Well, when I was a, uh, man, when I was a kid, I lovedmaking I comefrom a bigIrishCatholicfamily.
Sixkids.
I believethere's othersoutthere.
Uh, you'd meet a newoneoccasioninthebathroom, but, uh, and I waspackedinthemiddleand I usedtomakemybrothersandsisterslaughAndthen I madeotherkidsatschoollaugh, but I neverthoughtitwas a profession.
I grewupinBrookline, Massachusetts, rightoutsideBoston.
Don't pretend, Andand I thought, um, youcan't beinshowbusiness.
I dofeel I'm a reallygoodguy, andthat's somethinggoodguyssay.
Butno, I it's beenjust a reallygreatjourney, andmyfavoritethingisconnecting, so I don't carehow I doit.
Butnotthatlongago, uh, someonecametomeandsaid, Youshoulddo a podcastand I said, Whywould I do a podcastwhen I havehave a TVshowthat's beenonforever?
Andit's onYouTubeandtheysaid, I thinkyoumightlikeitAnd I reallythoughtitwas a stupidideawhen I starteddoingit, and I can't tellyoucouldgoanywhereintheworld.
Andpeoplelistentothepodcastverydifferentlythantheywatch a show.
Theygettoknowyouandyoucan.
I'vehadsomanyfriendsofminewho I calledupandaskedtheirverysounselfconsciousLisacouldrowwhen I askedher, Doyouwanttothepodcast?
And I hatetosaythattothesecondandthirdguestsoftheworld, butright, I decided I'm toolonginthetooth.
I'vebeendoingittoolong.
I don't wanttosayitwasgreattalkingtoyou.
Nowwe'regoingtostickaroundforthatguywho's 19.
Andhejustgoton a showwhereheplays a broodingteenager.
He's neverhad a lifeexperience.
Hisbigdisappointmentinlifeistheydidn't havetheportionthecolorgrayhewanted, and I'm supposedtopretendtocareabouthimso I couldn't dothatanymore.
Soweweigh, justshoveditdownto 1/2 hour, andthen I talkedtooneperson.
HereisWillFerrell.
I have a greattimetalkingtohim.
Wedomuchmorethanhalf a nowerforthestudioaudience, andweputallofitonYouTubebecausethere's notimerestraintthereandThenwecutitdowntohalf a KnauerforTurnerandWarnerBrothers.
Andthen I feellike I justfoundmyownthingthat I like, whichisreallysillycomedythat I'vebeendoingsince 1993 where I'm doingtheshowandmaybesomeoneinterruptsmeandit's anoldcoalminerintheaudience.
I loveanystuffedanimalthat's objectingtosomethingthat I'vedone.
I lovecomedythatjustmakesmelaugh, andit's silly.
Andthen I thinkoneofthethingsthat's niceis I havepeopleyouragecominguptomenowandthey'resaying, Oh, I justsawthatthinglastnightwhereyou, youknow, um, youwere, Uh, Godonlyknowsyou.
Yougoton a bicycleandyoudroveup a caramelmountainandyouvisitedGodanditwassosillyandstupidanditmeantnothing.
But I reallylikedit.
And I think, Wait a minute.
Wemadethatin 1994 to 95.
Wehad a verypopularcharacterontheshowfor a coupleofyearscalledtheMasturbatingBear.
Anditwas a bearin a diaperthatjustmasturbatedoncue.
So, likeyousaid, youdon't reactthiopoliticalandcurrentaffairsasmuchasother.
Well, wedo.
Wedoifwehave a good, silly, funidea, but I trynottoliveoffofitexclusively, youknow, trytoe.
Soeveryonehastheirownwayofdoingthesethingsthereisnot a rightway.
There's not a wrongway.
There's justthemostimportantthing I saytoepeoplewhoareinterestedindoingwhat I dofor a livingisdothestuffthatyouarepassionateabout, and I'vealwaysbeenpassionateaboutsillinessandthestuffthatinfluencedme.
I wasveryinfluencedbyEnglishcomedygrowingup.
