.
They take it.
You get a shot.
A very sharp When the ladies Why thing is perineum?
Well, you when you have your appeasing after me, that's their Cutler on exit.
It's the bit.
It's not that big, but it's not the other bit.
It's it's sort of a middle bit.
You wouldn't ever think of it if you were a man you wouldn't think, Oh, there's a bit.
You just think way, Theo.
When the baby's born, the baby does a poo and there's a words which is meconium, and that's that's the first poor baby does, and it's a ship so foul its own name sticks to everything thing.
They used to accept prizes to magazines, people.
When they come out of conference, they still leave their little lanyards on when they get into the hotel even though they know there's a point on the train will think I'm not.
The conferences and I should take this afternoon will be an interesting conversation Starter in the booth at the Labour Party conference.
Thank you, Dick.
You're not there anymore, right?
They would like their festive like they wear them all year.
Like you.
I've got all my festivals year I went to.
All the conferences are pretty important.
Are you really?
You know, that's all happened in your head.
What happened with the man on the train that you've imagined?
He left his job thing.
Nobody does that.
Nobody bothered about anybody All the things to get annoyed about it.
And he didn't take it off.
I genuinely believe that sounds when you train and you see someone with a little thing hanging out.
You think you want me to ask what that is?
It was the same during the Olympics when they all had their caps on their bags in the light.
Yeah, I'm helping make the Olympics happen.
Well, we're on a train now.
It's not linear.
You have Theo go away.
The Olympic volunteers.
That's what John Wayne.
Would you do me a favor?
You could do me a favor.
Could you put away your girl models?
Because it's over now it's boring job.
John doesn't like it when people remember nice things they've seen Mary is killing joy.
I went from a I went for lunch before.
Well, the day before, I'd forgotten it.
So I thought, I'll put it on.
I'll put my coat over it.
That's fine.
Take my coat off.
Tweet on.
Guy came over.
He said, What's that?
I said?
He said, What's that?
I said, Oh, I'm gonna be the Paralympics.
Interesting story.
Actually, I'm gonna be the Paralympics now.
You're right.
John is knowing.
Taken Islamic, often lost it.
He couldn't get in there and they keep honest.
That's how they get todo you left out on Sunday.
Would asking to go.
Sorry, doing TV work, piling really boring.
But if you could bring the food quickly to go be on TV in like an hour.
So anyway, look at the Olympics.
That's pretty boring if you ask me about it.
Your girlfriend people with minutes have relationships.
Yeah, it's just we're 11 in the ball.
She just came up to me Say, What's that?
Oh, God, yeah.
I didn't even really heavy.
And when I took my coat off Oh, bloody lemonade.
I leave it on.
It's just eliminate the points down in my Penis Penis, maybe.
Wanna touch it?
Theo, you got lucky mascot of any description.
What I have.
Yeah, but it's not really a mascot.
When I was at primary school, I got given an award just for being extra special.
All these years, it's has awarded to give that one.
Was it for I should be an extra special 1 20 years.
Look, how good Nick did you ever wear?
The budget was always stood on.
No, I've never taken the budget because they didn't want to perforate.
The card on genuinely, incredibly excited to be here is incredibly exciting, innit?
It's, you know, it's like John gets before he comes on counter, and I'm like that only taller might be an Internet.
Yeah, you told E.
I don't think you want would think if he was just being stupid.
I think I'll trade with you, Joan.
It's It's a treat.
Yeah, it's nice.
It's deceptively long.
Legs, I found were not shared a training get everywhere.
You guys are all going on the train.
What is this?
A 10 cups holiday Works out things and things.
Christmas Dobie of Christmas too Sama Trip cemetery Lunch on Sunday was lovely Scrapple cheese days and, of course, curry night tonight.
Oh, shit.
I am actually awaiting the results of I've stood in the election for the countdown party, which I launched last year to get countdown fans voting.
So I've stood in the constituency of Wet Wang and I've got every hope of getting in with some of my key policies to enhance count.
Now, what are these policies?
Well, obviously a lot of countdown viewers are retired, so bring the age of retirement down to 30.
That way I think a lot more people would watch Get rid of that.
I don't need it.
Five letters that's round in it.
Then you could put in a nice grid.
But 26 is bullshit, innit?
A little rhyme at the end away we got a kicking current occur liquor.
