Yes, I have 2 May have been married a year now.

Oh, congratulations.

I know, I know.

But think of her.

It occurred to me that I've nailed it.

I'm really good at it.

So I've released a book to help other people who might not be as good to be around it.

I am.

It's based on the old adage my books called How to Be John Richardson in the Parlor.

Jon Richardson in the Kitchen in the bedroom.

Theo brackets.

Not really.

Jon Richardson in the bedroom thing off every day Guides on just how to sort of think and behave.

Really?

So there's a lot on the tundra is that you might find in a pub.

Best hand dryers are Of course, if you want to see the fat on your hand Ripple, right, Of course.

Which changed it for all of us.

But now they get that well in the bottom of dirty water that you don't really wanna touch.

So if you put a bay leaf in, it forms a consummate their sort of how to walk down the street guy.

They're so sort of How many points you would get for standing on each crack.

I got three grids here, so you'd have to make sure if he's still on the 1st 2 didn't stand on the 3rd 1 Is that what you were walking down that street?

That's what you would do.

Well, what I would do in this street, Jimmy, And I'm glad you asked Thing is this middle line here.

I would just walk down that, and then I know if I can.

I mean, it's quite a long stride for May that, but if I can hit a crack each time, I know when I get to the end west to be a crack in a crack out.

Leaving it comes with a future.

You gotta You gotta try and flooded the market, haven't you to get sales.

So I've got a year's supply of condoms or, as I call them, rubber jobs.

There's an extra supplement as well.

How to loathe still way behind us.

A society on the phone brought luck are stationary.

This custom made double desk tidy everything I need for an episode of Countdown on it highlighted there.

If I get nine or in case short hair needs a going over four color pen there for your notes.

I take these with me on gigs.

So you plan your material with the black ink Your ad Libs going green ink.

Your air is going, Reddington, you lose Just a backup.

Black shatterproof free.

Will you go?

Yeah.

I've messed up a bit, though, because I brought a mascot that I thought would wind John up and throw him on psych emo and completely messed with his head and put him off for the whole game, right?

Yeah.

And then it backfired because I got put on his team.

We have to see the master.

Well, no, we don't just part of the show.

I know it's part of the show, but fuck it, but it's gonna mess him up.

He's on my team.

He'll be all right, you know, it would mess with They said, like, really bad.

It was just a really untidy disordered cutlery drawer.

What we need given make something to do that just what this is gonna look like bythe You know, I could just do that.

You go watch me go mental.

Just you know you won't like it, right?

Pulls all over again.

It must be difficult for John's girlfriend today.

Someone with O C.

D.

Every time she gets turned on, John turns off again.

Theo.

Best one you've ever done much, Jonah.

Podcasts, of course.

Podcaster brilliant for anyone who enjoys radio hates all that annoying quality control.

Tell us a bit about yourself in John.

What do you think?

You're more of a Scrabble sort of countdown guy than I am?

Yeah, I had a potent Scrabble obsession as a teenager on dhe.

I played a few ex champions.

Did you have a girlfriend in your teenage?

I could find girlfriend if the letters were arranged.

This is also bilingual.

Yeah, well, she is my first language, so I would be on string in Welsh because he can't see new first language off Jim.

Now, John, you used to live with with our John Richardson, didn't you?

Yeah.

I lived with John for a year.

And is there anything we can do to help?

When we first met John, he was living in her bed, sit in Bristol.

And may I just say it was the cleanest bed sit I for Avon and Somerset social services have ever seen.

Then we moved in together a group of comedians into a shared house.

But John was I would not quite used to sharing yet.

So there was a negotiation about mess in which we would sort of go about our normal routine.

And John had these suddenly just let's just have a anecdote for an anecdote daily.

You tell this story and then Daddy will tell us you're never going to yourself as daddy have a child.

It's now legally accurate.

Thes little out of nowhere.

You'd be doing something on a little northern.

Passive aggressive commentary would start.

Just be in the kitchen and suddenly this voice would go.

Oh, right.

Is that where we keep the court waiting?

I'll give you a clue, Jimmy.

Oh, you mean your toenail clipping his toenails intothe John, once in a fit of pique, was very frustrated with himself and, like a lot of us do, wanted to take that out on a mug.

However, what John brought to that was he was so worried about the mess it would make he wrapped in a t.

Tell Jon, have you got Yes.

Well, it's a chance to plug my latest project.

I've written an erotic novel.

Thanks to my own life, it's called Deep Clean.

I'm a fan of erotic fiction all down the street.

They could hear the screaming coming from the bathroom.

Harder, harder!

She cried.

You'll never shift that lime scale like that, Theo.

In the dimly lit bathroom, he stood naked except for his clothes holding his hand, his pulsating wet toothbrush.

All clean, he declared, scuttling into the bedroom that smells nice.

Sheepherders.

He emptied the bottle into his hands.

I began massaging the soft flesh of their shoulders.

Good, he said.

But it's also killing 99.9% Theo Bacteria on your back.

Rex Readiness.

You remembered it when he finished.

He stripped off slowly, making too neat piles of lightened darks.

You're gonna tie me up?

She asked.

No, he left sarcastically.

I'm gonna let you wander around the house, Willy.

Nearly what I'm trying to do.

Hoovering my Gary way.

Go, John.

When you lived in a flat with Russell, what was the worst thing you ever did to your flatmates?

Well, that would be the time that I got so tired of cleaning the flat that while they were out, I tidied the flat and then left them an itemized bill.

My time at minimum wage.

I don't want to overcharge.

The guys learned that this shit doesn't happen for free.

Unusual thing about your body.

Someone's touched it.

My chest hair is sort of roughly heart shaped.

Is this your match dot com profile?

Well, okay, that will do.

I mean, for weirdness.

I also have a little mole just in there.

You see that?

People really hate it because they got you've got a chocolate and I got older.

I think it's really gross.

Okay, so what?

We're gonna go for the chest chest?

Hey.

Okay.

Were you shave it like that?

Do you just like that?

Like us off care bear.

Okay, Question.

When you live with Russell.

What was his most annoying habit?

Uh, well, undoubtedly, I mean, he's got a thing for teaspoons.

He likes to borrow them away, as if there's gonna come some sort of apocalypse and taste.

It will be the only currency, and he will be king of all.

The world's most annoying habit is that he flushes the skin in between the toes of his feet with his socks in the front room.

You know, when you turn a snow globe upside down When John lived with you, what was your most annoying habit?

Uh oh.

Take what it might be, e I don't do this anymore.

I just Whatever you're about to say, you still d'oh!

I used to scratch my feet with socks on Dhe Smith.

And John didn't like it.

Nobody liked smooth.

Yeah, and then he gets stuck.

I'll be honest.

When I was doing that, I suffered very badly for athlete's foot.

Wasn't yes.

Thio get rotten skin, office feet onto the carpet of the living.

That way, the only letters Georgie's get other ones from bailiffs.

I'll be very careful, people.

I don't You don't know anyone?

Not really.

Date down.