I lovedMontyPython.
I loveblackadder.
I lovetheyoungones.
I wouldwatchalltheseshowsandthenuhum, youknow, I I sawtheBritishofficecameout, and I justlovedthatthosewerestillfunny.
Nowthatthey'retalkingaboutuniversalthemes, youknow, uh, andandtome, that's thekindofcomedythat I loveit.
It's completelysilly, andit's dealingwithhumansituationsratherthanHere's whathappenedinthenewstoday, which I admire, I thinkit's reallygreat.
I justdon't thinkthat's myskillsetandsomethingelsethatyoualwayscomeback.
Thioisthatreallysuccessful?
Peopleareoften a lotmoreinsecureabouttheirworkthanwewouldexpectthemtobe.
Yeah, howdoesthatworkforyou?
Well, I'm not.
Butblessed, I suppose.
Uh, no, I, umyouknow, it's it's actually, uh, it's reallyimportanttomeifyouleavewithnoweather.
Wehave a very, uh, wehave a culturethat's constantlylookingatourphonesatpeoplethatwethinkaresoincrediblyhappyandhaveeverything, and I willtellyoufor a fact.
Thedisparity, thedifferencebetweenwhatthey'reprojectingandhowtheyareismonumental a lotofthetime.
It's notthatthesepeopleareallmiserable, but I dothinkwe'rethisinstagramageinthisageofprojectingwealthandfame.
Andwhat's what's thisincrediblefunthatyoucanhave?
There's a lotofpeopleouttherethatstrivebecausethey'reinsecure.
Andpeoplegivemethissortofgistofwhatitis, but I don't wanttoreadit, becauseif I readthat, then I feel I havetogolookingforWell, I hatehim.
Youknow, hishairslookslike a ridiculouspastry.
Youknow, uh, myfatherwrotethat, uhum I don't want, youknow, and I That's oneofthequestionsthat I haveiswhenpeoplestartlookingforitisinmynature I willfindtheunsmilingfaceinthecrowdandwonderwhatwashisproblem.
Um, andwedon't wannaoverdoit, but, uh, someofthesepeoplehave a guythatworks.
WenamedJordanSlansky.
Oh, theideathatinthisgreathistorichallthatisseenlikeChurchillandEinsteinandMalcolm X, theideathatthenameJordanclasscouldbementionedandget a roundofapplauseissuch a cosmicjoke.
Tome, it's such a suchproofthatthere's ultimatelyit's a sillyworldwelivein.
Heisthatguy.
Heisthatperson.
He's thisweird, strangeguy.
I honestlydon't knowwhathedoesontheshow.
Everyday, Everytime I askhim, hesays I havevarioustasksanddutieslike, Whatdoesthatmean?
Well, I attendedvarious.
Hekeepssayingvariouson, thenthrowingotherwordsinthere, and I honestlydon't knowwhathedoes.
Andthen, through a seriesofjustcrazychances, hesaid, Youknow, there's thiswriter I knowwithweirdhairand a weirdnamewhomakestheotherwriterslaugh, andthey'relike, Well, doeshedo?
Standup?
No.
Hashedoneanything?
Notoncamera.
You'rekidding, right?
No.
I thinkhemightbegood.
Andsotheygaveme a tryoutand I didreallywellwiththetryout, andtheygavemethisshowandtheentireUnitedStatessaid, What?
Whoisthis?
What's a Conan?
Whoisthisperson?
Seriously, Andthenforthefirstyear, I wasontheair.
I wasnever 1/10 asfunnyas I wasontheaudition, becauseit's onethingtoauditionforsomethingyoudon't thinkyou'regoingtoget.
But I youknow, I justthought, Oh, youknow, I'm notgettingthis.
And I wassorelaxedthattheysaid, Thisguy's gotit, youknow?
Puthimon.
Andthenthenextthingyouknow, I'vegotthisshowand I suddenly I haveresponsibilityand I havethisIrishCatholicsenseof I'vegottodo a goodjobon.
