A2 初級 20 タグ追加 保存
I vividly remember the vigilant eye that the teachers at my school kept on my mother.
She was the one that they were normally frown upon, not me.
There was actually just one Friday in my life that she could come to pick me up from school because it was my birthday.
My teacher greeted her with the phrase Oh, you must be Irene's mom, the girl we call the motherless child.
I admit that my mother has never exactly been Ah, Mom by the book.
Like many, like many families of the Children that my sister and I befriended over the years, our family moved around the world following the career of one of our parents.
But what made our family unique is that we didn't do this for our father's career.
But for our mothers, this made us suspicious in my schools.
Many of my teachers who never saw my mother around school found this unacceptable, but it wasn't just the teachers growing up.
I discovered how many people believed and still do believe that a woman can either have a career or be a good mother, that you can't have both, but my mother is and has always been both things, and more importantly, I think that being ah, so called motherless child is probably one of the best things that's ever happened to me.
I feel like a lot of the women that I know that have to balance work and family are constantly stressing about how pursuing their careers will impact their Children later in life.
It's strange to me because most of these conversations seem to focus on the hypothetical negative effects instead of on the hypothetical positive effects that this could have on their Children.
I guess that I find this strange because I feel like I'm living proof of the positive.
Let me just give you one example because my sister and I grew up with a career are oriented mother and father.
We feel and think differently about gender inequality.
On our way from kindergarten to college, our mother moved from being a medical director in Spain to becoming the CEO of a major pharmaceutical company and a member of several boards.
Having a CEO mother also made our father out of the ordinary.
And when the Spanish government introduced paternity leave in 1995 I think he must have been one of the first men in Spain to take it, even though, even though was our mother's job that moved us.
Our dad also worked, so when they were home, they took another responsibilities together or interchangeably, and as a result, we never saw a traditional gender roles in our house.
What we did see was two people working in careers that they loved.
Why raising a family so that as adults, we have also taking on careers that were truly passionate about and having seen how far our mother has come.
We also believe that we can get its far ahead in our careers as any of our male colleagues.
And we are not the only daughters with a working mother who think this way.
A study then at Harvard that surveyed 50,000 adults in 24 developed countries found that having a mother who works can actually transmit positive gender attitudes to Children.
This study also found that daughters of working mothers have more fulfilling careers, enjoy higher pay and have more equal relationships than those raised by stay at home mothers.
I'm still relatively early in my career, but it's never occurred to me that I couldn't have it all, and I have my mother to thank for that.
But I'd be lying to you if I told you that our mothers demanding career was always fun and game friends growing up.
It was particularly difficult when she would suddenly come up to us and tell us that we were moving again.
Justice, our new home had started feeling permanent.
We'd have to say goodbye.
It got worse as we grew older because we actually understood what changing cities wouldn't would imply.
New school, new friends, new life.
But we'd always adapt.
I think that a lot of women worry about putting their careers first because this might be disruptive to their Children, like pulling them away from routine or friends could be a bad thing.
But just because our mothers demanding career meant that my sister and I were constantly having to adapt, we have seen that change and that being different can be good.
When I was five, I started taking bullet classes, and I remember getting there on the first day and finding all of the other girls looking so pretty in their pale pink Leah tarts and suddenly realizing that what I was wearing was completely wrong.
My mother had packed me a blue and white sailor like bathing suits, I guess, because she hadn't had time to go and buy me the pink leotardo.
In that moment, I was embarrassed and frustrated her for not having had paid enough attention to this.
And when I got home and told you my personal drama, she told me something that has stayed with me.
To this day, she said, You'll see how next time you go to ballet, your name is probably one of the only names that your teacher remembers Out of all the other girls in pink leotardo in your class.
She was right, even though it was hard for me in the moment.
Being different served me well in the end, and since my name was one of the only names that might did, you could remember she chose me to help her with small things like taking attendance.
And, of course, as a young girl, I love the extra attention on responsibility.
My mother has also taught me that being yourself is usually the best way to go.
She holds true to herself like no one else, that I know when she wasn't away on business, she was always up and dressed before I got up, and I was always in bed when she got home.
I'll always remember lying in bed, listening to the sound of her high heels clicking on the floor.
To this day, four inch extravagant high heels are an extension of our mother's feet.
Whether she's walking through the countryside cooking up, I yell for us on the weekends or dashing through airports.
She's always in her heels, bastards who she is.
I feel that many people tend to think about being a mother like a job, and that you could be a better or a worse mom, depending on how your mothering skills stack up to some kind of standard.
But there's no need to be thinking about being better or worse.
Just about had to be the best version of yourself that you that you can.
If you do this, your Children will love you for the authentic You.
My mother has always been the most authentic version of herself, which is the high feels, high powered, never home business version.
Combined with the not doing any sports ever version and the cooking by your version, and we have loved her no matter what.
Which brings me to my final point.
A point on love.
Perhaps the most important lesson that I've learned from my mother is this.
You don't always have to be together to love and be loved Our mother's demanding career men that she was often away from our family When I was in high school, she actually lived in Paris and she commuted back to Madrid only on the weekends.
I feel like a lot of women worry about pursuing their careers because their absence will take a toll on their Children.
I think they worry that if they're not around, their Children will feel abandoned.
But honestly, just because my mother was not always in the same places me, she was actually ever present.
One summer I was coming back home from the swimming pool and my car and I ran out of gas in the middle of the street.
Um, I started freaking out and I didn't know what to do, so I called my mom.
She wasn't even in Madrid that weekend, but to me she was still the only person that it made sense to call because I knew that no matter where she was or what she was doing, she would still pick up the phone and come to my rescue.
Sure enough, to dial tones later and after asking me a 1,000,000 questions that let her know that I was okay.
She called me down and she assured me that she was going to take care of it.
30 minutes later, my on showed up carrying a bottle of gasoline.
My mother has always been there for us when we really needed her.
She didn't have to be physically present to show love, worrying, paying attention, letting someone know that you care does not require that.
And maybe not being present all of the time makes the moments when you are all the more special and valuable.
In fact, I also think that you could be physically present and not show Love it all.
There are many Children who spent who don't feel love, whose parents are home on all of the time.
The bottom line is this.
If your Children know that you care, they will feel your love.
I wanted to share the story from my perspective.
The child's not the mothers because I would like to encourage more mothers and more women to follow their career with passion and not feel guilty.
Not long ago, a woman asked me if I hated my mother for having pursued her career with such passion.
Clearly, this woman feared that she was failing as a mother herself, given her own accomplished career.
Despite everything Chad achieved, she judged herself by other standards and values.
I didn't know if I should smile or cry.
When she asked me this question, I was tempted to tell her one of my mother's favorite quips, which is that my sister and I were both born born on a Sunday quote so that I could be back at the office on Monday and quote.
But the real answer to that question is, No, of course I don't hate my mother for pursuing her career.
In fact, I love her even more so Please trust me when I say that we Children turn out pretty okay, even if our mothers on home all of the time, I did it to say we are even more well rounded, more prepared for work ourselves and more independent.
And of course, if the love Israel, we will feel it no matter where you are.


For women in pursuit of motherhood and a career | Irene Mora | TED Institute

20 タグ追加 保存
林宜悉 2020 年 3 月 20 日 に公開
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