who is up for an Oscar for August: Osage County

And, you really can do anything.

I mean if you look at your roles across all the films that you’ve done,

you’re funny, you’re sexy, you’re dramatic,

Ellen:you know, you can do… you’re drunk, you’re everything. Meryl Streep:I’m boring.

You’re not boring. You’re never boring.

So, I thought I would prove it to everyone in case anyone question me on that.

This is an oatmeal recipe and I would like you to read it,

but I would like you to read it sexy.

In a small sauce pan, bring two cups of water to boil.

Over a medium high heat, stir in oats.

When oatmeal begins to thicken, reduce heat and simmer.

Stir it occasionally for 30 minutes.

30 minutes!

(Ellen and people laughing)

Faster than at my house.

Alright!

This is a traffic report but you’re gonna read it as a woman in labor.

(people laughing) Oh my God!

Yeah, that’s right!

Okay! A track report…

A traffic…

Okay.

But you’re in labor.

Whew! Let’s take a look at your Tuesday drive.

(blowing sounds)

Happy to back up! Happy to back up as usual.

And then, ahh! Ahh ten and a.. oh my God!

At 7:10 into downtown. Okay… (blowing sounds)

Got a jack knife, big raid in the two lane.

(blowing sounds) 101 West found in bo… (shouts)

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

I wouldn’t consider getting through there anytime soon!

(Meryl and Ellen laugh with the audience clapping their hands)

One last one, one last one,

This is Wikipedia but you’re reading it as an annoyed teenager.

You’ve said one of those?

How can I pull that up?!

Ugh! The first recorded instance of sand paper was in the 13th century, mother!

When crushed shell seeds and sand were bonded to parchment using natural gum.

Okay?

(Ellen laughs with the audience clapping)

Oh! August: Osage County is in theatres now!

We will be back with Vanessa Hudgens.

That’s Meryl Streep everybody!