I'vegottomakesurethat I pleaseeveryone, whichistheleastfunnyspacetocomefrom.
Whatanunfunnyapproach.
Somyfirstyearontheair, wedid a lotofreallyinventivefuncomedy, but I waslike, Yes, yes, well, we'llreturnsoonbyyourgracesandwe'llseeyoubackherewhenweresumetheprogram.
And I had, youknow, sweatingand I hadn't hitpubertyyet.
Andpeoplewerelike, I hatethiswoman.
Uh, anditwasverypeoplewrotethenastiestthings.
I mean, I justgotdestroyedinthepressAreyourpresscouldbemean.
OurpresswasreallymeanandmandidtheyletmehaveitAnd I rememberedThisis a truestory.
I wentsawwasstartingtosee a therapist.
I wasundersomuchpressureandfeelinglikethewholeworld, youknow.
Andso I wentintoseethetherapist, and I laydownand I said, I thinkpeoplehateme.
I thinktheywantmetogoaway.
I think, um, theythinkthat I'm terribleatwhat I doandthat I'm a failure.
Andhewrites, He's such a brilliantwriterinsuch a greatperformer.
Andbutrecently I gottobefriendswithhimandhewouldsay, Oh, yeah, I usedtowatchyouthatfirstyear.
Wasn't itgreat?
Whatareyoutalkingabout?
Everyonehatedme, andhesaid I wasn't awareofthat.
Meandmyfriendsjustthoughtitwasreallyweirdandcoolandfunnywhen I said, Whycouldn't youhavecomeandsaidthattome?
Backin 1993 I waslike, Well, I was 11.
I thinkan 11 yearoldpajamascomingtoseeyouwouldbeweird, youknow?
Butthat's theotherthing, too.
Isthatif I wasjustgoingoffofmyfeelingofhowthingsweregoingorthepublicperceptionofhowtheyweregoing, alltheevidencethat I hadwaswasawful.
Allthescientificevidencewasnotgoodratings.
Badcriticsbad.
Um, youknowvoy a wordonthestreet.
Yousucker, gohome.
Yousuck.
Justjusttough.
Andthenalltheseyearslater, thesepeoplewhosecomedy I justlovetellmewereallylikedyouintheunitwasreallyyouknow, wewerewatchingrightawayandwelikeditand I didn't knowthat.
But I thinkthat's somethinginspirationalforpeopletoknow.
Isthat, um, againgoingbacktoWeliveinthiscultureofyou'reconstantlycheckingintoseehowyou'redoingandhowsomeoneelsedoingcomparedtoyouandyou'regetting a lotofinaccurateinformationabouthowyou'redoing.
Youknowhowyou'redoingas a person, asan 18 yearoldor a 19 yearoldor a 20 yearoldorwhateverWho's hereatOxfordatthismoment, howyou'redoing, youjustdon't know.
Itreallyisabouthowyoufeelabouthowyou'redoing.
And, um, andcheckinginconstantlyonsocialmedia, I think, isverytrickything.
And I'm notsomeoldguy's sayingSocialmediais a badthing.
I'm veryyoung.
Uh, no, I lovesocialmedia, and I thinkitismostly a forceforgood.
I justthinkit's likeoneofthose 50 to 48 propositionswhereitreallyis.
There's somuchtherethatcouldbeverydifficult.
And I thinkthere's a lotofpressureonthisgeneration.
So I saidweshoulddo a remotewhereyouand I gobacktoallthosestoresandtryandmakeamends, andit's stufflikeshe's, youknow, it's alllikedollar 99 Lipgloss, A headbandfromforever 21 Youknow, somesocksorthetasselonthemfromGapforkids.
I don't knowwhyshestolethatjustweirdstuff, butyouknowit.
Itjustissosilly.
Anditworksthatthat's, I think, oneofthereasonsthatwekeepdoingit.
AndwehadsomuchfunadventuresinArmeniaand I tookher.
There's womentherewhoseprofessionistofindPeoplearehusbandandyougoandwewerelookingatallthesepicturesoftheseguysinherlittlehouseinArmeniaand, umsothatwas a funremote.