We got a sexy s and a spice.
Change the national anthem just to that.
You could have words to do it if you want to But your words work down from it is changing Not according to whatever left the situation is isa situation.
This is the new national anthem Everyone, this is Britain.
This is Britain.
This is Britain.
This is Britain.
This is Britain.
This is written This cease Britain is written is written is written Britain, Britain in Europe now love us to sing that song to my mom just before we deport way looking.
Oh, my God!
No, Shawn, you don't ruin.
It was an incredible game.
Okay, Jon and Sean, This a bluffing game.
John, in front of you, there is a red box in front of you.
There is a gold box.
There's a carrot in one of these boxes.
I know it's exciting.
Stuff became of the game is to end up with the carrot.
It's a game of blood.
When do we do the conundrum, John?
You want a carrot shown?
You want Kara?
But there is only one carrot.
Let's play.
Oh, it's a brilliant game ruining Christmas.
You know you are the Caesar's Christmas Frank.
She's excited about playing.
You've got a room in it for everyone wearing this carrot.
Okay, let's play carrying a box.
Okay, Sean, you can look inside your box.
John, you cannot look inside your box, okay?
You want the carrot?
Shawn, I No, no, no, no, don't Don't put no hands in the box.
You can look inside the box if you look.
Have you seen?
You now have to convince John to swap his box.
If you think he has the count or keep your box.
It's a game of bluff.
The winner is the one with Cara.
Oh, I hate this stupid.
Okay, you have a choice.
Do you want to swap out?
I mean, it seems confident there's a car in there seeing the floor of the way.
What do you mean, TV's?
Does he have a carry?
These books?
It's a real country from a Gemini.
This choose another.
He's allowed to swap.
If you want to go back.
I just keep my book way.
Refused to stop it.
Don't make somebody wearing a box before your way.
You want to keep you, but still swap your box.
I can keep this or I can have the box.
That's definitely got Carrie.
Yes, I want Shawn's box.
Sure you get the box is the nature of the game.
Just say this point.
If there's no power in that box, you are another round when I get to have a box with a carrier.
Wave level.
Wicked, fellas, We've never played this game before way.
Do not know how it ends.
Okay, job now when I look in your box, I believe you can reveal pointed the other way.
Doesn't get in the car.
Don't think about what we've done.
Yes, well, it's a chance to plug my latest project.
I've written an erotic novel.
Next on my own life.
It's called Deep Clean.
I mean, I'm a fan of erotic fiction all down the street.
They could hear the screaming coming from the bathroom.
She cried.
You'll never shift that lime scale like that, Theo In the dimly lit bathroom, he stood naked except for his clothes holding his hand, his pulsating wet toothbrush.
All clean, he declared, scuttling into the bedroom that smells nice sheepherders.
He emptied the bottle into his hands.
I began massaging the soft flesh of their shoulders.
Good, he said, but it's also killing 99.9% Theo Bacteria on your back.
Kerekes richness.
You remembered it when he finished.
He stripped off slowly, making too neat piles of lightened darks.
Are you gonna tie me up?
She asked.
No, he left sarcastically.
I'm gonna let you wander around the house, Willy.
Nearly what I'm trying to do.
My God, Ridge.
I think you're very good at Countdown.
What else can you do in 30 seconds?
Not that actually record.
I could count to 130 seconds.
It's not much of a challenge for that way.
Got plenty of time.
Why not?
Oh, you've just switched over from the Formula One strap in because just check in with our mats.
Rachel are their numbers up to 100?
Okay, Good.
You ready?
Your time starts now.
123456789 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 1920 2122 23 24 25 to 16.
I want.
Except for 123456 51 52 53 54 5673 day two night.
60 61 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 77 76 79 Tonto, Thank you.
Really fucking embarrassed about house.
Really wanted that in a way that I hate about myself when the show ends.
I'm going to try that again.
Pathetic truth.
That is my existence.
If you're watching at home in your lonely, you could count to 130 seconds.
This is Britain.
This is Britain.
This is Britain.
This is Britain.
This is Britain.
This is written this cease Britain is written that he's written This is written.


The Jon Richardson Guide to Life, Love, Fashion & Cleaning!

12 タグ追加 保存
林宜悉 2020 年 3 月 26 日 に公開
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