And I doloveitwhen a showlikeCornWithoutBorders, whichisonNetflix, canencompass, reallylaughoutloud, funnymomentsandthen a reallymomentdidn't feelexploitative.
ItallitfeltwewentthereShewantedtogo.
WetoldthecameramanYou'vegottobeoutofsight.
I toldallthewritersandtheproducers, Youhavetogoaway.
And, youknow, I'm thewhitestpersonintheworld, butitjustandwehad a guy I wastalkingto, and I'm tryingtolearnaboutcultureandgone, andhe's fromGhanaandhe's this, youknow, it's justthisreallyinteresting, funnyguy, buthe's lookingatmeandhewentyourskin I'm wearing.
I waswearing a shortsleevedshirtand I wentthoseairfrecklesandhewaslike, Uhhuhand I said, What's thematter?
Hewent.
I thoughtyouweresick.
Andthen I hadtheexperienceofgoingto a clubwithhimandbeingtheonlywhitepersonintheclubandrealizingthisishowmyfriends, whoareAfricanAmericanwhoyouknow, liveinworkonmyshow.
Iftheygosomewhereinthere, theonlypersonofcolorthere, I knowhowthey I see.
Now I seehowitallgetsflippedaround, and I lovethat.
I lovetryingtogetoutsidemyselfandconnecttopeopleandseeifwecanmakethemlaugh.
Therewasnoeroticzingattheend, youknow, therewas a difficulttime, youknow, that's thepartwhere I thinkYes, obviously.
I mean, look, we'reall I seeitbothwaysbecausewe, We, uh, currentlyhave a presidentintheintheUnitedStateswhoseeminglyhasdoneallkindsofthingsthatwouldhaveendedanybodyelse's careerfiveyearsago.
Hedoesthemostoutrageousthings, youknow, You'relike, Wait a minute, theninepornstarsandhe's like, thesearenotthedroidsyou'relookingfor.
Andwe'reall, like, thesearenotthedroids.
Andso, youknow, I thinkitwouldbe a realshameifyoudidn't everybody, uh, quoteHannahMontana.
Now, uh, everybodymakesmistakes.
Everybodyhasthosedays.
That's all I know.
I knowthat.
Because I at a fiveyearolddaughterwhen, uhwhenshewasalltherageandshehad a penthateverytimeyouclickedonitwouldsingthatsonguntilthebatterydied.
And I endedupjustdigging a wellanddroppingitintothewell.
Butanyway, um, I don't I wouldhateforyourgenerationtothink I wouldhateitiffiveandsixandsevenyearoldswerethinking I mightwanttobeinbroadcastingsomeday, I mightwanttobe a comedian.
I'd betterkeepmysocialimagepristineforalltime.
I thinkthat's anunrealisticexpectationpersonally.
So I thinkthingsaregoingtoadjust.
Do I thinkthatpeopleshouldtrytobecivilandshowcommonsense?
Yes, I thinkit's reallygoodideaifyou'regoingtobedrinking a lottomaybeputthephonein a boxandlockit, youknowon.
SoyoucomebackaroundagainjustbecauseBut I thinkthere's gonnabeOh, I thinkyourgenerationand I saythis, I thinkoptimistically, I thinkyourgenerationisgoingtowe'rein.
We'vebeengoingthrough a momentwherepeoplecangobackandlookback 15 yearsandsay, OhmyGod, oreightyearsorthreeyearsandsay, Lookwhatyoudidatthisparty.
Wehavethispictureandyourlifeisover, and I I thinkitwouldbeterribleforeveryoneinthisroom.
Children, I have a 14 yearoldand 16 yearold I don't wantthemtogothroughlifethinkingthatyou'reThisistheagewhereyou'resupposedtobemakingsomemistakes, robbingsomebanks, committingsomecrimes.
Uh, butbutatthesametime, I think, yeah, you'redefinitelyYouwanttoberesponsiblewiththatphoneinyourcamera?